


Ghost

by sarahunter123



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2020-10-25 15:29:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 78
Words: 107,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20726492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahunter123/pseuds/sarahunter123
Summary: Roslyn Amell fell madly in love with Alistair. He broke her heart when he was forced to end their relationship for the good of his country.Cullen Rutherford wanted her dead after Kinloch. Her dear friend turned bitter by his torture and pain.After the Blight, she finds herself in a purgatory life with no direction and no purpose.Taken under the wing of Leliana,  she starts a new life as a spy for the Divine. It brings her to the Conclave,  and she awakens to find she is the only survivor.  She also finds that she's not the only one from Kinloch to start over.





	1. Chapter 1

_Fereldan honors Roslyn Amell: Hero of Fereldan. Vanquisher of the Blighted Dragon. _

The statue was beautifully carved but it looked little like her. She certainly wasn't that muscular or fierce looking. She didn't gaze up to the sky as if looking for guidance from the Maker. But the statue was a nice gesture. 

A crowd of people stood in front of it in reverence. Whispers of her battle with the dragon being uttered now and then.

"Excuse me miss, you've been standing there for some time now. Its someone else's turn to be in the front." She turned to see a small crowd of people giving her disgruntled looks. Roslyn only nodded and walked away. The crowd of people not ever realizing the actual Hero of Fereldan was standing amongst them.

* * *

A soft knock on Roslyn's door pulled her from her trance. She sat in her big chair with her legs curled into her. She often felt safest here. Sheltered from a large castle that never felt like home. She had nowhere else to go. He knew it. So he never asked her to leave. He would never put her on the streets. Not even now. A year had passed since the war. Sometimes when she caught sight of him on the throne it felt like it had been a 100 years. Then, on rare occasions, she would see him in the gardens. A glance would pass between them, and it felt like it had only been a day since that last battle. The last time he would say 'I love you, always.'

_The room felt as if it were closing in around her. The candles flickered as if they, like her heart, were being extinguished. _

_ "I don't understand. " she practically whimpered._

_ "You made me King. Now I have to be the best I can possibly be. I would've been completely happy being with you, wandering Thedas. But this was the path chosen for me. The people would never accept a mage for their queen. It would be civil war. Fereldan has seen enough blood shed."_

_ "I don't need to be queen. I can love you no matter what title I have to carry."_

_ "I must produce a legitimate heir. And I will not have a mistress. I will do this the right way."_

_ "How could you end us so easily?" She whispered. _

_ His face contorted into anger but his words came out in a harsh whisper. Even now he could not raise his voice to her._

_ "How could you offer me to Morrigan so easily?"_

_ "That's not fair"_

_ "No it wasn't. Neither is this. But the world isn't fair." He said defeated. His eyes betraying him as they filled with tears. _

_ "You are welcome to stay here. But we.... its over Roslyn. I'm sorry." He left the room, taking her heart with him. _

"You may enter."

A familiar, pretty face came through the door. 

"Leli!" Roslyn jumped from her chair and hugged the beautiful Orlesian. She quickly saw it was no happy visit.

"What's happened?"

Leliana sat down gently in the chair across from Roslyn. Her blue eyes steeling themselves for what she was about to say.

"I received an invitation and a letter asking for assistance. I quickly obliged because I felt it would be easier hearing this from someone you know."

Roslyn's heartbeat quickened. "Alright..."

Leliana took a deep, steadying breath. 

"He's getting married to Elissa Cousland."

Roslyn's heart stopped. Her breath became shallow. She squeezed her eyes shut. _You knew this day would come. You've seen the way they look at each other, the soft touches at parties... you knew it would happen sooner or later._

"oh. I see. Thank you for telling me." She replied softly after several moments. But when she looked into Leliana's eyes she knew she wasn't finished. 

"What?" She whispered. 

Leliana's eyes were truly pained now as she uttered her next words. 

"Elissa's....with child."

Roslyn crumpled now into herself. Her head in her hands and bent forward into her own lap. Her shoulders quivering with every sob that violently overtook her body. "It was supposed to be me!" She wailed into her hands as Leliana draped herself over Roslyn shushing her to no avail.

Finally, Roslyn exhausted herself of tears. She slowy righted herself. 

Leliana looked at her with a worried expression. 

"What will you do Roslyn?"

She looked out the window. It was raining now. No doubt a storm that her magic had conjured during her outburst. 

"For too long I have felt like a ghost in this castle. Everyday I wander the grounds searching for a time that has long passed and a man that is no longer mine." Her voice cracked.

"My name is a legend and yet nobody knows me when standing face to face. But where do I go Leli? Not back to the circles. The last Templar I saw wanted me dead. After I saved his bloody life! He was my _friend _before I left. I can't go back to being locked away. I have no family. No coin....." tears streamed down her face and the rain outside fell harder.

Leliana took her hand, "I know where you can go. Where your life will have purpose again. It's time to move on Roslyn. He's not coming back to you. Let's leave this place. The Maker is not done with you yet. I know it."

Leli squeezed her hand and her eyes were warm and determined. 

Roslyn sniffed and her puffy eyes crinkled with a slight smile. "Ok. Let's do it."

Leli grinned as she stood grabbing Roslyn's things and shoving them into a bag. "We leave today. I will not leave you here to linger in anguish. "

Roslyn smiled sadly as she watched her friend pack up her room in just a matter of minuted. After everything she'd endured, everything she fought for, everything she waited for... her entire life fit into a small bag. 

A fresh start was what she needed. 

Years later, Leliana's words would ring through her head.

"The Maker's not done with you yet. I know it."


	2. A debt repaid

_ Cullen Rutherford. A young templar with a tendency to stutter when nervous. He was sweet. So much kinder than the hardened, seasoned templars. He would sneak her chocolates from the kitchen because he knew it was her favorite. He would blush when she would thank him excitedly. _

_ They spoke in whispers about the books she was reading. He was a bookworm and had already read most the books in library. She found it enduring and charming. She knew she had developed a crush and he probably had too, but neither was willing to ever admit it. What would be the point in entertaining such feelings? Their places in the world were too different despite being in the same space everyday. So they built a friendship that filled a void for them both._

_ It made it all the more painful as she stared at him behind the magic barrier. On his knees, praying, no, **begging, **the Maker to end his suffering. When she called out to him he began rambling about being tortured by her image again. It took quite a bit of convincing for him to realize they were real. _

_ But then his eyes were wild, frantic. "We must cleanse the tower. Every mage must be ended."_

_ "Cullen... I'm a mage. Surely you don't-"_

_ "Every. Mage."_

_ His words clipped her heart but she knew he wasn't in his right mind. His face was battered and bloodied and he walked away with a limp. His beautiful face was sunk in from not eating and dehydration. She watched him leave and her heart broke for him. _

_ But the hatred in his eyes when he looked at her hurt her more than she cared to admit. _

_Alistair gently placed a hand on her shoulder to urge her up the stairs. _

* * *

"Seeker Cassandra!" A soldier saluted the furious woman. Then he saluted again, this time even straighter and more tense, "Commander Cullen!" 

"Where is the prisoner? And where is Sister Nightingale?" Cassandra asked in a stern tone. 

"Sister Nightingale will be arriving any moment Ser! The prisoner is down the hall in the main cell. Don't touch her, her magic is unstable and she's shocked a few men already with her lightening. "

Cassandra grunted and they began the walk down the hall to the cells. The sky had been torn apart and everyone who attended the Conclave was dead. Cassandra would execute the prisoner on the spot. She was in no mood for questions or interrogations. The woman would die. 

They made it to the main cell and 4 soldiers stood guard. Lightening rolled off the hunched over form that was strapped onto a wooden chair. Her dark hair keeping her face from being seen. 

"This is her." Cassandra said as a statement more than a question. 

"Yes Seeker Pentaghast!"

The soldiers opened the cell door and she and Cullen stepped in. Cassandra immediately silenced the magic of the woman and the prisoner struggled to inhale creating a choking sound that made Cullen feel uncomfortable. Cassandra was being harsh. They didn't even know of this woman was actually guilty. But Cassandra was so distraught and filled with pain that the prisoner was someone to focus her rage. 

"I know you are awake. They say you are in pain. Good. You killed the Divine. You murdered hundreds of people. You deserve everything you're feeling and more."

The prisoner, finally regaining her breath, mumbled, "you're wrong."

Cassandra struck her against her head. "Shut up! Tell me how you are the only one to survive? How are you not guilty?!"

A low rumble came from the woman in the chair. It took several moments for Cullen to realize she was _laughing. _

"What is so funny about this? You are going to DIE. Do you realize this? Cassandra hissed. 

The woman became quiet and whispered, "after all I've been through, perhaps it will be a blessing." 

Cassandra grabbed her by the back of her hair with one hand, with the other, she withdrew her sword. She yanked the prisoners head back to reveal her throat. But in doing so, Cullen could finally see her face. His eyes widened as the realization of who sat in the chair struck him like the lightening she could throw from her fingertips. 

"Cassandra STOP!" He grabbed her sword hand, making her drop the weapon. 

"Commander?!" She asked bewildered. 

"I know this woman!" He rasped out. Roslyn gazed up at him, her head still held back by Cassandra's strong arm. 

Cullen?" She breathed.

Another voice chimed in from outside the cell. A hooded woman glided into the cell and her thick Orlesian accent gave her identity away to everyone in the cell.

"Cassandra, I see you've made our guest feel right at home. I'm glad the Commander was here to stop your rash decision or I would have lost my most trusted agent and the world would have lost the Hero of Fereldan."

She immediately began to untie Roslyn. Cassandra's jaw hung open in utter shock. "I don't understand...." she murmured. 

"Roslyn was acting on orders to oversee the Conclave. She was to spy on whoever was plotting against the Divine. I assure you, she is not responsible. I can also assure you, she will do everything possible to help us. I will send Solas down to help you Roslyn and explain the mark on your hand. He can provide you with healing as well." She looked sternly at Cullen and Cassandra, "as for you two, we have plans to lay. Come, we will meet in the war room."

The two women made their way out but Cullen lingered for a moment. Roslyn looked up at him, still dazed at what she'd been through and confused at his presence. 

"Thank you for stopping her." She managed to say. 

Cullen gave a curt nod. "I suppose my debt is repaid." His tone was clipped and cold. He turned sharply on his heel and he marched down the hall. His footsteps echoing off the stone walls.

Roslyn looked down at her hand. For the first time she noticed the eerie green light that emanated from her palm. 

"What. The. Fuck." 


	3. A Different Woman

"She is healthy. Her body was drained of magic too quickly and it is trying to replenish itself. I do not know when she will wake." Solas said in his calm, soothing voice. 

Cassandra sighed in relief. "At least she is not harmed. She was so brave when facing the breach. I hope to have the opportunity to formerly apologize to her soon." She walked out of the small cabin, exhausted.

Solas bid Leliana and Cullen goodnight, leaving them to watch over Roslyn.

Cullen sat down in the chair next to the bed sighing as he rested his elbows on his knees. He stared at Roslyn, still in awe that she was here. Her face still haunted his dreams and demons still taunted him with her likeness.

Leliana, standing stoically in the corner spoke up, "it must be bizarre to see her again."

Cullen nodded. "She was working for you all along? You know Cassandra was searching for her..."

"That's why I urged her to pursue the Champion. Roslyn didn't want to be found. She was comfortable in her role as a spy."

"How does the Hero of Fereldan make a career as a spy? How was she not recognized?" He asked.

"For one, the legend of the Hero has become so distorted that it barely resembles who she actually is or looks like. She also spent years changing her image. Look at her. Does she still look like the circle mage you remember?"

Cullen considered this for a moment. Her once short, perfectly kept hair was now long and cut in messy layers. Short, heavy bangs framed her pretty face. Her arm was covered in tattoos and a small gold hoop hung delicately from her nose. She had changed. But to Cullen, she was still the pretty girl he'd known all those years ago. The same heart shaped face, the same dark, long lashes. The same pouty lips that kept him mesmerized for so many countless hours.

"Why did she want to stay hidden?" He asked.

"Did you know she doesn't even go by Roslyn anymore? Everyone knows her as Ghost. After the war and Alistair married.... she just wanted to forget who she'd been. The other spies and scouts nicknamed her Ghost because of the way she wandered around, haunted and hollow. She embraced the name. Few people know the real Roslyn. Many have forgotten her."

Cullen felt a sadness wash over him. When she spoke to him in the cell, it had been to thank him. He had wanted to show her kindness. To beg her forgiveness for their last meeting. But the image of her face being worn by demons.... it prevented him from speaking to her at length. He had to leave. 

Ghost was appropriate. She was a ghost of his past. He supposed she was that for many. Alistair included. He knew the rumors. They had fallen hard for one another during their time together. But he was made king and married Elissa Cousland. It was said, Roslyn was devastated. 

He would try harder to make her feel welcomed. He had to. He joined the Inquisition be a better man. The Maker had brought this woman from his past to make amends. He would not let the opportunity slip past him. 

* * *

"Maker Leli 'Herald of Andraste?' I've already had one title that I couldn't maintain. Now you've gone and announced to Thedas that the 'Hero of Fereldan ' fell from the fade and has become 'Andraste's Herald?! Why don't you tell everyone the light of the Maker shines out my ass while you're at it?!" 

Cullen had to cough to stifle the laugh that threatened to spill out. Leliana only smirked as Roslyn continued ranting. "How am I ever going to return to my bloody job if you are having _these _distributed?!" A drawing of Roslyn was slammed onto the war table. Above the exact likeness of her face was the words "blessed Herald of Andraste."

"The artist did a wonderful job capturing your eyes." Josephine said in her cheerful voice.

Roslyn stared at her in complete disbelief. "Is nobody hearing me? I. Don't. Want. To. Be. This. Person! I will do everything to help the Inquisition. I will lay down my life to close the breach. But this?! Maker even I have my limits!"

Leliana finally spoke up, "calm down Roslyn. Let me explain..... the Inquisition needs a face if it is to be successful. Being who you are... we are gaining support so much faster. We need this. We need you."

Roslyn sighed, "I am not this person anymore. Look at me! I'm closer to a damn pirate then this 'Herald'. I don't even go by Roslyn anymore. You're the only one who calls me that. And technically you've been my boss so I can't stop you."

Cassandra spoke up, "I understand your hesitation. You've done so much for Thedas. More than is fair to ask of you. But the Maker spared your life and I believe it's for a reason."

Roslyn sighed. She looked down at the table and nodded. "Alright. I'll do this. But nobody calls me Roslyn except for Leli. My name is Ghost. And you sure as hell better not call me Herald. Are we clear?"

"We have to call you Herald in front of the people. To keep up appearances. " Josephine said.

"Fine." Roslyn said through gritted teeth.

"I don't know if I can call you anything but the name I've known you by for all these years." Cullen murmured. It was the first words he'd spoke since the meeting began. Her eyes cut to his face and he peered up at her through his lashes as one hand fumbled with a map piece and his other hand gripped the pommel of his sword. 

She swallowed hard. Her voice was low and hard, "the woman you knew is dead. And we're all better for it." She turned on her heel and slammed the door behind her. 

Leliana sighed, "she is angry. Give her some time to accept what's happened. She thought she'd live out the rest of her life in the shadows and she was happy to do so. This has been an unexpected change for her."

Cullen nodded. "She is different. The woman I knew was happy and soft. This woman is angry and life has hardened her." He said as he shook his head. 

Leliana's gaze went down as she said, "we're all a little harder than what we were back then."

Cullen hummed in agreement. 

"On the bright side, she has agreed to our plans. This is a positive step forward!" Josephine cheerfully chimed in

Cassandra scoffed, "I wasn't aware war had a bright side Ambassador."

Josephine clicked her tongue. "It is obvious none of you have a brightside period."

Leliana smirked, "sorry Josie. We'll try to be more positive tomorrow. "

The meeting was dismissed. Cullen decided to seek out Roslyn. He hadn't decided on what he was going to say yet.

_Sorry you've been cornered into saving the world again._

_Sorry I wanted you dead 10 years ago._

_Sorry I greeted you so poorly 3 days ago. _

No matter what he said, it wouldn't be enough. He finally spotted her near the lake. She was swinging her staff around with precise and practiced movements. A sharp blade was on one end and it was obvious she was used to close proximity fighting. 

"Ah.... hi Ros- I mean Ghost? I'm sorry but it just sounds silly when I call you that." He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. 

She stopped her movements and stared up at him. He'd always been handsome. But now his face was matured, sculpted, and sprinkled with stubble along his jaw. A scar jetted out from his upper lip adding a ruggedness to his pretty face. 

"Call me Roslyn then. I suppose it would be hard to break the habit. What can I do for you Cullen?"

He kicked at the snow beneath his feet. "You're angry now."

"I am not angry right now." She said casually. 

"No... I mean it's how you are. You're angry. You used to be very warm and friendly." 

_What are you saying Rutherford?!_ Cullen knew it was the wrong thing to say. She twisted around instantly and her eyes narrowed and bore into his.

"And why shouldn't I be? I gave _everything_ to _everyone_ and for what? To be cast aside and forgotten. The world is a cold place Commander and I learned that lesson hard and fast. You were apart of that lesson too. Now if you'll excuse me. I have work to do." She stomped off across the frozen lake.

Cullen stood watching her go. 

_Well you couldn't have fucked that up any worse Rutherford. _


	4. Thick Glass

_ "Discard who you once were. It is no longer relevant. Forget your name. The others will name you. Your life will kept in the shadows. It is safe there. Safe from your enemies and safe from yourself. In the shadows, you can see everything. This is what is important. To see and to hear what others do not want seen or heard." _

Roslyn replayed the words of her and Leliana's former spymaster. The woman who Leliana eventually replaced. Annette, or at least that's what she called herself. She was brutal in her training but Roslyn adapted quickly. Leliana often took on the missions that required engagement and conversation. Roslyn would take the missions that allowed her to linger in obscurity. 

Sometimes she'd be the servant, quietly cleaning up after a party while the subjects of her mission lingered, drunk and letting valuable information spill from their mouths.

She'd hide expertly in the shadows of long halls, corners, and even window sills several stories up. She'd be still as a statue for hours at times, waiting, listening.... 

Where her and Leliana's jobs were the same however, was in the most ugliest of business. If someone needed to 'disappear ' or die, they were the women called upon. It was the ugly side of the Divine's world that the people didn't see. Ultimately, it was Leliana's patience with playing the game that secured her as Annette's successor. 

"Lady Ghost, did you hear any of this?" Roslyn suddenly slammed back down from her daydream and looked around the room to find several pairs of blinking eyes staring back at her. 

She sighed , "no, I apologize. I got lost in thought again." 

Josephine clucked her tongue as Cullen exhaled loudly and pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. 

"I understand you've been through quite the ordeal this past week but please try to pay attention during our meetings. We're trying to decide very important matters." He said through gritted teeth. 

Roslyn kept a blank expression with even blanker eyes. "I apologized Commander. Now you're stalling the meeting with your lectures. Please stop interrupting the Ambassador. "

Cullen began huffing and stuttering, "Interrupting? Me?!! I-you! Daydreaming!" 

Leliana had a smile playing on her lips now as she stepped in between the two before a full blown fight erupted between them. Again. 

"Commander please let's move on." She said coolly. 

Cullen flung a hand in the air but went silent. 

Roslyn remained expressionless but inside she was smiling. Since their encounter near the lake, she'd made it a point to get under his skin. And it was so easy to do so. She would make snarky remarks but remain calm and cool as his temper continued to rise. Twice this week he had stormed out of the meeting to gain his composure. Leliana had chastised her on both occasions but no one was able to control Roslyn.

"Are you willing to go to the Hinterlands to meet with Mother Giselle?" Josephine asked exasperated. 

"Of course. We can leave in the morning Ambassador. " Roslyn responded calmly. 

"Thank the Maker" Cullen blurted out. When everyone's eyes shot to him he stood a little straighter and placed his hand on the pommel of his sword. 

"I said what I said." He gruffed out defiantly. Josephine and Cassandra shook their heads while Leliana stood watching Roslyn's reaction. 

Roslyn just stood calmly and held Cullen's gaze. Finally she said, "careful Commander. If you continue to get so upset, I fear your mantle will begin molting."

The women in the room all poorly stifled their laughter with coughs and clearing their throats. Cullen's face scowled and his honeyed eyes burned into hers. "If everyone is quite finished I have actual work to do and the _Herald _Here can return to her cabin thinking of new ways to insult me."

He stormed out of the war room like a hurricane. Leliana shook her head, "you're going to have to figure out way to work with the man."

Roslyn shrugged, "eventually. For now, I'm enjoying watching his temper tantrums."

* * *

The ride to the Hinterlands was actually rather nice for Roslyn. Varric kept her entertained with stories about the Champion. Solas and Cassandra were quiet and somewhat content to listen to Varric as well even if they'd never admit it.

She couldn't help but be reminded of her travels during the Blight. But these companions were wildly different. By the time they made camp, they were a half day away from their destination. Once her tent and bedroll were made out, Roslyn began her letters. She was asked to write the other Inquisition heads. She sighed as she began.

_Ambassador, _

_As expected, I did not encounter any lords, ladys, kings or queens while on the road. I'm not sure what the point is in writing to you if there's nothing to write about. As far as communication between us on the road, Varric told us a wonderful story about the time he caught a naked, drunk Hawke taking a mud bath with 3 other women. I will write you again tomorrow hopefully with something more useful. _

_ -Ghost_

_ Nightingale, _

_Operation: make Cassandra smile is not going as well as I'd hoped. But the mission will not fail. Have you heard from Scout Harding yet? I am interested reading her report about the state of the mage/templar battles happening in the Hinterlands. With as loudly as Varric talks we could walk right up on one and not know until it's too late. I will report tomorrow. P.S., writing you all everyday IS OVERKILL._

_ -Ghost_

_ Commander,_

_I hope you have recovered from that wicked burn I gave you yesterday. You really must stop getting so angry at innocent jokes. As expected, I didn't run onto any wars out here. At least not yet anyways. I must admit we desperately need to find this horse master. Our horses barely made it through today. They are old, sensitive, and temperamental. They reminded me a lot of you actually. In fact, if I put a big furry mantle on one of them....... anyways, I'll write you tomorrow to update you on all your short comings. _

_ -Ghost_

* * *

She'd been here before. Many times actually. Soft dark grass under her boots. A peaceful little meadow surrounded by the mountainside. A safe camping spot for the road between Denerim and Redcliffe. A warm fire roared and the tents sat pitched next to it. To the left, in the distance, a smaller tent and fire burned in its own private space. She found herself smiling as she approached the young Warden cooking a pot of his famous disgusting dinner. 

But where was everyone else? Leli, Wynn, Oghren? Her beloved Mabari.... wait. He had passed of old age two years ago. This place...wasn't right. 

"Hi there. Would my favorite Warden in all Fereldan like a bowl?" Alistair looked warmly at her as she took a step forward. The dialogue was comfortably familiar. 

"I'm the only Warden in Fereldan besides you." She said with a sly smile taking the bowl. 

"Even so, it still doesn't change the fact that you're my favorite. " he said cheerfully. 

"You forgot that there's other people here." She told the Alistair demon. 

"I thought it'd be nice just the two of us for a change." It shrugged. The demon did do a wonderful job of replicating Alistair. It looked and sounded just like he did. 

"You know, after all this time, you still resist me. Wouldn't it be nice to let yourself play into this little fantasy, just once?"

"Because one time is all you need in order possess me silly demon."

It sighed and sat on a rock near her. "Perhaps a different approach? " Suddenly his face morphed into a different handsome man's. 

"The Commander is handsome, but he's an ass." Roslyn said with a shrug. 

"Besides dear demon, I'm not in love with Alistair anymore. I don't even know Alistair anymore and haven't for almost 10 years. I'm in love with who I and Alistair were 10 years ago." She gestured around herself. 

"I can't go back to this. Memories are like watching yourself through thick, unbreakable glass. It's you , you can see it, hear it, but you can never access it physically again."

The demon yawned and stretched its Alistair body across the rock.

Roslyn arched a brow, "I'm sorry am I boring you?"

"Yes.... I don't understand humans. But I know that this scene has been boring me and its getting harder to replicate. Something has changed in you.... I'll figure it out sweetling."

The Alistair demon suddenly disappeared and the meadow faded away.

Roslyn woke in her tent in the darkness, alone.


	5. Remembered Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roslyn travels to the Hinterlands and back to Haven.

_Herald,_

_I assure you I have very few short comings and I am fully aware of what they are. _

_1\. I eat too many sweets_

_2\. I don't sleep enough_

_3\. I have little patience for your poor attitude _

_Write me when you've located Dennett. _

_ -Commander Cullen_

Roslyn snorted at Cullen's letter. She tossed it aside as she sat near the river. Cassandra was finishing her bath and was drying off as she eyed Roslyn.

"What's funny?" She asked.

"The Commander's irritability. " Roslyn replied.

Cassandra snorted. "You should give him a chance."

"I saved his life Cassandra. He's never once thanked me or apologized for asking for my EXECUTION after I saved him. Instead, do you know what he said to me? He noted that I wasn't as warm and happy as I was in the circle."

Cassandra snorted again, "Cullen is not the best with words when it isn't giving an order. I think he meant well."

Roslyn rolled her eyes, "well he should work on that."

Cassandra, wrapped in a large towel sat beside Roslyn. "He is a good man. He stood by the Champion in Kirkwall to defend the mages. You and I know what he faced in Kinloch. He wasn't thinking clearly. "

Roslyn flashed back to that terrible day momentarily. Cullen's face grieved and panicked, begging for the Maker to end him and free him from his torturers.

"I know." She murmured softly. The women sat overlooking the river for sometime in comfortable silence. 

_ Ambassador, Commander, Sister Nightingale, _

_Things are going well in the Hinterlands. The people love the Herald and she has attracted a lot of attention whether she likes it or not. _

_ Speaking of the Herald... her actions are concerning. Not for the Inquisition, no, she's nothing but positive for our organization. I mean for herself. I watched her fling herself into a battle with templars and mages. She ran into a burning building to save a damn dog. She lays her life on the line with little thought of her safety to save others. _

_ On the flipside, she kills with alarming ease. She is as affected by taking a life as she would be plucking a flower. I watched her cut a man's throat and then complain because the blood splattered on her face. She's quite the contradiction. She will sacrifice herself just as easy as she will cut down a man. I don't know what to think about it._

_ -Cassandra _

_ Cassandra, _

_She served and survived a blight and served under me for almost ten years. Anyone would develop a callousness from all that. Do not worry. She will not kill you while you sleep._

_ -L_

* * *

_ " _So what was it like Ghost?"

Varric asked as he trotted his horse up next to Roslyn's. 

"What?" She asked. She knew of course but still wanted to make it difficult for him.

"The Bloody Blight of course! I hear you took down the dragon yourself with the help of your lover and fellow Warden."

Cassandra sighed loudly, "Varric you nosey dwarf...." she mumbled.

Roslyn was in a playful mood and decided to play with Varric. "Yes! The killing blow was mine however. Then Alistair tore off his armor and we made passionate love right next to dragon's corpse." Varric scrambled to pull out his journal and writing quill when he suddenly caught Roslyn's shit eating grin. 

"You're fucking with me aren't you?" He asked incredulously. 

"I suppose you'll never know. History is written by the victors Varric."

"She's right you know" Solas called from the front of the group. 

They trotted on for a short while when Varric couldn't help but ask more questions. "So why the spying? I mean, why didn't you marry the king? Or soak up the glory of saving the world?"

Roslyn smiled sadly and Varric silently kicked himself. Cassandra sighed again, "shut your mouth _Varric."_

"No it's alright. " Roslyn said gently. Something about Varric made her feel comfortable with telling him some of her feelings. 

"Alistair ended our relationship because as King, he feared civil war if he tried to marry a mage. And as for staying in the spotlight.... well it's difficult to do when your story begins to take on its own life and people forget who you actually are. Spying came rather natural. Plus, I loved the work. Do you know how many juicy secrets I uncovered? Maker I thought I was a mess. Some people are just disgusting. " She wrinkled her nose as she made the remark.

"I got to travel, I made good coin-more than being a hero ever made me. And I met interesting people, took on handsome and dangerous lovers..... so do not pity me. I've made a new life for myself, one that I've thoroughly enjoyed."

Varric beamed a wide grin. "You gotta tell me some stories Ghosty!" 

"Hush!" Solas rasped as he spun around on top his horse to face them. "I hear something "

Everyone came to a stand still. Cassandra hopped off her horse and unsheathed her sword. Roslyn doing the same but with her staff.

"Look here boys! A couple mages, a Seeker, and a dwarf! Strange group!"

Out of the trees a group of bandits emerged. 6 in total. 

"Listen, give us your weapons and coin. Maybe the gals can give us a little something too.... and we'll let you live." The leader said as he eyed Roslyn up and down repeatedly. 

Cassandra scoffed at his suggestion and Varric mumbled, "oh boy."

Roslyn, stone faced, pointed the end of her staff at the man, and then dropped it to the ground. "Alright, whatever you say. I clearly am incapable of defending myself against a man like you." 

The leader grinned as he began undoing the laces of his pants. "I go first boys, watch the rest of these sods while I have my fun."

Roslyn suddenly snapped her fingers and lightening shot from her fingertips, shooting through the air and striking the man. She didn't let up as the man began to smoke and writhe on the ground, eventually leaving a charred corpse. 

The other 5 men looked on in shock. She finally stopped her magic and faced the group of men. "This is the man you chose to follow? How many people have you killed and raped for him?" 

They stood not answering. Cassandra cut in, "perhaps we should show mercy..."

"So they can do this to someone who's unable to defend themselves?" She went to snap her fingers again but felt her magic being severed. She fell to her knees and gasped for air as she clutched at her chest.

"Varric! Solas!" Tie up these men and we will let the city guard know where to find them. Roslyn found her breath again and stood back on her feet.

"How DARE you _Silence _My fucking magic!" Her eyes were wild and her face twisted in fury.

"We are not executioners. These men will be arrested and tried for their crimes. I will not let the Inquisition gain the reputation of being careless in taking lives."

"They threatened to kill us! To rape you and I!" Roslyn shouted. 

"And you killed the man who made those threats. There is no need to kill the rest."

"Do not ever silence my magic again _Seeker. _I am no longer a circle mage and have not been for years."

"Do not be so willing to take lives with your magic and I will not have need to silence it."

"Do not play the innocent Maker fearing Chantry woman with me Cassandra! You would have opened my throat all on a hunch that I was guilty had it not been for Cullen!"

Cassandra flinched at her words but said nothing. 

Solas calmly approached the women and said, "perhaps we should take a few moments to cool off, yes?"

Cassandra and Roslyn walked seperate ways, left to contemplate one another's words.

* * *

They had returned to Haven early that afternoon. Her and Cassandra had quietly made their mutual apologies and soon were on good terms again. Roslyn realized they were more alike than she'd initially thought and that was , perhaps, why they butted heads the way they did. 

Tonight, the tavern was full of revelers and the people were in full swing. Roslyn felt the warmth of the wine she had been sipping on for some time warm her body and became giggly and fuzzy headed. But, as the night wore on, she became tired of the noise and longed for some peace.

She walked with a slight weave through the streets of Haven, coming to the small dock that overlooked the lake. She sat down letting her legs hang over the ledge and she looked up at the eerie night sky. Some time had passed when she heard heavy footsteps approach. She didn't need to turn around to know who was behind her. 

"Is it alright if I join you?" The low baritone voice asked cautiously. 

She nodded and simply said, "yes". She patted the space next to her and soon Cullen was beside her. 

She heard him take a deep breath then he said, "I didn't mean to upset you the other day. What I said was stupid."

She laughed softly, "I thought about it actually. I think it bothered me because you were right. I'm not the same person. How could I be? But I miss that girl. She could find happiness and fullness everywhere she went. Now... I'm a shell. And I can't figure out why." She looked down at her hands as if expecting the answer to be sitting in them.

Cullen remained silent, taking in her words and letting her open up as much as possible. She didn't continue though.

"Believe it or not, after Kinloch.... I felt the same. I spent years in Kirkwall just _Existing. _I prayed to feel something. But all I felt was numb or paralyzed from my memories. Joining the Inquisition.... having a real, honorable purpose again has helped me regain some completeness. I'm not whole. I don't know if I ever will be. But it's a start. Perhaps the Inquisition will do the same for you."

Roslyn turned and looked at him. His handsome profile illuminated by the moonlight. "Cassandra said something similar yesterday. We fought after I tried to kill 5 men. She stopped me. We spoke at great length a while after. I'm glad she stopped me. It made me realize that perhaps over the years, I've become too numb to death."

Cullen hummed. " I don't blame you. After reading the report those bastards had it coming. But, Cassandra was right, and level headed."

He took another deep breath. Roslyn thought he looked nervous. He pulled something out of the inside pocket of his mantle. 

"What I should've said the other day... was thank you. You saved my life all those years ago. I also need to apologize for my actions after. But I decided this might be better since I'm not the best with words."

He handed her a stack of sealed letters. Some looked very old, some fresh.

"What is this?" She asked curiously as she turned the letters over, one by one.

"I wrote you numerous times to beg your forgiveness, to thank you... I never had the courage to send them. That is until tonight. I joined the Inquisition to be a better man. This is one of the ways I need to make amends. Or at least try."

Roslyn's mouth hung open as she struggled to find her words. "Cullen... I..."

"Please, you don't have to say a thing. Just take them. Read them when you feel like it. Oh and I brought you this for old times sake..."

He pulled from his mantle a small bag filled with chocolates. Her eyes lit up with excitement and he his mouth lifted into a smirk as he thought she looked just as she did when they were in the circle and he would sneak her chocolates. 

"Where did you..."

"I snuck them from Flissa. Don't worry I left her a good tip."

Roslyn held the bag close to her and smiled, "I guess not everything has changed has it?"

Cullen stood and turned to look at Haven, then back down to her. "No, not everything. " They looked at each other for a long moment and Roslyn felt something stir inside her she hadn't felt in a long time. 

"Goodnight Roslyn."

Cullen walked away feeling a little lighter, with a soft smile playing on his mouth.

Roslyn stared at the letters in slight shock. Cullen had surprised her. Tonight, her old friend found her, and he made her remember a warmth she hadn't felt in many, many years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next..... we find out what those letters have to say!


	6. My Best Friend

Roslyn lit the lantern next to her bed. She decided to start with the oldest letter. It had yellowed with age and was slightly torn on one side of its edges. 

Her hands slightly shook as she carefully broke the wax seal of the envelope. She took a deep breath and began.

_Roslyn,_

_ I received word that you have defeated the darkspawn and the archdemon. Amazing. Can you imagine what the world would do to me if they knew I called for your execution?_

_ I am a fool Roslyn. I am so sorry for my words. I'm not sure if I'll ever not be a fool. I try so hard to do what is right. But this isn't what this letter is about. _

_ This letter is everything I should have said to you that day. I should have thanked you. Praised you even. _

_ Then I should have told you the truth. _

_ The truth is, you were the best thing about my daily life in the circle. Seeing your smile every morning as you stood waiting for your morning drills. Your face and the way it sparkled as you beat opponent after opponent at chess. The way you would pout when I would be the one to finally beat you. The way your eyes lit up when I would sneak you chocolates or when you would whisper the latest scandal to me in the library. Despite all the rules and regulations, you were my very best friend. _

_ I missed you when you left. My days felt hollow with your absence. _

_ It was your face that was worn by the demons that tortured me, because they knew it would hurt me the most. _

_ Then, I hurt you. _

_ I will never forgive myself. _

_ I am being sent to Kirkwall. I doubt I will ever see you again. I just wanted you to know, I'm so very sorry. _

_ P.S., Alistair is a fool. You deserve a man who is willing to tear apart all of Thedas just to be lucky enough to wake beside you everyday. _

_ Your friend, _

_ -Cullen_

Tears streamed down Roslyn's face. When had she last cried? It had been so long. Cullen's letter ripped open the the space that she had been storing her feelings and she felt a flood of emotions. She cried until there were no more tears. She fell asleep with the letter clutched at her chest.

* * *

"Now that we have gained some attention I think it would be wise to send the Herald to Val Royeaux." Josephine said in her thick Antivan accent.

"You've got to be joking! There's no way I am sending Roslyn, I mean, the Herald there! We might as well feed her to the lions while we're at it." Cullen said as he slammed a fist down onto the table. 

Leliana lifted a manicured brow, "so defensive over Roslyn.. I mean, _the Herald, _" she mocked. "But I assure you Commander she's quite capable of holding her own."

Cassandra cut in, "I will go with her. She will not have to do this alone."

Cullen sighed and rubbed at his neck. Roslyn had been strangely quiet during the meeting. Cullen had caught her staring at him several times causing him to blush. "Herald it's your decision. What do you want to do?"

Roslyn nodded at Cassandra. "If Cass believes we should do this, then I will go." It was decided they would leave the next morning. 

Everyone filed out except Roslyn and Cullen. He fumbled with a table piece and looked down at the map as if he was carefully studying it.

"I read your first letter."

He blushed slightly and felt his ears grow hot. "I figured." He said softly. 

"Why did you not send it to me?" She whispered. 

Cullen stopped his fumbling and looked up at her through his lashes. "I don't know. I guess I was afraid? Perhaps embarrassed? I know I felt undeserving of your forgiveness. I think a part of me wanted you to hate me as my punishment. " His eyes lowered down to the table again. 

"You were my best friend too." She said with a shaky voice, a sob threatening to break through.

Cullen's eyes shot up and met hers. "Perhaps the Maker has given us another chance?"

She nodded slowly. "For the record... I forgive you Cullen Rutherford." 

His eyes became glassy with tears that he would not allow to spill over. He took a steadying breath and in a raspy, low voice said,

"thank you."

She turned and left the war room before her emotions got the better of her. She headed to her cabin to pack her things. 


	7. What's Changed?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roslyn finds a sick Cullen. Her demon is back and it's catching on....

* * *

The next few weeks were a blur of activity. Val Royeaux had been an interesting trip. The Templars seemed to be following a psychopath, hell bent on increasing his own power. 

Two additions were made to Roslyn's inner circle. Sera, a gritty rogue, and Vivienne, an elegant enchanter. 

Another trip to the Hinterlands brought on Warden Blackwall, but Roslyn felt something was off about the man. However, he was highly skilled with his sword and shield so he was welcomed aboard. 

The most exciting addition, and probably the addition Roslyn was most proud of, was the band of skilled mercenaries led by the Iron Bull. Bull and his Chargers were expensive but their skill in combat was priceless. 

Cullen and Roslyn saw little of one another, but Cullen made a point to reach out to her anyway he could. She would often find a small baggie full of chocolates sitting on her little porch in front of her cabin. 

Sometimes the bags would have small notes attached. 

_I hope your attitude has improved since this morning. Perhaps these will help._

_ -Cullen_

Or

_ You drop your left arm when attacking with a forward strike with your staff. Keep your guard up or I'll make you train with me._

_ -Cullen_

Sometimes it was just simply,

_ Thought of you today_

_ -Cullen_

She would be leaving for Redcliffe in two days. She felt like she'd barely had time to breath. She looked out her cabin door and the sun was beginning to set. Most of what she'd be taking was packed now. But most things never got unpacked because she was on the road so often. 

She popped a chocolate in her mouth and decided to see Cullen. She trailed off towards the training grounds and caught Cassandra dismantling a training dummy with her sword. She dared not interrupt the woman and snuck past her and her poor straw victim. 

She entered Cullen's tent and stopped in her tracks when she saw him. He was leaned up against his desk on the ground. A bucket in his hands. He wasn't wearing his armor. It was the first time Roslyn had seen him without it. He was soaked in sweat and his face was white with a tinge of green. 

"Cullen, Maker what's wrong?!" He had been completely fine that morning in the war meeting. Now, he looked like he had the damn plague. She ran to him and knelt down, touching his forehead with the back of her hand. "You're burning up." She murmured. 

He mumbled something incoherent, his eyes struggling to open. 

She ran to the tent opening in search of someone to help her. She caught sight of Bull's massive horns. "Bull!" She shouted. He turned and immediately knew something was wrong just by the urgency in her voice. He bolted to the tent and came inside. 

"Fuck Boss. The Commander's in bad shape."

"Help me get him in his bed." The duo heaved Cullen onto his feet, though Bull did most of the actual 'heaving'. Cullen tried to walk but was so disoriented it was pointless. 

"Wait, before laying him down..." she pulled off his shirt and undid his pants, leaving him in only his smalls. 

"Hurry Boss, he isn't exactly light. " Bull groaned. Finally, he was able to lay Cullen down onto the bed and Roslyn covered him to his waist with a light blanket. She looked around the tent and found a wash basin with clean water and towels near his desk. She dipped the towel into the cool water and laid it across his forehead. 

"Cullen I don't know how much you comprehend right now but I've got to bring your fever down. I'm going to use a bit of healing magic ok?"

He mumbled something again and Roslyn took it as an agreement. Magic swirled from her fingertips to his head and soon life came back to his face. His eyes opened and he looked around the room confused. 

"Roslyn? Bull?! What in the Maker's name?" 

"Sshhhhh" you're really sick Cullen, Bull helped me get you into bed."

Bull eyed Cullen carefully. "Yeah, really sick Commander. Strange... you were fine just a couple hours ago..."

Cullen made to sit up but immediately laid back down. Roslyn for the first time ever saw his bare chest. Her eyes scanned the sculpted muscles and golden skin and she suddenly felt feverish herself. 

"Cullen just lay down for Maker's sake!"

She turned to Bull, "thank you for your help Bull."

"No problem Boss." He looked at Cullen who appeared to have fallen asleep almost immediately. "When did he leave the Order again?" Bull asked as he scratched his chin. 

"A few months ago, before coming to Haven. Why do you ask?" She replied.

Bull nodded as if what she said confirmed something in his head. "Just curious. Have a good night Boss."

He left the tent before she could pry in further. She focused her attention back on Cullen who was now snoring softly in his sleep. She smiled at the sleeping man and patted his shoulder gently. "Goodnight Cullen." She made to leave but felt a pull on her hand. She looked down and Cullen's eyes had opened and he had hold of her hand. 

"Stay. Please. " He whispered. 

She squeezed his hand and nodded. She pulled his large, plush chair over to the side of the bed and curled up next to him. She grabbed a blanket and soon felt her eyes grow heavy.

The last thing she remembered before drifting to sleep was Cullen holding onto her hand as he slept soundly.

* * *

The meadow was the same as always, but this time, it was a single tent and a fire. She wasn't sure which was harder to resist. The original dream was just like it had been all those years ago. But this was more tempting. The Alistair demon was more .... persuasive, in this scenario. 

She waited outside the tent on a rock, preparing herself for the desire demon. She looked around the meadow and noticed something different. Soft, white powder, sprinkled across the grass. This was new. She looked up and noticed the mountains that the meadow was snuggled between were now capped in white. 

Suddenly an image emerged from the tent._Here we go. _She thought to herself as she readied herself to face Alistair's soft brown eyes. 

Instead, when she opened her eyes, she was met by molten amber. 

"Hello Herald." The demon smirked. It even had the small detail of the scar on his lip. She felt the air get sucked from her body as the demon crept up to her. The tall, broad form of Cullen almost consumed her frame and he bent his head down so that his mouth was a whisper away from the skin of her neck.

"I knew something was different. Now I know what. It wasn't _something, _it was _someone." _The demon said in Cullen's low, smooth voice. His breath a tickle against her skin. Her breath was shallow from their proximity. 

"He is my friend. Nothing more demon." She said through gritted teeth. 

"Are you quite sure?" It said as it took a step back and peered at her through his dark lashes. "The slight tremble I sense in your body says otherwise. "

The demon began to pace around her, eyeing her up and down carefully. 

"Nothing more demon." She repeated. 

"Perhaps. But the first man.... I haven't sensed your longing of him lately. So I asked myself, 'what's changed' after all this time? Then, I see this man, and I knew."

"I've taken actual lovers after Alistair. You never used their image."

"They were distractions for you nothing more, nothing less. If you woke up and found them gone, you didn't care. Thoughts of them never occupied your mind. Not like the first man. And not like this one." The demon motioned to his imitated image of Cullen. 

"Nobody has ever occupied my thoughts like Alistair. " She whispered. 

The demon smirked again in the exact smug way Cullen often would. "Perhaps, but give this one time. You will see. He will make you forget all about that little Warden. Wouldn't you like that?" Now the demon stepped in closer and brought its lips a breath away from hers. 

She squeezed her eyes shut and repeated her chant, "be gone demon, I will not be broken. Be gone demon, I will not be broken." 

Finally, it walked away, disappointed. "You know a small part of me cares about you. I've been following you for sometime now. I've seen all you've gone through. I hope he does find a way into your heart." Then it added more sinister,

"But I want what I want more." It said with a cruel smile and suddenly disappeared. 


	8. Mornings

She'd always hated mornings. Something about pulling herself from the warm comfort of bed to face a chaotic world made her grumpy and horribly unsociable in the mornings. Cullen on the other hand, was a morning person. He would rise with the early rays of sunlight and spring to life the moment his eyes opened. In the circle, mages were expected to be up and ready to begin their daily activities by 8. Roslyn would come staggering out of her door, still looking half asleep, and every morning Cullen would be in sparkling polished armor looking fresh as a daisy. His eyes would crinkle in amusement at Roslyn's disdain for mornings. 

This morning was no different for Roslyn. She found it even harder to pull herself from the comfy pillow that smelled of Elderflower and oak moss. Suddenly, she sprang up in the bed, well aware that she wasn't in her own, but was in Cullen's. 

He was long gone by now. It must have been late morning, possibly nearing noon judging by the way the light shone through the tent. She realized Cullen must have put her in his bed when he left. She was a little alarmed he had returned to his duties so quickly. She looked to her right and saw that the chair she had been sleeping in was still in it's place by the bed. However, now it held a tray with a pastry and tea. A note was scribbled on a small piece of parchment. 

_Thank you for your help last night. I'm sorry I troubled you. When I woke this morning, you looked horribly uncomfortable crammed in that chair so I took the liberty of moving you. I hope that was ok. On a side note, I wonder what the people would think if they knew that the Herald of Andraste snores? Anyway, try the pastry, it's almost a sin its so good. _

_P.S. you're still not a morning person. Some things never change. _

_ -Cullen_

She smiled at his note, but felt her cheeks flush with heat. She snores?! Perhaps he's teasing her. She prayed to the Maker he was just teasing. She popped a piece of the pastry in her mouth and immediately sighed. It was delicious. Her and Cullen certainly shared a fondness for sweets. 

She pulled herself from the bed and decided it was time to begin her final preparations for tomorrow. 

* * *

"You know Boss, when you use your lightening to fry people, you may wanna give me a heads up. The smell is disgusting." Bull mentioned as they cleaned their weapons and searched the bodies of the rebel mages who'd just moments ago tried to attack them.

"Oh I'll try to keep that in mind. Should I say something like 'sorry, can you hold off on the trying to kill me? I have to warn my Quarni mercenary that he may want to find a hanky to cover his nose because the smell of burning flesh makes him uncomfortable. '"

Cassandra snorted at the joke and Bull rolled his one eye. "I'm just saying that you're good at other stuff too. But you always rely on lightening. Maybe branch out a little."

"I rely on my lightening because _I'm good with lightening. _Every mage has a magic that comes naturally to them. For some, its fire, some ice, and others healing. Mages can learn how to wield their magic for any of these areas but there is always one that feels most comfortable. For me, it's lightening. " She lifted her hand and little bright sparks crackled from her fingertips. Bull shuddered. "Well... I guess it gets the job done."

Varric chuckled, "yeah you can say that. Ghosty you know how to fight. It's pretty amazing to see the Hero of Fereldan in action." 

"I'm surprised you're impressed with it at all. You fought alongside the Champion of Kirkwall! He was supposed to be quite the skilled rogue."

Varric sighed wistfully, "that he is. But I saw him become the Champion, so he's just Hawke to me. But you're a _legend."_

_ "_you should know then that legends are really just ordinary people." Roslyn offered. 

Varric, who was now trying to scribble everything they said down and juggle his reigns at the same time, said, "ordinary people my ass. Look kid, you're a kickass fighter with lightening shooting outta your hands and you're beautiful. Hawke was ridiculously handsome. Then there's the King of Fereldan, who I've met once. Guess what? Handsome. Don't even get me started on Curly, that guy is just absurdly handsome."

Roslyn smirked, "I agree with your assessments of the men I've met. I haven't seen Hawke before but I've heard he was quite dashing. Alistar was and still is, I'm assuming, very good looking. Cullen.... well he's on his own level when it comes to looks."

Varric's eyebrows shot up and Bull grinned broadly. 

"See Seeker! I told you something was gonna happen between those two!"

Cassandra grunted.

"I called it first." Bull said still smiling. 

"Yeah but I thought it before you even came around Tiny." Varric responded.

"Nothing is going on children! Cullen and I... we were very good friends when I was in the circle. Then life happened....and now we are rebuilding that friendship. It's nice having someone around who knew me before I was the 'Hero of Fereldan '".

Varric was scribbling everything down and finally lifted his head. "Whatever you say Ghosty. Time will tell." He winked at her and then resumed bickering with Bull. 

The trip to Redcliffe was going to be strange. She hadn't returned since the Blight. She remembered that was where Alistair had first told her about his heritage. She was already falling for him and he knew it. They had shared light kisses and small moments together. He was so afraid his bloodline would change everything. In the end, it did. She took a deep breath. This trip would put to the test if she'd really moved on from him. 

As she neared the village, she wasn't so sure she would pass the test.

"Dorian Pavus, if I find out you're lying to us I will have that pretty head of yours." Roslyn held the bladed end of her staff to his throat. He had met with them secretly in the chantry of Redcliffe. His story of Venatori cults and mage slaves was frightening and alarming. But, he too was from Tevinter, nobody knew him and he had no proof to collaborate his story. But there was something about the man that made Roslyn believe him. 

"I assure you, I am not lying, therefore my pretty head will stay on my pretty shoulders. "

It was agreed that he would accompany the group back to Haven to report what was going on. Roslyn walked out of the chantry and down the hill. She stopped at an edge of one path and looked out across the lake. Redcliffe castle stood larger and more impressive than when she'd last seen it. 

She loomed around the vllage. It too was larger and had been rebuilt nicely after the Blight. Very little of the village looked familiar to her. It had changed and grown just as she had. She smiled sadly at the thought. 

"So 'the Hero of Fereldan?' It must be bizarre to now be called the 'Herald of Andraste'. How many times is one person obligated to save the world?" Dorian asked as he came upon her.

"For the record? Nobody is obligated. But, here I am. I guess I'm better at this than being some wife with a family somewhere. " The words came out more bitterly than she'd wanted. Dorian caught the venom.

"It must have been difficult watching him marry and have a family from a far after everything you'd been through together. " 

"So even people in Tevinter know how the King of Fereldan dumped me? Wonderful." She grumbled.

"My darling it is quite the tragic love story! Two people, brought together under dire circumstances, banding together to save the world and falling in love in the process, only to have that same world force them apart. Ugh, it is so tragic it's almost making my heart feel something!" He dramatically clutched his chest as he spoke.

She couldn't help but laugh at his display. "Well it certainly felt tragic at the time!" She thought for a moment. "I'm happy that he is happy. Truly. I just wish I could find _my _happiness."

"I imagine it's difficult to try to allow yourself to open up to that kind of experience again after what happened. Do you think it's possible that happiness is available but you reject it to protect yourself?" 

Roslyn looked as if she had been struck by her own lightning. "I've known you an hour. How are you already dissecting my inner thoughts like this?"

Dorian smugly twisted his moustache. "Well for one, the whole world knows your story and two, I grew up in Tevinter nobility! We learn from an early age to spot a person's vulnerabilities so that we may exploit them down the line. But don't worry, I have no intentions of exploiting you. I just can't help but pry darling." 

That night as they camped near a river in the Hinterlands, Roslyn read a letter from Cullen.

_Hello Roslyn,_

_I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from. I wouldn't be surprised if this letter was used as kindling. I understand. _

_ I'm being transferred to Kirkwall. It will be a fresh start for me. This place is nothing but a vessel of memories to me now. Sometimes they are pleasant, and those memories are of you. But most times, they are nightmares of what I went through._

_ I thank the Maker every night you became a warden. You weren't here when the blood mages took over. Then you came back and saved me. _

_ I hope that someday you can forgive me for the things I said. I miss you and our friendship. _

_ -Cullen_

She folded the old letter up and placed it in its envelope. She picked up her quill and grabbed a piece of parchment, 

_Cullen,_

_ I'm sitting near a river in the Hinterlands after a long day in Redcliffe. I must confess, I was nervous about going there again. Too many ghosts and memories. But I found it to be a surprise. The town barely resembles its former self. It has been rebuilt and is larger, and more beautiful than before. Redcliffe castle stands proudly against the water. Many tragedies took place there but the town withstood the storm and came out better than before._

_ I suppose it gave me hope for myself. _

_ I don't know why I'm telling you all this. I suppose it's because you've known me for so long. Way before this Hero nonsense came about. I met a man from Tevinter today. (You will meet him soon enough.) He knew all about Alistair and I. Maker the bloody world knows about my heart being broken. And nobody seems to be forgetting the details with the passing of time much to my dismay. _

_ He asked me if perhaps I have the happiness available to me that I had with Alistair and that perhaps I push it away out of fear. Interesting concept isn't? I mean Varric does have a glorious chest but I don't think I'm pushing him away out of fear. I push him away because I've never been attracted to dwarves. Plus, he's deeply in love with his crossbow. _

_ I hope you're feeling well. You had me a little frightened the other night. You are one of the most resilient men I've ever met but even the strongest of us needs rest from time to time. Please take care of yourself. _

_ P.S., did you know your pillow smells just like you? Elderflower and Oak Moss. It's lovely. _

_ \- <strike>Ghost </strike> Roslyn_


	9. Prayers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Redcliffe plans are set. Roslyn and Cullen chat. Another letter is read.

"I'm not comfortable with this plan. Sending the Herald to an obvious trap is not something I had on my list of things to do this morning." Cullen retorted thick with sarcasm. 

"But we know it's a trap Commander. We're a step ahead!" Leliana replied. 

"I'll be with her every step of the way." Dorian offered. 

Cullen scowled at the strange Tevinter. "Oh well now I feel _so _much better! The man I've only just met from Tevinter promises to be with the Herald every step of the way!" He threw his hands up in exasperation. 

Roslyn tried to ease his concern. "It's a good plan Cullen. I know the way to Redcliffe, I used the same entrance during the Blight. This is the best plan we can have for this situation. "

"Wrong. Go to the Templars Roslyn. Abandon this reckless and go to Therinfal." His eyes were almost pleading. The other advisors were taken aback as he never used her name in the meetings, he always used the professional 'Herald' title. 

She shook her head, "I can't abandon all those people to slavery. Besides, if Alexius masters this time magic he's developing, we're all in great danger."

"The lady speaks with reason Commander. But perhaps you can have troops stationed near by in case something goes wrong?" Dorian offered. 

"Alexius has a small group of soldiers with him and he may try stealing off with your dear Herald."

Leliana nodded, "that isn't a bad idea. Perhaps outside of Redcliffe?"

Cullen sighed, "alright, but only if I can go as well."

Cassandra pressed her lips together in a fine line, "what of troop training?"

"Rylen is my second and more than capable of training our soldiers for a few days. The Herald must be given the upmost protection and I will not send anyone but myself to oversee this operation. If Alexius tries to take her I will tear the castle down with my bloody hands if necessary." 

Josie and Leliana gave each other knowing looks and finally turned and smiled sweetly at Cullen. "Very well Commander, we agree to the plan. You should all set out as soon as possible."

The meeting was adjourned and they all filed out of the war room. 

"Roslyn Dove, I need to be pointed in the direction of the nearest place with alcohol. " Dorian said with a flourish of his hands. 

"To the left, follow the path and you'll see the tavern on the right." Roslyn said with a slight chuckle.

Dorian sauntered away leaving Roslyn alone in the chantry. She walked over to the small shrine dedicated to prayer. She sat on the bench and began to pray.

"Maker be at my side through.... be at my side... my side through... oh fuck it. Don't let me fail in this. Please. Once again the whole damn world is counting on me. I'm not sure why I keep getting put in this position but I have to believe it's because of your will. Just.... don't let me fail." Her words trailed off into a desperate whisper as she squeezed her eyes shut. 

"I see your prayers are still a one of a kind." Cullen said lowly as he sat down next to her. She opened her eyes and looked up at him. 

"Chants have always bored me. Besides, The Maker keeps my plate too full to worry about memorizing prayers." 

Cullen chuckled and shook his head. They sat quietly for several moments looking at the statue of Andraste. The candles flickering as they cast shadows around the space.

"You're going to be ok. I refuse to believe you've come this far to not succeed. Besides, if you're not around to share the chocolates, I will grow very fat and lose my job."

Roslyn laughed at his unexpected joke in such a serious moment. He smiled at her, pleased he was able to lighten her mood. 

"I doubt that would ever happen you vain man!"

"I'm not vain!" He said as he pointed to himself innocently. 

"Really? I don't remember your hair being quite so _stylish _before.... and look at your attire! Don't think I haven't noticed that smug look you get when you walk by a group of swooning women either."

"There's not any random groups of swooning women standing around Haven Roslyn" Cullen said dryly. 

"They're not random! I swear I heard Chantry sisters talking about you!"

Cullen's cheeks flamed red, "_Maker's Breath!_ Chantry sisters?"

"Ooo does that get you a little hot and bothered?" Roslyn waggled her eyebrows suggestively. 

"What? No! I, its just that! NO." 

Roslyn was laughing hysterically now at his discomfort and embarrassment. He realized she was enjoying it all too much and narrowed his golden eyes at her. "If I were a lesser man, I'd tell you what I catch the soldiers saying about you, Herald. Most of the ones I've caught have been on boot polishing duty for weeks."

Roslyn grinned broadly, "how very protective of you Cullen! Defending my honor!"

Cullen snorted, "yes I suppose. So..... do you trust this Tevinter man?" He suddenly grew more serious and eyed her carefully. 

"You know for some odd reason I do." She shrugged. 

"Is it because he's handsome?" He arched an accusing brow.

"Excuse me sir, my judgement is not so easily clouded that I would fall victim to deception by a pretty face! Besides... I suspect he would be more likely to pursue you than any woman here in Haven."

Cullen rolled the words around for a moment and Roslyn gave him a pointed glare. Suddenly it clicked in his mind what she was trying to say.

"Oh! Alright, that actually makes sense." He said, slightly relieved. Why he felt the relief, he wasn't willing to explore just yet. Whatever he felt towards Roslyn he did his best to keep locked away somewhere deep. But each day, it was growing harder to keep it locked up.

They continued to chat well into the night. Finally, Roslyn made her way back to her cabin. She felt a nervous excitement she hadn't felt in years, but she didn't dare think about the root cause of it. Not yet.

Once in bed, she opened another letter from Cullen's bundle he'd given her.

* * *

_Roslyn,_

_Today marks 3 years since Kinloch. I can't believe time has moved so quickly. Yet, Kinloch strangely feels like a lifetime ago. _

_ I've been in Kirkwall now for a few years. It's different than Fereldan, its warmer and it doesn't rain as often. The city is large and I find myself missing the smell of wheat and barley. _

_ Most of all, I can't believe it's been 3 years since I last saw you. 3 years of me replaying our last meeting in my mind. Kinloch changed me Roslyn. I do not trust mages. Here in Kirkwall, blood mages are everywhere. _

_ You were different. I see that now more than ever. I also see now that I was a very broken man when you found me. Although, I will never be the same, my thoughts of you remain. _

_ I hope you're doing well. I don't have anywhere to send this letter. You've disappeared from the public eye and nobody knows your whereabouts. Now your name is a whispered legend. But I know you. I've known you long before you became a hero. _

_ I hope you remember our friendship. I hope you remember who you are; hopeful, strong, and full of fire and wit. But most of all, I hope you've forgiven me. _

_ -Cullen_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do we all remember who shows up at Redcliffe at the end of the mission??........


	10. Make Way

The trip to back to Redcliffe took far longer than the first trip. With the addition of the soldiers, the pace slowed to a steady crawl. Dorian would occasionally huff when the soldiers needed to stop to adjust their packs that were thrown off balance by their excessive loads. 

"Who knew traveling with a bunch of men would be such a bore." He sniffed.

"Some of these soldiers are women Dorian." Roslyn replied.

"Well I can't tell when they insist on riding in all that armor. It's completely unnecessary to travel dressed in battle wear. "

Cullen quite dryly, responded, "it is good conditioning for the soliders. Marching to battle is not easy and the more exposure they have the better. Sorry if my soldiers can't travel in half shirts with sparkling stones."

"How dare you! This is not a half shirt! It is a half robe Commander!" Dorian said with feigned offense.

Cullen groaned and rolled his eyes. Cassandra cleared her throat, "I believe we are nearing the camp. We will be a couple miles from Redcliffe. Herald, we will rest tonight, and move forward with our plan in the morning. "

Roslyn nodded. "Good, I'm starving."

* * *

That evening everyone was enjoying their dinner and ale under the stars. The tents were set up and Cullen had his Commander's tent all set and ready. He had a table with a map of Redcliffe set up with strategic markers placed in all areas of possible attacks. 

He stretched and rolled his neck. He'd been planning for hours. Cassandra came marching in and immediately began scanning him for any warning signs of his withdrawals increasing. 

"You need rest."

"I know. But it's hard to sleep with this Maker damned plan everyone insists on tomorrow. "

He pinched the bridge of his nose as he squeezed his eyes shut.

"She will be fine Cullen. I've seen her in action. She's magnificent. She's defeated an arch demon. She can handle a few Tevinter Magisters."

Cullen sat back in his chair. He sighed as he fumbled with a map piece. "I spent years wishing to see her again, to have the chance to reclaim our friendship. Now that its actually happened, I'm terrified of losing her again."

"Friendships are important, but nobody spends years pining for a lost friendship." Cassandra replied. 

"What does that mean?" Cullen asked still oblivious to the knowing look on Cassandra's face.

"You're in love with her. You were then, and you are now." She said plainly. 

He froze his hand with the map piece still in it. His eyes slowy raised to Cassandra's. "I honestly don't know. I do know that I missed her terribly. Even with lyrium dulling my emotions it still hurt. I don't even know what to do with this." His hands came to his head and he covered his face.

"You tell her how you feel. It's quite simple."

"I don't know how I feel! Am I in love with her? I don't know! I just know I am happier with her around me. Besides, she's been head over heels in love with the King of Fucking Fereldan for over a blasted decade. How do I compete with that?"

Cassandra snorted, "yes, how does the handsome Commander of the Inquisition, who sees her everyday, compete with a King she hasn't seen in 10 years?" Sarcasm dripped from every word.

"Cullen, she isn't in love with him. She is hung up on her past. And I think that has drastically changed since she first arrived in Haven and I think a lot of it is because of you." 

A flash of hope flickered across his eyes. "Truly? Well..... perhaps when she has sealed the breach. We can see where this takes us..." his voice trailed off as he thought about the possibilities. 

"But until then Seeker, not a WORD."

She smirked slighty, "of course Commander. Now get to sleep. We all have a big day ahead of us."

* * *

Red was everywhere Roslyn looked. The walls, the ceiling, the floor..... the people. A red world. 

Her and Dorian figured out they were 1 year in the future. A world where she was presumed dead and the breach remained unsealed. Chaos ensued. Alexius waged war in the name of the 'Elder One'. Cassandra was an eerie red ghost of her former self. Varric still held his sense of humor, but it was darker than before. 

Leliana was absolutely terrifying. A walking, talking, bitter ghoul. She answered very few questions and only focused on getting Roslyn and Dorian back to their time so this horrible future would never happen.

"What happened to the rest?" Roslyn asked carefully. 

"Dead. Whether in battle or after their capture. All dead." Leliana replied curtly.

They walked down one of the halls of the castle. There, they found Bull. A giant Quarni emanating red lyrium. It was unnerving. 

Roslyn swallowed hard, readying herself to ask the question she didn't want to know the answer to, but needed to know. 

"Cullen?" Was all she was able to rasp out.

Leliana turned slowly and stared with her icy, cold, dead eyes. No emotion, no feeling lay behind them. Not even as she spoke the words that would describe his fate.

"Despite the Commander being horribly outnumbered in the end, he formulated once last stand. He threw everything at the walls of Redcliffe. Alexius was so impressed with his drive and military prowess, he insisted he be taken alive, in the hopes they could turn him. He was force fed red lyrium. Then deprived of it, so he woud suffer debilitating withdrawals. They did this for weeks. But they underestimated Cullen. He was experienced in withdrawals. Red lyrium withdrawals are far worse however. I could hear his screams at times."

Roslyn felt sick with each word that fell from Leliana's mouth.

"Eventually, he succumbed to red lyrium poisoning. They gave him too much. To prove he was dead, they gave me this." She reached into her tattered robes and withdrew a piece of folded, brittle parchment. "He always had it on his person. He read it in his quiet moments. He wasn't the same after.... well after we all thought you died."

Roslyn's hands shook as she unfolded the parchment. Hot tears began running down her face as she recognized the script of her own handwriting. It was the last letter she'd written him. The letter in which she described the rebuilt Redcliffe and how it had given her hope. The letter looked ancient now. He must have read it thousands of times. A few splatters of blood stained it now. 

She was overcome with emotion. Roslyn felt herself drop to her knees and she sobbed in gasps and desperately tried to catch her breath. Leliana only stood in front of her, emotionless and indifferent to her old friends pain. 

Dorian kneeled down beside her, wrapping an arm around her quivering form. "Come my dove. This does not have to be his fate. None of this has to happen. I need you to stay focused just a little longer. "

Leliana coldly chimed in, "yes, you actually have hope. Do not act as if it has been ripped from you. That reality belongs to us."

Roslyn focused all of her thoughts onto her breathing. _In 1,2,3,4 Out 1,2,3,4 In 1,2,3,4...._

Eventually, she regained some composure and stood to her feet. She would make sure this future did not happen. No matter the cost.

* * *

"It's over Alexius. You failed." Dorian said triumphantly. He surrendered to the authority of the Inquisition. The mages were no longer in danger of being slaves.

Cullen and his soldiers had entered the castle. He took Alexius and his men into Inquisition custody. His eyes met Roslyn's from across the throne room. Relief and something more stirred behind the golden orbs. He nodded deeply at her, concern etched on his features.

Roslyn managed a nod, but seeing him after what she'd just seen and learned.... moments ago she'd been _mourning him _and now here he stood, beautiful and safe.

A loud slamming of the throne room doors startled her from her thoughts. Heavy footsteps, many footsteps, in unison making their way to the room. _What now?? _Roslyn thought bitterly. 

"Make way for the KING!!!" 


	11. Pedestals and Letters

_ Six months had passed since the arch demon was defeated. Six months since he had broke her heart. Six months of her wandering the castle halls of Denerim Castle. She had nowhere to go. Nowhere to call home._

_ She just wandered hoping to catch a glimpse of him. On the lucky days, she would see him. Sometimes even, they would speak to one another. Those days are what she had come to live for. But when the day had ended, she was left emptier than before._

_ Today was one of those days. _

_ "Roslyn, how are you?" He asked casually as she walked into the library. She loved reading and spent most of her time there. He wasn't fond of reading. _

_ "Alistair....I'm well. What brings you to the library?"_

_ "It's shocking I know..." He fumbled with the book in his hand, trying to quickly hide the cover. Roslyn was too quick though. It read, "The Cousland Family History: A Family of Fereldan Strength "_

_ Her heart sank. She had heard the rumors. Elissa Cousland had come to Denerim to discuss the expansion of her families lands. She was elegant, confident, with long golden hair and beautiful fair skin. She was one of the most talented archers in Fereldan. She wasn't your typical noble lady. _

_ Now, here stood Alistair, in the castle library, a place he'd never been to before, getting a book about Elissa's family. Roslyn's mouth ran dry. Her hands were balled into fists._

_ "I've heard rumors about her..." her eyes fell onto the book now tucked under his arm._

_ "Have you?" He shifted his weight from foot to foot . Clearly uncomfortable. _

_ She didn't need to say more or ask him anything. She knew. He was doing her a favor letting her stay here until she figured out what to do. He didn't want to be with her. He was moving on._

_ "I hope she makes you happy." She whispered. His eyes widened for a brief moment then pain flashed across his face. She went to walk away but felt his hand on her arm, stopping her._

_ "I meant what I said that day.... the last battle..... ALWAYS."_

_ He turned and walked away, leaving her heart on the floor._

* * *

She stood for the first time in 10 years, face to face with Alistair. Time had been kind to him. His features more chiseled, a slight scruff on his jaw... 

His soft brown eyes wide in shock as he realized who the Herald of Andraste was.

"_Roslyn???" _ Disbelief on his face, in his voice. She couldn't speak. What could she say anyways? She just stood, covered in blood, shock on her face. 

Cullen watched in the background. His molten honeyed eyes carefully observing Roslyn's reaction. 

"You're really the Herald of Andraste? I'd heard the Hero of Fereldan was the Herald, but I thought it was an exaggeration. Maker..... where have you been? 10 years Roslyn......"

Suddenly she found her voice again. "With Leliana. " It was all she could say. 

He suddenly broke into a grin and swooped in to hug her. He squeezed her so tightly she thought she'd burst. Finally, he let her go and he looked at her up and down, no doubt taking in what had changed and what hadn't. 

"Your hair is long! And you have a nose ring! You kind of look like a pirate! It's a good look for you!"

She found herself laughing at his random observations. "And you have the beginnings of a beard! And your face lost its baby fat!"

He crossed his arms and pouted, "I did not have baby fat! I was 20 years old for crying out loud!"

They both began laughing, an easy, happy, feeling between them. 

"Please, make yourself at home here. We can speak at dinner? Just you and I?" He asked with the hopeful sparkle of a boy on Santinalia.

"I would like that." She responded. They parted ways and she was escorted out to a room. Alistair watched her leave with a smile on his face.

At the back of the room, Cullen felt as if he'd been punched in the gut. 

* * *

Roslyn sat on her bed after a warm bath. After some discussion with Fiona, Roslyn had decided to offer the Mages an alliance with the Inquisition. Alistair accepted quickly. In an hour, she would be sitting across from the man who had haunted her dreams for the past decade. But something was different. 

Instead of excited, or nervous, she felt.... distracted. She took out the letter that future Leliana had given her. She held it between her hands as she thought of what it meant that Cullen had carried it with him for so long. 

A knock on the door pulled her from her thoughts. She opened the door and was greeted by the serious face of Cullen Rutherford. 

He was dressed down, dark trousers and a white shirt. His hair perfectly tousled and he smelled of his signature oak moss and Elderflower. 

"I'm sorry to bother you Herald but I wanted you to know that the Inquisition will be leaving early in the morning. Do you plan to go with us?"

Roslyn stared confused. "Why wouldn't I go with you?" She asked.

"I thought perhaps you may stay with the King..." his eyes looking over her head so as not to make eye contact. 

Roslyn shook her head. "Why...why would you think that?"

Cullen snorted and barged into her room. He began pacing like a caged lion, his eyes blazing.

"I don't know...maybe because you've been in love with him for the past 10 years and he just shows up here and you're already having dinner together?!"

Roslyn shut her door behind her, not wanting anyone to hear them.

"Cullen he's married to the _Queen _remember?"

He rolled his eyes, "oh and we know all kings are 100 percent faithful to their wives. Never taking a mistress."

She crossed her arms, now feeling annoyed at his presumptions. "I would never be anyone's mistress."

"Then why dinner?!" He threw his hands up in the air, exasperated. 

"Because we fought a war together! We fought an arch demon together! Because at one point we LOVED each other! You can't just erase that!" She yelled, Stepping closer to him.

"Right, how will you ever move on when you put what you had with him on such a fucking pedestal?"

Now she was angry. "What are you talking about?!"

"You can't even look at me!" He bellowed. 

She immediately felt her anger melt. He thought her avoidance of him in the throne room was because of Alistair...... 

She walked up to him slowly, placing a hand on his chest. His pacing and anger immediately ceasing at her touch. 

"I avoided you because of what I saw and learned in the future." She withdrew the letter. He looked confused as he opened it. Something so familiar but it looked so different. 

"After you thought I died... you carried this until they killed you.... red lyrium poisoning...." her voice cracked as unshed tears filled her eyes.

He took a thumb and gently placed it under her eye, absorbing the tears about to fall, then doing the same to the other. Then he took a deep breath and reached into the inside pocket of his shirt.

"I didn't start carrying it because I thought you died." He withdrew a piece of newer parchment from the pocket.

"I've carried it with me since the day I first received it." He murmured softly.

She looked up at him, her eyes searching his. "Why?" She whispered. 

He nodded slightly as he placed his fingertips under her chin, their lips a breath away. "Isn't it obvious?" He replied as his eyes searched her face, her lips, and back to her eyes.

Before she could respond, a knock on the door caused them both to jump from their positions, breaking the moment.

"Herald? The King is awaiting your presence!" The servant announced. 

Cullen's eyes were downcast as he placed the letter back into his pocket. 

"I'll see you soon Roslyn. " He murmured, and he stepped out of her room before she could reply.


	12. Cassandra was Right

The double doors to the dining hall stood before her. Behind them, Alistair would be waiting. A man she'd desperately tried to forget for years. 

She tried to fill the empty void that he'd left her with. There was the man in Starkhaven. He had been spontaneous, loved adventure and tavern brawls. It lasted a few months and it fizzled out. 

There was Bryant from the Free Marches. He was a fellow spy, secretive, dark and mysterious. He disappeared one day with a note that only said

"_I crave the open road once again. I wish you well. _

_ -_ _B"_

but it didn't hurt. Not at all actually. She had shrugged and threw the note into the hearth. 

There had been others too, some she hardly remembered. As the demon had said, they were mere _distractions. _

She threw herself into her work as well. She became a master spy, one of the best. She practiced and fine tuned her magic. She learned Orlesian. Anything to keep herself moving and not thinking of _him. _

The first time in 10 years she wasn't actively trying to ignore the haunting memories of her past was when she was around Cullen. She found that the hollow space that Alistair had left, didn't echo loudly in her soul when Cullen was around. In fact, it almost seemed like the empty space was beginning to heal.

What will happen now that she's about to be face to face with the living ghost that's haunted her? Would what she was beginning to feel for Cullen be obliterated the moment Alistair boyishly grinned at her? 

She took a shaky breath and opened the large door. 

He sat at a large, long table. At the head of the table as a King often does. Next to him on the left, was a single chair, the rest had been taken away for the evening. A beautiful small platter of food was displayed between the two seats. He was dressed down for a King. He wore a fur lined vest with small gold embellishments over a light colored long sleeve shirt and dark brown trousers.

His thick, straight hair was cut a bit shorter than he used to wear it, accenting his sharpened, masculine face. 

His eyes brightened when he saw her. "Roslyn! You're wearing a dress!" He laughed joyfully. 

"Unfortunately, I hadn't packed with the intentions of meeting a King, so I was lent one of the Arl's wife's dresses." She motioned to the very Fereldan styled gown. Dark blue velvet which was tight on top and lightly loosened at the hips. The sleeves were long but exposed her toned shoulders. Her hair was down and her dark curls hung loosely.

His eyes flicked up and down her fit form but he quickly righted himself and motioned to the chair. Roslyn took a few careful steps and sat down. An awkward silence filled the air.

"Soooooo tell me what you've been up to for the past 10 years." He said lightly as he lopped a piece of bread in his mouth.

She drank deeply from her goblet filled with wine. "Well let's see... after leaving Denerim I went with Leliana to Orlais. She had already begun her training to work as a spy for the Divine. She recommended me and that's what I did up until the Conclave."

"Maker the life you've lived.... circle mage, warden, veteran of the blight, Hero of Fereldan, spy for the Divine, and now Herald of Andraste. "

He shook his head and chuckled as he lifted his goblet to his lips. He sat the drink down and said a little more quietly, "I'd hoped to hear from you at some point... I even asked Leliana if she knew where you'd gone..."

Roslyn looked at him in surprise, her brows lifting in mild disbelief. "She never mentioned it... what did she tell you?"

He smiled a little sadly now. "That if I was willing to end my marriage to be with you and risk a civil war she'd happily tell me. Otherwise, I would only hurt you further."

Roslyn looked down at her folded hands in her lap. Leliana wasn't wrong. "Why did you want to find me?"

He sighed and sat back in his chair. "I missed you of course. I love Eilssa. I do. But what we shared.... we sweat blood and tears together. That's a bond not easily replicated. No. It _can't _be replicated. Sometimes, a little something would bring me right back to a horrible moment from the war. Elissa couldn't understand could she? Not the way you would have..." He shook his head again. 

"For a time, I hated myself for letting you go. I pushed you away those first few momths after our victory. I thought it would be easier for both of us if I made a clean break. Then, you left and I was desperate to find you. Then Leliana slammed me back to reality. What would I do? Leave Elissa? No. Tear my country apart? No. The only thing I would accomplish was making you hurt all over again. I righted myself and focused on my new life."

She swallowed deeply, afraid to ask her next question. "And now? How do you feel now?"

He tapped his finger on the table. "I've been very happy these past few years. Content. I've barely thought of you...of us. But seeing you.... it's hard."

Roslyn took a deep breath. It caused her to feel the crinkling of Cullen's letter in her pocket. She couldn't part with it. She tried to leave it in the room but she couldn't bare to leave it. Cullen. Her very best friend. Perhaps more....

Like a wave that suddenly crashed down upon her, she realized how much more he was now. She was at a table inches from the man she thought she'd never get over. And instead of frantically begging him to rethink his decade old decision, one that he clearly questioned himself, she was thinking about CULLEN. 

She took note of how she felt with Alistair. Sitting next to him brought her feelings of sadness, a bittersweet taste in her mouth, and a question of what could have been..... with Cullen, it had grown from annoyance and offense, to feeling an ease and warmth she wasn't sure she'd ever felt with anyone else. Maker he made her _Happy. _

She placed a hand over Alistair's and his eyes widened slightly, "you made a very difficult decision for us both. But... in Hindsight, you did what was necessary. Now you have a beautiful family and I have lived through adventure after adventure. I will admit, I was convinced I'd never love anyone the way I loved you. Perhaps I never will. But I'm grateful I was able to experience a love that powerful. "

Alistair's eyes shined with tears. He nodded, afraid to speak. He cleared his throat and blinked away the tears before they could fall. "Well now that we have all the awkward conversation out of the way...tell me about this Inquisition. "

"Well let's see... Leliana is a spymaster and has become an absolutely terrifying woman. Seeker Cassandra is also a terrifying woman for completely different reasons."

"What reasons?" He asked with a mouth full of grapes.

"Leliana will kill you when you don't expect it and Cassandra will come barreling at you telling you she's going to kill you before she actually does."

"Ah, I see" he said with a shiver. 

" Commander Cullen leads the army and-"

"Cullen Rutherford? From Kinloch? Knight Commander Cullen of Kirkwall?" He asked in disbelief. 

"Surely you must've heard Alistair. "

"I didn't believe it. Roslyn the man wanted you killed after we saved his life! How can you be working alongside him now?"

She felt herself bristle at his strong words. "Cullen had been tortured for days before we found him. I would never hold his words from that time against him. Yes, he was Kinght Captain. Then Knight Commander, because he stood against Knight Commander Meredith and DEFENDED the mages alongside Kirkwall's Champion."

Alistair narrowed his eyes at her, "you seem awfully defensive over him Roslyn. Do you care for him?"

She sat frozen for a moment. Was she that transparent? "He was my closest friend in the circle. We've reestablished that connection. He has been a pillar of strength for during this time. "

Alistair frowned slightly. But he decided to move on. They spoke for several hours. Finally, they needed to call it a night. Alistair walked her to the doors of the dining hall and held her hands in his. His soft brown eyes gazing into hers the way they had all those years ago when they would sit across from one another at the camp fire. 

"I'll always wonder what could have been Roslyn. What life would be like if I'd never been made King and we were free to roam Thedas as Wardens."

"It's not where our paths took us Alistair. I've spent the last decade driving myself mad dwelling on the what ifs.... Only recently have I seen how pointless it is."

"I wonder what's changed your point of view so recently....." his words trailed off but his gaze flashed with jealousy. 

Roslyn grazed her palm over his cheek. "Goodnight Alistair. "

He smiled, his boyish grin. "Goodnight Roslyn."

* * *

Cullen paced the halls of Redcliffe castle. It was late but he couldn't sleep. His mind reeled between Roslyn and Dorian's report of the monstrous future they'd been thrust into, and Roslyn's dinner with Alistair. Maker he had almost kissed her! What was he thinking?! He barely reconnected with her and established a friendship and mutual trust. He shouldn't move so quickly. 

He rounded a corner and came face to face with Alistair. 

"Your Majesty! Forgive me." Cullen said with a bow.

"Cool it Rutherford, we were in Templar training together and you've seen me in my smalls probably more times than my wife."

Cullen straightened himself and looked Alistair dead in the eye. "Very well Alistair. "

"Do you care for her?" Alistair crossed his arms defensively and gave a Cullen a hard glare.

Cullen felt his shoulders stiffen. _the bloody nerve of this man! _

"I do." He said honestly. 

"You don't deserve her." Alistair said matter of factly.

"I know. " Cullen said, again with complete honesty. "But neither do you."

"You wanted her dead!"

"And you broke her heart, then married and had a child when she lived in your fucking castle! All for the sake of pleasing those stupid fucking noble assholes!" They were standing nose to nose now. 

Alistair took a deep, steadying breath. "Alright, you hurt her, I'll send my whole Maker damned army after you. Do you understand?"

"Perfectly, you need not worry your _highness. _There is nothing in this world I'd choose over her." His words stung the King as intended. He gave a curt nod and marched past Cullen. 

Cullen sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. He knew why Alistair had ended things with Roslyn. He even understood it. And given his history of prejudice against mages, he himself would have been outraged to have a mage queen. But that was then. Now, he couldn't imagine holding Roslyn's love the way Alistair had and throwing it away to please people who only cared about their own social climbing. All of Thedas could come tumbling down on him and he wouldn't care as long as he had her.

Cassandra was right. He did love her. He was madly, hopelessly in love with her and he always had been. _Fuck._


	13. Lightening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roslyn remembers something future Leliana mentioned....

Roslyn rode her horse with a light trot. Something felt lighter in her as well. Seeing Alistair was like having a heavy weight lifted from her shoulders. She saw the man he is now. A husband and father..... the only image she had of him before was a young man fighting alongside her in battle, and relaxing by her at camp. Those days were over and will never be again. 

For the first time since she could remember, she felt free to look forward to a different future. Perhaps, she even felt excitement. 

They'd stopped Alexius, the future she had been shown would not come to pass. At least, not the part with his involvement. She still needed to close the breach. Now that they had the help of the mages she was more confident. 

When they had stopped alongside a riverbank for a rest, Cullen approached. 

"Herald, a word"

She nodded and they went to the far end of the riverbank for privacy. 

"We haven't had a chance to speak about yesterday's developments. You offered the mages an alliance? Why?"

His face was trying, and failing, to conceal the annoyance he was feeling. He began pacing in front of her and she noticed he looked pale. Dark circles were under his eyes too. He looked as handsome as always, but something was off. 

"I am not in the business of forcing people to do anything. Besides, I find people are motivated to help when they are given a choice, not made to."

He nodded and sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Very well. And your dinner with Alistair?"

He stopped pacing and shifted from foot to foot as he stood in front of her not meeting her eyes.

"It went well. I'm glad we were able to catch up."

Cullen's face fell slightly. "I see...."

Roslyn continued, "but what I'm most pleased about, is that I felt I could finally close that chapter of my life. We're different people now, leading very different lives."

Cullen's eyes lit up as he met her gaze, "Oh... well that's good, for you of course. I'm happy it didn't reopen old wounds."

She smiled warmly at him, "I was worried it would. But it seems something has been rapidly healing that for me lately."

He rubbed the back of his neck, "oh? And, what-what might that be?"

She looked up at him with a knowing stare and smirked as she repeated the line he had told her the night before, "isn't it obvious?"

His eyes widened in realization and as he was about to respond she held up a hand to stop him. "When the breach is closed. We'll speak on this more. If.... if that's what you want." Her eyes cut away and she nervously bit at her lower lip.

Cullen inwardly groaned as he watched her full bottom lip get sucked between her white teeth. "Maker _yes _that's what I want."

She suddenly brightened up again and smiled. "Alright, well then we best get busy."

He nodded and offered her his arm as they walked back to the rest of the group. Dorian arched a knowing brow and Roslyn smiled mischievously at him silently mouthing, 'later'. He nodded in understanding and mounted his horse.

Cullen helped Roslyn onto hers like a gentleman because Maker knew she didn't need the help. She brushed a piece of golden hair away from his forehead as he looked up at her. Again, she noticed the pale color of his face. He walked away and effortlessly mounted his giant horse and ordered his troops to move out.

Roslyn's thoughts wandered for several moments back to the Red future. Like a strike of lightening hitting the earth, the words of future Leliana struck her. 

_They underestimated Cullen, he was experienced in withdrawals. _

Images of the past week flashed rapidly in her mind; Cullen fine one hour and pale, vomiting and feverish the next. Now she realized there was always a bucket in his Commander's tent. How often did he get sick? Dark circles under his eyes.....

The weight of Leliana's words suddenly sat in her gut and she knew what the words meant now.

Cullen was no longer taking Lyrium.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a little different than the game in terms of how she finds out but I wanted something different. Hope everyone likes it.


	14. I go alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haven falls

After returning to Skyhold, everything moved at a rapid pace. Within 4 days, they had prepared to close the Breach. Roslyn on one hand was grateful to get it over with, no matter what the outcome. Now, however, she was more hesitant. What if she died? She'd had nothing to really live for prior to Haven. She lived only for herself. Leliana would have been grieved, but she was so strong. 

Now, if she died and failed, Thedas was doomed. If she died but succeeded, how would Cullen react? He'd had so much loss in his life already....

None of it mattered now. They marched up the mountain, Roslyn, Cassandra, Solas leading the small army of mages. Cullen, Leliana and Josephine staying behind, ready to defend and evacuate Haven if need be. 

* * *

The look of relief of Cullen's face as Roslyn led the group down the mountain brought a broad smile to her face. They had been successful. Everyone was almost giddy with relief. 

They couldn't speak at the moment, not with the eyes of everyone on them, but Cullen helped her off her horse and his hands lingered at her waist a moment longer than necessary. His gaze full of affection as he smirked at her. 

"Welcome back Herald, and congratulations. Once again, you have saved Fereldan and all of Thedas." He gave a subtle bow and the mass of people did the same, only bowing more deeply. 

Roslyn's face burned with embarrassment and emotion. Leliana gave her a knowing nod and slight grin. Relief on her face as well. 

The festivities took off immediately with a clap of Josephine's hands. People began celebrating with food and drink. Music and lines of people lining up to thank the Herald. 

It all became overwhelming and Roslyn snuck away to the steps of the chantry overlooking the town. She smiled to herself as she watched the people celebrate.

"I have spoken with Solas, he confirmed the sky is scarred, but the breach is sealed. Thanks to you Roslyn."

Cassandra made her way to stand beside Roslyn. 

"Thanks to _us _Cassandra. I couldn't have done this alone."

Cassandra hummed in agreement. "What will you do now? We still need to close multiple rifts... figure out who this Elder One is... I guess what I'm asking is, will you stay? We need you Roslyn..."

"Of course I'll stay." She said simply with a slight smile. 

Suddenly a bell rang out across the night sky. "That's the alarm from Cullen. Something's wrong." Cassandra said as she unsheathed her sword and began running down the path towards the city gates. Roslyn felt her adrenaline kick in along with her magic surging through her veins. She caught sight of Cullen's face as he was barking orders to his soldiers.

Something was definitely very wrong.

* * *

Roslyn felt like she'd been fighting for hours. Red Templars poured from the mountain side. She gave a silent thanks to the Maker as she saw Bull and his Chargers making quick work of many of the enemy. Cassandra and Blackwall were machines in their fighting, never seeming to tire. 

Varric and Sera rained arrows from the top of Havens walls. Dorian and Vivienne sent balls of fire and ice sailing through the sky. The mage army Roslyn had acquired was also a added benefit as they swirled their staffs and sent barriers around the Inquisition soldiers. 

Cullen was fighting perfected. His form, strikes, footwork, and sense of the enemy's next move was impeccable. His mind and body had been molded for battle since he was a child. 

Roslyn was his one rival on the battlefield. Her staff twirled around her cutting and slicing the enemy with her bladed end, and shocking and striking the enemy with lightening from the other end. When attacked on both sides she would stretch out her hand and lightening would shoot from her fingertips frying her opponent where they stood. 

She was nimble, smooth and aware of her surroundings. Cullen would have stood in awe of her had it not been for red templars actively trying to kill him. Victory was upon them. The firing of the trebuchet had worked. The Inquisition army felt renewed with their coming victory. 

Then, the roar of a beast rang out through the crisp, cold night. A massive dragon flew down from the night sky igniting Haven in a single breath. 

Roslyn felt the air from her body whoosh out. Her eyes met Cullen's who was a few away from her. For the first time that night, she saw fear flash across the golden eyes that stared into hers. 

She knew her eyes showed the same. 

She finally found the words to confirm his fear: "it's a _fucking Archdemon!!!" _

Cullen ordered the soldiers to retreat to the Chantry where the civilians already waited. A grim look on his face as he turned to her, "to the chantry. There's nothing else we can do."

They waited for what felt like an eternity. Why wasn't the dragon destroying everything? What was the Elder One waiting for? As if reading her thoughts, the strange boy who had shown up at Haven before the red templars appeared next to her and said in a whisper, "because he wants you alive. For now anyways. "

Roslyn turned to the boy, "who?"

"The Elder One. That's his dragon, I don't like him."

Cullen caught the conversation and in an exasperated voice said, "you don't like- Maker's breath, what does he want with the Herald?"

Cole sat for a moment, "he wants that." He pointed at her hand that glowed with the mark. "He'll kill whoever is in his way. He doesn't care about us."

"Well obviously. " Dorian muttered. As he smoothed his robes as he did when nervous and anxious. 

Roslyn without thinking twice nodded. "Alright. Leliana!"

The spymaster joined the group. "Yes?"

"There are underground tunnels all through here remember? Do you know if there are any near the trebuchets?"

Leliana thought for a moment. "Yes, two. They're covered with boards and snow but they are there. If you used magic to melt the snow in the area, you could see them."

"Right, or if the damn dragon has melted it."

Cullen looked at her, "to set off the trebuchets now would mean burying Haven. We wouldn't survive, but we would stop the enemy."

Dorian cut in, "I didn't come all this way to die in a chantry!"

Cullen in a low tone replied, "everyone dies, not everyone gets to choose how."

"Well I'm not choosing to die in the cold blasted snow!" Dorian shouted.

Cole spoke up, "the Chancellor says there is a way."

He led them to the dying Roderick who told them of another hidden passage theough the Chantry, and into a secret mountain passage. 

They all agreed it was their best chance. Cullen stood, serious and brave. "It has been an honor to serve as Commander and for this cause." He placed his hand over his heart in salute. 

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?! He wants ME. I will be the one to go!" Roslyn stood between Cullen and the door. 

Cullen shook his head furiously, his eyes narrowing, "absolutely NOT. I will go Roslyn. This is not up for discussion. "

"Cullen, the soldiers need you. If the Elder One senses I'm near then you and everyone else will have a chance to escape. It doesn't make sense for you to go!"

Cullen eyes softened, "I am so happy I got to see you again. To apologize. To be your friend once again. It means the world to me. But I have to do this Roslyn." He thought of the promise he had made to Alistair. He would never choose anything over her. Not himself, not the people of Haven. Nothing. There was no way he would send her to her death. 

Roslyn felt hot tears stream down her face, "Seeing you again has brought back apart of me that I'd thought lost forever. You did that for me Cullen. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt you. But I have to do this. Even if it means using my magic on you. "

His eyes widened slightly, "You can't, I-I can stop you."

Roslyn shook her head and with a choking sob she said, "no you can't. "

With a outward extension of her hands Cullen was force pushed across the chantry. She could feel him desperately trying to call on what remained of the lyrium in his veins but it wasn't enough to stop her. "Bull, Blackwall! Hold him back! I go ALONE!" She screamed. 

She ran for the doors of the Chantry. The last thing she could hear before the doors shut behind her was Cullen's agonizing and frantic screams of her name.

* * *


	15. To Work

It had taken the strength of both Bull and Blackwall to hold him back. He watched her slam the doors shut behind her, and freeze the cracks so it could not be opened. He slumped onto his knees as he stared at the sealed doors. Hopeless. Lost.

Numb.

"Commander we need you now more than ever. Rally the people, we need to move out." Cassandra urged him. 

His eyes stayed transfixed on the doors. 

"Commander!" She hissed, trying not to draw any more attention than he already had with his cries for Roslyn as she fled the Chantry to certain death.

It was Leliana who stood tall in front of him, blocking his view of the doors. Her blue eyes piercing him to his core.

"Don't you _dare _let her sacrifice be in vain. She did this for a reason and if you do not act on it you will fail her."

She spoke with such calm conviction yet it felt like a slap. He suddenly pulled himself to his feet and bellowed at the people huddled in groups. 

"Everyone! Down to the cellars! We march into the mountains! YOU MUST KEEP UP. The pace will be unforgiving. Take only what you need! MOVE!!!"

Everyone scampered at his orders, his soldiers helping move the civilians along. They wound their way into the cellars where Roderick waited to show the way.

* * *

She had finally made it the trebuchet. She stood staring at it for a moment. She had made it and soon, she would bring down the mountain. Her eyes scanned the area for one of the covered tunnels she'd spoke about with Leliana. Snow covered everything. 

She caught movement on the otherside of burning debris. More red templars....no. 

A massive dark creature lurched towards her. His long fingers curling in as he caugjt sight of her. 

Then, the archdemon swooped down below, settling behind his master. The dragon tilted his head to the side exhaling flames as a warning to Roslyn. She bent down and shielded her face from the heat she glanced to the face consumed with flame and saw the boards that blocked a tunnel. She felt a smirk creep onto her mouth.

"You find your predicament funny mortal?"

The creature spoke. Roslyn almost ignored him. This archdemon..... she didn't _hear it. _Her smirk spread into a full grin.

"I find that you have created a phony archdemon quite amusing. Who are you?"

She slowly walked over to the side of the trebuchet, never taking her eyes off the creature or his pet. 

"I am a living god, Behold the will that is _Corypheus. _Be grateful I have come mortal, for I have seen the Golden City, approached the Golden throne and it was _empty. "_

He continued rambling and she found it all beginning to sound like background noise. Her eyes went above him drawn by something she saw against the mountain side....

* * *

They had reached the ledge of the mountain pass. It allowed a clear view of Haven while the people could hide behind the ledge. Leliana pulled out a bow and arrow. She ordered Dorian to light the end of the arrow. Cullen stood at the ledge of the mountain. His eyes following her movements. "What are you doing_?" _He asked, although at the back of his mind he knew.

"When we would have missions and needed to signal one another to proceed forward or to give a 'I'm ok' we would send a flaming arrow. If she sees this she will know we made it." Leliana said with a sadness in her eyes, but no other sign of emotion anywhere. 

She pulled the bow back as far as it's string would allow. She sent the arrow flying across the sky and Cullen felt a bile rising in his throat. He knew what would follow.

* * *

A flaming arrow. They made it. Roslyn's face was expressionless save for the tears building in her eyes. Would she make it to the tunnel entrance in time? If so, what then? 

Her eyes narrowed and glanced at the dragon. "You know I've already slayed an _actual _archdemon? You will not suceed. A movement has already begun to fight against you. You will fall before you ever rise."

Corypheus' eyes burned with hate but before he could hurl her through the air -again, Roslyn kicked the handle of the trebuchet. The boulder shot through the sky striking the side of the mountain and the snow began to fall with a deafening rumble. 

She turned and bolted for the boarded entrance as the dragon swooped up his master and flew him to safety. She pushed herself as hard as she could go force pushing with her magic the boards out of the way. She could feel the ground shaking with the approaching wall of snow. She threw herself into the hole and felt herself falling...falling...falling...

She stretched out her hand summoning what remained of her magic to cushion her fall. Then.... all went dark.

* * *

It was silent. Nobody spoke a word. Nobody dared to. Most of the civilians were on their knees, silently praying to the Maker to take care of the Herald who had so bravely given her life. They had watched the mountain devour Haven.

Leliana's eyes hardened as she strapped her bow across her back. She walked away, her hood a little higher on her head than usual. Dorian wiped tears from his tanned cheeks and whispered, "why did it have to be her?" He shook his head and walked away from the group to take a few minutes alone. Bull and his Chargers gave a solemn salute to the fallen Herald and immediately began helping the civilians.

Solas gave a solemn, almost sorrowful glance back at Haven and continued his slow trek with the people. Varric gave Cullen a slight pat on the shoulder. "I'm sorry Curly." His own face twisted in sadness.

Cassandra approached Cullen, who still looked out across a snow covered Haven. His face completely blank. A look of complete emptiness. It unnerved her. 

"Comman-Cullen. Come Cullen. There is work still to be done." She said softly. 

He nodded slowly. She could see him take a long deep breath. The wind blowing in his hair and his mantle. In any other situation, Cassandra would have thought of what a majestic scene was before her. The tall proud Commander, looking over a snow white valley from high above on the mountainside. But this.... was a scene of heartbreak. 

He turned around, not meeting her eyes. "To work." He rasped out, and marched on.


	16. Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Herald returns.
> 
> This chapter switches between character viewpoints and a dream/fade sequence. I hope I wrote in a way that makes sense. 😬😳

The tunnel had been dark and cold. But this endless sea of white...... it was unending. Here in the open, she wasn't shielded from the biting cold winds as she had been in the mine.

Roslyn had limped her way out of the mine. The tunnel had been long but it led her towards the mountain pass. She knew the Inquisition had been through here. She saw their darkened , cold embers from a fire that had been set at some point.

How much time had passed? She woke up in the mine but who knows how long she had been unconscious. She was beginning to feel like all was lost until she came across another makeshift fire pit. It's embers were still a little warm. It had given her hope. She looked up the path of the mountain. 

How was she going to rally the strength to make it up the mountain?

_I could help you.... my little hero.... we can do this together.... just let me in...._

"Get out of my head demon....." she chattered through her teeth. 

She set her sights on the mountain and started the climb.

* * *

Cullen sat near a fire, silent and solemn. Several people had tried to speak to him, but it was to no avail. He had turned completely inward. He replayed their final moments together again and again. 

"If only I'd been taking it. I could have silenced her magic. She would still be here." Said a quiet whisper from beside him. 

The strange boy in the wide brim hat seemed to appear from nowhere. 

"_What?" _Cullen managed to huff out. It was as if the boy had read his thoughts. No. Those were his thoughts! How did he know?

"She would have found a way even if you still took the blue song. When she makes up her mind nothing stops her."

Cullen sat in stunned silence. He wasn't sure how to respond. 

"Not even a mountain could stop her. Its the silent cold that might be her downfall. She's so sleepy..... white everywhere, were those embers warm? Perhaps I should've waited in the mine. The mountain is so high, I don't have the strength....."

Cullen grabbed the boy by the collar of his shirt and shook him. "What are you saying? Is it her? Is she alive?!" The boy, Cole, that was it, looked unaffected by Cullen's outburst.

"I told you, she finds a way when she makes up her mind. But the cold...... she's so sleepy. She needs your warmth. "

In an instant Cullen was running as fast as he could through the heavy snow towards the mouth of the valley they were camped out in for the night.

"Commander?!" Cassandra called out questioning his sudden, frantic movement. 

All he could get out was, "the mines! She knew about the tunnels!"

Cassandra was trailing behind him, with a rush of hope. 

* * *

_"well if it isn't my favorite Warden."_

_ "I'm the only other Warden in Fereldan."_

_ "Even so, you're still my favorite. "_

_Roslyn looked around the warm encampment. He had a fire roaring like every night. His horrible stew cooking over the fire. His warm brown eyes softly gazing at her while he grinned boyishly._

_ "I thought you weren't taking this form any longer?" Roslyn said._

_ "This memory is so warm for you. And you're so cold. I wanted to show you, it doesn't have to end like this. You can be warm again. Like you were here."_

_ She looked around. Her heart ached at the memory. More so because at this point in her life, she never could've imagined how it would end for her. No glorious death on the battlefield. Nor would she die of old age in a warm happy home. _

_ She would die alone and cold on the mountain. _

_"Ssshhhhhh my hero do not despair. I feel your heart breaking. "_

_ The demon stepped behind her and when he came back around it had taken on another form._

_ "There is much HEAT that awaits you if you just give me a chance."_

_ The warm, large hand of Cullen came to cup her freezing cheek. An immediate surge of warmth went through the side of her face and she couldn't resist snuggling her face in deeper into his hand. _

_ His honeyed gold eyes warmed her to her core as he stroked her cheek with a smirk._

_ "Think of the future we will have together. Think of all the warm nights we could have in a bed, the heat of our bodies intertwined....."_

_ He stepped closer and wrapped his other arm around her waist bringing her in close. His heat warming the front of her ice cold body. _

_ "Cullen....." she whispered almost like a prayer. She shook her head and pushed him away. _

_ "No! Demon be gone! I will die before letting you break me!"_

_ The demon clicked it's tongue. "It's one of the reason's I desire you so. You are everything I want but cannot have." Still in Cullen's handsome form it approached her again. _

_ "Your warmth comes for you Hero. We will meet again."_

_ Suddenly the demon was gone. Roslyn looked around and found the encampment covered in snow. The blazing fire snuffed out with only a trail of smoke trailing to the sky as evidence that it was ever there. _

_ Despite knowing it had been a demon, she found herself calling out for Cullen. She was alone, forgotten.....scared._

_ "Cullen?!" She was frantic now, wandering the decade old encampment, now covered in white. She fell, pulled herself back up, screaming his name. _

_ "Cullen wait!"_

_ "Cullen PLEASE!" _

A faint, low voice cut through the vision she felt herself trapped in. 

"Maker Roslyn I'm here, I'm here. Please stay with me, Maker _hang on Roslyn_. I've got you now."

She felt her eyes slowly open. Just long enough to look up at his face. She felt the sensation of being lifted off the ground and was vaguely aware that she was trying to speak. Only a faint "Cullen please " was escaping her lips as he marched through the snow back to the encampment. 

The numbness he had felt dissipated. Melted at the sight of her frozen form, lying in the snow. He had felt a sinking feeling as he approached her still form. But finally breathed again when he could hear her faintly mumbling his name. She was in and out of conciousness. Mumbling his name again and again, calling out for him, as she tried to wake. 

Tears streamed down his relieved face. She was _Alive. _She was in his arms and by the Maker, he would never let her go.

The Herald returned to her people, wrapped in a blood red mantle, cradled in the arms of her Commander.


	17. Drain

Everything moved quickly. Cullen barreled through the crowd of people that had crowded around to see the Herald with their own eyes. He brought her to the tent that was set up for him.

Cassandra had run ahead and informed the healers. They met Cullen and hastily followed him into the tent. The main healer began running her magic through Roslyn to detect injuries as her assistant began stripping her down to her smalls.

A folded letter fell from her leather armor and Cullen picked it up from the floor. He recognized it immediately as the letter she said she had received in the future Redcliffe. The letter he had kept on him when he thought she had perished. He gently tucked it into his own pocket.

"Two broken ribs, a spranged wrist. Severe bruising, which is pretty obvious. The biggest threat is the cold exposure. I hope we can save all of her limbs. You'll need to strip down and get under the blankets with her."

It took a moment for Cullen to process the healer's words. "Wait what?"

"Did I stutter Commander? She needs the body heat. You're a big strong man now STRIP."

Cullen's jaw fell to the floor and stayed there as he began undressing. When all that remained was his pants he gave the healer a pointed glare and she rolled her eyes as she spun around. 

"I'm a damn healer I've seen plenty of pantless men before Commander. It's not like your little Commander is hanging out for all to see."

Dorian had entered the tent at this point and immediately brightened at the term 'little Commander '. 

"That is the most perfect name I have ever heard for a.... well you know."

Cullen slipped underneath the blankets with an unconscious Roslyn. "Maker she feels like ice." He murmured. 

"Tevinter man, please use your fire magic and warm this tent." The healer demanded.

"My name is Dorian, _healer woman." _With a sassy flourish of his right hand, heat waves began eminating through the tent. Cullen breathed a sigh of relief because Roslyn's body was making him shiver already. 

The healer looked satisfied with their treatment. 

"I've healed the broken ribs as much as I can. The bruising will have to stay. I'm all out of mana for now. Commander stay with her as long as possible. She needs that body heat. I have to tend to the other injured but I will be back soon."

Dorian stood near the bed and brushed a strand of Roslyn's hair out of her face. He and Cullen grimaced at the severe bruising that covered both cheeks and along her jaw. 

"She made it. She's an amazing woman. You know that don't you?" Dorian murmured as he looked at Cullen. 

Cullen held her tightly against him as he lay his head down on the pillow. "More than I could ever possibly express."

Dorian nodded, satisfied with his answer and he left.

Cullen lay with Rosyn for sometime feeling her body slowly melt. She shivered as her temperature began to rise, her body waking up and regaining it's feeling. He tried not think about the way the curve of her body fit so beautifully against his. He held her close but tried to remain as respectful as possible. 

A few hours passed and he finally felt his eyes beginning to grow heavy when he felt her head lift slightly from the pillow.

She looked around in confusion. Her eyes finally recognizing Cullen's face.

She whispered, "Cullen..."

"Roslyn! You're awake.... Maker how do you feel?!" He sat up and began scanning her body as if he would detect some new injury. 

"I feel terrible. But I'm alive. What are we doing in here?" She asked as she stared at his bare chest and then to her own stripped down form. 

Cullen blushed and rubbed his neck, "you were so cold.... like ice... the healer said body heat would help prevent you losing any limbs. We've been here for hours...."

She attempted a smile but grimaced at the pain she felt in her face. 

"Careful, you have a lot of bruising on your face. Everywhere actually. The healer will try to help more once she's regained her mana."

She nodded and sunk back into the pillows. "I have so much to tell everyone..... "

"Not now. Right now you rest." Cullen commanded in a gentle voice.

"Stay with me?" She asked as she reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. 

"Of course." He said softly as he lay back down next to her. She was still chilled but he breathed a sigh of relief that she was no longer convulsing from her shivers and that she was awake. 

He thought she had fallen back to sleep, but a raspy whisper suddenly proved him wrong. 

"I thought I would die alone on that mountain. I've faced an archdemon, darkspawn, red templars, a horrific future....but I never feared death until I was wandering alone and cold. I guess I was afraid of being lost and forgotten. " She whispered. 

Cullen didn't know what to say so he wrapped his arms around her tightly. Finally he said, "you may have been lost, but you would have never been forgotten." 

He felt her body begin to tremble but this time it wasn't from the cold. Hot tears fell down her face....some landing on him. The aftermath of what she'd experienced poured out of her. Cullen just held her, letting her drain herself completely, until she finally fell back to sleep.


	18. Titles

Solas lead her out onto a cliff. He had been somewhat mysterious (as usual) with why he needed to speak with her. 

"The people, they believe in you." He stated simply. 

"They do today. I know how fickle and fleeting the admiration of the people is. I could be forgotten by tomorrow. "

"That is a fear of yours isn't it? To be forgotten?" He asked calmly. His large eyes gazing into her very soul.

"I could care less about the people forgetting me. It's those I care about. I have been forgotten by those I love many times. I have had friends and lovers leave all to easily. " She murmured. 

"Still, some stay. Or, some do not forget. The Commander certainly did not forget you." 

She felt the corners of her mouth pick up but said nothing. 

Solas turned his back and peered across the Frostbacks. "I have seen a place in the fade long forgotten. It would be fitting if you were to find it. It is a place that can protect the Inquisition and allow to grow into what is needed to defeat Corypheus. "

"How do I find it?"

"We should continue on our current path. Scout to the North. There lies a fortress worthy of the Inquisition. "

* * *

They traveled for a week before finally making it. The Inquisition and refugees treading through snow, exhausted and hungry. But the day they laid eyes on the fortress, they all knew it had been worth it.

Roslyn stared across the ridge of the mountain, her gaze finding the sprawling fortress. 

Solas came to stand next to her, leaning on his staff as he smiled fondly to himself. 

"Skyhold." He said warmly as he turned to Roslyn. 

"Skyhold " she whispered back.

* * *

Mage.

Warden.

Hero of Fereldan. 

Spy.

Herald of Andraste. 

Inquisitor. 

Roslyn walked slowly down the steps near Skyhold's courtyard. She'd been wandering the fortress for some time in a daze. 

She had never wanted so many titles. Really she was over the moon with 'warden'. For her, warden equaled freedom. The freedom to travel and roam as she wanted, to love who she wished, to study what interested her.

Then she became the Hero. And almost immediately lost the joy and hope of that happy and free future. That was until Leliana stepped in and gave her a life of travel and adventure. 

But by then, she knew how powerful love could be, and how painful it was when it was taken away. Freedom no longer meant choice. Alistair had made the choice for her.

Spy was a title she found comfort in. She could retreat into herself, focus her thoughts on something other than the she'd really wanted. It was her shelter.

Herald of Andraste was almost laughable. She didn't even know if she believed in the Maker. It was a title she found amusement in.

Inquisitor was a different beast entirely. She knew it had to be her to lead. It didn't mean she wanted to. 

She was so lost in thought she walked right into someone. "Pardon me" she mumbled. 

"Rosl-I mean, Inquisitor. Forgive me, I didn't see you there." Cullen said as he rubbed the back of his neck. 

Roslyn sighed and rolled her eyes. "Maker not you too. I'd hoped you of all people wouldn't call me that." She said petulantly. 

Cullen cocked his head in confusion. "I'm your Commander. I have to address you by your title."

"You're also my bloody friend Cullen." She said as she felt her brows furrowing. Why was she feeling angry? She knew he didn't deserve it but couldn't seem to hold her tongue. 

Cullen stepped in a little closer and leaned his head in slightly. "I know this is a lot. I'm sorry we even had to ask it of you. When we are in public I must maintain a level of professionalism. In private, I will call you by your name."

"Yes we _Must keep appearances _Right? We can't let the nobles find out that you may care for me as more than just your boss." 

Ah there it was. Old insecurities bubbling to the surface. 

"_The people would never accept a mage queen.... I have to think of my place as King now...."_

Would she lose Cullen too? Before she ever really had him? All for the sake of pleasing the people? She felt a bitter sob welling up in her throat. 

Cullen's face flashed with anger but he suddenly understood what she was thinking, what she must've been feeling..... his gaze softened along with his voice.

"I will stand on the bloody battlements and tell everyone of our bond. Our...." Maker what were they? He didn't know...

"Nothing would ever make me push you away Roslyn. I don't care if every noble in Thedas is knocking on the gate demanding we not have this" he motioned between them.

"I call you Inquisitor to show you respect. Because you deserve it." His eyes were so earnest and open. She felt a bit ashamed that she would accuse him so easily of throwing away....whatever it was they had.

"Forgive me Cullen. I just thought... I..."

He shook his head, "I know what you thought. I'm not going anywhere. I swear it." 

She nodded and he looked at her for a moment trying to decide if now was the time to bring up an overdue conversation. 

"Please follow me to my office. As Inquisitor there is something I must tell you....but I suspect you already know."


	19. Open door policy

They made their way into Cullen's office. It still needed a lot of cleaning up but he at least had a desk and chair now. Old bookshelves lined the walls behind him and he had requested Josephine order him as many books as possible. 

He seemed in no hurry to begin the conversation. He took off his armor leaving on only his boots, trousers, and shirt. He then walked over to a crate and took out a fresh shirt. 

He took off the one he was wearing and it was all Roslyn coud do to keep herself from ogling the man. His chest was absolutely perfect. Hard, lean muscles that flowed down past the top of his pants. To distinct lines, one on each hip, creating a beautiful V shape. He must have trained often shirtless because he was as golden there as he was in his face. 

He pulled the fresh shirt over his head, disheveling his hair a bit which only added to the absolute, inescapable truth: Cullen was damn sexy.

She stood awkwardly, trying to bring down the shades of red her face must have been by now. He leaned against his desk facing her. 

"At Haven, how did you know I couldn't stop you?" He whispered. 

She twisted her fingers nervously as she bit her lip. Cullen's eyes noticeably flicking down to her mouth and back up to her eyes several times. 

"I-well.... it was something Leliana had said to me in the Red future. She mentioned you were 'experienced in withdrawals.' Then I remembered how you could be fine one moment and extremely sick the next....." her eyes finally met his, she needed to hear it from him. 

"So it is true then? You've stopped taking Lyrium?"

He met her gaze, looking up at her under his lashes as his head had dropped low. "Yes. Since before I came to Haven." He murmured. 

She took in a deep breath. "It's been that long? Can this kill you?" She said breathlessly. 

He smirked and said dryly, "it hasn't yet."

She didn't know what to say. She paced in front of him several times. Her thoughts wildly racing through her mind. What would happen to him? Would she lose him not because he chose to but because of this? Then, without warning, she wrapped her arms around his lean waist, burying her face into his broad chest. He stood stunned for a moment or two, arms out to his sides, then he wrapped them around her tightly, resting his head atop hers. 

"Hey.... I'm ok..... I'll be ok. Cassandra watches me. If I ever get to a point of not being able to perform my duties, she will find a replacement. "

Roslyn, who despite trying her hardest, felt tears falling down her cheeks, wailed, "I don't care about your duties right now Cullen I care about you for fucks sakes!"

He chuckled lowly in his chest, "there's my sweet girl." He said sarcastically. "Listen, I'm fine. More than fine. The process has gone better than we ever imagined. Yes I have bad days, but its to be expected. I can endure." 

He was so confident and strong in his assessment. Roslyn couldn't help but trust him. She nodded, head still firmly planted against his chest. "Alright.... for the record, I'm so proud of you Cullen Rutherford." She whispered as she squeezed him even tighter.

He felt a grin spread across his lips as he pulled back just slightly to look at her face. He wiped the remaining tears away and his eyes again flicked between her mouth and her gaze. There bodies pressed against one another as his lips came closer and closer, and she felt her heart beating wildly. 

"Roslyn...." he murmured as his eyes began to close and she felt the faintest brush against her lips.

But then the door slammed opened, causing Cullen to jump and Roslyn to suddenly be 3 feet back from where she was. A scout loudly declared, "COMMANDER! A REPORT FROM THE AMBASSADOR!" 

Cullen literally clutched his heart as it was beating right out of his chest. "For Maker's sake Jim! Are you trying to scare me to death?! Just knock!"

Jim blinked a few times, a blank stare jumping between Cullen and Roslyn. "But sir you said it was an 'open door policy' for your office...." the scout was clearly not the brightest Daisy in the bouquet. 

Cullen growled as he snatched the report from his hands. "DISMISSED. " 

Jim scampered away and Roslyn couldn't help the laugh that burst from her mouth. Cullen glared at her. "It isn't funny, that scout drives me crazy" he grumbled.

Roslyn shook her head, "another time Commander...." she turned and winked at him and his cheeks flushed just slightly. 

"I-I-I'd like that. Very much." He said lowly. 

She smiled and exited his office, leaving his door open. 


	20. Power Move

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW chapter!   
Some smut heading your way if you continue reading. Basically, Rosyn gets her groove back ;)

Another couple weeks had passed and it was almost time for Roslyn to leave for the Hinterlands yet again. This time, she would go with Dorian to meet his father. 

She wound her way up the staircase to Leliana's rookery. Leliana had been one of her closest friends for many years. But with each passing day, she retreated further into her work.

Roslyn decided to play an old game that they would often play with one another. Whenever they would catch the other out or busy, they would try to sneak up on the other, catching them off guard. For the longest time Leliana won everytime. But as the years passed, Roslyn's stealth skills improved. 

Leliana was hunched over her table examining the documents laid before her. _This will be easy enough. _She thought as she shifted her weight to the balls of her feet and began making soft steps towards the spymaster.

When she reached Leliana's back, she jabbed her finger into her ribcage. "What do we have here? A spymaster caught off her guard?" 

"It seems I have gotten rusty being cooped up all day long. I will make note of this and improve. "

Leliana turned around with a slight smirk. "How can I help you Inquisitor?"

"Leli please nobody's around, call me Roslyn."

"There is _Always _Someone around. But I suppose you're right."

"I just wanted to check on my old friend that's all." Roslyn said with a shrug as she sat in a chair opposite of Leliana. 

"I thought you already checked up on Cullen? Or does that count as 'checking on an old lover?'" Leliana said as her eyes danced mischievously. 

"Cullen is not an old lover. We truly were only friends."

"Were friends.... past tense. I am not blind Roslyn, even if I was it would still be obvious that you two are crazy for each other."

"I don't know..... I thought he was going to kiss me a few weeks ago. But nothing since. He hasn't been upfront with how he feels....."

Leliana rolled her eyes. "You know, you used to be so confident and typically the initiator when you wanted someone. Why haven't you done so now?"

Roslyn chewed at her lip while she thought. "I guess because he's different. It isn't just about wanting a lover. Maybe I want more with him...."

Leliana's smirk spread into a broad smile. "I never thought I'd see the day. You swore off actual relationships. But it doesn't surprise me with him. You are different with him Roslyn. I'm happy for you."

Roslyn smiled shyly. "Alright, don't get ahead of yourself. I have no idea what he wants."

Leliana threw a wadded up paper at her head. "We ALL know Cullen is mad for you. Give him time." 

Roslyn smiled. "What about you Leli? We hardly get to talk like this anymore. "

A flash of sadness crossed Leliana's delicate features. "I know....I'm sorry. I just....there's so much depending on us. Now, I feel responsible for your safety as well. I need eyes everywhere and that requires many reports and many scouts."

Roslyn hummed. "'Well I'll just make it mandatory that we have some time together. "

Leliana suddenly had a spark in her eyes and lit up her face. "What time is it?"

"It's nearing supper time, why?"

"I think I know a way to help you out.... go down to the cellars, make a left at the food pantry and walk down the hall. There's a lovely little waterfall and small watering hole. Now go! Quickly!"

Roslyn was confused. "Why do I need to go there?" She said as she stood from her chair.

"_Trust me _Roslyn. Just go straight there." A devilish smile across her face.

Roslyn knew that look. And she didn't trust that look. But, she was curious, so down she went.

She reached the final turn and saw the food pantry. She made a left and headed down the long hall. She could the sound of rushing water. It must have been a smaller waterfall than the one in Dagna's space. 

Finally she made it to the open area. Sure enough a petite waterfall fell down the rock wall and spilled into a small waterhole. She looked around and was still wondering why she'd been sent down there. She caught movement from her left and turned. 

She stood only a few feet from a completely wet and naked Cullen. Her jaw hit the floor as he stood frozen. 

"Roslyn! What-Wha-Makers breath!" He grabbed the towel that had been thrown over the nearby rock and wrapped his lower body in it. Roslyn still stood, frozen, mouth agape, her eyes locked firmly on his manhood now covered with the towel.

His face burned red but after taking in her reaction and still stunned expression he felt a smug confidence well up inside himself. He smirked, the scarred lip lifting upward.

"Did you get a good look Roslyn? Perhaps you'd like to paint a picture?"

She suddenly snapped her eyes up to meet his. Her dark eyes wide with embarrassment as she stared into that handsome, smug face.

"Maker Cullen. I am SO sorry, I was sent down here, I had NO IDEA you were here bathing I swear it."

His eyes flicked up and down her body before responding lowly, "I'm sorry to hear you're here by accident. " 

Before she could stop herself she blurted out, "I'm not sorry I came! Maker I had no idea you were so..... "

Cullen cocked his head and his eyes danced in amusement. "Soooooo what?"

She felt her face set itself on fire. It had to be. She had never blushed so much in her entire life and MAKER he kept staring at her like that. 

"You're fucking huge!" She finally spat. His eyes widened in surprise at her abrupt honesty. 

He rubbed the back of his neck, "ahhh thank you." 

They stood staring off in different directions for a few moments, not sure what to say. Roslyn remembered what Leliana had said. She used to be confident. The initiator. Dammit why shouldn't she be now?!

She walked up to him slowly and she could see him swallow hard. His eyes scanning her up and down and his desire obvious now through the towel. She put her hands on his chest and ran then down, down, to the top of the towel. 

"I leave tomorrow..... may I give you something to think about while I'm away?" She peered up at him innocently. He swallowed hard again, only able to nod a 'yes'. 

She held his gaze as she removed his towel, letting it fall to the floor. She took her hands and gently pushed him backwards until his back hit a boulder. He was able to lean back against, his chest rising and falling rapidly. 

She held up her hand and murmured, "just a little warming magic ok?" He licked his lips and again nodded a 'yes'. 

She warmed her hand and then slid it down to his hard waiting length. She wrapped her fingers around him and he groaned at the feel of her soft, warm hand. She began to stroke him slowly, languid in her movements. Her grip light. 

She watched as his eyes closed and his breathing became shaky pants. She tightened her grip and began pumping him again and again. 

"Roslyn _Fuck" _He groaned as he brought his hands to her hips, making small circles with his thumbs. His own hips beginning to thrust up into her hand, meeting her strokes. His groans beginning to sound more wild and primal. 

Her own breathing was heavy and she heard herself moan at his reaction. It sent him even closer to the edge. "Roslyn..mmm.... fuck, I'm coming!" His hips suddenly seized up and she pointed his length up onto his stomach as she continued to pump him through his climax. 

He lay against the boulder, a light sheen of perspiration over his face and chest, his cheeks flushed. She stood in awe at how bloody perfect he looked. He opened his eyes dreamily and gave her a sheepish smile.

"I don't know who sent you down here but I need to send you both a thank you note."

She grinned. "Try not to forget about me while I'm away?" 

"Maker I could never." He said exasperated. 

She knew if she lingered any longer he would more than likely try to kiss her. But that wasn't what she wanted. If he wanted to kiss her, or do anything else for that matter, it would have to be when he decided. She would never want to make him feel he needed to.

Tonight, it was a power move for Roslyn. She reclaimed her confidence, her initiative. She felt powerful and seductive and damn proud she made Cullen feel so good. 

She knew why she'd been holding back. Cullen wasn't Alistair. History would not repeat itself. She felt a freedom she hadn't allowed herself to feel with Cullen. She had kept this side of her hidden. 

"Enjoy your supper Commander. I'll see you later." She turned and walked out. A more confident step in her stride. 

* * *


	21. A Large Package

Dorian had been unusually quiet since seeing his father. Some kind of peace was made between the two. As much as could possibly be made anyways. He sat off alone at camp, his tent pitched away from the others. Roslyn couldn't help but think of how Morrigan would do the same.

This was completely unlike him though and she refused to let him isolate himself. She knew how it felt to be alone. To not have family to rely on, or a lover to seek comfort in. But he had friends and she would prove it to him. 

He had already retired for the night when Roslyn untied the opening to his tent and crawled in. He had clearly been crying but she pretended not to notice as she dragged her own bedroll into the tent beside him. 

"What in Thedas are you doing?!" He said as he sat up and hastily wiped his tears away. 

"What does it look like? We're having a sleepover. Now scoot over, there's plenty of room for both of us."

Dorian stared at her for a moment and finally caved. She laid out her bedroll and laid back against it, one arm over her forehead.

They lay there in silence for awhile. She took a deep breath and ended said,

"After I killed the Archdemon, the man I really thought was the love of my life married another. I have no family. They disowned me once my magic emerged. I haven't seen them since I was a small child. In fact, I probably wouldn't be able to pick any of them out of a crowd. My friends I had made during the war scattered to the wind, following their own paths. It was Leliana who came back for me. All it takes is one person to remind you of your worth. And you Dorian... are worth more than words could ever say"

She could hear him sniff and could see his bottom lip trembling in the dark. She reached down and grasped his hand. They lay in silence for a long time, holding hands until the both fell fast asleep.

* * *

_Inquisitor, _

I am pleased to hear that you have made additional connections in the Hinterlands. The group of religious fanatics is an interesting choice, but I can see how they will be beneficial. They have already opened their Keep to refugees in dire need of safety. Your reputation and influence continue to spread and volunteers for your army grow each day. 

-Commander Cullen

(_Second page attached to the official report)_

_ Roslyn, _

_ I hope you are finding the Hinterlands more enjoyable than your last visit. I, unfortunately, have not been enjoying myself as much as I usually do and I have concluded it is due to your absence. _

_ I replay our last encounter more often than I should. Maker if we'd done things like that in the circle it would have made for a very interesting friendship....But I also miss our conversations and seeing you in the war room. Your smile and the far off look you sometimes get in your eyes. _

_ I eagerly await your return. _

_ -Cullen_

* * *

"Boss, we GOTTA get this dragon." Bull was practically begging, or at least as close as he would come to it.

Roslyn bit her lip nervously. She had taken down the archdemon but she'd had Alistair at her side and the world depending on her. This was definitely less important and did she really feel like fighting a dragon if she didn't need to?

But Bull was insistent and the dragon was killing some of the locals.....

"Alright Bull. But if I get burnt to a crisp you get to explain it to my advisors." She said as she twirled her staff around, warming herself up.

"Yikes, and face the Commander? Telling him that his precious Inquisitor is dead? I'll make Krem do it." He said with a smirk.

Sera took out her bow. "This is gonna be crazy yeah? Cully Wully is gonna be pissed Quizzy."

Roslyn scoffed, "you guys, I am a Warden, and the Inquisitor, I make my choices and I can handle myself just fine thank you."

Dorian sauntered up to her, "my robes better not get ruined."

Bull grinned broadly, "right! Let's get a dragon." He bellowed.

* * *

_Commander,_

_Please do not be alarmed. Our dearest Inquisitor has injured her writing hand so I must take over the report. _

_ We should be back at Skyhold within two days. We've already begun the journey home and we are making great progress. You may have already received word that we requested multiple men to bring back a large 'package' to Skyhold. _

_ The request may have been a bit understated. The 'package ' is.... well... it's a bloody DRAGON. The Inquisitor continues to carve her name deeper into legend. _

_ Now, onto more important things. First, I have to say I looked stunning today. After our dragon encounter, my robes were a mess. So Roslyn bought me new robes from Redcliffe and although they were of more simple design, on me, they were quite sophisticated. _

_ Next on my agenda of important things to address is your lack of progress with my dear friend. Why have you not declared your love? Do you know how amazing she is? Surely you do. I see the way you look at her and it is rather sickening. _

_ This trip in particular has shown me just how special she really is. You are a strong, highly skilled man. I would never challenge you to a fight. But I am from Tevinter. Poisoning someone's drink is just a typical Tuesday. If you hurt this woman, you'll want to avoid food or drink on Tuesdays for the remainder of our time together. _

_ Your romantic advisor (and hopefully soon to be fashion advisor), -_ _Dorian Pavus. _

* * *

Cullen read Dorian's letter at least five times. There were so many things in it that baffled him. 

They killed a dragon?

Roslyn was hurt?!

Dorian wants to be my fashion advisor?!!!

He pondered Dorian's question. Why hadn't he been upfront with Roslyn? Especially after.... well.. their last encounter. Why didn't he kiss her madly and return the damn favor? He had been with women before. He would even admit he was quite the skilled lover.

But with Roslyn.... his feelings for her were so intense. Would he scare her away? He almost felt that he needed to take it slow because of her past. She had been burned before by Alistair and Cullen wanted a relationship. Not just sex.

He rubbed his forehead and suddenly the actual realization that Roslyn had fought a bloody dragon came crashing down. 

It seemed he had a few things he would need to speak to her about.


	22. Sharing

"Inquisitor, I must insist that you begin traveling with a capable healer. Neither you nor Dorian are skilled in the healing arts and, well... it's obvious. " Josephine said, faltering in her usual eloquent advice.

Roslyn stood in the war room with her arm in a sling and black eye. She seemed to wince if she moved too suddenly but nobody could figure out why. She tried to stroll into the war room shortly after their return from the Hinterlands as if nothing was amiss. She failed miserably. 

"I appreciate the concern Josie but truly it's only a few minor injuries and it doesn't hurt for the people to see me a little banged up. It reminds them I'm _human _afterall. " 

Cullen hadn't said much aside from a short greeting and quick rundown of troop movements. He remained quiet and behaved as of he hadn't noticed Roslyn's injuries. It was this behavior that set off alarm bells for Rosyn. 

_He's mad..... _it was the subtle clenching and unclenching of his jaw that was the tell tale sign. She tapped her foot impatiently, she wanted out of there as quickly as possible. She needed a bath and Dorian was supposed to be waiting for her in her room to help her bandage her ribs. 

It had only been about 6 weeks since her run in with Corypheus when she had broken a couple ribs. Then she went barreling into a dragon and it reinjured the ribs. She was trying her best to keep it to herself. She would see Solas after her bath and nobody would be none the wiser.

"If that's all I'd love to take a bath..." she said.

"Of course Inquisitor! A hot bath is prepared in your room." Josephine said with a smile. 

"Thank you Josie, you're a saint." Roslyn all but ran from the war room trying to avoid Cullen's gaze.

* * *

Cullen allowed some time to pass before he made his way to Roslyn's quarters. He had so much he wanted to say to her but he presently found himself highly irritated with her irresponsibility. Chasing and killing a dragon?! 

He made it to her door and knocked loudly. He heard footsteps approaching and then the door cracked open. A dark, heavily lined eye peaked through the crack. 

Dorian then opened the door a few more inches but still blocked his way. 

"Ah Commander Cullen! What brings you to our Inquisitor's suite?"

"Obviously to see the Inquisitor. " Cullen said dryly as he crossed his arms.

"And not to see me? I don't believe you. But I understand you're a man with pride and you can't yet admit your admiration of me yet. Let me check with Roslyn...."

"Roslyn _dahhhhling _it's the Commander!" 

Cullen could hear her as she loudly whispered "tell him I'm asleep!"

Dorian smirked as he looked at Cullen who had clearly heard her. "Oh it seems she's asleep..."

Cullen growled, "out of my way Dorian." He pushed past the mage, who was by now studying his fingernails with a bored expression as he dead panned to Cullen "no....stop.....wait......" he then walked out of Roslyn's room and shut the door behind him. 

Cullen marched up the stairs and rounded the corner. Then he stopped right in his tracks.

Roslyn was standing with her back to him, her semi wet hair was piled onto her head. She stood in only her blush colored smalls. The curve of her waist obvious with her bare back exposed. 

"What did he say? Come here I found the wrap." She said absentmindedly as she fumbled with something in her uninjured hand.

Cullen's entire face was beaming red and he considered running down the stairs but found he couldn't turn away. 

"Maker's breath Roslyn, I'm SO sorry!" He blurted out. 

She spun around and winced in pain as she clutched her side. "Cullen?! Where's Dorian?!"

"He.... left. What's wrong with your side?"He asked now in concern. Roslyn stood with one arm crossed over her breasts but Cullen seemed genuinely focused on her rib injury. "It's not a big deal.... I just reinjured my ribs. Can you help me wrap my torso? It feels better having it all compressed. "

Cullen stepped closer and removed his gloves. He traced his hand down the injured side and noted how incredibly soft her skin was. His eyes looked up at her from under his lashes. " of course. Just stand there with your arms up, I'll wrap it."

She nodded and turned so that he now faced her back. His eyes roamed over the roundness of her ass and he felt his need begin to grow. He quickly shut out the thought and began wraping the medical cloth around her tiny waist again and again. "Let me know if it's too tight." He said softly.

"It's perfect" she murmured. Finally he finished the wrap and grabbed a gown from her dresser. It was short but it covered her more than she currently was.

She went to lay down on her bed and sighed as she sank back into the oversized pillows. "Thank you, it feels much better. I was going to see Solas but I honestly just wanted to lay down after my bath."

She patted the space next to her. "Come sit down." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously but did as she asked. He took off his mantle and armor so that he would be more comfortable. 

He leaned back against the pillows and exhaled louder than he'd intended. "Wow, I must admit, Orlais has done something right. These pillows are divine." He said with a satisfied smirk. 

"Maker I know. But we can't let the Orlesian's know that." She whispered conspiratorially. 

Cullen chuckled as he brought an arm over his head. "We need to talk about the dragon Roslyn."

She groaned and threw a pillow over her face. She said something but the pillow muffled her words. Cullen turned onto his side and grabbed the pillow from her face causing her hair to stick out from her head in some places. Beautiful chaos. He chuckled as she pouted childishly. 

"I knew you were going to give me a lecture. I did what was necessary!" She exclaimed.

"Necessary...how so?" He said as he arched a brow. "According to scout reports the dragon had killed a few locals, but they had been in it's territory. It wasn't flying over cities snatching up locals." He dead panned.

"But it _would have eventually. _" She replied. 

He had a whole speech to give her but seeing her with her wild hair, black eye, and still trying justify her actions amused him. "You're impossible Roslyn." He said as he shook his head and smirked.

She grinned up at him. "You should've seen Dorian try to heal my injuries. He started with my arm but he actually increased the pain instead of decreasing it." She huffed a laugh.

Cullen's brows raised, "you've no room to talk my lady. I seem to remember a certain mage that ruined the healer's wing of the tower because her magic caused Elfroot to grow at rapid and uncontrollable speed. It took 2 months for the Enchanter's to figure out a way to reverse the spell and by the time they did a forest of Elfroot had taken over." 

She groaned and squeezed her eyes shut. "Healing magic is not natural for me!" She whined. It only made Cullen chuckle harder. "As soon as I'd heard what had happened I knew who was responsible. " He laughed. 

She cracked an eye open and peered up at him. "So are you mad?"

He smiled warmly at her, "I'm not pleased with your decision but, no, I couldn't be mad at you if I wanted." He said softly. 

She smiled. "Good, because I missed you but I was planning on avoiding you for a while because I thought you were angry."

Cullen's head was propped up on one hand as he stared intently at Roslyn. He inwardly steadied himself for the next topic he'd been anticipating but was extremely nervous about bringing up.

"So another thing I was meaning to discuss..... the night before you left? " He felt himself blush at the memory of her hand around him as he was leaned up against the boulder.... he cleared his throat trying to shake the memory before it became clear he was thinking about it right then and there.

"What... uh, that is to say, why... um,-"

"Why did I jerk you off?" She said bluntly with an amused smile on her face as she watched his awkwardness. 

"Maker's breath..... uh, yes." He huffed.

"Cullen...." she turned and propped herself up on her good arm. Her hair now falling out of the pile that had been on her head. She was a natural beauty. Laying there, with no makeup.... no dramatic hairstyles that he would see many noble women prancing around with. The only accessory being her petite gold hoop on her nose. 

Roslyn bit her lip nervously. She knew this conversation needed to happen. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then she continued. 

"I care for you. But...."

Her gaze shot down as she searched for the next words.

Cullen softly asked, "what's wrong?"

"Well for starters I'm a mage. I'm the Inquisitor. My ex is the King, which freaks some men out for obvious reasons, I'm a bit reckless and get rather melancholy and-"

Her next words were cut off by Cullen's lips on hers. A gentle hand on the back of her head brought her in closer. He kissed her with a careful balance of gentleness and roughness. He walked a careful line of restraint. 

After a moment, she realized what was happening and felt a rush of warmth through her body. She hummed in surprise and eagerness as she parted her mouth, urging him to kiss her more deeply.

He happily obliged as he rolled her onto her back, his hand now caressing her face, down to her throat. His tongue finding hers and dancing with greed. Finally, he pulled back, noticing how delicious her lips looked, puffy and red from their actions.

"I, um.... that was nice." He said with a smirk. She smiled back. "It was."

They looked into each other's eyes for several moments until Cullen broke the silence. "It doesn't matter to me if you're a mage. It doesn't matter that you were once with Alistair. We can work on the reckless part though....." 

She huffed a laugh. Then said quietly, "I haven't wanted anything like this in many years. It frightens me if I'm being honest."

Cullen hummed in understanding. "Then we take it as slow as you need." 

She grinned devilishly, "a girl has needs Commander. "

"Whatever area you need to take slowly, I will be happy to oblige. Whatever area you wish to speed up, I would be even happier to oblige." He said with a smirk. 

There was a knock at Roslyn's door, before they could answer it, Leliana's voice floated up the staircase. 

"I don't know what I'm interrupting, but Varric has just brought in an old friend and I think it warrants both of your immediate attention."

Roslyn seemed confused but Cullen fell back against the pillows. Then he sprung up from the bed and threw on his armor. 

"Who do you think it is?" Roslyn asked curiously.

"I don't think.....I KNOW exactly who it is. Roslyn Amell, if he so much as looks in your direction longer than necessary I may throw him from the battlements. "

Now she was really confused. "Cullen what on Thedas are you talking about and.... are you _jealous?" _

Cullen scoffed. "I have nothing to be jealous of with this man. But.... I don't like sharing. And this 'friend' thinks everything and everyone should be shared. The bastard."

He turned and marched down the stairs, his face clearly revealing he was indeed, jealous.


	23. Little Swords

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet Hawke. And we get smut. Ooooo and jealous Cullen smut to boot! 
> 
> NSFW!!!!!

"So this contact of yours has information about the Wardens that neither the Inquisitor, who's a Warden, and the King of Fereldan, who's a Warden, knows nothing about?" Cullen asked skeptically as he crossed his arms over his chest. 

Hawke sighed and continued tinkering with his dual bladed weapon. He sat perched on one of the windowsills of the war room, not feeling the need to move when everyone else took their spots around the massive table. 

He looked bored through most of the meeting and only chimed in when prompted, or when he had something sarcastic to say.

"For Maker's sake Hawke, stop playing with your little sword and join the bloody conversation!" Cullen huffed in annoyance. 

"Commander playing with a 'little sword' is something that _you _do in your alone time. There's nothing little about _my _sword. I'll have you know this beauty is a dual bladed dagger and it happens to be my favorite. I'm trying to repair a bend in the blade."

Cullen scoffed, "I've never had any complaints about my _sword _champion but that's not the topic of conversation right now."

Hawke bounced of the windowsill and strutted over to the table. "Speaking of swords.... my sister sends her regards. She said she never heard from you after you left Kirkwall. Not very gentlemanly of you Cullen."

Roslyn suddenly felt her ears perk up. She glanced between the two men who seemed to have forgotten there were three other people in the room. Hawke certainly brought out a petty side to Cullen she'd never quite seen. It had been amusing... but now the conversation had really turned interesting. 

"I didn't realize she was waiting for any 'word' from me. We were hardly close." Cullen said dryly. 

"Really? The good patrons of the Hanged Man Inn would say otherwise after the two of you were so bloody noisy they demanded different rooms away from the two of you."

"That 'good patron ' was you!" Cullen spat.

"Well of course it was! Nobody wants to hear that from their sister! I still have nightmares " he dramatically shuddered. "But to think after all that you didn't consider yourself close to her? Commander shame on you."

Cullen rolled his eyes, "you've had an open relationship with Isabella for years but you want to shame me for sleeping with your sister for a couple nights? We had a little fun and that's the end of it!"

"Well she thought of it as more than a little fun and I expect you to write her!"

Roslyn slammed her fists on the table, having heard enough. Cullen's eyes widened as he suddenly remembered he and Hawke were not alone. 

"If the two of you could speak about who the Commander is _fucking _at a more appropriate time I would appreciate it!" She hissed. 

She felt a stab of jealousy at the thought of Cullen in a dingy Inn bed with Hawke's sister, naked and fucking each other senseless. She knew she had absolutely no right to be mad. This was months ago, right before he left Kirkwall. But she couldn't control her bubbling anger nonetheless. 

"Champion, I will accompany you on your journey to Crestwood and will speak to this contact of yours personally. We leave in two days. Now I must see Solas about my injuries." She stormed out of the war room without a glance at anyone. 

"Oooo I like her. She's got a lot of spunk and she's prettier than what people say." Hawke said smoothly as he grinned wickedly at Cullen. "Perhaps I'll have a little fun with her... then maybe, I'll write her?"

"You shut your fucking mouth you bastard!" Cullen slammed his fist on the table, his eyes blazing . Leliana and Josephine stood frozen, not quite sure what to do. 

"Oh does that _bother _you Knight Commander? Are you two involved? Varric says something is brewing between you two but....perhaps I'll change that."

"If you lay a _finger _on her I swear I will cut your di-" 

"COMMANDER. " Leliana suddenly spoke with cold authority. "Champion. That's quite enough out of both of you. You two must be civil if we are to accomplish anything. "

Hawke stared at her in confusion, "Forgive me Spymaster, but this is how Cullen and get on. It's been this way for years. Tonight, we'll probably have an ale and then he'll threaten to kill me before the night is over, and then we do it all over again."

Cullen exhaled loudly, "he's right Leliana. " Then he turned to Hawke pointing a finger, "but I mean it. Do. Not. Touch. Her."

Hawke only grinned. "I'll see you later Commander. 

* * *

"There. The pain should be mild now. But _please _try not to reinjure these ribs again for at least a few months." Solas said with exasperation. 

Roslyn stood up from the cot and stretched. "It feels so much better, thank you Solas. I'll be leaving for Crestwood in a couple days, would you mind accompanying me?"

"Do you plan to fight any dragons this time?" He said with mild chastisement in his voice. 

She grinned, "no, but to be fair, it wasn't planned last time either."

Solas sighed as he began cleaning up the herbs he'd used for her healing. "Of course I will go. Dorian's healing skills are appalling and we need you alive " 

She laughed as she made her way to the door. "Thank you Solas." 

She continued walking for some time making her way to the battlements. It had been a long day. Returning from the Hinterlands, Cullen FINALLY kissing her. Hawke suddenly appearing. Cullen and Hawke fighting. Finding out about Bethany ..... Roslyn groaned as she felt a headache coming on. 

Then, she heard a smug, smooth voice from behind her. "Maker what are you thinking of to produce such _sounds." _Hawke glided over to stand near her. 

"A headache Champion. That's all." She replied dryly. 

"I see. I certainly hope I'm not the cause..."

"Only partially. I'm concerned about the Wardens. I need to contact the King. But it's always a bit awkward for... reasons."

"Ah yes, the rumored doomed love affair of the two Hero's of Fereldan. Contacting an ex is awkward." Hawke said in understanding. 

She stared up at him. He was dashing, just as she'd always heard. Ice blue eyes, like that of a frozen lake, glittered as they scanned the surrounding mountains. Black, disheveled hair and a goatee to match.... he was very dashing. 

She cleared her throat. "Speaking of ex lovers.... be honest. How serious were Cullen and your sister?"

He smirked, "why?"

She scowled "nevermind."

Hawke barked out a laugh, "easy Inquisitor! I'm only trying to get you to admit what I already know. You and Cullen.... well it's obvious something is going on."

Roslyn felt herself blush.

He continued, "they were not serious at all. Cullen was leaving Kirkwall, we had a huge party that turned into a two day celebration. They slept together. Twice. Then he left. She had always had a bit of a crush on him. I think she'd secretly hoped he would come bursting through her door one day declaring his love for her. He didn't return her affections. Not to that degree."

Roslyn nodded. He was an honest man that was for sure. "Thank you Hawke. For that. And for your help with Corypheus. "

She forced a smile and began to walk away.

"For the record Inquisitor, I've never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you ". 

She paused and smiled slightly, nodding her head towards him.

* * *

Cullen watched the exchange between Hawke and Roslyn from the courtyard. A jealous heat washing over him. Hawke was an infamous playboy and he had the looks and charm to maintain that reputation. He saw Roslyn heading back in the direction of his office and he decided to meet her there. 

By the time Roslyn, made it to the door of his office, Cullen was on the otherside. He opened the door and grabbed her by the hand and pulled her in. 

"Cullen?!" She said startled.

"I'll have you know that man will try to sleep with you as soon as he gets the chance. And I did not care for Bethany, and I will not tolerate you openly entertaining that man!"

Roslyn's eyes widened. "I don't even know where to start. First of all, Hawke had nothing but good things to say about you. Second, he is a very handsome man, but I am not interested and even if I was, nobody, including YOU could stop me!" She jabbed a finger into his chest. 

"You think he's handsome? Is that what you were thinking about when you were up there talking to him so closely?"

"Oh so now you're spying on me? We were talking Cullen. That's it. Do not question me again on this!"

She went to walk away but felt his arms wrap around her waist. He pulled her in tightly against his body and he buried his face in her hair. 

"I'm sorry." He murmured. "I don't know what came over me. I was unfair. Hawke and I have a bit a rivalry. A friendly rivalry, but it's a rivalry nonetheless."

She closed her eyes and felt her anger dissipating. "Alright. I understand. He is a very handsome man.... it probably was difficult to see me up there.... talking to him so intimately...."

She felt Cullen's grip tighten and a low rumble went through his chest. But she loved this possessive side to him...

"You probably are worried that I'll think about him alone in my room...in my tent... in-"

She gasped as he roughly jerked her head over to one side and nipped at her neck. His hands undoing the laces of her trousers. 

She moaned as she ground her ass against him and he _growled _as his hand finally slipped into her pants. 

"You're testing my patience Roslyn Amell. I try desperately to restrain myself around you but you are not playing nice."

His hand found her wetness and he groaned as he slipped his fingers between her folds. She whimpered as she ground herself against his hand. 

Between her desperate pants she said, "maybe-_ahh-_I don't want...you to restrain yourself. "

He slipped a finger inside her and she cried out. His free hand grabbed her jaw as he nibbled her jawline. His hand wandered down to her shirt where he slipped between the front.

"Roslyn.....No breastband? Naughty girl..." he murmured as he fondled her breast. 

She began to wiggle uncontrollably against him as his fingers worked between her legs, his palm providing the right pressure to her sensitive pearl.

"Cullen... Maker Cullen....."

Suddenly his hand froze. He nibbled at her earlobe and then whispered, "who will you think about in your room?"

She whimpered, "you"

He began to _slowly _move the fingers inside her.

"And who will you think about when you are alone in your tent?" He said lowly.

"Maker Cullen YOU!" She whined as she ground against his hand, her head now thrown back against him. 

"You. Are. Mine. Roslyn, _Say it _." His movement was so slow and so soft it was driving her mad, she needed more and she needed it NOW. 

"FUCK Cullen I am Yours!!!" 

He smiled against her throat. "Good. Now come for me." He applied a sudden pressure with his palm once again and penetrated her deep with his two fingers. She trembled and cried out as she found her release. He held her up as she climaxed higher and higher, her body quivering all over . 

When she was finally done he picked her up and sat her on his desk. He slipped his fingers into his mouth and smirked wickedly. She gasped at the sight of him tasting her on his fingers.

"Now that we have that all sorted out.... perhaps we should get some dinner?" He asked casually. 

The calm, sweet, awkward Cullen back in place. The dark, predatory lion locked back in its cage.


	24. Faltered

"This must be what Hell is like. " Dorian mumbled as he shivered in his soaked clothes. 

Crestwood had poured rain for days, it was unending. 

"This makes the Storm coast seem warm and dry." Grumbled Bull. 

Hawke rolled his eyes. "Clearly you're not familiar with Fereldan rain. But even I have to admit....this is a bit extensive. "

Roslyn quietly trudged along. 

Her worry for the Wardens increased each day. She had considered writing Alistair. She knew she would need to once she returned to Skyhold.

"I once saw a small, fluffy dog in Orlais. They called it a 'pomeranian '. I saw it being bathed. I think I look like that dog right about now." She finally chimed in.

"My contact isn't much further Inquisitor. I suggest we find a cave and camp out for the night before we all catch the plague out here." Hawke said.

Finding a cave to house the group proved to be fairly easy. Dorian created a roaring fire while Solas warmed everyone's bodies with a subtle heating technique. 

Roslyn still couldn't shake her concerns however. Where had all the Wardens gone? She lay her bedroll out near the fire and soon her eyes grew heavy and she drifted off to the fade.

_ "My favorite Warden hasn't checked up on me? I'm hurt Roslyn"_

_ The fire crackled and popped lowly as if it were about to snuff out at any moment. The demon, still taking Alistair's form grinned boyishly from across the campfire._

_ "Is he ok?" She asked as she bit her lip nervously. She knew better than to ask a demon such a question. It left her vulnerable to manipulation. But still, the demon would know....whether it was truthful was another matter entirely. _

_ "You're worried for him..... you should be. He hears a low calling..... a twisted, dark song..... but it isn't what he thinks...."_

_ Her heart beat heavily in her chest like a drum. He hears the calling???? No.... he's still so young.... she squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. _

_ "What do you mean it 'isn't what he thinks?'"_

_ The Alistar demon grinned broadly, "I could tell you exactly what it is... at a price. A small, easy price."_

_ "Be gone demon. You toy with me." She spat angrily. _

_ Suddenly a low rumbling voice came from behind her. "I would love nothing more than to toy with you..." now it was Cullen's lips brushing against the back of her neck as his hand swept her hair out of the way._

_ "Think of all the things you could have with me.... Alistair safe, Cullen at your side, healed of withdrawals, his mind mended from it's torture. He could be the man he was always meant to be. Before the ugliness of the world crept in. You're actually being quite selfish, denying these two the chance of happiness...." _

_ She took a shaky breath. For the first time she actually felt legitimately tempted. A happy ending for everyone.... she was tired of tragedies and loss...of the hollowness that followed. Images of her and Cullen happily enjoying a meal in a cozy cottage filled her mind. Cullen, smiling freely. He rarely smiled in an unguarded open way. Perhaps a family....._

_ Suddenly, a clear, authoritative voice rang out across the campsite. _

_ "Halam Shalin Demon of Desire before Fen'Harel Ma'halam!" Solas stood at the edge of the camp, his eyes looking more dangerous than Roslyn had ever seen. His physical body appearing a bit taller and stronger as well._

_ The demon immediately showed its true twisted form and hissed at Solas. _

_ "Garas quenathra?!" It bellowed. _

_ "I am here to protect my friend. Now be gone." Solas lifted a hand and the demon began backing away, trembling. It looked at Roslyn one last time and jeered. "I'll see you soon Hero."_

_ It disappeared. Everything went black._

Roslyn shot up in her bedroll frantically looking around the cave. The fire had grown low and only a few embers burned and provided warmth. 

Finally, her eyes met the glowing gaze of Solas. Everyone else was asleep, snoring loudly through the cave.

"You need to be more careful. " He said simply.

"How... how did you know where to find me?" She whispered, careful not to wake her companions. 

"Sleeping in the same space as you.... it makes it easier to hear you in the fade. But I have known for some time about the demon. But tonight, you faltered. " He said lowly.

She grabbed fistfuls of her hair. "I know... I don't understand why. This is all so much..." she trembled with anxiety. It felt as if a fist was clenching her stomach from the inside. 

"You do not relieve yourself of your worries enough. You try to put on a brave face for everyone. But the demon can feel what's happening inside. It capitalized on that tonight. "

He sighed, "you're human Roslyn. Imperfect. Do not try so hard to be what the people expect in a leader. Rely on your inner circle. You can trust them. Most importantly, you must let go of what you cannot control. Cullen is a strong and capable man. His withdrawals began before you and Haven. He can endure without your incessant worry. You cannot help what you do not yet understand. Do not worry about the Wardens until you have reason to."

She stared at Solas in shock. How did he know so much?

"How do you know about Cullen?" She whispered. 

"I hear him in the fade, struggling with himself. I see him in person and recognize his symptoms as well. I am a healer Roslyn...." 

She nodded, accepting his answer. He was a mysterious man with magic she didn't quite understand. But as he had said.... 'do not worry about what you do not yet understand'.....

"Thank you Solas. You may have saved me from myself tonight." 

He inclined his head towards her. "You're welcome Inquisitor. Get some rest. Your sleep will be dreamless now." 

She rolled over and snuggled down into the bedroll. A strange sense of safety washing over her. But also an understanding that Solas was much more than what he portrayed himself as to the world. She wouldn't push him for information. It was his business. Tonight, he had helped her. That was all she could focus on in that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *halam shalin* this ends now  
*Fen Harel ma'halam* dread wolf ends you   
*garas quenathra* what are you doing here?


	25. Family Ties

"Inquisitor!"

"Blessed Herald of Andraste!"

"Thank the Maker you've returned safely!" 

The list of greetings, praises, and blessings filled the courtyard as Roslyn and her team rode back into Skyhold. She couldn't help but feel a bitter gnawing in her mind. _I remember when they called me 'Hero' and "brave warden" . How quickly the people forgot. Someday, this will be no different. _

But to the crowd of people bowing and throwing flowers upon them, she smiled and waved graciously. Playing the role of the leader to ease the minds of the frightened public.

They had one less member with them today. Hawke had decided to go with Warden Stroud to the Western Approach. She had enjoyed her time with both he and Stroud. 

She found out something rather amusing while spending countless hours with the Champion and she couldn't _wait _to tell Cullen. She could already see his embarrassment over his jealousy in her mind. 

Unfortunately, the amusing thought was short lived as her thoughts returned once again to the disturbing information Stroud had informed her of. All Wardens were hearing the Calling. _At the same bloody time._ Clearly something wasn't all as it seemed. They had all noted that Roslyn had not heard the Calling and the theory that Solas had presented was that her mark possibly prevented her from hearing it.

However, Blackwall had not reported hearing it either. But perhaps he had and was hiding it for as long as possible, thinking his time was nearing it's end. She would need to seek him out the moment she had the opportunity. 

Alistair. She needed to send him an urgent message as soon as she was able to get quill and parchment in her hands. She hadn't felt comfortable sending such a message from Crestwood. She trusted only Leliana to send something so sensitive and classified. 

At the stables she was greeted by a refreshing sight. Cullen stood waiting at the entry to the stables with Master Dennet by his side. 

"Welcome back Inquisitor. " Dennet said gruffly. She gave him a deep nod and smile. Cullen only smiled softly at her, trying his hardest to maintain a professional demeanor. 

"Inquisitor, welcome home." He said as he extended his hand to help her dismount.

"You! Giant Quarni! Do you see how a _proper _gentleman behaves? You should take note." Dorian said haughtily as he dismounted his horse.

"Sorry, didn't realize you needed help getting off your horse. Next time you need help 'getting off' I'd be happy to help." Bull said as he winked at Dorian and slapped him hard on the back. 

Dorian scoffed and scowled at the innuendo but Roslyn thought she saw a slight blush on his tan cheeks. 

When she was off her horse, and now looking up at Cullen she smiled. "It's good to be back. It's good to be _home." _

They began walking side by side closely, but not quite touching as they made their way through the crowd of people and to the stairs.

"Have you read the report? The weather was terrible! And this is comimg from someone who spent 3 weeks at the Storm Coast so that's saying something. Then there was the issue with the town...."

Cullen chuckled lowly, "yes I read report of course. Fereldan has rain Inquisitor, but it did seem extensive even for our rainy season. The issue of the undead was disturbing."

Cullen looked back behind him and then back to Roslyn. "Where is Hawke?"

"He has decided to go with Stroud to the Western Approach. I will be leaving within a few days to join them. We must uncover the truth about the Wardens. It has had me quite worried." She said lowly as she bit her lip. They stopped on the first landing, overlooking the people who were now greeting her inner circle as they dispersed through the courtyard. 

"I can imagine what you must be feeling. I have the same feeling about the Templars."

This comment made her take pause. She hadn't thought of that. Not knowing the fate of the Templars who were not riddled with Red Lyrium must be difficult to think about. As much as it was for her to think of the fate of her fellow Wardens. 

"I had hoped to see Hawke one more time before he left, he owed me a drink." He said stiffly.

This reminded her of the absolutely amusing news Hawke had informed her of.

"Speaking of my family, Hawke did send his regards to you and he 'gave his blessings to you if you wished to pursue his dearest cousin."

Cullen looked at her in confusion. "What do you mean?" He asked. His face scrunched up as he tried to make sense of what she'd said.

"Hawke's mother was an Amell Cullen. He's my cousin. He knew it, but I did not. I don't know much about my family because I was sent to the circle at such a young age. You were _jealous _about my _cousin. _" She started snickering behind her hand as her eyes sparkled with amusement. 

Cullen rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Maker's Breath....... so Bethany....."

Roslyn's eyes went wide as the thought struck her. She jabbed her finger into his chest, which did no good as he was in full armor. "You fucked my cousin! She's an Amell and a mage! You certainly have a type Commander."

His entire face was red now and he shifted from foot to foot. "Bethany is nothing like you. I never would've, Maker I swear I had no idea...." he continued stammering out an apology but Roslyn just rolled her eyes. 

"Cullen, it's fine. Really." She smiled warmly at him as she could see the clear regret on his face. The man was an open book with his expressions. He always had been. 

He exhaled loudly, "alright. Perhaps we should forget about the Hawke's for a little while? Maker even when they're not around they cause trouble." he muttered. 

Roslyn laughed, "I agree. But we can't quite forget them yet. We need to head to the war room. There is much to plan.

Cullen nodded seriously, "to work Inquisitor. "


	26. Warden Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some NSFW, some plot development:)

<strike> _Your Majesty_ </strike>

<strike></strike> _Alistair, _

_ Sorry for the lack of formality but I don't have time to make this stuffy and professional. Something very wrong is happening to the Wardens. If you have begun to hear the Calling, it isn't real. _

_ I don't understand the logistics of it all but we know that somehow, Corypheus is mimicking the Calling and all Wardens are hearing it. _

_ The Champion of Kirkwall and Warden Stroud are currently in route to the Western Approach. I will soon follow. We have a good lead that tells us we will find our answers there. _

_ Please stay safe and vigilant. I will send word of our findings as soon as possible. _

_ -Roslyn_

Alistair sat down the letter feeling a flood of relief followed by a wave of anger and protectiveness. Corypheus was making the Wardens think they were all dying. The cruelty was disgusting. For weeks Alistair had heard the sickening song as he watched his children play in the gardens. He went about his business thinking in the back of his mind that his son was too young to already have to rule Fereldan. 

Roslyn certainly shouldn't have to carry the responsibility of the Inquisition and trying to figure out this mess with the Wardens alone.

"Knight Mavos!"

"Your majesty?" He answered immediately. 

"Prepare the horses. We leave for Skyhold immediately. "

* * *

"Do you have to leave so soon?" Elissa Cousland asked as she worried at her gown. Her hands twisting and turning the expensive silk again and again. 

Alistair smiled softly at his wife. In the 10 years they'd been together, she'd hardly changed a bit. Just a few faint lines around her eyes that disappeared on the days she was well rested.

Elissa kept very busy however. When she wasn't caring for their children and their various lessons needed for 'royal children', she fought long and hard for the rights of the poor and the elves in the alienage. Once she was made queen, rebuilding Denerim's alienage had been her top royal priority. It was rebuilt with better housing and cleaner water. 

He had never went back on his word to Roslyn though. He had told her the day of the final battle, that he would love her always. He still did. But now, he was older and wiser. He knew it was possible to love two people for completely different reasons. He also knew that love changed and didn't always keep its original form. 

He loved Elissa, but this love was quieter, more gentle. The love he had for Roslyn was intense, loud and all consuming. There were times he felt as if he couldn't breathe when they were together, their fire consumed all the oxygen around them. But with Elissa, it was like he breathed for the first time ever when he was around her. Fresh, clean air.

He knew his safety wasn't the only reason she worried so much now.

"I do, love. I'll be fine. I'm taking a small group of my finest knights and the Champion of Kirkwall will be there! I'll probably be safer there than here." He said with a chuckle.

"The Hero of Fereldan will be there too. Just like during the Blight...." her words trailed off as she now stared out the window.

When she had come to Denerim and met Alistair the first time, he was a shell of a man. Seperating from Roslyn had almost destroyed him. It didn't help that the blasted woman was _In the bloody castle _at the time, refusing to leave, refusing to accept his choice. 

Elissa had at first regarded the situation with compassion, even pity. If the people of Fereldan were more accepting, they would have lived in happiness together as they both deserved after what they had done for the people. But as her feelings for Alistair grew, Roslyn became a thorn in her side. Just when Alistair would seem to be forgetting about her, he would see Roslyn and his mood would become melancholy for days after. He would hardly speak, hardly eat. 

It drove Elissa mad. He needed to move on, to let go. It seemed as if his devout loyalty to Roslyn always pulled him back. 

She hadn't intentionally become pregnant. She had merely wanted to bed him, hoping it would shift his affections fully to her.

The first night, he had had more wine with his dinner than usual. It was no secret he was attracted to her and had feeings for her. They just paled in comparison to what he had with Roslyn.

She had waited for him in his quarters, bribing the guard at his door with coin. There she had undressed and waited in his bed. The fire had gone down in the hearth by the time he had returned, he undressed and slipped beneath the covers suddenly feeling the soft naked skin next to him.

He jumped in surprise but she had quickly shushed him and kissed him softly. She took his hand and put it over her breast urging him to touch her in the most intimate way. He groaned as months of built up tension was suddenly being given permission to be released. 

But as soon as the deep noise of pleasure escaped his mouth, he pulled away. "Elissa, I-I'm not sure I can do this..... I can't really explain why..its not you, Maker you're beautiful, but-"

She had reached down and grabbed his aching need, noting how incredibly hard he already was. "I see no reason why you can't. " she murmured against his lips as she slowly wrapped her fingers around his length and pumped up and down. 

He inhaled sharply and it was all the encouragement she had needed to whip her body atop him, lowering herself onto his shaft. His hips had bucked up into her in response to her warm, wet sheath. "Elissa....." he grunted as she began bouncing up and down rigorously. 

She had always been taught to pursue what she wanted. To GET what she wanted. Tonight, she wanted Alistair. She wanted _Her _Name on his lips. She wanted all thoughts of Roslyn Amell out of his head.

She bounced almost fiercely atop him, her breasts jiggling uncontrollably and her head thrown back. Alistair stared up at the glorious sight and groaned again again. "Elissa....oh Maker Elissa"

Her hips began snapping forward aggressively in short thrusts, "do you like it when I fuck you your majesty?"

Alistair just groaned in response, not capable of formulating words. "I could fuck you like this every night..." she panted. She meant it too. She was falling for him. He was wonderful. Kind, funny, handsome, and he was King. If a more perfect man existed, she wasn't even sure if she would care to meet him. 

Alistair began thrusting uncontrollably up into her as he came inside her hot core. She closed her eyes and savored every hot pump she felt inside her. "Yes my king! Come inside me!" She screamed as she found her own climax. They lay in their hot mess for the rest of the night. She had smiled to herself as she knew she had finally won him over. 

After that night, it was easier. The feeling of hesitation from Alistair was less and less. They grew closer and closer. Then the day came she realized she was pregnant. She had been ecstatic before, but when he fell to one knee with a genuine, happy smile across his face and he proposed, she felt blissful. He was excited to become a father and he had grown to love her. 

Now, he would be off on a trip for Maker knows how long with the woman he had fought so hard to forget. The woman who's memory caused Elissa insecurity in the most secure moments. She had always been plagued by the thoughts of _he would've been happier with her. He is content with you but he has happy with her. He is only with you because he couldn't have her. _

She looked at Alistair dead in the eyes. "Just be careful my husband. Don't do anything foolish. Think about your children and how they would want their father back as soon as possible, happy, beside their mother." 

She said it as if she meant for him to think of his safety, but Alistair caught the deeper meaning. He nodded. "This is my life now Elissa. I will do everything I can to return to it as quickly as possible. " He kissed her gently, and mounted his horse, heading for the gate.

* * *

"Inquisitor, it seems you will have to delay your departure for the Approach by a couple days." Josephine said with a tight voice of professionalism. She was clearly uncomfortable. 

Cullen and Roslyn looked up from the war table in confusion. Leliana stood with her lips in a tight line. 

"Why so Josephine? I thought the preparations had already been made to leave tomorrow morning?" Roskyn asked in confusion as she looked to Leliana, who remained more stone faced than usual. 

"I received an urgent letter this morning requesting we delay departure. It seems the King of Fereldan wishes to accompany you on what he called, "obvious Warden business". King Alistair will be here in two days."

Roslyn's eyes grew wide and Cullen's face scrunched into a scowl. "What?!" He growled. 

"The King of Fereldan needs to stay in fucking Fereldan!" He rumbled. "This is being handled by the Inquisition!"

"Well Commander, although I agree, I'm not sure how we can tell the reigning King that without causing offense. Or if we are even capable of stopping him for that matter." Josephine said with a sigh. 

Cullen ran his hand through his hair as he began pacing, not saying more. 

Roslyn looked at Leliana who's eyes now showed a glimpse of sympathy. 

It didn't matter if Alistair came. Perhaps he should. It is Warden business. He is a Warden. She looked at Cullen, his beautiful profile glimmering in the candlelight. How could anyone, even Alistair, stop what was happening between she and Cullen?


	27. Allow Time To Tell

Cullen did his best to keep his cool but the way he stormed out of the War room like a thunder cloud did not go unnoticed. Roslyn bit her lip nervously as she watched him go. 

Leliana crept up beside her and said softly, "He is worried about you and Alistair.... is it warranted?"

Roslyn met her ice blue eyes that stared back at her questioningly. Josephine stood on the otherside of the table, wide eyed listening for her response.

"No. We had dinner together at Redcliffe. Do you know who I thought of the entire time? Cullen. Again and again. I wish I could make him see that." She fought back tears of frustration.

Leliana hummed. "He does not open up easily. Give him time. Allow time to prove your feelings. Words hold little value to him. He is a man of action and recognizes other's actions as their truth."

With that, Leliana patted Roslyn's shoulder and quietly padded out. Josephine gave her an apologetic smile, "I will make this as easy on you as possible Inquisitor. " Roslyn nodded and returned the smile with a faint one of her own. 

Roslyn looked around the war room and decided a drink in her room would be needed before anything else. 

She climbed up the first flight of stairs and rounded the corner to the next set. There at the top of the staircase, waiting at her bedroom door, was Cullen. 

She walked up careful, not really knowing what to expect. She reached the door and they stared at one another for a moment. 

"Come on." She said quietly as she opened her door. As she made her way up the stairs, Cullen's heavy boots thudded behind her. She made her way over to her desk and opened a bottle of Tevinter Red that Dorian had just sent her. 

She poured herself and Cullen a glass. He paced and took off his mantle and armored chest piece, leaving his gauntlets and heavy belt. He took the glass of wine and downed it almost immediately. 

"It isn't a shot of whiskey, you're supposed to savor it Cullen." Roslyn said dryly as he continued his silent pacing.

He spun around on his heel and looked her in the eyes. "Is this going to be a problem? For us? I need to know. I cannot be strung along." His eyes were burning with anger but also flashing with a deep pain and desperation. 

Roslyn's mouth hung open as she searched for the words that could convey her feelings without scaring him off her balcony.

He suddenly began pacing again, a scowl playing on his unbelievably handsome features. "I feel like everytime I begin to allow myself to feel something for you, the world gets in the way. How is a man supposed to compete with bloody _King? _One that you were in love with?! A man who shed blood beside you and saved the world at your side?!

Roslyn's warm handed rested now on his bicep, stopping him in his tracks. "How could any man hold a light to the one who made me smile for years while I was locked in a tower? Who snuck me books and games of chess? The man who shed blood beside me in Haven and carried my half frozen body out of the snow? The man who used his own body heat to help bring warmth to my own? The man who commands my army, that will save the world?" Her eyes searched his as she spoke and she hoped what he saw there reflected how much she meant those words. 

He paused and his gaze softened as he looked into her eyes. Then, in an instant his mouth crashed against hers into a searing kiss. Her magic sparked and small surges of lightening trickled up and down her arms. She pulled away as she was afraid of shocking him. 

Her chest heaved and she shook her head, "I'm sorry, my magic.... I was just so overwhelmed..." 

Cullen stepped back closer to her and cupped her face, kissing her softer and slower now. "Don't apologize." He murmured between kisses. Soon they were locked in a heated embrace and Cullen's body was pressing into hers making her go mad with need. 

"Please... Cullen, I want you..." she begged softly as his lips peppered her neck and down to her shoulder with soft kisses and nips of his teeth. He growled as he pulled away, his pupils wide and black with a predatory gaze.

"I can't..... I have to know for sure. I can't be with you only to have you decide differently....." he shook his head as he ran his hand through his hair. 

Roslyn couldn't help the look of hurt that crossed her face. "You don't trust me." She said. A statement of truth rather than a question.

He looked at her, his eyes apologetic and pleading. "I know that if you vowed to be true to me you would honor it. But I don't want you to be with me because of a promise. You will be on the road with him for weeks. Maker only knows what that will bring up between you two. It isn't fair to you or me to try to ignore that possibility. "

She stood for a moment feeling completely defeated. But then she remembered Leliana's words. "A man of action....."

She nodded as she replayed the advice in her head. "Alright Cullen. It is clear that you have some insecurities and I understand why. Let's give this time. Then you will see." She ran a hand over his cheek and kissed him softly. He closed his eyes, savoring the feel of her touch. 

He smirked at her in a mischievous way and she cocked a brow at him. "What?"

"Am I really all those things to you? Because Maker, who _can _compete with that?" He said smugly.

She slapped him on his chest and he winced in mocked pain. "So much for being insecure" she said as she rolled her eyes. 

He chuckled as grabbed his things. "Like you said..... let's allow time to tell shall we?" 


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quick chapter to bridge the upcoming chapters. Sorry it took so long! Crazy last few weeks......

Roslyn had conspired with Dorian well into the night, devising a plan for her to see Alistair as little as possible. They decided to leave before he arrived claiming that her presence was needed in the Emerald Graves before meeting Hawke. It would have her two days between Alistair. 

It wasn't entirely a lie. She had some arrangements with Fairbanks that needed to be made and she was able to travel through, killing two birds with one stone. Josephine sent word to Alistair and his team.

He understood her reasoning but couldn't deny the gnawing disappointment he felt deep inside. It was for the best he knew.

6 days passed when he finally caught up with her. They were only two days out from meeting Hawke deep within the Western Approach. 

Roslyn steadied herself for the inevitable reunion as his entourage of horses approached. She stood centered within the camp and it's tents trying to look the part of the Inquisition's leader.

Alistair rode his beautiful Fereldan horse into the camp and dismounted. He wore a simple, yet sophisticated armor with Fereldan blue accents. A small amount of stubble shaded his jawline and he was tanned by the sun during his traveling. 

"King Alistair, welcome to the Western Approach. I hope you enjoy sand." Roslyn said with amusement. 

He immediately grinned broadly catching on to her sarcasm. "You know, I was just telling my Captain about how I hoped there was a lot of sand here. I'm so glad to know I won't be disappointed. " 

Roslyn laughed at his addition to her little joke. They'd always had easy banter with one another. 

"I suppose you should settle in for the night. We have a long day of traveling tomorrow if we are to stay on schedule. " She remarked.

Alistair nodded, suddenly becoming more serious. "Yes, we'll set up our tents and settle down for evening. Thank you Rosl-I mean _Inquisitor. " _

She rolled her eyes, "don't you dare start that nonsense with me Alistair Theirin. Out here we are who we are. No titles. " 

He warmly smiled. "I like that." He said softly. He turned and began ordering his men to unpack. 

They largely managed to avoid one another as much as possible. Alistair had missives constantly coming and going from Denerim and Roslyn had just as many from Skyhold. A letter from Cullen had been delivered but it had only caused Roslyn worry.

It had been short and the writing was not his usual, careful script. Instead, it appeared his hand had shook greatly as he tried to write her.

_Roslyn, _

_I hope the Western Approach isn't as terrible as I have heard. Perhaps you will appreciate the cold of Skyhold a bit more now? _

_I can't write much this evening I'm afraid. Please stay safe and may the Maker watch over you._

_-Cullen _

She snorted at his suggestion that she would come to appreciate the coldness at Skyhold after visiting the vast desert. He wasn't wrong. But he usually wrote so much more. She bit her lip nervously in worry. His withdrawals were getting worse. His color had been pale the day she left and when he thought nobody was looking he would squeeze the bridge of his nose, his eyes squinting shut in pain. 

She wanted to be back home with him. To help him through the worst of it. She sighed as she continued the long journey to meet Hawke. Not much longer now, she thought to herself. Her eyes flicked to Alistair and his handsome form. 

_Thank the Maker not much longer........_


	29. Deja Vu

Deep within the Western Approach, the group finally met up with Hawke and Stroud. The pair gave a run down of information to Roslyn and together they decided to ambush the ancient ruins as the Wardens congregated. Hawke and Stroud had carefully observed from safe distances and knew that they would meet the following day.

"Each day more arrive. They all gather in those ruins. I know tomorrow will be the same." Stroud had said confidently. "I am ready to confront this. To finally know the truth."

Alistair stared at him from across the table. A grim look upon his face. "I am not as sure that I want to know, but I am prepared nonetheless. " The group dispersed and Roslyn found herself sitting on a rock that overlooked the desert with Dorian. 

"You've been quiet." He remarked as he stared into the open space in front of them.

"I have a lot on my mind." She replied.

"You mean more than usual?" He replied dryly. "Alistair completely changed your disposition. That or this Warden business. Perhaps both?"

She groaned and dropped her head to one hand. "Both. I am scared of what we will uncover tomorrow. I am scared we won't uncover anything. I am scared either way. I am afraid I'm pushing Cullen away because of my fucking 'duty' and I'm afraid of even looking at Alistair and _feeling _something. "

"Do you feel something?"

She sat thoughtfully. "Have you ever smelled something that immediately transported you to a different time? A pleasant, wonderful memory? You may not have the desire to try to make your current life replicate that memory, but you can't ignore the feelings the memory brings up in you. Seeing him..... it's like that. Ten fold."

Dorian hummed. "I think I can understand that."

"I don't want to be with Alistair _now. _But our memory together..... I will always love it I guess."

"The power of nostalgia my dear. That's all it is. You are both different people now with vastly different lives."

"Whatever tomorrow brings...... just... promise you will look after Cullen if anything ever happens to me. His withdrawals..."

"_STOP. _You worry needlessly about everything. Go get some sleep Roslyn." He swatted her shoulder and shooed her away. She huffed a laugh and shook her head. 

"Alright _mother." _She said.

"Well I've certainly been called worse." He retorted with a twist of his moustache. 

Roslyn made the short walk back to camp, Dorian's words echoing in her mind. She did worry. All the bloody time. Her life before the Conclave had been simple. Get the mission, complete the mission, wait for the next mission. As she rounded the last large boulder to the camp she felt her breath hitch as she looked at the center of the tents. 

A blazing fire with a large iron pot hung above it and Alistair sitting by the fire keeping watch over his supper. Roslyn immediately felt 10 years younger. She couldn't help but look around the campsite to make sure she didn't spot Morrigan or Sten a few feet away. The scene had been shown to her again and again by her demon. But this was _real. _

Alistair grinned as he saw her approach. "Do you remember the stew I would make during the war? I still remember the recipe! Duncan loved this stew!" He happily stirred the contents in the pot.

He looked the most relaxed she'd seen in the last couple days. He sat in his trousers and a soft tunic pulled over his torso. His hair slightly tousled and a gentle look on his face. 

Roslyn felt a tremble in her body as she tried to school her face. She sat across from him and said, "Duncan was just being polite. We've talked about this. That stew was terrible."

Alistair grinned. "Duncan wouldn't spare my feelings over something so minor. He _loved it." _

He looked up and caught her staring. He caught the poorly masked look of bewilderment on her face. "What's wrong?" He said with concern etching his face.

"I-I'm sorry, this is just giving me extreme deja vu." She said with a nervous laugh. 

"Me too." He said with a chuckle. "It's nice actually. Reminds me of a time when all I had to do was help take down an Archdemon. Now I have to deal with _nobles." _He shuddered dramatically making Roslyn laugh. 

"Reminds you of simpler times does it?" She asked feeling a bit more relaxed.

Alistair smiled but a hint of saddness crossed his eyes. "It does actually. This was all I ever really wanted you know." 

She swallowed hard. She did know. It felt like a knife in her heart. She struggled to breath now. Alistair. Simple, light hearted, Alistair. He would have been perfectly happy staying by her side as a warden. Traveling the world together. Making his terrible stew. She took that from him. Her insistence at the Lands Meet..... she offered him as King. She knew he was what Fereldan needed. But she didn't think of what _he_ needed.

Duty. It always came down to fucking duty didn't it? He had to harbor some resentment towards her. It had to be why he moved on so easily. Well that and the whole Morrigan debacle. 

She got up and carefully walked towards him. She sat down gently beside him. He stared curiously at her, wondering what she was doing. 

She grabbed his hand and held it in both of hers. She took a shaky breath and said,

"I'm so sorry. I knew you had no desire to be King, -"

"Roslyn you don't have to do this, really-"

"Yes. I DO." She said with more strength. "I pushed you into a role you didn't want. Because I knew how incredible you would be at it. And you have been. Far beyond my expectations. But it wasn't the life you would've chosen. I took that choice away and I'm so, so _sorry_." Silent tears began to run down her face as she stared down at his large hand that swallowed both of hers. 

Alistair took his free hand and placed it under her chin making her look up into his kind face. "It wasn't what I would have chose. You're correct in that. But..... I have found great happiness in this life. I do not regret where this path has taken me."

He stared into her eyes as he studied the regret that lingered. He wiped a tear from her cheek. Suddenly, realizing how close they were he eased himself back, removing his hand. "You should get some rest." He said quietly. 

She nodded and quickly stood returning to her tent. She drank a sleeping potion made for her by Solas to help her have dreamless sleep. She couldn't face her demon tonight.


	30. A Mad Genius

_ Cullen,_

_I know you are busy readying our men for Adamant. I need you here ready for battle as soon as possible. We march against the Wardens. _

_I can't possibly put into words how this decision has absolutely torn me apart. My brothers and sisters in arms..... I have to destroy in order to save them from their own foolish actions. _

_But I suppose you know exactly how it feels don't you? We fight against the Templars everyday. Maker I miss you. I miss being able to talk to you about these things. You understand me sometimes better than myself. _

_Am I doing the right thing? Nothing is ever easy. When I saw how they slaughtered one another to summon a DEMON ....... would I have helped if not for being at the Conclave? I'd like to think I wouldn't. _

_I hope you're feeling well. I eagerly await your arrival. _

_ -Roslyn_

Two weeks had passed since Roslyn saw first hand what the Wardens were up to. She had been sick after the fight from disgust and despair. Alistair stood by in shock as her stomach wretched and heaved. 

"How.......how could they?" He muttered again and again. 

Stroud sat with his head bowed low, saying a quiet prayer. Hawke stood with a look of fury upon his face. 

Now, she, Hawke, Alistair, Bull and Cassandra all stood around the table brought into the large tent that acted as a temporary war room. They had been arguing for sometime. Portions of the army were arriving day by day. Cullen had yet to arrive.

"Marching on Adamant is suicide Roslyn." Alistair said with a frustrated growl. 

"Well she doesn't have much choice does she? The Wardens forced her hand!" Hawke spat back, still bitter over the Wardens decision to side with Erimond. 

"We cannot allow them to continue this madness. " Cassandra said matter of factly. 

"There's no way to penetrate those walls! Why do you think it's never been taken? Because. it. Is. Impossible." Alistair said enunciating each word.

A smooth, low, voice commanded the attention of the room as it said "I disagree."

Everyone looked up to see the Commander standing tall in the entrance. His form broad and intimidating. Roslyn felt a flush of heat run through her body and she couldn't help the grin that spread across her face. 

"Commander Cullen! Please join us!" She said has she motioned for him to move forward. Behind him, Rylen followed and both men carried large scrolls. Cullen spread out his first, then Rylen's. Put together they formed an extremely detailed map of every nook, corner, and brick of Adamant. 

"Where did you find these?" Hawke said in amazement. 

"I made these. I've studied every map of Adamant I could get my hands on. I know every weak point in this fortress and I believe we can take Adamant Inquisitor."

It was then that Roslyn noticed the circles under his eyes and the intense, almost wild, look that lived there. Rylen was shaking his head as he said "the man has barely slept for two weeks. Pourin' over maps n' books like a mad man. A genius but a mad one." 

Cullen quickly maneuvered the pieces over the map showing how their army would approach. When he was finished everyone stood in astonishment at what he had put together. 

"Maker...... I've underestimated you Cullen." Alistair finally murmured. 

Cassandra stood proudly but kept her voice even as she said, "there was a reason he was hand picked by the Divine for this job."

The words and amazement seemed to bounce off Cullen. Nothing sinking in for him as he continued to scrutinize the maps and move pieces around. 

"I'd like to speak with the Commander alone for a moment please. " Roslyn announced. Everyone nodded and filed out of the tent. 

Cullen, still oblivious and engrossed in his maps frowned as he continued his nitpicking. Roslyn watched for a moment feeling concern seep through her veins. She placed a hand softly on his thick forearm, the movement making him meet her eyes. His exhaustion was evident but he was as handsome as ever. 

His honeyed eyes softened as he studied her face. Roslyn felt suddenly at peace. Whole. He was with her after weeks apart and nothing had changed. His scarred lip upturned slightly, "I'm sorry. I didn't give you a proper greeting did I?"

"I rather liked your entrance. But now I'd like a proper greeting." She replied. She snaked her hand behind his neck as he lowered his lips to hers. As before she felt the electrical charge of her magic as his warm lips pressed against hers and a deep rumble escaped his throat. 

Her lips parted and he slipped his tongue to meet hers. Her head felt dizzy as he pulled her in as tightly as his armor would allow. He nipped at her bottom lip making a whimper of pleasure escape her. 

"Maker I've missed you" he murmured against her mouth, not wanting to pull away but slowly removing himself. 

She smiled, "I've missed you too. More than I care to admit." She huffed a laugh. "I suppose we should invite them back in." She jerked her head towards the tent opening. 

"Maker's breath they are outside the tent? If I'd known that I wouldn't have been so _loud." _

Roslyn grinned mischievously, "yes but I like it when you're loud..." she reached up and softly nipped at his neck making Cullen supress a groan. "Away with you demon." He said lowly through a delicious smile. 

Roslyn laughed softly and turned to allow the others back in.


	31. Our Deepest Fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little different take on the Fade sequence. Definitely a larger group!

All the preparations had been made. Soldiers drilled again and again their assignments. Each role was vital to their victory. Cullen was relentless. He knew the challenge that lay ahead. Adamant had never fallen. It had to today, if Thedas were to survive. He placed his mantle over his shoulders and held his lions helm in his hands. Today the fate of Thedas lay on his plans. But what weighed on him more, was that Roslyn's fate lay on those plans as well.

* * *

Roslyn's hands shook as she dressed that morning. She carefully placed each piece of her light armor on her body, covering her vulnerable places. She studied herself in the mirror that had been brought to her tent. Her face was pale with what she knew she was about to do. 

Her eyes rimmed with red from the quiet tears that had streamed down her face. Leliana hadn't mentioned them as she braided her hair into sections and pulled them up into a warriors style away from her face. As she departed the tent she took one last look at Roslyn and said, "it isn't fair. But we all are depending on you again. May Andraste guide you my friend."

Now Roslyn stood alone almost fully dressed when another voice came from the opening of her tent. "May I enter?" It was Cassandra. 

"Yes." Roslyn said in an raspy voice. Cassandra stood in full battle armor. She exhaled deeply when she caught sight of Roslyn. 

"I can only imagine how difficult this day must be for you. To have to fight your fellow Wardens...." she trailed off and didn't finish her sentence. "I don't know if you need to hear it or not, but I believe you are making the wisest decision. I believe in you, Inquisitor. " 

Roslyn's chin quivered but she managed to swallow down the sob that threatened to escape. "Thank you Cassandra. " She said sincerely. The stoic Seeker nodded and left the tent.

Roslyn took one last look at her reflection. It was time to march.

* * *

"I can't believe I'm here and I have nothing to write on!" Varric groaned as he looked at the green haze surrounding the group. 

The battle had been going well. Victory was at hand.......

Then the fucking dragon flew in. Roslyn, Alistair, Cullen, Cassandra, Varric, Stroud, Hawke and Dorian, had fell from the crumbling bridge and into the fade as the Anchor wasn't about to let it's host die.

"I don't think this is something we will forget if we survive my Dwarven friend." Dorian replied smoothly as his face displayed wonderment. 

The group of eight began walking towards what they hoped was a rift they could enter. Most were quiet and uneasy. But then Hawke and Stroud began whispering to one another and it quickly grew into shouts.

"This is what the Wardens have done! Look around us! We're in here with some Nightmare demon that the Wardens were trying to bring over to our world! How could we possibly forgive them?!!" 

"You forget you're in the company of 3 Wardens now, Champion! We had NOTHING to do with this. We fight alongside you!" Stroud responded with righteous fury.

"ENOUGH! We can fight like children when we've escaped this place!" Roslyn ordered. 

"I don't know if we can trust this.... spirit of the Divine Inquisitor.... " Cullen murmured to her when she was in ear shot. Roslyn sighed and rubbed her forehead. "I know Cullen but it's all we've got isn't it?" His mouth set in a small frown but he nodded in agreement. 

They continued on their path, when the Nightmare's voice returned. This time it didn't address the group as a whole. Now it singled out Roslyn by name. 

"Ahhhhhh _Inquisitor. _Tell me...... how many times did your parents or siblings visit you once they sent you to the circle? How many times did they write? Did they ever respond to your letters?" It began chuckle in a deep low voice. "No. They never came to see you. They never wrote you. They never _Responded did they?" _

Roslyn's jaw clenched as she pressed on. The remaining 7 glanced at her to see if she was affected by the Nightmare's cruel words. 

"You were _Forgot-"_

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" She shouted as the demon's laughter rang around them. 

"Oh Dorian.... you're _So much like your father." _

Dorian bristled then shrugged. "Well that's not very nice is it?"

The demon continued to pick at each and everyone of their inner fears and pains. 

"Ahhh Knight Commander..... tell me, how many mages were made Tranquil under your watchful eye? Now you find yourself caring for one? How ironic. " It sneered. Cullen's face was a mask not revealing his emotions. He began to pray and the demon moved on.

"Your Majesty..... the bastard king. How long can you continue making your subjects believe your worth following?" 

Alistair scowled, "as long as necessary I suppose." He replied sarcastically. 

It turned it's sights back to Roslyn. "You loved him didn't you?" 

Mirrors suddenly emerged from the green haze surrounding the group. No matter the direction they turned, towering ancient mirrors stood before them. 

"Yes....remember his words???" The demon hissed.

A vision of Alistair looking at Roslyn appeared. Her heart increased in it's pace as she realized she was staring at the memory of the last battle with the Archdemon. 

"I love you....._Always." _Alistair said to her, his words surrounding the group. 

Alistair growled, "stop this DEMON!" 

"AHHHH but I haven't shown her the best part. I always reveal the truth. Would you like to see how long his 'always' lasted?"

The mirrors fogged over and began to clear with the vision of Roslyn curled up in the oversized chair in the room she stayed in at Denerim castle. She held a dried flower in her hand, twirling it between her fingers. The flower he had given her months before during the Blight. 

"How long was this after that battle Inquisitor? 3, 4, months? Maybe 6??" The demon said in an almost sing song voice.

Roslyn stood trying to understand why the demon showed her this particular memory. 

Cullen meanwhile, tried to bash one of the mirrors but another just emerged to take it's place. "Be patient Commander..... I'm not finished...." the demon tsk'd.

The image in the mirror became narrow and only took up one side. Another image began to form on the opposite side. "While you longed for him to uphold his word....." 

Suddenly the other image became clear. Alistair and Elissa. In his bed. Elissa, mounted atop Alistair, wildly snapping her hips forward and up and down. Alistair, his head thrown back and a look of pure pleasure etched on his features. "Yes my King!" Elissa cried out as Alistair gripped her waist and looked passionately up at her beautiful form. 

Roslyn felt sick. She knew when he had started his interest in Elissa. But to see it with the side by side comparison of her pain and his utter ecstasy.....

Alistair's face burned red and he looked down in shame. The demon laughed. "How quickly you were tossed aside. Just like with your family." It sneered. Each word stabbing Roslyn to her very soul.

"Not everyone has tossed me aside." She whispered. Flashes of the stack of letters Cullen had amassed over the years, written to _Her._ He never forgot her. Leliana never forgot her. She had people who cared. 

"Ah, the Commander. Yes he remembered you didn't he....but for how long? How long until lyrium takes his mind? Or until the withdrawals KILL him?"

"SHUT UP!!!" She screamed. Cullen and Dorian both encircled her, trying to calm her. She was coming undone.

Suddenly, they were no longer surrounded by mirrors. Now it was gravestones. Each baring their names.

Cullen-WEAKNESS

Alistair-FRAUD

Dorian-BECAME HIS FATHER

Cassandra-FAILURE

The list continued and Roslyn made her way to a quiet corner of the tiny graveyard. An overgrown gravestone lay unattended to for some time. She cleared the brush that had grown across it. Her hands shaking as she did so.

Cullen behind her whispered, "you don't have to look Roslyn."

She couldn't not see it. Even though she knew what it would say. As she wiped the dirt and grime from the surface she let out a feral sob as her hands dug into the ground grabbing clumps of mossy earth. 

"The Inquisitor. The Hero of Fereldan. Roslyn Amell: FORGOTTEN." 


	32. Let the Rain Fall Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: mentions of war and death.  
Angsty chapter but it's leading up to something good ;)

_Stroud withdrew his sword as he said, "it has been an honor serving you Inquisitor, look after the Wardens." _

_ Roslyn screamed as she ran after him but was suddenly caught by her waist by strong arms. Cullen picked her up as she thrashed in his arms. Dorian grabbed her face in his hands forcing her to look him in the eye._

_ "It's HIS CHOICE! You MUST survive Roslyn!" He shouted. _

_ Her eyes wild and still sobbing as her body went limp as Cullen jumped into the rift with her tightly in his grasp._

She walked to her tent in a daze. A runner had approached her soon after she returned from the fade. "A warm bath and meal awaits you in your tent Inquisitor. "

Roslyn just blinked and walked past the scout. She stumbled through the massive fortress and in the courtyard, bodies were being lined up to identify the dead. Men and woman lay on the ground while their friends and fellow soldiers looked for their companions. A mixture of Inquisition and Warden armor reflected the evening sky. Most of the dead were wardens. 

One young man caught her attention. He was overcome with grief as he held the hand of another young man who was deceased. She approached him.

"Who was he?" She asked in a strange flat tone she didn't recognize. 

Without looking up he said between strangled sobs, "he was my friend. We- we joined at the same time. He was 9 during the Blight." His body shook with his sobs and he could barely get the next words out.

"He was in Denerim and saw the Heroes of Fereldan, he-he, w-wanted to be just like them." 

He buried his face in his hands and lost himself in his grief and shock.

Roslyn looked on for a moment and processed his words. How many people here today became a Warden because of her? Because of Alistair? Today, she was their judge and executioner. She walked out of the fortress, turned a corner, fell to her knees and began to vomit.

* * *

The moon was now shining brightly over Adamant. Fires littered the landscape and sounds of laughter and celebration could be heard. In other parts of the fortress and its surroundings, prayers and a solemn cloud of grief could be felt. It was a strange mixture of relief and grief all throughout the night.

Roslyn had bathed and tried to eat but found she had no appetite. She drank the wine that had been left for her and a few bites of bread. 

"May I enter?" A soft voice asked from the other side of her tent.

"Come in." She replied in the same flat tone. Alistair walked in carefully. He took one look at her and concern flashed across his face. "Nobody has seen you since this afternoon...." 

"I'm not up for socializing. " She responded. 

He nodded and took a deep breath. "I'm leaving in the morning. I've been gone for 6 weeks. I must get back to my duties as King."

"I understand. " She replied flatly.

"I'm sorry to leave so soon after..... all this. I feel like I'm leaving so much for you to handle."

"I said I understand. " She said sharply.

He winced at her tone but nodded. "Alright. Get some rest Roslyn."

Flashes of what the Nightmare had shown her raced across her mind. What it had said.... bringing up all of the people who had forgotten her. Her family, Alistair, the world she had saved. Then flashes of all the bodies lying on the stone ground of fortress. Dead by her orders to march. That boy who had become a warden because of her! Why was she so responsible for the fate of all these people?!

Cracks were beginning to form in the flat wall she had built throughout that day and all she felt now was anger. She picked up the plate that still sat in front of her and she threw it across the tent. It shattered against one of the large poles, sending shards to the ground. 

She stormed out of the tent, storm coulds began brewing in the sky as her emotions began to spill out of her. She ran through the camp to find an empty space away from the people and screamed with everything she had as she flung her hands towards the sky, ripping open the clouds and allowing the rain to pummel down to the earth. She fell to her knees and continued screaming with everything she had in her, ignoring the rawness in her throat. Thunder and lightning drowning out her cries.

Suddenly, she was brought out of her anguish by firm arms grabbing her and pulling her against something hard and warm. Cullen, now on the ground, pulled her into his lap and rocked her back and forth as she screamed and sobbed into his chest. Her fists pounding against his arms and shoulders. He just held her and rocked her until the rain began to lessen as her cries quieted. 

They sat in silence for a long time, listening to the gentle rain that now fell from the sky. Both were soaking wet but neither seemed to care. 

Finally Cullen spoke. "Whatever you're feeling... it's ok to feel it. I want you to know that." He said it so gently and softly that Roslyn would have cried again if there were any tears left. 

She turned her body so that she straddled his lap. "It was right about my fear. It was right about everything. " She rasped out. 

Cullen shook his head. "No. Not everything. I could _never _forget you. After all these years.... can't you see what you mean to me?" He kissed her firmly and tried to pour everything he felt but couldn't say into that kiss. 

When they pulled apart she looked at him with such need and adoration. Her hands on either side of his face, she searched his eyes.

"Take me back please. But don't leave. I want you to stay with me. Please Cullen." 

He swallowed hard. He knew what she wanted- what she needed. This time, he wouldn't deny her.


	33. Let that be Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

By the time they had silently made their way back to camp and to Roslyn's large tent, the pair was freezing and drenched. Neither spoke a word on their way back. They didn't need to.

What could be said? Cullen knew the guilt that plagued Roslyn. There were no words to take it away. Just as her fears couldn't be swept away with a few reassurances. Action and time were the only way to prove his absolute devotion to her. Just as he needed the same from her.

They entered the darkened tent shivering in their clothing. Roslyn visibly shook as she stood looking around as if this was the first time seeing her temporary quarters. "I get to sleep here tonight and Stroud-"

"Is by the Maker's side now. Where you sleep is of no consequence to him. These thoughts will take you to a place that is impossible to escape."

He spun her around gently. "Right now.... you're with me. Let that be enough..." 

He brushed her hair away from her face with his large hand. She watched intently as he traced his fingers down her neck and across her collarbone. He peeled back the wet casual dress down over her shoulder. Then his attentions moved to the other side and repeated the process.

Slowly he pulled off her dress completely down around her hips and onto the floor. She stood only in her smalls shivering but her breath coming short as she watched his golden eyes trail up and down her body with awe and adoration. 

Cullen licked his lips before saying, "Maker I thought I might lose you today. The thought of it nearly drove me mad from fear. I don't know what I would've done if I'd lost-"

"You didn't. I'm here with you now. Let that be enough?" She repeated his earlier words to him as a question as she held his hand against her cheek. Her dark eyed gazing up at him he couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. 

"It's more than enough." He whispered. He kissed her gently, his lips barely ghosting across hers before bringing them into a deeper kiss. His hands sliding down her to her waist and his thumbs drawing small circles into her hips. 

She began clawing at his shirt, desperate to remove it. He let out a low chuckle and removed it. Her mouth hung open slightly as she stared at his incredible torso. It never ceased to amaze her.

"You're still shivering. " He murmured. As he kissed her jawline and down her throat. He pulled her in close to his body, his heat already returned. She sighed at the feeling. She couldn't remember the last time she felt so utterly _safe. _

He ran his hands down her body again, this time, down across her backside, cupping her firm ass.

He suddenly picked her up, causing her to wrap her long legs around his narrow waist. Never breaking their kiss he walked her to the pile of furs and blankets that made up her bed. He lay her down and his large frame hovered above her. 

He studied her beautiful face as her cheeks now flushed with warmth and heat. "Are you sure this is what you want?" He asked tentatively. He would never want to make her feel uncomfortable. "We can wait until-"

"NO. I want this. I want YOU." Her hands immediately slid down his stomach and to the top of his trousers, undoing the laces and shoving them down his hips. He chuckled again at her commanding words and actions.

"As you wish" He said lowly. He pulled his trousers completely off taking his smalls with them. Their hands desperately grabbed at each others bodies, exploring, caressing every inch. Finally, he hooked his thumbs in her smalls and slowly pulled them down. 

He threw them to the side and was about to lose himself within her when he stopped and shook his head while staring at her. 

"What is it?" She asked worriedly. Suddenly feeling insecure. 

"I can't believe this is happening. You are so beautiful Roslyn Amell. I don't deserve this." He whispered. 

She smiled softly as she reached down between them, grasping his firm erection in her hand, causing him to sharply inhale.

She placed him at her entrance and said, "you deserve all of me and more Cullen Rutherford. " She lifted her hips while pushing down on his lower back with her free hand, easing him inside her. 

He groaned as he buried his face into the nook of her neck. He tried to steady his breathing as he pushed himself further into her until he was fully hilted. Roslyn began squirming beneath him, begging for more.

"Please Cullen.... more!" 

All restraint fell away from him at her words. His hands grabbed either side of her hips and he pulled himself out only to slam into her. She cried out in absolute pleasure as he did this again and again.

"Maker you feel so _good." _He panted. She whimpered and moaned beneath him, clawing at his back urging him on. "Cullen I'm almost-AHH! I'M almost there, please!"

He lifted himself up onto one elbow, giving himself more space to thrust his hips in a fluid rhythmic speed. Roslyn grabbed hold of his hair with one hand as she let her other find her sensitive button that lay between them. She rubbed small circles and the sight of it almost sent Cullen over the edge. 

Finally, with legs shaking, she cried out, unintelligible shouts with only his name clearly spoken. He ground his hips down against her as his own release followed shortly after. A roar followed by her name said as a chant. 

He collapsed atop her, his head against her chest, hearing her heartbeat begin to slow. They both lay in small beads of sweat with skin flushed and hot. 

"You're not shivering anymore. Maker how do you survive the outdoors without me?" He said with dry wit.

She playfully smacked the back of his head. "I can still think about you while.... well when I'm alone and cold. It usually does the trick."

"Maker's _breath _Roslyn." Cullen said with part embarrassment and part interest. 

"Well you asked." She replied. "I suppose I think of someone else if it bothers you...." 

He grabbed both of her hands and pinned her down. He grinned playfully, "don't you _dare._ It's an honor to be the subject of your.... thoughts." 

She laughed but quieted herself. She looked into his handsome face and said, "thank you. For everything tonight. You were there when I needed you."

He smiled, "I always will be."

* * *

Morning came all too quickly. Roslyn groaned as she threw a pillow over her face to block the early morning rays of sunshine. Cullen was already pulling on his pants and freshening up in the wash basin. 

He chuckled at Roslyn's disdain for mornings. "You know most people grow out of hating mornings. I'm beginning to think you never will." 

She didn't respond but instead threw a pillow in his direction. It went sailing past him, several feet away from where he actually stood. "Even your aim is terrible at mornings." He mused. 

Finally, she pulled herself from her bed and stumbled over to Cullen, wrapping her arms around his waist and putting her face flush against his back. "This makes mornings a little more tolerable I suppose." She sighed contentedly. 

Cleaned up for the day and only in the trousers and shirt he'd worn the night before, Cullen made to leave for his own tent. Roslyn walked him to the outside of the opening and stood on her tip toes to kiss him softly. He smiled and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear before taking his leave. 

They were both completely enthralled with one another. So wrapped up in their affections that they failed to notice the man who'd risen early that day to give Roslyn a proper farewell and well deserved apology. Alistair a few feet away watched the lovers bid farewell after a night spent together. 

His teeth clenched as he saw the look of absolute joy on Roslyn's face. He wanted her happy. _Maker _he wanted her to be happy. But to see her with someone else. Someone like Cullen....... 

Not many men made Alistair feel inferior. He knew he was good looking, many enjoyed his carefree sense of humor. He was a warrior, a hero, and a King. But Cullen..... he was astonishingly handsome. His fighting skills almost legendary. But most of all his 'fuck em' attitude towards nobles and anyone who gave him shit was enduring and admirable. The man did everything right by being his own person. A rebel in his own methodical and organized way. 

Most of all, he was jealous of the fact that he knew Cullen would let Thedas fall into the abyss before giving up Roslyn. If they didn't accept her, he'd leave them out to dry. For this unrelenting devotion, he would have her. Alistair couldn't find the courage to do the same all those years ago.

When it came down to what the people would want and her.... he chose the people. Somedays he knew in his heart of hearts it was the right choice. Other days..... he wanted to go back and do it all over and differently. Perhaps if he'd given the country time to heal they would have eventually accepted her. But he had been resentful of her pushing him to be King. He resented her pushing him to do the ritual with Morrigan. Perhaps, deep down, he wanted to hurt her. 

Before he knew it he was marching to Cullen's tent. He barged in without warning. Cullen was sitting behind his desk writing a report. He looked up in surprise but his face began to scowl when he saw the look on Alistair's face.

"What can I do for you Alistair?"

"Do you love her?" Alistair said almost accusingly. 

"That's not something I wish to discuss with you." 

Alistair marched up to Cullen's desk and slammed his fist down. "Do. You. Love. Her?" He said through clenched teeth.

Cullen rose slowly, his golden eyes narrowed in a predatory stare. "I do. I am completely in love with her. But I've yet to tell her. You have no right to march in here demanding answers to something so personal."

"Just making sure she wasn't some random fuck for you Commander and that you're not taking advantage of her so soon after a harrowing battle."

Cullen rounded around the table and came within an inch of Alistair's face. "If it wasn't for you being the blasted _King _I'd have already knocked your head off your arrogant shoulders. We ALL saw what you thought of her and how quickly you tossed her aside. If you ever imply my intentions are anything but honorable towards Roslyn I will treat you like any other man who dare disrespects me."

Alistair's face burned red from shame and anger. His past had come roaring back to him these past few months. Roslyn Amell haunting him everywhere he turned. Her name on the lips of nobles and servants alike. He couldn't escape her. 

But he knew Cullen was a good man. He was being unfair. He was self aware enough to know he had gone too far.

"My apologies Cullen. You didn't deserve that." He said quietly. "Recently I've been presented with the mistakes of my past. The 'what if's'. It's making me act in a way that I would normally detest."

He sighed and began to pace. "I love my wife. Being out here with Roslyn again.... it's surreal. I need to go back to my life before this ghost of my past drives me crazy. I wish you both all the happiness in the world. If you need me or my army, just ask."

Cullen stood stunned. The changes in this man's mood was giving him whiplash. But he somewhat understood. It had to be hard to see his former love with someone else. No matter how many years had passed between them.

"Thank you Alistair. For what it's worth.... I've always loved her. I'll protect her with my life. "

Alistair nodded and smiled softly. "I know."

He turned and walked out and headed for Roslyn's tent. By this time she was dressed and drinking a strong cup of Antivan coffee. Her brows rose a bit as he entered her tent.

"Alistair! I thought you'd have left by now."

She made to stand but he waved off the gesture. "Please, stay where you are. I'll only be a moment."

She looked at him curiously but relaxed back down onto the chair. 

"I came to give you a proper goodbye Roslyn. I would've been here sooner but I saw you and Cullen together this morning and we... had words."

Her brow shot up, "what do you mean you 'had words'?"

Alistair huffed a laugh "well I think Cullen was about to hit me. But I realized I was being a fool. He cares for you. Greatly. That much is obvious. I think you're in love with him. And I'm glad you've found happiness." His eyes teared up a bit as he said the words. 

"You should know that over the years I did think of you. Again and again I have questioned my decision all those years ago. I was young, and rash, and honestly quite scared. I didn't want to mess anything up. But now I see things could've been different. Perhaps if I'd tried harder....."

He shook his head. "But something just occurred to me as I was speaking with the Commander. I can't go back can I? None of us can. We can only move forward with the paths we've made. My path hasn't been the same as your's for a long time now."

"What the Nightmare showed you.... I'm so sorry for that. You were in so much pain during that time and all I thought of was myself and my duties as King. But I think both of us need to make peace with what's happened between us. Make peace and move forward. "

Roslyn nodded and smiled sadly. "I will always hold you in a special place Alistair. Perhaps someday... when we meet again, we can be friends." 

He smiled. "I'd like that very much." 

He held out his arms and Roslyn stood and hugged him. They both had tears in their eyes. They both felt that they were finally saying goodbye to one another. A proper goodbye as he'd put it.

Finally he pulled away and nodded his head. "Well then. Goodbye Roslyn."

"Goodbye Alistair. "

He walked away towards his awaiting men and horses. Roslyn watched for a moment before turning around. She had been so distracted by everything that she ran smack into Bull's chest. Dorian, standing beside Bull, twisted his moustache. "Well all of that was quite touching wasn't it?"

Roslyn scoffed, "you two were listening?!" 

"These are tents Boss. Thin material. Not exactly sound proof." Bull replied. 

"Yes.... remember that the next time you and the Commander decide to have a romp in your tent my dear." Dorian added with a smirk. 

Roslyn pulled her hood far over her face and groaned. 

Maker she hated mornings.


	34. Cracks Appear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter briefly begins with Cullen's experience in the fade.

_ Everything around them was an illusion of their deepest fears and misery. He didn't want to show any sign of weakness. That's what demons feed on. Every crack that you allow they turn it into a wide canyon. He knew this game. The Nightmare knew he understood the game as well. _

_ "She's going to see how weak you truly are. You will fail her. You've failed her before. You'll fail her now. Just like how you failed all of those innocent mages kept under your care in Kirkwall. "_

_ Cullen grit his teeth as the Nightmare whispered the cruel words in his mind. He couldn't respond. He knew conversing in any way opened the door for the demon even further._

_ "Do you remember how you failed to save your friends in Kinloch? You sat, bound by magic, and watched them die one by one. What kind of Templar were you? You weren't strong enough to break through a simple magical barrier?" The demon laughed deeply, cruelly._

_ "Weak....... such weakness in you. Any day now you will break. You will give in to the song. Then your callousness will return and you will destroy her with it."_

_ Cullen felt his breath stop. The images the demon flooded his mind with were beginning to become unbearable. He began muttering a prayer for strength to clear his head. _

_ He gazed at Roslyn who's eyes became more and more wild. He had to see her through this. He had to make sure she survived. _

* * *

"Commander, do you know where Scout Jim has run off to? I've been expecting a report for sometime from him." Cassandra tapped her foot impatiently as she huffed. 

Cullen, trying but failing, to hide his shaking hands, shook his head. "I have not. That boy would lose his head if it wasn't attached to his body." He growled. 

The stack of reports he'd been holding dropped from his quivering hands. Papers scattering all around him. "Shit." He muttered as he crouched down to pick them up. Cassandra immediately began helping to gather the reports. Once they were finished, they both went to stand. As Cullen stood his head swam and the world seemed to turn upside down.

He reached out with his free hand, attempting to grab anything to stabilize him. Cassandra grabbed his arm and wrapped it around her shoulders so that he could lean against her. 

"Commander... your withdrawals.... you haven't been caring for yourself. " She stated gently but to the point.

"I've done the best I can considering I had a battle to plan for." He growled.

"Your men and scouts have all remarked on how little you've slept over the past few weeks and the cooks say you hardly eat. You are noticeably thinner and you look white as a ghost. You must make your health a priority. " She said more forcibly. 

"Once we're back in Skyhold, things will be better." He sighed as he righted himself. He gave her a nod and marched out of the tent. She sighed and shook her head. "Stubborn Fereldan. " 

* * *

Roslyn and a few of her inner circle had left before the army and Cullen. She needed to be back at Skyhold as soon as possible and it would take a few days longer for the army to reach home.

She hated to leave Cullen. After their night together, she felt a connection with him that she was terrified to try to put into words. He also had looked so exhausted the day she left. She worried for him.

"Lost in thought Boss?" Bull gave her a curious look as they rode their horses through the quiet forest. 

"Obviously, she hasn't joined our delightful conversation at all. I can't _imagine _what she's thinking about.....or maybe I can...." Dorian replied mischievously. 

Roslyn rolled her eyes. "Dorian you are obsessed with my sex life. "

"How could I not be? Have you seen the Commander? Maker....." he nodded his head as he dramatically fanned himself. 

"So tell us all about it. How was he?" He said with a giddy clap.

"Dorian Pavus I am NOT going into detail. But I will say that he is AMAZING and incredibly handsome and smells delicious, and sounds like heaven, and is highly skilled in more than just warfare."

Bull cocked a brow. "Anything else?"

A sly grin spread on her face. "There's nothing _little _about his 'little Commander '."

Dorian began laughing boisterously as he slapped his leg. "So much for not giving details! Roslyn Amell you are a wicked woman and I LOVE it!" 

Varric came trotting up as his horse had trailed behind for sometime as he struggled to write in his journal. 

"What'd I miss?" He asked as he looked at the grinning faces of Roslyn, Bull and Dorian. 

"Nothing Varric. Just talking about chess." She shrugged. 

Varric stared suspiciously at the trio but finally gave a shrug of his own and continued scribbling in his journal. 

Roslyn felt herself take a deep breath. Only a few more days and she'd be home. Then Cullen would follow. She felt her heart warm at the thought of them together again within the walls of the Skyhold.


	35. Ale and Returns

_ "You're not leaving are you?" Cullen sat perched on his desk looking intently at her._

_ How did she get in his office? Roslyn didn't realize he'd already returned._

_ "No- I'm not going anywhere. Not anytime soon at least. When did you get back?" She asked in confusion. _

_ "I never really leave you my little Hero."_

_ She stiffened. This wasn't Cullen. _

_ "You've picked a new venue. It's a nice change." She replied dryly. _

_ "Really it's always you that chooses. This is what you truly desire now. You've moved on. I'm glad. I grew tired of that old camp." _

_ The Cullen demon smirked. It looked just like him and it was absolutely delicious. Maker she missed him. She'd had a taste of him and now it consumed her every minute of every day. _

_ "Why have you come? I need nothing from you. I have Cullen and he is safe. You've nothing to offer." She said nonchalantly. It was true. _

_ "There's always something to offer my girl." It walked over to her now and faced her. It's eyes scanning her up and down in the same manner that Cullen's eyes would flick top to bottom. She had to sternly remind herself this WAS NOT Cullen._

_ She could smell him now, cedar and elderflower with a hint of oakmoss. A warm hand cupped her cheek gently._

_ "You have no idea how close he is to breaking. He's only a man afterall. He barely sleeps, barely eats, and the song is driving him mad."_

_ Roslyn felt her breath hitch. The demon carefully kissed her along her jaw. But she remained frozen at what it had just told her. _

_ "Why are you telling me this?" She rasped out in a faint whisper._

_ It chuckled lowly as it came back to face her. "Because, I've said before, I want you happy. He makes you happy. But for how long? If he loses his mind to madness.... or if he returns to the Lyrium...you lose him. I can guarantee he stays."_

_ She took a deep breath. "I will not make decisions that are based in fear. I will see him through whatever the future holds. "_

_ The demon chuckled again and shook it's head. "Always the Hero. We shall see."_

* * *

She'd been back at Skyhold for over a week. Josephine all but bombarded her with reports and letters from important nobles and kings. She had been so busy Dorian had finally dragged her from the War room and insisted she go with him to the tavern. 

It was full of patrons. Many were already drunk and rowdy. He brought her to a table near the back where Sera, Varric, Bull and Blackwall sat. 

"Oi there's the Quizzy! Come 'ere sweet tits and pull up a stoop."

"You mean a stool Sera." Varric said with an amused grin plastered on his face.

"What's the friggen difference Chest Hair?! Just sit er arse down." She swayed as she patted the chair next to her. Roslyn laughed as she sat next to drunken elf.

"You know, I thought Josephine's etiquette classes were supposed to give you some manners. The ball at the Winter Palace will be here before we know it." Roslyn said as she jabbed a finger into Sera's side.

"Ow! The Winter Palace gets this er nothing at all! I ain't gonna prance like a peacock for them noble bastards." She chugged back the rest of her ale. 

"I don't think there's any 'training ' Sera, Boss." Bull said with a deep chuckle.

"Yeah I'd count on a nug being better trained in time for the Winter Palace than this girl." Varric waved his thumb in Sera's direction. 

"Oi fuck all ya" Sera said with a wave of her hand. 

"Speaking of the Winter Palace, Dove.... will you be on the arm of our handsome Commander?" Dorian asked as he sipped from his crystal stemmed glass of wine. Roslyn wandered where he had managed to find that in this place.

"I'm not sure. I assume we will be in our official positions." She shrugged. 

"Oh pish posh my dear. It doesn't matter who you are you will be seen on the arm of _someone. _Although I suppose you may be escorted by the Duke.... how _interesting. " _Dorian twisted his moustache as his eyes twinkled.

"What?" Roslyn asked, honestly confused. 

"Well my understanding Duke Gaspard is quite 'handsy' when he finds someone attractive. It is also my understanding that Cullen is not a 'sharing' kind of man. The evening has great potential to be absolutely riveting. "

"Cullen is not going to make a scene. His work is too important. "

Varric shook his head, the plastered grin still beaming. "I don't know Ghostie. I've seen how he reacts when he overhears a soldier talking about you in a not so professional way. Things could get interesting."

Roslyn rolled her eyes. "I'm sure Josephine will talk with him as soon as he's back."

Everyone at the table exchanged confused glances. "What is it?" She asked.

Varric spoke up first, "ugh... he's been back for a few hours. You didn't know?"

Roslyn sat tongue tied for a moment. Why hadn't he come to see her? 

Dorian, noticing her worry, patted her leg, "not to worry dear. My understanding was that he didn't want a formal announcement for his return until tomorrow so he could get some rest. You were so busy in the war room you probably didn't notice this was going on."

She smiled tightly. What Dorian said made sense but still.... why wouldn't he have at least sent a message? Her stomach began to turn in worry and even deeper.... fear.

"Either way.... you lose him." The demons words echoed in her mind. She picked up her ale and drank it in several large gulps. 

_Forgotten_

The image of her headstone flashing through her mind sent shivers up her body. 

She'd give him his space. He clearly didn't want to see her tonight. 

She sat with her friends for several more hours, drinking until the sting of being put off faded. Finally, Dorian and Bull helped her to her room. From her bed, she could see the faint flickering of the candle from Cullen's window across the courtyard. She rolled over and felt herself drift into a dreamless, drunken sleep.


	36. Shaking

His hands shook constantly now. From the day after Adamant, through the slow journey home, they shook and quivered like the last remaining leaf at the end of fall.

His head throbbed constantly now as well. An agonizing, ever present throb. The pain behind his eyes making it difficult to see bright light. He was thankful for the cloudy days that seemed to occur more often in Fereldan. 

His body would spike in temperature and he wasn't sure if he would be able to stay upright in his saddle. _You cannot show weakness in front of your men Rutherford. _He would repeat the mantra again and again in his throbbing head.

On the worst nights, he would sit on the floor beside his cot, vomiting into a bucket. Cassandra would come in to check on him, empty the bucket, give him a cool cloth, and leave. She would return again and again until he would finally fall over asleep from utter exhaustion. 

Now they both were sleep deprived but at least Cassandra was eating. Cullen could hardly look at food. 

"I don't know how else to explain this to you Commander. You must take care of yourself. You've let this go on for too long. You need rest and a healer."

"Where might I find this rest you speak of way out here Cassandra? I am moving an army for Maker's sake, I can rest when we get home safely!" 

She would scoff and stomp away and he would pinch the bridge of his nose. 

On the evening they finally reached Skyhold, Scout Jim approached Cullen. "Commander, would you like to send word ahead announcing your arrival?"

Cullen, shaking uncontrollably, shook his head. "What I am telling you is strictly confidential Jim. I am a bit under the weather. I need some rest. Tell the Nightingale I will see them all in the war room tomorrow morning."

Jim looked concerned as he studied Cullen's pale face. "Perhaps I should send a healer-"

"No. I just need rest. You're dismissed." Cullen said with a tone that implied there was to be no arguement. 

A faint smile found itself on his lips. _I can see Roslyn tomorrow. I'll sleep tonight and see her beautiful face tomorrow. _

* * *

Roslyn awoke groggy. Her hair was a mess and she was a bit horrified at her reflection in the mirror. _Damn Tevinter _, but she sighed and cleaned herself up knowing it was ultimately her fault she drank too much the night before. Dorian just made it so much easier to get carried away. 

She looked at the position of the sun and knew it was time to convene in the war room. The sudden realization that Cullen had returned yesterday but hadn't bothered to see her came crashing back down. She spent a few more minutes making sure she looked as put together as possible and made her way down to the war room.

She entered surprisingly chirpy but immediately became worried when solemn faces met hers. All of them except Cullen's. 

"Everyone looks so serious. Cassandra.... I see you decided to join us today. Where is the Commander?" Panic was beginning to rise in her chest. Her heartbeat quickened in it's pace and her palms became sweaty. 

The demons prophecy flashing through her mind. _No No No. He's fine. Everything is fine. _She tried to calm herself and had to restrain herself from snapping at the group for their lack of response. 

"I am here in Cullen's place today Inquisitor. There is something we need to discuss. He is experiencing extreme withdrawals. "

Roslyn's breath became shallow and the room began to spin. 

"He has hardly slept or ate for weeks now. The stress of the battle is wearing him thin and he simply does not take proper care of himself. He works himself into the ground." Cassandra said exasperated. 

"This morning, he came to me and asked me to find a replacement. I refused. He needs rest, food, and a healer to manage his symptoms until they are under control again. If he gives up now, it will destroy him."

Roslyn swallowed hard. Her mouth ran dry. She couldn't fathom running the Inquisition without Cullen as her Commander. 

"Without his utter brilliance we would not have been successful at Adamant. " Leliana said softly. "There is no one that matches his capabilities. Losing him as Commander would be a great loss."

Roslyn nodded in agreement. Speaking carefully she said, "how did he respond to your refusal?"

Cassandra scoffed, "like he always does to my advice. He is an extremely stubborn man Inquisitor."

Softly, almost a whisper, Roslyn asked, "why did he not come to me with this?"

Cassandra sighed. "He doesn't want to disappoint you. He feels shame and is embarrassed at how sick he has become. He didn't wish for you to see him in such a state. But if anyone can talk some sense into him it is you. Cullen has an important decision to make. I know he is strong enough to beat Lyrium. He just needs to remember that he has that strength. "

Roslyn nodded. "Then I shall remind him of who he is."

She turned and made her way for his tower.


	37. I Suppose We're Even

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *trigger warning *  
Mentions and descriptions of violence and torture.

The evening Cullen had arrived he slowly made his way to his office. Twice he had to stop and sit on the stairs to keep from passing out. He would pretend something was wrong with his boots and once he regained some stability he would rise and carefully continue his path. 

Once inside, he undressed and attempted to climb his ladder to his room, but was unable to muster the strength and balance. He settled onto the chaise lounge near the fireplace that sat to the far left corner from the point of view from his desk. 

He closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep. But only a short time later he was jolted from a nightmare, dripping in sweat and immediately reached for his bucket to begin his almost nightly vomiting session. 

The nightmare had been the worst he'd had in some time. 

_He walked through the empty halls of Kinloch. All of the beds were empty and made perfectly. Where was everyone? He called out, "Hello? Knight Captain? Knight Commander?"_

_ No answer. An uneasy feeling began rising in his stomach. Through every level of the tower he found the same thing. Empty, clean rooms with perfectly made up beds. Then, he thought he heard a cry. He began moving to the next level, turning round and round the stairs. The cry was louder now, a woman? _

_ "Please, don't do this!" She begged between sobs. Her voice was familiar......_

_ He stood in front of the final door now. The door that led to the top level. The woman's cries were loud and excruciating. She was in trouble. He had to protect her!_

_ He burst through the door and was horrified at the sight before him. Roslyn, in her mage robes, was the woman crying. _

_ Each hand was bound and her arms were outstretched and tied to the pillars that stood on either side of her. Her face was battered and her tears carved trails into the blood that stained her cheeks. _

_ All of the templars in Kinloch and Kirkwall stood at attention facing her, an audience of intimidation and judgement. Before Roslyn, her captor, her torturer, stood Meredith._

_ "Ah, Knight Captain, you're just in time. I have found out that you have betrayed me and your brothers and sisters." The templars sneered at him as she spoke._

_ "You lay with this mage? And not just for a quick fuck did you Knight Captain? That I would forgive, I would turn a blind eye to. But you LOVE this little blood mage bitch, don't you? This will not stand." _

_ Cullen approached her, his arms outstretched, "please Meredith, let her go. Punish me if you must but let her go."_

_ Meredith turned and smiled cruelly, her eyes glowing red. "Why? So she can seduce another? You were my very best Cullen. My most trusted. We could have cleansed the world of mages but you threw it all away." She withdrew her sword, the Templar sigil shining brightly in Cullen's eyes._

_ "Cullen please make her stop!" Roslyn cried out, her dark eyes pleading and frantic. _

_ "Meredith please! I'll do anything ! Just don't hurt her!" He begged as he fell to his knees only a couple feet away from her and Roslyn. _

_ "I am going to show you what happens when people like you love another. You were meant for war. For wrath. For ORDER. She is a stain on the earth, and now I will set you free."_

_ "NOOOOO!" He lunged at Meredith but he was too late. Her sword plunged up and through Roslyn's heart, blood poured from her mouth as she tried to say his name. Her eyes slowly losing light as she stared sadly at him. The crowd of Templars roared and Meredith laughed as Cullen untied Roslyn's lifeless body and craddled her in his lap on the cold stone of Kinloch._

By morning he had maybe two hours of sleep if he combined it all together. He had dried heaved so much, his throat was raw and his head pounded so much he could barely lift it. He couldn't do this anymore. He didn't deserve this title or her love. This was the Maker's punishment. Lyrium would win, one way or another. His leash would never be broken. 

He pulled himself off the lounge and stumbled out of the door. He needed to find Cassandra. 

* * *

Roslyn knocked softly on his office door. No answer. She knocked again. Silence.

She stook a shaky breath and slowly opened the heavy door. The office was dim but once her eyes adjusted she was taken back by the mess she found. Books and reports thrown onto the ground, and near her foot, a wooden box containing his lyrium kit. He had made this mess on purpose. 

"Cullen?" She asked meekly. Searching the room. She stepped further into the office and turned around trying to find him. In the corner of his bookshelf, he sat, his elbows on his bent knees with his hands in his hair. His face hidden from her.

"Cullen?" She whispered as she took a tentative step forward. 

"I wanted to be enough for you." He rasped out. 

"You are-" 

"Don't " he held out an arm stopping her from further approaching or finishing her sentence. 

"When I was Kinloch..... I was tortured. For days, weeks.... I don't even know how long." He laughed darkly. 

"My friends...slaughtered in front of me. The worst part? The demons took _your _form to torture me. Sometimes they'd show you dying. Sometimes you were the one doing the killing. There was no limit for their cruelty."

His body shook violently. His head still down in his hands. Suddenly he looked up at her and Roslyn couldn't stop the sharp intake of breath that his wild eyes and pale face caused. 

He was gaunt and his eyes had dark circles ringing all around. He looked feverish despite the rest of him being so pale. 

"How could you be the same person after that?" He asked, part angry and part desperate. 

"Still I wanted to serve. I went to Kirkwall and served under fucking Meredith. A mad bitch who used my experiences to turn me into a mindless monster. The things that happened under my watch....." Tears began streaming down his face as he shook his head in disillusion. 

She swallowed hard, "but you finally woke up. You fought for the mages...."

He sprung to his feet and began pacing like a caged hungry lion.

"You think that was enough?! That cancels out everything I had done?!"

"I didn't say-"

"I joined the Inquisition to try to be a better man! I want to be free of this lyrium and everything that binds me to the Order!"

"You've done that! And I'm happy-"

"Stop. You should be ordering me to take it! I swore to give EVERYTHING I am to this Inquisition- to YOU. Why would I give less to this than I did the Order?! I should be taking it!" He slammed his fist into the bookshelf, sending more books to the floor. 

The burst of energy he felt suddenly faded and he slowly went back down to the floor, sitting again against the shelves. Quietly now, resigned, he said again, "I should be taking it."

Roslyn had heard enough. 

"Are you finished? Because I'm going to speak now and YOU will NOT interrupt me again."

His eyes flicked up, exhausted but curious.

She came to kneel in front of him. "What do you want Cullen? This isn't about the Templars or the Inquisition. What do you, Cullen Rutherford, want? Do you want to take lyrium again?"

Her voice softening as she spoke the last line, her eyes searching his.

He took a deep breath, then shook his head. "No." He said faintly. 

"But what if these thoughts won't leave me? What if I can't beat this?" 

She took her hand and cupped his cheek, "you can and you will."

He did his best to smile. He suddenly felt calm and at peace with her there. 

"How can you forgive me for everything I've done? I don't deserve it." He said with tears brimming his eyes. 

"Because I know you Cullen. I knew you before the world hurt you. And I know you now that you've forgiven the world. You just have to forgive yourself. There's nothing you could say that would make me stop loving you."

She stopped, holding her breath she closed her eyes. Maker she'd said it out loud didn't she? Fuck!

Slowly, her eyes opened to meet his. He stared at her with astonishment, the tears still brimming his eyes. 

In a faint whisper he said horsley, "you- you _Love me?" _

She swallowed hard and nodded slowly. "I do. But this isn't about you getting better. I don't want that to be a burden on you now, just forget I said anything. " She rambled.

Cullen placed a weak finger on her lips to stop her. 

"Why would I ever want to forget you said that? I can't remember ever hearing something so wonderful. I'll remember it always."

Her eyes brightened as she smiled softly. "Alright. Keep it then." She replied. "I'm going to get Solas. Then we will begin your healing."

She stood to leave and made way for the door.

"Roslyn"

She turned, "yes Cullen?"

"I've been in love with you since the day we met. Completely, madly, and foolishly in love with you." He said with a chuckle as he put his head back against the shelves and closed his eyes. 

Her hand on the knob of the door froze. Now it was her eyes that filled with tears. "Good. I suppose we're even then." She said with a smile.

He huffed, "I suppose we are." 


	38. War Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW
> 
> A little smut to liven things up👏

Cullen was in a daze over the course of the following days. 

Solas, accompanied by Roslyn and a nosey Dorian, immediately set to work. 

"Maker he is a _mess _isn't he? Come Solas, let's get the man to bed."

The two roused Cullen up, Solas offering enough healing to clear his dizziness and he made his way up the ladder. Roslyn had made out his bed and was quickly smashing herbs in a mortar to make a tea.

"Add 3 more lotus flower petals to that." Solas said as he began running his hands over Cullen's body.

He nodded his head, "it's a good thing the Inquisitor asked me to come. You are a very sick man Commander. "

Cullen didn't respond. His head felt like it was about to split open with each throb that pounded through his skull. 

"Fereldan men are known for their stubborn spirit." Dorian sighed.

"Yes, well, _this _Fereldan man takes the cake." Roslyn muttered. She finished her work and poured the smashed herbs into a small cloth tea bag. She soaked it in a cup of hot water. 

"It's ready Solas." She handed the mug over to him.

"Alright Commander." His voice was soft and gentle, as if he could sense the sensitivity Cullen was experiencing from his headache. 

"You must drink this. I know you think it will just come back up, but I've given you enough healing that you should keep it down. This will help with the fever, headache, and your appetite. Once this is gone..." he hesitated and looked up at Roslyn.

She came over and grabbed his hand. "Cullen, I need you to trust me. Your body requires rest. Solas can get you through this but it will be faster if you sleep through most of it. He feels that you are in the final withdrawal stages of lyrium. It's like your body is giving one last tantrum. He wants me to use magic to help you sleep through most of it."

Cullen swallowed deeply. But he squeezed her hand and whispered, "do what you must. I trust you."

She kissed his hand and ran her fingers over his forehead. Her magic flowed gently through her fingertips and his eyelashes fluttered and finally, closed. 

This was the pattern for several days. He would be roused awake, made to drink the tea, given a small amount of food, which increased each meal, and then Roslyn would put him back to sleep. He gained back the weight he had lost and his fever finally broke. 

Roslyn would watch over him for hours on end. Reading aloud from one of his many books. Sometimes he would wake just enough to hear her voice. He would smirk and drift back into a deep sleep. Roslyn watched him sometimes. He looked peaceful. Handsome. Maker she could spend everyday like this.

One night, Dorian came up the ladder with a bottle of wine in hand. 

"Since my favorite drinking partner has been missing, I decided to go to her."

He popped open the bottle and poured two glasses. Roslyn smiled as she took the glass. 

She hummed as she drank the sweet red. "Mmmm that is surprising good. How do you always know what I need before I do?"

"It is a gift my dear." He looked over at Cullen thoughtfully. 

"You know...... life is funny isn't it? The perfect man for you was presented to you years ago. But it took all this time for you two to come together. You're going to marry him you know."

Roslyn huffed a laugh. "He might be able to hear you Dorian. Don't scare him off." 

Dorian rolled his eyes. "Please, that man is absolutely crazy about you. He probably has dull Fereldan names picked out for your future children. " 

Roslyn laughed a little louder, making her cover her mouth. She threw a pillow in his direction, "don't make fun of my children's names!" She giggled. 

On the sixth day, Roslyn made her way to the war room. She typically went to the morning meeting, then to Cullen's tower to check on him. She opened the heavy doors and her eyes widened in surprise. 

Cullen stood in his usual place at the table. His skin golden and glowing, his eyes bright honey, his hair perfectly styled and his armor and mantle in place. He stood tall, unwavering, and confident. He smirked as she opened the door. 

"Cullen! I-I mean, Commander Cullen! I wasn't expecting you here!" She stammered out. Maker he was incredibly handsome. No, that couldn't properly describe the golden man that stood before her. Her face flushed red and the other advisors were now giving knowing stares and smirks of their own. 

"I was given clearance this morning by Solas. He says I am fully recovered. I am happy to be back Inquisitor. " He said smoothly as his eyes burned into hers. 

Josephine cleared her throat. "Leli and I were just giving the Commander a little review of the past week. Nothing of major significance has happened which is good. He is now all caught up unless you have something to add?"

Roslyn nodded, "no.... " her eyes couldn't leave him. Her heart thudded in her chest and she was sure everyone could hear it. 

Josephine smiled at Leliana, "well I suppose we will leave you two to.... review?"

The advisors walked out whispering and giggling to one another.

The door slammed behind them. Cullen just stood looking at her with that damn stare. A lion about to feast on it's prey.

"So... you're feeling better?" Roslyn murmured. Her throat running dry. 

He chuckled, "I feel better than I have in months. Perhaps years. And it's all because of you." 

She shook her head, "Solas is the healer I just do as he says. I wanted-"

He walked, no, _marched, _three steps to her and crashed his lips against hers. He wrapped his hands tightly around her waist and kissed her as if it would be their very last. 

She moaned into his mouth wrapped her fingers around his neck pushing her body as tightly as she could against his. 

He picked her up and sat her on the war table and she wrapped her legs around him. His hips thrusting into her on their own accord. 

He brought his lips to her throat and desperately kissed every inch of skin that was presented to him. "I need to be inside you " he said, half demand, half pleading. 

She hastily pulled at the top of her leggings and he growled as he yanked them off her legs. He unbuckled his belt and chest piece and they crashed to the ground. 

His hand found her wet center and she whimpered into his shoulder as he opened her with his fingers. "Cullen please I need you" she begged. 

He positioned himself closely to her and with a hard fluid motion he seated himself inside her. They both cried out from the sensation and he pulled back to do it again. 

"Cullen! Yes! Harder!" She cried out and he growled as he began thrusting into her hard and deep. He grabbed her hips half lifting her up with each snap of his hips. Her fingers scratching down the back of his shirt and her face buried in his chest. She'd missed his smell, the feel of his body against hers. She was in a dizzying blissful daze. 

Finally she reached her peak and practically screamed his name and he followed her over the edge with a roar. She could feel his release within in her and it brought her even higher over her edge. 

They sat, connected for sometime. Finally, Cullen pulled out of her and redressed himself as she did the same. 

They both knew they would have to walk by Josephine's office now. Maker she had to have heard everything. 

Cullen kissed her before they opened the door. It was soft, gentle, and not hurried or desperate like before. She smiled at him as he pulled away. His face bright and beaming with happiness. 

"I love you" he whispered as he dropped his forehead to hers. 

"I love you, you crazy stubborn bastard." She replied.

He chuckled, "That says a lot coming from you. The person who goes around slaying dragons in their spare time."

She rolled her eyes. "When are you going to let that go?"

"Never." He said as he put his hand over his heart. 


	39. Role Play

"The Winter Palace is not the place to discuss calibrating weapons of war Commander. You must learn to make small talk!" Josephine said as her hands flung wildly in the air. Her frustration with preparing certain party members was beginning to show. Sera was the absolute worst, but Cullen was giving her a run for her money.

"I don't do small talk Ambassador, I am a Commander of an army not a bloody tea party." He scoffed as he crossed his arms across his chest.

"Why don't we practice the dance steps again?" Roslyn interjected before the other two murdered one another.

Josephine sighed, "because we must learn how to speak to the other guests!" She stomped her foot petulantly. 

Roslyn gave a Cullen a pleading look and he took a deep breath. He would try. For her.

"Alright Josephine, I'll try again." He said in a calm voice. She turned and smiled. Nobody could resist the man.

"Good. Now, let's pretend I am a Duchess. How would you greet me? Better yet....." her eyes sparkled as a new idea flashed through her mind. "Pretend Roslyn is a Duchess. I want to see your mannerism as you speak."

Cullen resisted rolling his eyes as he sauntered over to Roslyn. He decided to have a little fun with this.

He bowed deeply, taking her hand in his. His eyes looking into hers as they danced with mischief. 

"My lady, I couldn't help but notice your beauty even amongst this crowd of people. You stand out like a rose amongst weeds. I am Commander Cullen Rutherford and I find myself quite smitten with your grace."

Roslyn arched a brow, "if you dare speak to one of those Orlesian twats like that you will find yourself on fire my dear Commander. "

He chuckled and Josephine groaned. 

"Can we please stay on point?" She huffed impatiently. 

Roslyn cleared her throat and in her best Orlesian accent she said, "Commander Cullen, what an absolute honor it is to make your acquaintance. I am Duchess Roslyn. I have heard so much about your successes in the Inquisition. " She fanned herself with her hand and gazed dreamily at the ceiling.

"Have you now?" He stood close to her now, his eyes lookong down into hers with that devilish smirk. "What successes would you like to know about my lady?" His eyes flicked up and down in the familiar way that made Roslyn quiver. 

Josephine hummed, "very good Commander! Engaging the nobility in such a way makes them feel they have control over the direction of the conversation. "

His back was turned away from Josephine, so she couldn't see the heated look on his face as he spoke. Roslyn could feel her cheeks begin to heat. 

"Well.... I hear you are quite the swordsman. You haven't been beaten in a spar or battle in years. Is this true? Or an exaggeration?" She asked her accent getting better as she continued. 

"I consider myself quite skilled with many weapons. But I always say, the best way to learn if something is true or not, is to find out for yourself. " 

Now he lowered his head so that his lips brushed against her ear and he whispered lowly, "would my lady like to find out how skilled I am with my sword herself?" 

Roslyn's face was burning now and she could feel her breath coming in shallow intakes. Josephine was giving a curious look from the sidelines but looked at Roslyn's face and suddenly understood what was happening. 

"COMMANDER CULLEN YOU MUST FOCUS!" 

He held up his hands in surrender and backed away from Roslyn. "Forgive me Ambassador. I believe I got carried away in the role play." He smirked at Roslyn with zero shame. She cocked her head to the side and said under her breath so that only he could hear her,

"Perhaps we will continue this later?" She bit her lip and winked, making him blush slightly. 

"Josephine perhaps you should make Sera and Cullen practice together?" Roslyn suggested. Cullen's eyes went wide. 

"Absolutely not!" He cried.

Josephine shook her head, "I agree with the Commander. I simply cannot deal with them both at the same time."

Roslyn laughed as she made her way to the door. "Good luck with that one Josie." He grinned broadly at her as she left.

* * *

She found him several hours later on the battlements. The wind was blowing through his golden hair and he closed his eyes gently relishing the fresh air. She hated to even interrupt such a peaceful moment he was clearly having.

Before she could decide if she should speak or leave him be, he sensed a presence behind him and half way turned his head. He smiled softly at her and she took it as an invitation to stand beside him, overlooking the massive Frostbacks. 

"Are you still feeling well?" She asked. 

"I am. I should never have pushed myself so hard. I suppose I should tell Cassandra she was right." He chuckled. His eyes were bright and his face seemed less worried and more relaxed. 

"You should. She would probably pass out from the admission." Roslyn replied with a huff of laughter. 

He grasped her hand as they stood looking over the battlements. "I have dealings in Fereldan. I was wondering if perhaps you could accompany me? It will only be a few days. I'll make all of the arrangements." He looked nervous about asking. His eyes now downcast as his free hand came to rub the back of his neck. 

Roslyn laughed inwardly. He still didn't realize how much she would do for him. That she could never deny him anything. 

"I would love to Cullen. I have no upcoming missions in the near future. Just say the word." 

He turned and smiled at her. "I'm glad." He brushed a strand of hair away from her face and kissed her. She sighed into his kiss as she always did. She wasn't sure if she would ever not feel the dizzying sensation he caused her everytime his lips touched hers. 

"We'll leave tomorrow if that's alright?"

"I look forward to it." She replied. 


	40. Tell the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW
> 
> A little more fluff and smut before returning to the main plot. Hope you enjoy!

The next morning, Roslyn found herself mounting her favorite horse, who she'd creatively named 'John'. 

"How exactly did you decide your horse should be named 'John' Inquisitor?" Horsemaster Dennett asked for the 100th time. He sighed as he patted the dark horse and shook his head as if disgusted by such a name.

Cullen chuckled as he mounted his own giant horse, 'Captain'. "John is a fine Fereldan name Dennett. You should be pleased." He said with amusement. 

"A fine name for a boy not a bloody horse." He grumbled. Roslyn just smiled and stroked his mane. "Come now John, don't listen to that grumpy man."

Cullen's eyes danced with amusement as he watched her. She looked beautiful this morning. She wore more casual clothing for the trip and because fighting wasn't expected. Leliana's scouts had already cleared the area and where they were travelling was Inquisition ran anyways. Cullen had told her they'd be gone only three days and 2 nights. 

The left just as the sun was beginning to peak it's rays from the mountain side. They quietly left the walls of Skyhold.

After some time had passed and they had rode in peaceful silence, Roslyn had to ask, "so where exactly are we going? And Why?"

Cullen clucked his tongue at her and a slight grin spread on his face. "So many questions Roslyn and unfortunately I'm not inclined to answer them."

She huffed, "I could _order _you to answer them." She said with no small amount of sass.

Cullen laughed. "I'm afraid that won't work today my lady. You see out here, just the two of us.... we are simply Roslyn and Cullen. Not Inquisitor or Commander."

"Is that so? Does this mean you'll not speak of trebuchets and military strategies?" She replied dryly. 

He smirked. "A man has to have hobbies Roslyn."

She rolled her eyes but laughed. 

They made quick time and soon the snow disappeared and revealed the dark green forests of Fereldan. She breathed in the scent of pine and cedar and hummed when she felt a breeze rustle between the leaves.

They spoke at length at times and when they didn't they felt a comfortable quiet fall over them. 

Finally, they reached the Inquisition outpost and set up camp.

Cullen looked around nervously as he approached her as she unpacked her things from John's back. 

He rubbed at the back of his neck and his eyes darted nervously around. 

"Umm, I wasn't sure if you wanted your own tent, I mean, of course you want your own, but would you like me to set it up, because my tent is already set, and it's quite large a-and w-well..." 

Roslyn arched a brow and smirked in amusement at his continued awkwardness when it came to their relationship. 

He exhaled loudly, "Maker's Breath, I'm trying to ask if you want to share a bloody tent." His face was beaming red, all the way to his ears and Roslyn couldn't help the giggle that escaped her lips. 

"Cullen Rutherford, you've had me in a tent already and on the war room table and you're embarrassed to ask me to sleep in your tent now?" She cocked her head and stared unashamed into his handsome face.

A nearby scout clearly heard what she'd said and began a mad coughing fit that made Cullen turn an even deeper shade of red.

"Maker Roslyn, do you have to announce it to the entire outpost? I'm trying to be discreet here."

"Are you embarrassed?" 

"What? No! Maker I am lucky to... well to be here with you. And the tent. And the....." he cleared his throat as the scout stared openly at him now waiting for him to continue. "...and the war table." He said a little more quietly then cleared his throat.

Roslyn smiled, "then don't worry about discretion on my account. I could care less who knows. But if you wish to keep this secret-"

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her deeply, the scout's jaw dropping to the ground. "You are no secret. Tell the damn world." He replied with a smirk. He turned and nodded smugly to the stunned scout and began helping unpack Roslyn's things.

* * *

That night a roaring fire burned in the center of the outpost. The tents were circled around it for warmth. Most of the soliders and scouts were sitting around it, just outside their own tents. Cullen and Roslyn had joined them. 

It was uplifting for the men and women to sit with the Commander and Inquisitor. They became humananized and more than just figures of authority. Some of the people told stories about their experiences in the Inquisition, mostly light, funny tales that kept Cullen and Roslyn smiling from ear to ear.

Finally, everyone began turning in for the night. Cullen and Roslyn doing the same. They entered the tent and undressed. Roslyn to nothing but her smalls. 

"Not even a breastband? Maker, what if there is bandits?" Cullen asked half joking, but half serious.

"My magic works whether I'm clothed or topless Cullen." Roslyn said with a sly grin.

He chuckled lowly, "I can imagine their faces at such a sight. "

"I bet I could shoot lightening from my tits if I really tried." She retorted as she cupped them in both of her hands.

Cullen let out a loud bark of laughter at this. "Please woman do not try that tonight. Perhaps you and Dorian can practice when you get back."

She giggled as she made her way under the heavy furs and blankets. She sighed as her head hit the pillow beneath her. Cullen made his way next to her pulling her back in closely against his chest. He breathed in her scent and sighed. "Maker I could do this every night and never tire of this feeling."

He ran his fingers down the side of her body, over her hips and back up to her waist. 

"After this is over.... what are your plans? Will you return to your family in South Reach? Work for the new Divine?" Roslyn asked. It came out softer than she had intended, revealing her insecurity in the question. 

His hand that had been gently stroking her stopped on the top on her hip.

"I-I'm honestly not sure. I have thought of both options. Either one seems perfectly plausible. I know that I won't want to move on.... not from you. That is to say- well if that's what you want of course...."

She turned to her opposite side and faced him. "Do you even have to ask?" She replied. His face melted into a soft grin. "No.... I suppose not."

She kissed him and placed her hands on his chest, gently pushing him down onto his back. She climbed atop him and continued peppering his lips and jaw with kisses. 

She slowly made her way down his body, stopping to drag her tongue across the hard planes of his stomach. A low moan escaped his mouth as he ran a hand into her hair. 

Finally, she reached his hard length and he suddenly stopped her. "You don't have to..."

She looked up at him, "I _want _to." His eyes were dark with lust and he nodded his head and watched as she stuck out her tongue and licked him from his base to his tip. He inhaled sharply as she kissed his tip and smiled up at him.

Then, she wrapped her mouth around him and _sucked. _His hand returned to the back of her head as he bit into his other fist to muffle his sounds. She was unwavering in her rhythm and her tongue flicked and melted around him again and again. "Fuck Roslyn!" He groaned and gasped failing at containing his sounds of pleasure. 

Suddenly she stopped and his eyes went wild at the loss of sensation but grew wide when he saw her climbing back atop him and lowering herself onto his cock. His head fell back as his hips bucked up to meet her. His hands gripping her hips tightly she began rocking her hips in a beautiful motion. Her pants becoming louder and more wild she threw her head back and moaned his name again and again. 

He was so, _so _close but he was desperate to see her finish. His hand traced over her breast and down her abdomen and down, down to her clit. He made small circles again and again. "Come for me Roslyn. You are so fucking beautiful when you come for me." He rasped out in a low voice thick with lust. 

This tipped her over into her climax and she covered her mouth with her hand as she cried out. Cullen thrust up into her only a few more times before doing the same. She collapsed on top of him and he brought a blanket up to cover them both.

They fell asleep just as they lay, as entangled lovers, without the responsibility of the world on their shoulders.


	41. Emerald Graves

All too soon the getaway was over and reality set back in. As soon as they returned Roslyn was sent to the Emerald Graves to meet with a man known as 'Fairbanks'. Leaving Cullen was painful. But she tried not to show just how distraught she really was. 

Now she was traveling once again with her companions and John. She was reflective most of the first few days, daydreaming about her time away with her Commander. 

_The lake he had brought her to was peaceful and quiet. A low mist kissed the surface of the water and the sound of frogs and crickets could be heard all around along with the soft lapping of water against the dock and shore. _

_ "When I was a boy, I would come here to get away from brother and sisters. I loved my siblings but they were very loud." He said with a soft smile._

_ Roslyn smiled at his recollection. He seemed so at ease in this setting as he picked up a flat, smooth stone and skipped it across the water._

_ "I wanted to bring you here and show you something about me that wasn't directly linked with war or the Order. Something that was apart of me before all of that." He murmured. _

_ "I love it. I can imagine you as a boy out here, curly locks and all." She replied with a smile._

_ He glanced at her and chuckled. Then he turned to her, an intense look coming over his eyes._

_ "Before I went to the Order, my brother gave me something to bring me luck. I wasn't supposed to have any personal posessions, but I hid this and kept it close all these years. I've survived many things I shouldn't have. I'm not superstitious but...."_

_ He reached into his pocket and pulled out an old coin with the image of Andraste carved into the front._

_ "I wanted you to have this. We do not know what you will face.... humor me." He said as he placed the coin in her palm and curled her fingers around it._

_ "Cullen.... this has to mean so much to you to have kept it all this time.... I couldn't possibly keep it." She weakly protested although she felt her heart swell so much that she thought it would burst from her chest._

_ "I suppose it shows how much you mean to me if I'm willing to part with it. There is nothing more important now. There is only you." He murmured as his golden eyes flicked up to meet hers. _

Roslyn smiled at the recent memory and reached underneath her shirt and pulled at the chain that hung around her neck. She clutched the coin that now hung at the end at squeezed. 

When he saw her wearing it the first time he smiled and his eyes beamed with love and a tenderness that he reserved only for her. 

"Oh for fucks sake, will you wipe that disgusting look off your face? I swear if you two become anymore love sick over one another I'm going to vomit." Dorian dramatically shuddered atop his horse.

Roslyn, now pulled out of the pleasant daydream, scowled. "And why in Thedas would I want to remain here in reality with your grouchy, Tevinter ass? You've done nothing but complain since we left!" 

"She's right. You have been extra grumpy. " Cassandra chimed in. "Besides, I think it's romantic." She added wistfully. 

"He's just mad because he hasn't had any action since joining the Inquisition. I told you Vint, I'd be happy to help you relieve some stress." Bull said with a grin and a wink.

Dorian scoffed but Roslyn noticed he was blushing. "Please, I am _grumpy _because I am tired of riding this damn horse into Maker knows where. Why must we always have to travel so far? Certainly we are big enough now that these people should be coming to you Roslyn. You don't see Celene running all around Thedas!"

"I am not a ruler of a country, my role is to bring Order back into the places these monarchs and Chantry have lost control over. So I must go to them or I will be as useless as the rest of the rulers in this world." She replied. 

Solas rode along quietly, taking in the surrounding area. Whether he was listening or not was anyone's guess. 

When they finally arrived and met Fairbanks, Cassandra was absolutely smitten with the rebel Orlesian.

Refugees were everywhere in the outpost and Roslyn was impressed with secrecy of it's location and the protection the group offered.

"Something is happening deep in the Graves. Red Templars have been spotted on numerous occasions and people have gone missing. We are unsure if they are alive or dead. Also, Inquisitor, beware of the Giants that roam these parts. There are many." Fairbanks marked on her map where the Red Templars had been sighted.

Tracking where their supply was coming from had proved difficult. Multiple leads typically led to small operations of red lyrium mining but nothing that could possibly supply an entire army. Cullen and Leliana had been mulling over reports for months, but much to their frustration, they had been unable to track down any major operations.

Fairbanks had promised a solid lead in exchange for information on the missing people and the surrounding area to be cleared of Red Templars to ensure the safety of the refugees. 

"We are not experienced in dealing with these templars and my men already have their hands full with the civil war and protecting the refugees. We cannot afford to send them out far bwyond the encampment borders because we risk our encampment being taken. I hope that you can help Inquisitor." He said lowly. His eyes continually glancing at a blushing Cassandra.

"The Inquisition wishes to protect all people who need it. We will do our very best to secure the Emerald Graves for your refugees. We thank you for any leads you may offer in exchange. " 

Several scouts took Solas and Roslyn to the borders of the encampment. Soldiers patrolled the outer borders and again Roslyn felt impressed and safe with the protection. 

The Emerald Graves was absolutely stunning. Tall, green trees reached towards the sky, so much that the sky was barely visible. A gray shadow cast over the ground creating a peaceful but somber atmosphere. 

"They say a tree was planted by the Elves for every life they lost." Solas said soflty as he gazed at the forest. "Such sadness in such beauty." He added. His eyes looking forlorn and his ears sloping downwards. 

Roslyn didn't know what to say. She too felt the sadness that seemed to hang heavy in the air.

"It truly feels sacred here. It is almost a blasphemy for anymore bloodshed to be occurring on this land. More the reason to see these red templars ended." She finally said.

His eyes hardened a bit as he nodded. "I agree. They mock the sanctity of this place with their greed."

When they returned to the heart of the encampment a scout came running to Roslyn.

"Inquisitor! I have a message from the Commander!"

Roslyn tried to hide the smile that was threatening to burst from her lips. She took the letter and found her tent. She lay on her blankets and opened the letter.

_Roslyn,_

_You've been gone almost a week and I'm not adjusting well. You left your blanket in my office, which I think you did on purpose, and it smells like you. I admit that I have been sleeping with it like a child sleeps with their favorite blankie. _

_ It's ridiculous really. You've turned me into a love struck, sap of a man. My soldiers keep giving me stupid looks and ask "why have you seemed so happy Commander?" You would be amazed how quickly gossip spreads in the barracks. _

_ But since you've been gone, I'm afraid my mood has been in a downward spiral. So much so, Sera brought me cookies! At first I thought they were laced with something unpleasant, but I was quite pleased with what she made. Not to mention utterly surprised she bakes....._

_ Please hurry back. I sleep so much better with you beside me. Or on me.... or under me.... just simply with me._

_ Yours,_

_ -Cullen_


	42. Rumors and Resentment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa discovers Alistair travelled with Roslyn to the Approach. Jealousy, resentment, and a plan begin.   
In other words...  
DRAMAAAAAAA

He'd been different since arriving back from Adamant. He knew it. He knew that she saw it too. Seeing all of the Wardens and how'd they fallen.... would it have happened if he'd been more involved? If he had led them when they were rebuilding after the Blight? 

So many different regrets plagued him. How could he talk to her about it? She'd never known death from war. She'd never known the terror of coming face to face with a darkspawn. She didn't understand the sacrifices that were made....

She'd only known luxury. Beauty. Softness. So he stayed quiet and a rift grew between them, widening everyday.

She sat in her parlour with her ladies in waiting and the wives of visiting dignitaries. They drank expensive, light, Orlesian wines and ate fresh berries.

The women gossiped about the latest rumors amongst the nobility and royalty. Elissa's thoughts would drift back to Alistair. She couldn't figure out what caused the change in him. She had decided the previous day to read the official reports from Adamant and felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach when she read that he'd traveled to the Western Approach with _her. _He'd managed to leave out that particular detail when discussing his little trip. 

It always came back to Roslyn Amell. When his mood turned quiet and dark, she knew that's where his thoughts had wondered. As time passed after their wedding, those moods became less and less frequent. But now, since returning, it was constant. 

She had grown to resent the woman. Even hate her. She was the woman he would've chose if given the chance. Elissa knew it. Roslyn Amell understood him in ways she never would. It wasn't fair. To always be second. To always know you were the next best thing. 

"Have you heard the latest rumor about the Inquisition?" One of the women said as she fanned herself lazily. 

"I have! Can you believe it? It's quite romantic isn't it? But scandalous nonetheless!" Another woman responded as she swirled her wine.

Elissa's ears perked up. "I am unaware of this bit of gossip.... do tell ladies. " She said, suddenly sitting forward and feeling very alert.

"Well.... it's being said that the Inquisitor is romantically involved with her _Commander. " _The first woman said in a loud whisper.

"He is supposed to be one of the most handsome men in Thedas you know. And a military genius." The second woman swooned.

Elissa couldn't pinpoint why this made her enraged with jealousy. Roslyn Amell, happy and in love with another handsome and brilliant man. Another catch that should be for someone more deserving than some lesser known, disgraced noble house _mage. _

"Oh yes it seems the Hero of Fereldan still has the ability to bewitch the most powerful men..." The first woman passive aggressively responded while side eying Elissa.

These noble game playing bitches never missed an opportunity to slyly bring forth the topic of Roslyn and Alistair. 

"They say they are head over heels in love. Nobody has ever seen the Commander so happy. She must be an incredible woman indeed. " The second replied with a smirk.

Elissa schooled her face and smiled. "Indeed."

* * *

"Your Majesty, the noble houses are becoming concerned with the growing presence of the Inquisition. They now occupy two keeps in Fereldan and their power grows with each passing day." Arl Teagan said as he paced in front of the throne. 

Alistair sighed, "one of those keeps had been abandoned for centuries, we didn't even know it existed. The other was overrun with bandits and the Inquisitor cleared them out and now uses the Keep as a base of operation. It's not like they stormed occupied Fereldan Territory Teagan."

"It's no matter my King, the nobles need to see that you are working closely with the Inquisition and keeping them in check."

"I've only just returned from helping them at Adamant! What more do they want?!" 

"That was seen as Warden business my King. You had no discussions with the Inquisitor about their presence in Fereldan and there has been no guarantee from them that they will not try to overtake us."

Alistair sighed. Exasperated he asked, "what do you want me to do?"

"Not me Alistair...." Teagan said softly. "It's these noble Lords. They want you to go to Skyhold and hold treaty discussions. They need to see the big show, smoke and mirrors if you will, and a signed agreement between Fereldan and the Inquisition. "

Elissa sat on her throne next to Alistair's listening to this conversation. Her nails practically clawing away the fine velvet on the arms of the massive chair. He couldn't go back there. She wouldn't allow it. 

"You must go to Skyhold."

"NO!" She practically shouted, startling Alistair and Teagan. The men's eyes widened at her outburst and she quickly calmed her voice and relaxed her body.

"Our King has many duties to attend to here in Denerim. He was gone for sometime to aid in the great Battle of Adamant. But now, his people need him here. I will go to Skyhold." She said with authority. 

"Elissa..." Alistair began.

"My dear Husband, I have nothing of importance happening in the near future and our children our completely occupied with their schooling and etiquette training. As queen, I have the authority to create and honor peace treaties. This should appease the nobility should it not Teagan?" She arched a perfect, thin brow at the Arl. 

He cleared his throat and conceded, "it would my Queen."

Alistair didn't want to return to Skyhold. Although he'd finally made his peace with Roslyn, he didn't wish to see her so soon. It would be like peeling the scab off a new wound, revealing the raw flesh beneath. 

"Very well, Elissa, you shall go to Skyhold." He said, the decision made.

Elissa inwardly smiled. _Good. Perhaps Roslyn needs reminding of who I am. If she occupies the thoughts of my love, perhaps I should occupy the thoughts of her's. _Elissa would make her mark on the Inquisition and perhaps it's Commander. 


	43. Words from the Spymaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leliana gives warnings of what to expect from their guests.

Roslyn had been back at Skyhold for several days when Leliana and Josephine personally delivered the royal letter to her in her room.

She had been sitting at her desk listening to the sound of the light rain while she worked on her reports about the Emerald Graves.

She wasn't surprised by the knocking at her chamber door, scouts and runners (and a certain Tevinter mage) were constantly in and out of her room during the day.

She was surprised when her Spymaster and Ambassador walked in. Josephine wearing a strained smile on her face, one that only a highly trained eye such as Roslyn's would catch. Leliana was stone faced as usual, but her eyes flashed a little more dangerously than usual.

"Ladies! What brings you to this part of Skyhold?" She asked, trying to sound casual and not at all alarmed.

"We have something to discuss." Leliana said flatly. 

"That much is obvious.... what's going on?" Roslyn replied as she crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair.

Josephine stepped a little closer and extended her arm, a letter in her hand. 

"This arrived earlier this morning. It was addressed to you. Errr... Leliana may have already peaked at it " 

"I read it." Leliana flatly confirmed. 

Roslyn took the letter and began scanning it. 

_Roslyn,_

_ I hate having to write this letter. But unfortunately my position forces me to participate in frivolous politics. _

_ Your Inquisition and its massive army is beginning to make the noble lords of Fereldan quite nervous. They are demanding a negotiated and signed peace treaty between Fereldan and the Inquisition. _

_ I have only just returned from Adamant. My work here is excessive and I cannot leave so soon after just returning. _

_ Queen Elissa will go in my stead with a contingent of nobles who wish to be present during the negotiations. They will all be arriving within the week. _

_ Listen, I know Fereldan has nothing to fear from you. Maker, Fereldan owes it's existence to you. But I'm sure you have seen first hand how stubborn nobility can be and that we must sometimes play along with their ridiculous cart and pony show. _

_ Best of luck. And give Cullen my regards._

_ \- Alistair _

Roslyn sat down the letter, her eyes wide and she suddenly felt a headache coming on.

"So the Queen of Fereldan and a group of nobles are on their way to stay in my Keep and negotiate about our presence in Fereldan? The same Queen who is widely rumored to not exactly be my number 1 fan?" Roslyn said as she rubbed her temples.

Leliana nodded. "I have an agent within the castle who's position as a servant allows close proximity to Elissa. Apparently a conversation happened several days ago in the Queen's parlour regarding you and the Commander. The agent noticed a shift in the Queen's mood when your romance with the Commander was mentioned. It would seem her jealousy of you has not lessened with time."

Roslyn sighed. "Shouldn't it be _Me _that has the issue with _Her? _And I don't! I've never blamed her for what happened between Alistair and I. Why does she harbor these feelings for me?"

Josephine replied, "you are a threat she doesn't know how to dispose of. You are not nobility, you do not care about what is thought of you. The ruining of a reputation is a powerful weapon that she is used to wielding but you render it useless. Now, without any help from noble lords or bloodlines, you are arguably the most powerful person in Thedas. Her husband was in love with you and now you have the affection of one of the most eligible bachelors in Fereldan. Whether Cullen realizes it or not." She added as she snickered a bit.

"So what should I expect?" Roslyn asked.

"Calculated, passive aggressive provocation. She will try to belittle you, make you insecure. Do not let this happen. The negotiations must show our willingness to work alongside the leaders of Thedas but that we will not fold to the demands of any particular country." Leliana said lowly.

Roslyn nodded. Leliana paused, took a long inhale and added, "do not be surprised if she acts....inappropriately towards Cullen. She will try to find any insecurity. Since she probably sees herself as the one who stole Alistair's heart, she will believe this is a huge source of insecurity for you."

Roslyn swallowed hard. It was true that she had never blamed Elissa. However, Elissa had been the woman who Alistair was willing to move on with. And that did make her insecure. Elissa was beautiful. Perhaps even stunning. The picture perfect definition of a noble lady and Queen. 

"I understand. " She finally responded. 

* * *

Cullen had been working for hours at his desk, reviewing information about the red lyrium suppliers and where they were smuggling it to. 

He muttered to himself about one of the agent's terrible handwriting when he heard a low,

"Hello Commander. "

He jumped, what felt like 6 feet out of his chair and exhaled loudly, "Maker Leliana you're worse than a fucking cat. Must you sneak up on me like that?!"

She smirked from underneath her hood. "I wasn't aware I was sneaking..... did I frighten you?""

He threw his hands up, "of _Course _you bloody frightened me! All you have to say is 'Hello' and I get a chill down my back."

She chuckled softly. "Good. Then perhaps you will take my warning seriously. "

He arched a brow, "what warning?"

She began strolling slowly around his office, her hands clasped behind her back.

"Alistair is sending his wife and a group of nobles for peace negotiations. A treaty declaring the Inquisition will not declare war on Fereldan. You know the involvement Elissa has with Roslyn and Alistair. "

Cullen's mind flashed to the memory in the mirror of Elissa and Alistair that the Nightmare had shown them all. 

"I do..." He replied.

"If I find that you accept her advances, there will be.......consequences. "

Cullen was confused and he stammered, "a-are you _threatening _me Leliana?!" 

She smiled, "Yes. If someone hurts Roslyn, I hurt them. I will not see her in the kind of pain that she was 10 years ago."

Cullen stood and faced Leliana, looking her straight in the eye. "I am not Alistair. I will be faithful to Roslyn. I will always be faithful to that woman. I swear on Andraste and the Maker. There is nothing to worry about."

Leliana nodded. "Thank you Commander. But be prepared for any advancements. From the Queen or the nobility that travels with her. You are quite the swoon worthy bachelor and they will be eager to lay a claim to you."

He groaned, "Maker preserve me"


	44. Insecurity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roslyn and Cullen talk after Leliana's visit.

After the Spy Master's informative- and unnerving- visit to Cullen's office, he decided to see Roslyn. He stacked his remaining reports and freshened up. He decided to dress casual rather than visiting her dressed in his full armour. 

The rain had been steady for most of the day and he knew it would be of some comfort to her. She always enjoyed the rain when she could stay in her chambers, warm by the fire.

He knocked several times but there was no answer. He typically wouldn't let himself in, but he was concerned about how she was handling the news of their upcoming guests. He opened the door and called, "Roslyn?"

He made his way up the stairs and into her room. He smiled at the sight that greeted him. 

Her bedroom doors that led to the main balcony were thrown wide open, the sound of rain pitter pattering on the stone fortress filling the room. The only other sound was the crackling of wood in her massive fireplace. A roaring fire warming the room despite the doors being open. 

Roslyn was curled up asleep in her large, cushioned chair that she had near the fire. At first she looked peaceful. But when he got a little closer, her brows were scrunched and a line between them was apparent. She was stressed even in her sleep. 

Still, she looked beautiful. Her wild hair tousled about her head and over her shoulders. Her simple gold ring that adorned the side of her nose revealing that bit of edge that she had no matter what position she held. Her long, dark lashes fluttering slightly when the firewood would pop a little too loudly.

He could see that she was shivering a bit so he made out her bed and gently picked her up from the chair. He felt her nuzzle against his chest and in a sleepy voice she said, "you're not wearing armour."

He could feel her smile against his chest as he made his way towards her bed. "I am not. I thought I would take a more casual approach this evening. "

He lay her on her giant bed and started to pull up the covers but she stopped him. "Stay with me?" She made room for him and patted the bed next to her.

"If I get in, I won't want to get out." He replied lowly.

"I wouldn't want you to." She said simply as she snuggled the side of her face deep into her pillow.

"People will talk about the Commander sleeping in your quarters. "

"People already talk about the Commander sleeping in my tent. What difference does it make?"

He smirked, "You have a point." He pulled off his shirt and trousers, kicked off his boots and slid in between the blankets.

"Maker this bed feels incredible. " He sighed as he allowed his body to melt into the luxurious mattress. 

"Josephine is responsible for that."

"I'll write her a thank you card." He said, half jokingly. 

He turned to his side to face her.

"Leliana told me about Elissa. She also made me scared of even breathing in the same room as the Queen. How are you doing with all this?"

Her eyes scanned his face. "I-I'm not sure. I'll deal with it of course. There's no other option. Josephine has been preparing me for the Winter Palace. This will actually be good practice for playing that bloody game. But.... " She sighed and didn't finish her thought.

Cullen lifted her face back up to his. "But what?"

"Have you ever seen Elissa? She's absolutely beautiful. She's graceful. She's intelligent and well mannered. She controls the attention of everyone in the room." She bit her lip nervously, not willing to say what that attention meant if it was given by Cullen. 

He smiled softly at her, his golden eyes like warm honey. "She won't have everyone's attention. And you apparently haven't seen the way people flock to you when you enter a room. People are mesmerised by you."

"I don't care if all of Thedas wants to swoon over her I only care if you do." She finely said softly. "I know it's incredibly stupid of me to be so insecure and I trust you, I truly do... it's just.... difficult. " She sighed as she closed her eyes.

He kissed the tip of her nose and then softly smacked the back of her head, making her eyes pop open in surprise. "Did you just hit my head?"

"I did. Clearly you need the sense knocked back into you. My mother would do that to me several times a day." He chuckled.

"No matter where I have gone over the years or who I have encountered, NO one has ever held a light to you. My attention has always been on you. I understand the history. So I'll just show you everyday that she's here, that you are the only woman who I pay any mind to."

She smiled and kissed him. "Thank you." She said quietly. "I hope you know that Josephine plans to begin lecturing you first thing tomorrow about your "poor attitude towards nobility " and she expects nothing but polite behavior. 

" I am always polite! I simply have no patience for stupidity. So hopefully, there won't be any stupid people in this group. I'm not the problem here." He said with a playful, stubborn smile.

Roslyn giggled as she cuddled up close against his chest, Cullen wrapping his arms around her.

"Personally, I love the way you handle nobility. It's incredibly hot the way you couldn't give a fuck about causing offense. You only say what everyone secretly wants to say." 

"Well then you see, I'll tell Josie that I can't act any differently because it is a turn on for you and I can't allow her to interfere with that."

Roslyn laughed now, a relaxed, clear laugh that gave Cullen some relief. 

"We certainly can't. " 


	45. The Fashion Advisor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short fun chapter just before Elissa's arrival.

"Dorian! I need your help!" She was yelling as she ascended the stairs to the library he was always sure to be found in.

By the time she rounded the second bookshelf, she was flushed and slightly out of breath. 

Dorian sat, elegantly cross legged, with a book in hand, a glass of red wine and it's bottle sitting on the small table next to him. He arched a brow in curiosity and feigned annoyance. 

"And what can I do for you? It better be important with that kind of dramatic entrance. " He huffed as he closed his book.

"The Queen of Fereldan is coming to Skyhold. I need you to find me something to wear. Something that screams 'power' and 'beauty'. You keep saying you want to be everyone's fashion advisor.... well here's your chance." 

He sprung up from the chair in a split second and grabbed the bottle of wine.

"That's the most exciting thing you've ever said to me. Come, let's find something to make her royal head pop from jealousy!" He said almost giddily. 

Roslyn giggled as he grabbed her hand and yanked her towards the stairs. He practically ran to her room, half dragging her behind him. 

He threw open her dressing chambers doors and began flinging clothes over his shoulder. 

"Certainly not this one, Maker, is this a _rag?! _Terrible, horrible, just plain ugly.... oh this one was definitely picked out by a Chantry sister..... ahhh HA!!! _PERFECT!" _

He clapped his hands together and spun around whimsically with a dark, blood red dress. It was so deep in color that in some light it looked black. The front completely opened once it tapered down the hips, it was obviously meant to be worn with leggings. The small cupped sleeves would cover her shoulders but the dress dramatically dipped down her chest. It showed all of her feminine curves but combined with the leggings and boots she would pair with it, it screamed authority. 

He then began the process all over again but this time flinging her shoes everywhere around the room until again she heard "ahh HA!!" He proudly displayed a pair of black thigh high boots that were accented with gold buckles up and down their length. "These with a pair of black leggings, a necklace....." suddenly he was studying her face.

She nervously asked, "what?"

He tapped his finger on his chin. "Hhmmmm, let's do a little something with makeup today shall we?" It was technically a question but she knew better than to argue with him. 

He sat her down in front of her vanity and got to work. He stained her cheeks and lips with a deep red, almost matching the dress. He painted her eyelashes with a dark stain making them bolder, her dark eyes glittering behind them. Finally, he began brushing her hair, back combing some areas, smoothing others. He clipped both sides of her hair down behind her ears, revealing her pretty face while her long wild locks flowed down her back. Her choppy short bangs grazing above her dramatic brows. 

"Well get dressed! Let's see it all together!" He said as he almost skipped over to her outfit.

Once dressed he began bouncing up and down at his finished project. "I am utterly _brilliant. _" He squealed. 

She turned and looked in the mirror. She gasped at her reflection. Dorian WAS brilliant! With a beaming smile she spun around and hugged him. "I love it Dorian!" 

"As do I my little dove. You almost rival myself in beauty at the moment. _Almost." _He added with a wink as she rolled her eyes. 

She took a deep breath. "I suppose I should make my way to the main hall......" she bit her lip nervously. 

"Roslyn. Do NOT let this woman intimidate you. You are the fucking Inquisitor. You were a high tiered spy for the divine. You are the Hero of Fereldan. She is a silly girl. Remember that."

Roslyn felt her nervousness dissipate. He was right. She never let anyone make her feel less than. She wouldn't start today. 

"What would a I do without you?" She said as she nudged him in the shoulder. 

"I am imagine roll around in the mud or whatever it is you Fereldan's do in your spare time." He said smoothly, twisting his moustache. 

They heard footsteps approaching and turned just as Culled landed at the top of the stairs.

"_MAKER'S BREATH!" _He exclaimed with wide eyes as he scanned Roslyn. Dorian smiled smugly and arched a brow at Roslyn. 

"Do you like it? I had Dorian dress me up a bit." 

"I-YES! You look, I mean you always look amazing, but you LOOK" He gestured with his hands swinging them up and down her body, his mouth hanging open unable to finish his sentence. 

"She looks like the legendary Inquisitor that she is darling." Dorian said as he sauntered by Cullen, patting his back on his way out. 

"You owe me a bottle of my favorite wine for this Roslyn!" He called out as he made his way down the stairs.

She smiled at Cullen, who was still eyeing her in mild shock. "Are you ready for this?" She asked.

He sighed and seemed to regain his composure. "As ready as I'll ever be. But how am I supposed to act interested in these people when you look like THIS." Again he motioned up and down and a giggle escaped her throat. 

"All that self discipline you're always on about. Let's get this over with shall we?" 

He offered her his arm and she linked hers with his. 

"Yes. The sooner it's over the sooner we can be alone." He said with a smirk. 

This was it. She was finally coming face to face with Elissa Cousland.


	46. The Game Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roslyn meets Elissa. They don't become best friends.....

How was it possible that she more beautiful than she remembered? Elissa glided down the main hall slowly and with the grace of a swan. 

Her long, delicate neck adorned with beautiful blue jewels that matched her Fereldan blue gown. It was long and the sleeves belled out at her wrists while the rest of the gown hung elegantly, pooling around her feet. She was escorted by 10 other nobles who were almost as exquisitely dressed. Their eyes all flickering around the hall, taking in Skyhold.

Josephine had made the main hall a sight to behold for anyone; peasant or king. Tall, multi tiered candle holders lined both sides of the hall, large velvet green drapes lay against the stone walls, roaring fires in every fireplace and fresh flowers scattered across every table. 

Roslyn sat on her throne. It was large, in both width and height. A deep, dark polished oak throne that scrolled and twisted all about. Where she sat, it was cushioned with a velvet green, matching the drapes. 

"Your majesty, may I introduce; Inquisitor Amell. Inquisitor Amell, I present to you, Queen Elissa of Fereldan." Josephine gave the formal introduction and the two women took a moment to lock eyes. Finally Roslyn broke the silence.

"Queen Elissa. You honor the Inquisition with your presence. Welcome to Skyhold." She inclined her head.

Elissa, dipping her head, but not bowing, replied, "thank you Inquisitor. The fortress is splendid. You are fortunate Fereldan has leant it to the Inquisition and it's purpose." 

_So she's drawing blood already _Roslyn thought to herself. 

"I do not recall asking the King for permission. The fortress had been abandoned for centuries, and as a Fereldan citizen, I lay claim to it."

Elissa arched a thin, manicured brow. "This is one of the reasons for our visit. The Inquisition occupies parts of Fereldan, yet claims it does not wish to invade. You cannot build an army in our backyard and expect us not to worry."

"The Inquisition has no interest in conquests or ruling any country." Roslyn replied firmly. 

"You say this as you sit on a throne, dare I say, a throne even larger than mine. Yet you expect me to believe you do not seek power?" The nobles that accompanied her whispered to one another, nodding in agreement with their Queen.

"I said I do not wish to rule any country. I never said my position as Inquisitor lacks authority or power." Roslyn said lowly as she tapped her finger on the arm rest. Cullen glanced at her, sensing her patience running out. 

Josephine and Leliana, who was hidden in the shadows, also watched cautiously as the Queen dared to question the Inquisitor in her own hall. 

"And who may I ask gave you such power? You are of no notable house. You are a mage. An apostate hiding behind the title of 'Warden'." The crowd watching gasped at the slander. Some whispers could be heard from where Roslyn sat.

"How could she say speak to the Herald in such a way?!" One man bellowed and was quickly silenced by a soldier. 

Elissa hummed. "I see. Everyone believes you are sent by the Maker. One might assume the Inquisition is nothing more than a cult." 

Roslyn took a deep, slow, steadying breath. Willing herself to not shoot the woman down with a lightening bolt.

"My power was granted by Divine Justinia. You may see for yourself. " Cassandra, dressed in her formal Seeker armour, stepped from the front of the crowd, carrying the book with the Divine's instructions and her official chantry seal. Even Elissa could not deny the order.

However, she could argue around it. "It is clear what the Divine's intentions were. It is a shame she did not live to see them fulfilled. She did not select you. She died before she could. So again, who gave you your power?"

Cassandra took a step towards Elissa, a dangerous glint in her eye, but Roslyn held a hand up and she stopped.

"The left and right hand of the Divine were her most trusted advisors. They knew her for many years. They both endorsed my appointment to Inquisitor as did the man Divine Justinia hand picked to lead the Inquisition's army. If you know of someone more qualified to select the Inquisitor I would love to hear it." 

Leliana stepped forward just enough to alert Elissa to her presence. A ghost of a smirk playing on her lips.

Elissa knew she wouldn't win this arguement. She needed to shift direction. She bowed deeply to Leliana and Cassandra. "I had no idea I was in the company of such respectable and esteemed company!" It was an obvious slight to Roslyn that she would only give her a nod, yet bow to the right and left hand. 

Then she turned and bowed deeply and slowly to Cullen. "Commander Cullen Rutherford? I have heard _so _many great things about you. You must truly be a honorable man to be selected by the late Divine Justinia. " Her voice when she spoke was slightly higher in tone and softer as she lifted her gaze and locked eyes with him as she slowly rose from her bowed position. A faint smile on her pink lips, she held his gaze for a just a moment longer than necessary then returned hers to Roslyn.

"I trust that over the course of the next few weeks, we can reach an agreement with one another. The lords and ladies that have accompanied me will wish to see the ends and outs of Skyhold and what the Inquisition does. I will wish to meet with the left and right hand and of course..... the Commander. " She said with a smile as she side glanced at Cullen who was shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. 

Once we have seen what the Inquisition is all about, myself and my guests will convene. We will then meet with you."

Roslyn felt her cheeks burning. How _dare _she come into _her _fortress and call the shots?!

She glanced at Josephine who's eyes were pleading with her to stay civil. She took a deep breath and smiled as sweetly as possible. Dorian's words ringing in her head. _She is just a silly girl._

"Of course your majesty. All I ask is that you respect our time for planning in the war room. I know you are used to planning extravagant banquets but we are busy planning a war. It's a bit more complex than your tea parties." 

Elissa's eyes shot daggers at Roslyn but she smiled back just as sweetly. "Of course Inquisitor."

Josephine saw this as her opportunity to interrupt and get the two women seperated as quickly as possible. 

"Your highness we have prepared your quarters and the rest of your guests. It is in a newly renovated wing of Skyhold and I truly hope it meets your needs during your stay."

She prattled on as she led them out of the main hall, the large crowd that had gathered dispersing into smaller groups to gossip about the tense interaction between Queen and Inquisitor. 

Roslyn felt herself exhale with a loud _Whoosh. _Leliana, Cassandra, and Cullen surrounding her throne. 

"The utter _Nerve _of that woman." Cassandra said between clenched teeth.

Leliana added lowly, "I did not expect her to be so aggressive. But you handled it well Roslyn. She attempted to make you look weak in front of the people and you stood your ground."

Cullen nodded. "You handled it perfectly. Had it been me, I would've already had her thrown out. Maker, I almost did it a moment ago." 

This made Roslyn chuckle a bit because she wouldn't put it past Cullen to lose his temper and throw the lot of them out the gate. 

Leliana stared at her seriously, "she openly questioned your authority. I do not like this. She could cause discourse through Thedas in regards to the Inquisition. What is her end game with this?" She muttered more to herself than anyone in particular. 

Dorian sauntered up from the side of the hall. "To destroy Roslyn. Never underestimate the lengths nobility will go to destroy what they perceive to be a threat. She'd probably let all of Thedas burn as long as Roslyn burned with it." 

Leliana nodded. "You're probably right. Be careful what you say. All of you. Be aware of who is listening to your conversations and please, everyone keep their temper."

Cassandra and Cullen scoffed and Roslyn smiled. "Let the Game begin."


	47. Innuendos

_The fire was low in her massive hearth. Cullen stoked the remaining embers as he hummed softly to himself. His mantle was thrown on her desk along with his sword. _

_ She slipped out of her bed and walked quietly up behind him. Something was off. She couldn't tell right away what it was but something was definitely off._

_ "You finally woke. I was beginning to think you'd sleep through the war." He said with a smirk as he sat with his back facing the fire. One leg outstretched while the other was bent and one arm rested on his knee._

_ "How long have I been asleep?" She asked, feeling confused._

_ "Long enough for me to begin losing patience. " He replied smoothly. _

_ It suddenly clicked. Cullen would never say that to her for sleeping. If anything, he was always telling her to get more rest._

_ "You're back demon. Why must you continue these visits?" She asked annoyed as she sat down on the rug facing the demon._

_ It chuckled in Cullen's rich barritone voice. "I will always visit my favorite girl. Besides, I always have a way of offering you a warning."_

_ "Yes a warning to try to scare me into accepting your help." She replied._

_ "Yes, that is the main objective. But I also wish to see you happy. Even if it isn't without my help. But make no mistake. I prefer you take my help." It smiled, mimicking that seductive and smug little smirk Cullen showed on rare occasions. _

_ "You know.... the friend that you seemed so frightened of before... Solas?"_

_ The demon visibly shuddered at his name. "What of him?" _

_ Roslyn was amazed at how intimidated the demon was of the gentle healer. _

_ "He told me demons were all spirits once. Good spirits of love, wisdom, courage and justice....... he says some were corrupted. Is that what happened to you? Is that why there is still a small part of you that wishes to help?"_

_ The Cullen demon stared at her for a moment, anger flashing across it's golden eyes, then sadness. Finally the devious stare returned and it smiled._

_ "Your elvhen friend has told you much. I don't remember what exactly happened to me, it was a long, long, time ago. All I know now, is what I desire, or perhaps it's all I care to know. There is no point in remembering a past you cannot return to. Your friend would be wise to remember that."_

_ "What do you mean?"_

_ "I will not risk his return. Just know that not everything is as it seems. He looks after you, and will continue to do so."_

_ Roslyn decided not to push further. "Are we done here?" She sighed._

_ "No. Your thoughts are quite troubled." The demon stretched out both legs and then crawled over to sit beside her. It even smelled like Cullen. _

_ "She's very beautiful. Probably more so than he expected. "_

_ Roslyn felt her heart sink. "He would not stray."_

_ "I agree. But..... she will try to plant seeds of doubt. She is skilled in this area." He ran a finger across her shoulders and then up her neck. _

_ "I could help you.... I can be your eyes and ears where no one else can see or listen. I can be two steps ahead of her. "_

_ Roslyn shook her head. "I am not afraid of that woman, demon."_

_ "Nor should you be. But you should fear her skill with words. She will try to turn them against you. Be on your guard at all times sweet Hero."_

_ It's tongue reached out and licked her lightly along the shell of her ear. _

_ Then she woke._

"Roslyn wake up...." Cullen sat on the edge of her bed shaking her gently.

Her eyes slowly opened and she was greeted by his golden face. Daylight was streaming through her massive windows and she was confused as to what day it was. She looked down and saw the same clothes she'd had on earlier that day.

"What happened?" She said as she groggily sat up.

Cullen chuckled as she sat up revealing her incredibly disheveled hair.

"Well after Elissa stormed out of the main hall, you declared you needed a nap. You've been asleep for almost 3 hours."

Her eyes widened, "Maker Josephine must be furious." 

"No, I explained you haven't been sleeping well the last few nights. Which was a mistake because her and Leliana are relentless in their innuendos. " He scowled. 

Roslyn huffed a laugh, "well sometimes you make it so easy."

She suddenly felt a pillow whack her across the head. Cullen sat smiling at her looking rather proud of himself. 

"You can't come into my room smacking me with my own pillows!" She exclaimed.

"I can and I did. Now, my dear Inquisitor, it's time to ready yourself for an amazing dinner party with our esteemed guest."

* * *

Dinner was horribly uncomfortable. Elissa waltzed in the dining hall in a soft yellow dress. She gracefully took her seat to the right of the Inquisitor, who sat at the head of the long table. Cullen, sat to Roslyn's left, with Josephine and Leliana following. 

Any tense exchanges Elissa may have created earlier that day seemed forgotten. She was charming and polite and even pleasant to be around. But Roslyn knew better to believe any of it.

"Ambassador, I must say our quarters are quite lovely. You did a wonderful job of restoring the wing to it's former glory but you also added modern touches to it. Very well done." She said.

Josephine beamed. "Well it was a collaboration between myself, the Inquisitor, and the interior designer of course. But thank you."

"Inquisitor Amell, your tastes are exquisite. It's incredibly impressive considering you have no experience in such things. Truly you are meant for powerful positions. You handle them so well."

Roslyn almost spit out her wine. The compliment was a bit back handed but she said it so genuinely it almost seemed honestly _nice. _

"Thank you your Majesty." She simply said. 

Elissa leaned in so that only Roslyn and her advisors could hear.

"I do apologize for the little show I put on earlier. Please understand that I must play into the noble's little games. They wish to see Fereldan look strong and resistant to any outside forces. I had to put on a good show of force. You understand don't you? Surely you do Commander...."

Her gaze lifted to Cullen's who's eyes looked like a panicked cat's. 

"I'm not sure I understand your majesty." He said rushed out.

"You've earned the nickname name "Lion of Skyhold" and even "Lion of Fereldan ". The Orlesian's started it I heard, but its what everyone calls you now. You must be quite ferocious with your soldiers yet you sit before me as a gentleman. The ferocity is a show? Or perhaps you like to be in _dominate _positions most of the time.... either way you know how to appeal to your audience. "

Cullen searched for the right words. How the hell was he supposed to respond? What the hell was she trying to say? He looked over at Roslyn, but it was no help at all because she was downing her glass of wine like it was water in the Hissing Wastes as her eyes stared coldly straight ahead. 

"I, ummm, I suppose your majesty. " He finally said.

She laughed as she reached across the table and patted his hand. "Please don't hold back on my account. I maybe Queen but I am no shrinking violet. I have a lot of respect for men like you. And I love to hear how you conduct your business." 

Roslyn's eyes burned through Elissa and Cullen's hand and he quickly removed it and began rubbing his neck.

Josephine, sensing an intervention was needed, quickly spoke up. "Speaking of business, perhaps we should speak about tours?"

Elissa smiled sweetly. So sweetly it was overkill. Like a sweet syrup one swallowed to ease a cough. It was just as difficult to swallow. 

"I would love that Ambassador. Since the Commander and I have already begun to chat about his role, why don't I tour with him tomorrow? I would like a firsthand look at the Inquisition's army."

Roslyn began downing her refilled glass of wine. Leliana arched a brow at her, sending a silent message to keep her temper.

"I do a lot of paperwork your majesty and then I train recruits. It's quite boring and sometimes bloody."

"I insist Commander. Besides, I suspect you are being modest. The Lion of Skyhold is quickly becoming legendary for more than his handsome looks."

She sipped from her glass and smiled sweetly at him. Roslyn felt herself on the verge of snapping. Fortunately, the food arrived and a nobleman insisted on retelling a story of his from the war with Orlais, making dinner sufferable. 

Roslyn felt her brain getting foggy from wine and prayed for the night to end. But this hell that was Queen Elissa, was just beginning. 


	48. A Tiny Seed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut!!!!!!!!!!!  
Then plot.
> 
> NSFW guys.  
Thank you all for the comments and kudos! Your continued interest means so much!

"You're upset." 

"I am not." 

"You've been pouting since dinner."

"I am not _pouting" _

Cullen chuckled as she clearly pouted during her protest as she sat behind her desk trying to compete her paperwork. 

This was his favorite version of her. Her hair down and messy. She dressed in oversized tunics and a pair of smalls, her lean but shapely legs curled beneath her in her chair. She was such a natural, perfectly imperfect beauty. 

But, instead of the thoughtful, daydreamy look she often had on her face, tonight she pouted. And scowled. Then pouted again. 

He walked over to her desk and put both hands on the smooth surface, leaning over.

"You're upset she's spending the day with me tomorrow. " He said lowly. Roslyn finally looked up from her report and felt her breath catch in her throat. He looked unbelievably handsome. His hair slightly disheveled from it's typical style, giving him a more relaxed look. His five O'clock shadow peppering his jaw. His scar pulling upright as he poorly tried to supress his devilsh grin. His eyes almost as molten as the fire burning in the hearth, casting golden shadows across him. 

He was dressed down to only his trousers and his bare chest was distracting to say the least. 

"You would be upset if the roles were reversed. " She said bitterly. 

"I've been in that role. I was upset. It's how I know without a doubt that you are upset " He said quietly. 

She immediately felt remorse for her childishness. Cullen had to endure her travelling for weeks with Alistair. What he went through was far worse. Yet, he hid it far better. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't consider that." She said softly as she looked down. He chuckled and came around the desk, pulling her from her chair. 

"You have nothing to apologize for. But you also have nothing to worry about. You know this right?"

She bit her lip worriedly. "She's beautiful."

"You didn't tell me she was beautiful. This changes everything. " He mused with a grin.

She playfully smacked him on his shoulder. "Don't pretend you didn't notice."

"Maker I've never encountered a beautiful woman before. One that openly flirted with me! I am but a weak minded man who thinks only with his cock. We're doomed my love."

She gave his shoulder a shove and rolled her eyes. She brushed past him but he grabbed her by her waist pulling her flush against his chest.

"Do you have any idea how little control I have over myself when you are around? I've never struggled with it before. But all you have to do is glance at me and when I see you....my thoughts turn entirely...._Inappropriate. "_

He gathered her hair and let it drape across on shoulder as he kissed a trail down the exposed side of her neck. She sighed and titled her head so he had better access. 

"You are the only woman who has ever made me feel so out of control." His hands ran up and down her waist, from her breasts to her hips. "I've seen beautiful women, exotic women, classic beauties..... none have ever driven me to the breaking point that you have. You drive me absolutely mad." He gently sank his teeth into the skin of her shoulder and she gasped at the sensation, rolling her hips so that her ass ground against him. 

He groaned and spun them both around, sending her upper body across the desk. He pressed his hand between her shoulder blades and pushed her down gently. She obeyed eagerly.

He didn't take the time to remove her shirt. He felt almost frantic to be inside her. He pulled her smalls down and kicked them away with his boot. She quivered in anticipation as she licked her lips.

He ran one hand across her bare ass and then firmly grabbed a handful of the fleshy backside. 

"Maker preserve me your ass is perfect. " He growled out as he unlaced his trousers.

She whined and wiggled her ass for his viewing pleasure. He smirked wickedly. He _Loved _that he got to see this side of her. Completely undone and wild with desire. 

"Cullen.... now, please! She panted. But he decided to drag out her pleasure a bit longer. He bent over her and whispered in her ear. "I like hearing you beg for me. I want to hear more."

He then sank to his knees and grabbed both of her legs, spreading them wide. He licked her slit causing her to cry out and grab the other edge of the desk.

His tongue worked her front to back, back to front, again and again. She bucked her hips back against him urging him on while panting and moaning his name.

He sank his tongue into her opening and she nearly screamed his name. Her legs shivering from her nearing climax. He took a hand and brought it to her sensitive nub and rubbed it as his tongue slid in and out of her. She came hard and could barely stay standing despite having the desk to help.

She lay across the desk, taking deep, long breaths, her legs still shaking from the force of her climax. 

Then she felt him stand and align his cock with her opening. He slowly entered her, just allowing his tip to penetrate. 

"There is nobody else who I desire to be inside of. You are _mine _Roslyn Amell and I am wholly and undoubtedly _yours._" 

He then grabbed both sides of her hips and sank deeper into her. He slowly pulled out and at an unbelievably slow pace, sank back into her. It wasn't long before she started whimpering and trying to move her hips to increase the pace but Cullen wouldn't budge.

"Cullen! Please!" She whined. 

"Please what?" He asked lowly.

"Cullen I need more!" She cried. 

He growled, "more what? _Tell me _Roslyn."

"I love you.... but I need you to _Fuck me!" _She finally begged.

He smirked, "you have no idea how much I wanted to hear that." He allowed himself to break all sense of control. He slammed into her, hard ,fast, and unrelenting. The desk creaked and Roslyn was screaming and lost in her lust and pleasure. 

She could barely form words that made sense. Cullen gripped her harder and began grinding against her and the new sensation sent her crumbling over the edge. She managed to squeak out his name before she came again. He bent completely over her and nipped at her shoulder, and the buried his face in the crook of her neck as he found his climax. He groaned and sighed her name as he fell over the edge.

After several moments, he pulled himself off of her and gently helped her up. He looked her over and saw red handprints from his firm grip on her hips. His eyes softened and his brows scrunched. 

"I didn't hurt you did I?" His face full of panic and worry.

Roslyn, still out of breath and flushed huffed a laugh. I loved every second. You've nothing to worry about. Don't you dare regret that incredible performance. "

His face relaxed and he smiled softly. "As long as the lady is happy...."

Roslyn smiled back, "she is very happy."

She made out her bed and nudged her head towards the otherside. "Stay?"

Cullen was already walking towards his side and slid under the blankets. "Of course." 

"At this rate, I will have to move my dresser in here." He said, half jokingly. 

She snuggled atop his chest and smiled against his skin. "Whatever you need to do Commander. As long as you're in my bed."

He ran his hand through her hair as they lay in comfortable silence. She suddenly said, "you know, a few years ago, I spent sometime in Antiva for a mission. It was only supposed to be about 4 months but it turned into 11. But unwed couples sharing rooms was common."

"I didn't know you spent time in Antiva."

"There's ten years that we didn't speak. I've been all over. Haven't you wondered how I knew some Antivan?" She asked.

"Your Antivan is terrible."

"Well it's better than your Antivan."

"I don't speak any Antivan."

"Exactly." She said as she patted his stomach.

He chuckled. "Point made."

He continued playing with her hair as he thought on her words. "Are you asking me to move into your room?" 

"Well.... you're in here most of the time anyways.... but if you're afraid of the gossip-"

"Fuck the gossip. They can say what they want. I lost you for a decade. I will spend the rest of my life making up for it. I'll bring my clothes tomorrow. "

She beamed and gave him a quick kiss, her hair spilling across him. He smiled widely back at her. 

***********************************

Elissa sat in front of her vanity brushing her long, smooth hair. She played over the memory in her mind that had served her well again and again over the years.

_ "Elissa darling do you see that young sapling over there by the river?" Her mother asked as they strolled along the riverbank. _

_ "Yes mother."_

_ "Did you know that it started as a tiny, little seed? A seed that was planted sometime ago?"_

_ Little Elissa looked quizzically at her mother. "How did that come from a seed?"_

_ "You see my darling, sometime ago, our gardener planted the seed and nurtured it. It eventually grew into this young tree. And someday, it will be a massive tree. _

_ Elissa looked at it in wonderment. _

_ "This is how you must play the Game. People fail at the Game because they are too forth coming. They reveal all of their cards before the game has started. You must not do this."_

_ Elissa looked up at her mother. "I should plant a seed?"_

_ Her mother smiled. "Exactly. Plant the seed of doubt and watch it grow into a massive tree. That's all it takes. A tiny, single seed."_

Elissa smiled at her reflection. Tomorrow, she would plant the seed and watch it grow into a tree of misery.


	49. Claw

"Commander Cullen, I am so excited for our day. I am eager to see how the famed _Lion of Skyhold _manages his day to day work. " Elissa said as she looked curiously around his office. 

"I'm afraid it will be a bit of disappointment your majesty. A lot of paperwork is involved in Commanding an army." Cullen said as he stood at attention in front of his desk.

She smiled warmly and inclined her head, "Elissa."

"Pardon?"

She let out a little laugh, "please call me Elissa. There's no need for such formalities today."

"Very well...... in public however..."

"Still Elissa. I wish the people to see us as friends."

Cullen was extremely uncomfortable with this. It would be quite the scandal for him to refer to the Queen of Fereldan by her first name _especially _in front of others.

He coughed out of nervousness and gave a small nod. "Well I suppose we should get started. I thought we'd begin with a tour of the training grounds?" He said as he ushered her towards the door.

"That sounds wonderful Cullen!" She said too enthusiastically.

Maker this was going to be a long day.

* * *

Roslyn stood looking out over her balcony. Dorian stood with her while delicately chewing on an apple, while Sera sat perched on the railing, one leg dangling off while she bit ferociously into her apple.

"I do wish you wouldn't sit like that. One gust of wind and POOF! Bye bye mouthy elf." Dorian said as he eyed her dangling leg.

Sera rolled her eyes, "oi it'd take more than a gust of wind to blow me off aye." 

Roslyn heard the conversation but failed to join in. She stood gnawing at her lip with her stomach in knots.

"You know standing about worrying isn't doing a bit of good." Dorian said with a sigh.

"I am not _worried, _I am _agitated. " _She said flatly.

"I am agitated that she is getting everything she wanted since strolling through those gates." She threw her hand at the massive gates of Skyhold. "She questioned me in front of everyone, she's skipping off with _my _Commander for the day.... why must I play nice with her?"

"Ya weren't all that nice when she arrived yeah? You were right back at 'er throat. Good for you." Sera said proudly. 

Roslyn shrugged, "Yet she's calling all the shots so far. For the sake of transparency, we are obliging her and her company."

Dorian cleared his throat and stood a bit straighter, "you must show this woman that you are unaffected by her presence. Go about your business as normal. Even if you don't feel like it. Fake it until you make it my dear."

Roslyn nodded. She agreed with him. She refused to show weakness or insecurities even if she felt it. She literally wielded lightning in her hands. She was a force of nature. And nature did not care for noble mind games.

* * *

Cullen's head was pounding. Her questions were endless. Her fake enthusiasm for every little thing he did was exhausting and he was baffled how she found the energy to keep up such charades. 

"And what are you doing here?" She asked with wide eye amazement. 

He couldn't stop his eyes from slowly raising from his report to hers in annoyance, "I'm signing my name." He said flatly.

She giggled (far too much to be believable) "Of course but for _what?"_

I am approving troop movements in the Emerald Graves. There has been large quantities of red lyrium being shipped from the area. We are doing what we can to clear the area of suppliers. The Inquisitor gave us an excellent head start."

"I see...." she began pacing in front of his desk. They had been back in his office for almost 2 hours. They had toured the training grounds and the armory. She had asked endless questions and seemed at times, well informed about military workings. Now, she seemed to be struggling to find a reason to continue her visit with the Commander. 

"You're very talented Cullen." She said finally. 

He looked up from his reports. "I- um- thank you, Your maj- I mean, Elissa." Maker when would she leave?

"It isn't fair that you would be second." She said softly as she looked longingly towards his bookshelves. 

"I.... I'm sorry, what do you mean?" He asked perplexed. 

She smiled, almost sadly. "You and I are the same you know. We are the second choice when the loves of our lives couldn't have who they truly wanted. It doesn't seem right that a man such as you should be in that role."

Cullen's mouth hung agape in slight shock. "I, don't think I understand. What the Inquisitor and I have isn't-"

"Perhaps it's different for you. Or maybe you're perfectly happy just being apart of her life. Alistair hasn't been the same since Adamant. I'm sure traveling with Roslyn was incredibly difficult. Perhaps they even....." She trailed off and then shook her head.

"It doesn't matter. Forget I said anything Cullen. I am happy that you are happy." She smiled sweetly as she smoothed the front of her dress. Cullen sat silent, unsure of what even to say.

"I'll see you tomorrow? Perhaps you can show me a demonstration of troop training?"

Cullen felt his mouth run dry and the air was difficult to breathe. He nodded slightly, "yes. Of course."

She turned and left his office.

He sat in a slight state of shock. Elissa's words a sharp stabbing pain. Was he just a second a choice? A consolation prize? Someone who was good enough to fill the empty space in her life? But like trying to fit a circle in a square, he didn't quite fill that space the way Alistair had? 

What did she mean by 'perhaps they'd even' when she recalled Alistair and Roslyn traveling together? Did she have reason to believe they had slept together? 

He shook his head. No. This was the Game. This is what they do. They play games with your mind to get what they want. Manipulate then take. 

He refocused himself on his reports. He worked late into the night. He knew Roslyn would be waiting for him, but he was exhausted. 

And somewhere, deep in his mind, Elissa's words were trying to claw their way into the forefront of his mind. 


	50. So Much to Learn

Roslyn woke with an aching neck. It didn't take long to realize why. She was curled up, somewhat awkwardly, on her oversized chair. She had waited up for Cullen late into the night and she must have fallen asleep at some point. 

Her heart sank as she realized he never came to her room. She immediately tried to rationalize why he didn't. _Perhaps he got caught up in his work. Perhaps he worked too late and was afraid of waking me. Or maybe he was having one of his headaches and just needed some time alone. _

She looked out her massive windows and knew she needed to begin readying herself for the war room meeting. She tamed her hair as much as possible after her bath and dressed in dark, thick leggings with an ivory colored tunic. She pulled on her dark boots and patted her lips with her favorite berry stain and made her way down stairs. 

When she arrived in the war room, her advisors were in their usual places, Cullen included. She gave him a questioning look and he quickly began reaching for the back of his neck, his eyes not meeting her's for long.

The sinking feeling she had managed to will away came roaring back. 

"Inquisitor, good morning. You look lovely today." Josephine said in her usual chirppy voice.

"Thank you Josie. Let's begin with yesterday's events shall we? How was Ambassador Timmons?" Roslyn asked as normally as possible. Only the highly trained eye and ear of Leliana could detect the strain that lay there.

"He was pleasant enough. He had many good things to discuss including trade and even offering needed supplies to our cause. He stressed the importance of the Inquisition not aligning ourselves too closely with Orlais as it makes Fereldan worry about another invasion."

Roslyn nodded. "I can understand that. Did the rest of our guests have any complaints?"

"Aside from the usual small and demanding complaints and requests, no. They seemed genuinely impressed with Skyhold."

Roslyn nodded. "Very good." She took a deep breath and turned her gaze to Cullen, who was shifting his weight from side to side. Another obvious sign that he was nervous.

"Commander, since I didn't get to hear from you yesterday, please tell us how your day with the Queen faired?"

Leliana arched a brow at this bit of information and she and Roslyn exchanged quick, knowing looks. 

"It was mostly small talk and false pleasantries. She saw the training grounds and the armory. She had an endless list of questions. We ended the day with her watching me sign off on requisitions for two hours." He delivered his report as professionally as ever.

Roslyn looked to Leliana to take over the questioning. It only took a glance for Leliana to understand what Roslyn wanted.

In a cool, razor sharp voice she said, "Commander, I cannot stress the importance of relaying _every bit _of information and conversation you had. There are intricacies of the game that few understand. I must know everything. "

Cullen rubbed his neck again and looked up to the ceiling. "It's a bit personal...."

"I don't care." Leliana responded simply. 

He huffed. "Very well.... she implied that Alistair has been different since Adamant because she believes.... well she didn't come right out and say it but it would seem...... _Maker Preserve me, _she thinks he had romantic dealings with the Inquisitor while they traveled together. " 

Roslyn's eyes went wide, "_WHAT?!" _

He met her gaze for a moment and then with a painful look flashing across his face he added quietly, "she feels that both she and I are viewed as the second choice in our relationships because the King and Inquisitor couldn't have each other." His eyes stayed low on the table.

Roslyn felt her magic surging in anger. _stay calm, you have to stay calm. _But even as she tried to steady her breathing, lightning began racing up and down her arms in a blindingly white light. 

"Roslyn...." Leliana cautioned. 

"How _dare _she come into MY fortress and involve herself in my personal relationships?" She turned her head to Cullen, her dark eyes shining black. "You _believed _her didn't you? That's why you didn't come to me last night? I did NOT FUCK ALISTAIR. I hardly spoke to him! All I thought of while I was away was YOU." Tears were beginning to stream down her face. 

She felt foolish reacting so strongly but her nerves were shot. "What do I have to do to prove that I fucking love you?! I haven't been with Alistair for ten years! I've had lovers since him! They were second. Absolutely second. Dull replacements of what I had with him. I thought it would always be that way and then I saw you again. It blows away what I felt for that blasted man!" 

Cullen's face was openly pained now, his eyes filled with regret. How had he been so easily manipulated? 

He wanted to reach out and grab her but the lightning encasing her body prevented it. 

Josephine stood wide eyed, afraid to speak. Leliana cut in with a calm voice, "Commander do you see what Elissa is doing? She is planting seeds of doubt. It is a classic move in the Game."

He shook his head. "I see it yes."

Roslyn felt her whole body shaking with anger. "How could you think so little of me? That I would betray you in such a way? That I would use you for a warm body?" She hissed. 

"I am SO sorry-"

She raised a electrified hand. "I need a moment." She stormed out of the room, the door slamming behind her. 

Leliana sighed. "Oh Commander, you have so much to learn before we attend Halamshiral." 

Josephine, still wide eyed, nodded in agreement. "SO much....."

* * *

"So this is the sparring arena?" Elissa asked with sparkling eyes as she surveyed the ring.

"Yes. This is where the upper level officers and Inquisition members spar. There are other sparring rings for new recruits in the camps just outside Skyhold's gates." Cullen responded. He couldn't help the pleasant look on his face as he looked around. He always felt a sense of pride when discussing his troops training and his own.

"Oh and archery targets!" She exclaimed with the first genuine enthusiasm Cullen had seen. She practically ran over to the targets and picked up a long bow.

"Allow me to dazzle you with my skill Cullen! Feel free to watch my form and make any corrections." She added with a sly smile. Cullen felt himself blush. Her constant flirting made him uncomfortable and he wasn't ever sure how to respond. 

"Of course." Was all he managed to sputter out. As she readied herself from a respectable distance from the target, Dorian, Leliana and Roslyn looked on, unbeknownst to the Commander and Queen. 

"She is now trying to engage him in shared interests I see." Leliana murmured. Roslyn just quietly seethed. She had yet to speak to Cullen since the early morning war meeting. She then had to entertain the Queen's accompanying party with endless questions and answers about the Inquisition and Corypheus. 

She finally made her escape and was joined by her friends in the courtyard for an ale to alleviate her breaking nerves.

"She is quite the little flirt isn't she? It's almost embarrassing and I can't even hear all of what she's saying. But if she looks at him with those giddy eyes again I might vomit." Dorian replied as he sipped carefully from the frothy mug.

Elissa let her arrow fly and it hit the center of the target. 

"Well done Elissa! Your aim is impressive!" Cullen said, genuinely impressed. He hadn't expected her to be so skilled with a long bow, especially in such constraining clothing.

"_Elissa?! _He refers to her by her first bloody name?!" Roslyn hissed through clenched teeth.

Leliana hummed. "Yes, after you left this morning he told us that she requested he call her by her name on multiple occasions yesterday. It is a way to get under your skin. To show an ease to their interaction. "

Roslyn had enough. Before she could even think of what she was doing she was making her way to the sparring arena. Years of training and work as a spy came kicking in. Her fury was masked by a smooth exterior appearance. Her face masterfully schooled and her pace turning to a sultry, relaxed walk.

"Queen Elissa, you have quite the aim!" She complimented sweetly. Before the Queen could respond she turned her gaze to Cullen, allowing the fury she felt to flash through her eyes.

"Commander, I was hoping to see you here. I needed a good sparring partner."

She walked over to the weapons rack and pulled down a training sword. Then another. She tossed it to him, not asking if he wanted to spar. Saying 'no' was not an option.

She peeled off her tunic so that she only stood in her form fitting breast band. Not uncommon for her to do when she sparred. Cullen gulped when he saw the absolute anger in her eyes and decided it was in everyone's best interest to not protest.

He took off his mantle, then his armor. Finally stripping himself of his shirt. A not-so-subtle gasp could be heard from Elissa but Roslyn was unaffected. She stood staring down her opponent. 

And Maker, was he beautiful. His perfect form stood in front of her but she refused to allow herself the distraction. She was angry with him. He had so easily succumbed to that ridiculous woman. He called her by her name. She knew he had to be pleasant to her but where was the Commander she had known? The man who'd knock a King upside the head if he felt it necessary?

"Until the yield?" Cullen asked as he readied himself in his fight stance.

"Until YOUR yield Commander." She replied lowly. 

Then the spar was on. Roslyn struck first, darting to his left and striking his ribs. He countered immediately by striking hers and then their swords began to clash. Right, left, right, up, down..... it was non stop movement and soon they had attracted a crowd. Dorian and Leliana watched on, though their reactions were quite opposite. 

Leliana stood with an observant eye while Dorian fanned himself dramatically and gasped and 'oooohhhhh' with almost every strike.

Roslyn's arms were beginning to burn from blocking the powerful strikes of Cullen's sword so she decided to try to trip him.

As he lunged forward she shifted her level and slid a leg between his, tripping him with a swift kick of her foot.

As soon as he hit the ground he had her leg intertwined with his causing her to also land on the ground. Then it was a scramble to gain the top position. They wrestled and rolled on the ground until finally, Cullen was able to overpower her. It was only when his face hovered over hers that she saw she had given him a fast developing black eye.

"Yield?" He said in between heavy breaths. 

Roslyn's chest heaved up and down with her own deep breaths and a slight glisten of sweat across her skin made her glow. Her cheeks were flushed from the workout. Cullen's eyes began flicking up and down her body as he held his training sword to her throat. His pupils growing wide with his growing lust.

She knew that look well. She smirked smugly kmowing what kind of effect she was having on him in that moment.

"I yield Commander." He quickly dropped his sword and pulled himself off of her. He held out his hands and helped her up. On the otherside of the sparring ring, Elissa stood watching everything. She smiled and clapped for Cullen.

"Well done Cullen! You are magnificent!"

Roslyn's jaw clenched and Cullen looked at Elissa and then back to Roslyn. 

He had hurt her. He was foolish to allow the words of a scorned woman take hold of his mind. But he would show them both where he stood with Roslyn. He was not a man of words but of _action._

"I know you're angry. You've every right to be. Just promise you won't strike me with lightning with what I'm about to do?"

She looked at him in confusion. "I'd never-"

He crashed his lips against hers, wrapping his arms around her waist and pushing against her so hard her back arched slightly back. The crowd went wild with cheers and whistles. 

They kissed passionately for several moments before Cullen pulled away. She stood feeling the world spin around her but felt herself smiling as they stared at one another.

"I'm still mad." She said despite the grin on her face.

Cullen chuckled lowly, "I deserve it."

"Back to work!" He barked at the crowd and they quickly dispersed. Elissa stood awkwardly by the ring not sure of what to do or say. 

Cullen capitalized on this. "Roslyn, I will see you tonight?" He asked loudly enough for Elissa to hear.

Roslyn smirked knowing what he was doing. "Of course. I've missed _my _Commander. " She winked and strolled off back towards the main hall. 

Elissa's face burned and she hastily said, "I must be off as well Commander. I must prepare for this evenings dinner." She stormed off without another glance. 

Cullen smirked smugly knowing he had successfully gotten under the Queen's skin. Leliana, who Cullen had almost forgotten was still there let out a slow clap.

"Well done Commander. You managed to smooth over things with Roslyn and make a point to the Queen at the same time. Perhaps you are more prepared for Halamshiral than we thought. "

Cullen huffed a laugh. "I might be a slow learner of the Game, but I am learning nonetheless. "

Leliana sauntered into the ring. "For the record, my scouts as you know, are everywhere. Roslyn and Alistair did not sleep together. They hardly spoke but a few times. She is madly in love with you Cullen. You are second to no one."

Cullen smiled softly. "I believe her. But thank you. Old insecurities are hard to banish I'm afraid. "

"I understand." She said simply before turning to make her way out.

"One last thing. This isn't over. She will try a new tactic. Be watchful." She warned as she exited the ring. 

He knew it was true.

But he would be ready.


	51. Ruin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little Elissa/Alistair marriage backstory

"You are being too obvious about your disdain towards the Inquisitor." Lady Eleanor said as she smoothed the skirt of her dress. 

"I didn't think I was being discreet. She should know how I feel about her. She summoned my husband to a weeks long adventure and he hasn't been the same since. What am I supposed to think of her?" Elissa snapped at the woman.

Eleanor had been her closest confidant for years. A decade older than she, she always had solid advice and wisdom to offer.

"Alistair offered to go. Insisted actually. You know this."

"Please. She knew exactly what she was doing."

Eleanor sighed. Elissa had such a jealous side of her. It came down to the fact that Alistair was in love with Roslyn when they met. Elissa never felt great about how their relationship came about. She had wrestled with these insecure feelings for years.

"From what I've seen, she is over the moon for her Commander. Can't say I blame her. He is _exquisite. _" 

Elissa huffed as she began combing her flowing, smooth mane. "Isn't he? I could have a lot of fun with him...."

"You and your husband swore to remain faithful after the last incident..."

"Do you really think he has? I don't. " Elissa said with anger rising up.

When they had first wed, he was almost innocent in his idea of marriage. Soon, the newness of their joining wore off and she knew he still loved the Warden. Two years after their marriage, rumors spread that the King was having a lustful affair with one of her ladies in waiting.

Elissa actually caught them together shortly after. He had her pressed against the wall in the royal stables, her dress hiked up to her waist, rutting into her wildly. They were both so lost in their lust for one another they failed to notice her.

She waited for him that night in their room. She told him what she had seen. She slapped him. He was ashamed, but did not ask for forgiveness. 

"I needed an outlet." He had told her. She was furious. So, she retaliated. 

And the pattern of back and forth affairs began. It all came to a head when Elissa had struck up a romance with an Anitvan prince. When word began making its way around, Alistair was furious. She had almost cost Fereldan the peaceful alliance they had with Antiva. 

It was then they spoke at great lengths to mend their issues, mutual betrayals, and pain. They swore to each other to once again, be faithful. That was over a year ago. They had enjoyed a honeymoon period but once again, Alistair seemed to distance himself more and more. 

Eleanor was not that sympathetic however. This was the life of many nobles and royalty. Marriages of convenience, or alliance, or even good business were common. Elissa had been fortunate to marry someone who did love her and treated her with great kindness. She knew many women who were not so lucky.

Most of all, Elissa knew where his heart lied when she met him. When she lay with him. When she married him. She had been a wonderful second choice. But she couldn't be happy with that. Elissa had always been number one. 

"Does it matter? Do not interfere with that relationship Elissa. It will only bring you trouble." Eleanor warned.

Elissa smiled. "What information do you have for me? That's why I brought you."

Eleanor sighed. "I have heard that the Commander stopped lyrium. He even took some time off from his duties under mysterious circumstances. It is rumored that it was due to his withdrawals. The Inquisitor supports this decision. Also, I have found out some of Roslyn's family history. Her father gambled away what little fortune they had. Her cousin is the Champion of Kirkwall. "

Elissa patted her on the shoulder. "Very good! I could definitely use some of that information to my advantage. Let us proceed to dinner shall we?"

Eleanor nodded. Elissa was dead set on ruining the Inquisitor. 

But Eleanor feared Elissa would ruin herself instead. 


	52. Parties and Jim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fun cheeky chapter

"Commander a message from the Inquisitor "

"Thank you Jim" Cullen said as he took the letter. He had remained in his office after his and Roslyn's sparring match. It was nearly time for dinner and he was dreading the banquet. He'd had his fill of nobility and endless questions.

_Commander, _

_ It has been brought to my attention by a certain dwarf, that a 'real party' will be happening in the courtyard outside the Herald's Rest. I have informed Josephine that I am unable to attend another banquet tonight. _

_ I am hoping to see a certain Fereldan there. If he were to seek me out, he will find me with the dwarf I mentioned and perhaps a Quarni and Tevinter. However, he may choose to attend the banquet with the Queen I hear he is so fond of._

_ I suppose I will have to find another stern, straight laced, Maker fearing Fereldan. I hope he is as good a lover as the one I pine for now._

_ \- Roslyn _

Cullen grinned. He immediately took off his formal vest leaving him wearing only his dark trousers, boots and cream colored shirt. He was actually looking forward to tonight now.

* * *

"Do you think she can breath normally with all that weight on her chest?" Dorian asked with wide eyes as an extremely busty woman danced by their group. Her corset was so tight her breasts were barely contained. 

Roslyn snickered at his remark and genuine confusion at how the woman kept her breasts in her dress. 

"I don't know. But Maker bless that woman and that dress." Varric said as he and Bull toasted one another. Dorian rolled his eyes, "pigs, both of you."

"Don't be jealous Dorian. You know my eye is only for you." Bull said with a wink. Dorian blushed but scoffed as if he didn't care.

Roslyn was having fun. She needed a night like this. The courtyard was alight with torches and bonfires. People filled the courtyard and even in the sparring ring. There was music and dancing and people enjoying the night.

She wore a long flowing skirt, in a deep shade of emerald green. It had a long slit on one side to allow for extra movement. It was Rivani in design. Intended for the Rivani dancers. Roslyn had grown fond of their style when she had a mission there five years ago. Paired with the skirt was a black wrap around her torso, covering her breasts but crisscrossing in a way that revealed parts of her taut abdomen and sculpted shoulders. Her hair was wild as it hung in its tousled, long, layered waves all around her. She appeared to blend in with the common people but her unique beauty always made her stand out.

Cullen watched her for a moment from a distance. Would he ever stop not breathing when he saw her? She was absolutely beautiful. She laughed and carried on with her friends and eventually Dorian pulled her into the crowd of dancing patrons. He spun her round, her hair whipping all around her.

Dorian caught sight of Cullen and smirked. He danced Roslyn right up to him and passed her hand to his. Roslyn, having finished twirling around realized it was Cullen who was now her dance partner. 

"Do Templars dance?" She asked with an arch of her brow. 

Cullen smirked, "no. But for you, I'll try."

"Just don't step on my feet and you'll be fine. Everyone is drunk already anyways and won't notice a thing." She said with a wink.

Cullen placed a hand on her waist and clasped her hand with the other. They stepped and twirled with the music and he lost track of how many songs they had danced to. He laughed along with her as she pointed out some of the more drunk partiers. They would stop and have an ale with Bull and Varric, or listen to Dorian dissect the fashion choices of the people and hear him analyze the interaction between certain couples.

"Clearly she is not satisfied with him as a lover. Look at how cold and irritated she seems towards him."

"How do you know that it's because she isn't satisfied?" Cullen asked.

"Oh my handsome, sweet Commander. I just _Know."_

The night wore on and Roslyn nudged Cullen in the ribs and jerked her head towards the stairs. She began walking away from the crowd. He followed, several steps behind.

She slowly made her way up the stairs leading to the battlements. She looked out over the mountains that were now dark and only illuminated by the moon light.

They hadn't actually spoke about what had happened. They both knew it had to happen.

"Have I told you that you look beautiful?"

"Yes, 3 times already. " She smiled.

"Well.... it still rings true."

She turned and faced him. He leaned with one hip against the battlements, his arms crossed over his chest.

She bit down on her lip as she often did in times of nervousness or frustration. 

"I know you're sorry. But you should know that you hurt me. I've never given you reason to distrust me."

"I know. Maker I KNOW. I.... I can't possibly express how difficult it is for me to believe that you want to be with me. Of all the men you could have.... you choose me? It was easy to believe you'd truly want someone more."

"Just because he is a King doesn't mean he is more. Cullen.... I don't love the man he is today. He is different than the boy I fought alongside. Time has changed him. And not for the better. But you... time has only made you better."

She took a deep breath. "But the fact is, it's never been a 'you or him' scenario. It's only been you since the day you saved me from Cassandra's wrath." She said with a sly grin.

Cullen chuckled lowly. "Alright. I completely believe you. But for the record, you could do better. " 

Roslyn laughed.

"Better than the 'Lion of Skyhold '? I don't think so."

He snaked his arms around her waist and pulled her in closely. He kissed her slowly, parting her lips with his tongue. She sighed as he pushed her against the battlements and ran a hand up the slit of her skirt. Her skin hot beneath his palm. He gripped her thigh firmly, hiking her leg up and around his waist. Their kiss becoming deeper and their breath coming in pants and moans. 

"Commander?"

They both jumped from the wall and each other in surprise. Cullen spun around (after adjusting himself in his trousers) and growled. 

"What?!" 

It was Jim. 

"A-Ambassador Josephine wanted me t-to relay a message s-sir."

"Well out with it man!" He barked.

"She said that if you and the Inquisitor are going to be too busy to attend formal banquets, then you better be too busy to...." he stalled and looked between them.

"Jim!" 

He swallowed hard, "too busy to fondle one another in plain sight for all of Thedas to see." 

"WHAT?!" 

" I'm just the messenger sir! Please don't be angry with me!" Jim was literally cowering in the Commander's presence. 

Cullen closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I know. Thank you for delivering the message. " He said between gritted teeth. Jim scampered off and Roslyn doubled over in laughter. 

"You find that humorous do you?"

"That poor man Cullen! What have you done to him?!" She said between breaths.

Cullen rolled his eyes. "This is an army. If he wanted to get licked by kittens he should've signed up for something different. " 

He grabbed her by her arm and led her towards his office. She was still trying to contain herself once they entered. 

"Can we please get back to what we were doing before blasted Jim and Josephine interrupted? Maker forbid the nobility see us being normal _People."_

_ "_I think it has more to do with the fact we skipped dinner with them."

"We spent all bloody day with them. And had dinner last night. Does she want us to bathe with them next?" He growled out as he began nipping at her neck.

She giggled. "Perhaps. Would you like to see some of those women in the bath?"

"Oh yes. Especially the woman who wore an entire bird cage in her hair."

"Cullen it was just a normal head piece. Wait until you attend the Orlesian court. They wear actual bird cages. "

"Maker's breath."

She gently pulled away from him, just enough to look him in his eyes. 

"Promise me you will not let her come between us Cullen."

"Nobody comes between us. Ever. You have my word."

She softly smiled, "alright. Now you may have your way with me. Perhaps I should've worn a bird cage?" 

He smirked as he began unwrapping her top. "Don't you ever dare. Besides, I prefer you wearing nothing at all." 

"The Chantry would have a fit if I sat naked on my throne."

He grinned wickedly. "I would give just about anything to see you like that."

"You are a wicked man."

"Yes, but I am yours. "

"Indeed you are" 


	53. A Lovely Garden Lunch

They didn't try to hide their affection. It was clear they both had no issue with everyone knowing just how much they desired one another.

She watched from the highest landing of the main stairs as they lost themselves in each other's arms on the battlements. Had she ever experienced such passion? She'd had lust filled moments of course. But what they had was different. 

The next morning she woke feeling her heart harden. Perhaps this was what it felt like to actually be denied something in life. She didn't care for it.

"Your Majesty, I have found what you asked for from a merchant near the road to Skyhold. "

Elissa smiled but it did not reach her eyes. "Very good Lesa. Let me have it."

Eleanor walked into the room as Elissa took a simple necklace from the runners hand. It was a small silver chained necklace. On the end was a small, but thick locket with small slices carved into it so that it was hollowed in some spaces.

Elissa opened the locket and removed the dark, round stone that lay within it.

"What is that?" Eleanor asked curiously as a tightness in her stomach began to form.

"Tis a fragrant oil stone. It is quite porous and holds onto a small amount of whatever liquid you dip it in. Healers often use it with essential oils."

Elissa excused the runner from her room. She then turned and pulled open a drawer from her vanity. She removed a small, glass vial that contained a dazzling blue liquid. 

Eleanor watched with nausea as Elissa dipped the small stone in the vial.

"Elissa..... what are you doing?" She nearly whispered. 

Elissa smiled. "It is Lyrium. It will either drive Cullen mad or into my arms. Either way, I win."

She popped the stone back into the locket and tucked it into her dress so that it could not be seen. 

"This is madness Elissa. He is a good man. You cannot do this. It is cruel."

"Politics are cruel. Life is cruel. _Love _is cruel. They will both learn these lessons in due time."

* * *

"The Grand Duke has requested that he escort you, personally, to the Winter Palace Inquisitor. I hope you are ok with this." Josephine said, despite looking at Cullen when saying it.

Cullen's jaw clenched down but he said nothing. 

"It is a political move clearly. He wants to make the Empress uncomfortable, thinking that he has cozied up with the Inquisition. " Roslyn said with a bored sigh.

"Everything anyone does in Orlais is a political move Inquisitor. But you are right." Leliana responded.

"Well what do you all think? Would it ruffle too many skirts to prance into the Winter Palace with Gaspard on my arm?" 

Josephine tapped her board. "I think it will ruffle the right amount of skirts." She said with sparkling eyes. Her and Leliana came to life when speaking of Halamshiral. 

Cullen cast his gaze up to the ceiling in silent prayer for patience. 

"Very well. Tell him I accept the invitation. But if you could somehow manage to express that it is in no way anything more than platonic I would appreciate it." 

Leliana smirked. "Gaspard is a notorious womanizer Inquisitor. Good luck with that." Her steely blue eyes flicked to Cullen who was now beginning to grip is sword a little tighter. 

"I can handle his advances. I just don't want rumors of an engagement taking off."

"Oh but think of the gossip!" Josephine said with a beaming grin.

"There will be no talk of the Inquisitor being engaged or even thinking of engagement to Gaspard or any other man for that matter." Cullen said abruptly. 

"_Any _man, Commander?" Leliana posed the question with an innocent lilting of her tongue.

He blushed uncontrollably, "I-well, not _any _man, unless it's... well- Sweet Maker you're teasing me again aren't you?" He said exasperated. 

The women began giggling at his response and Roslyn shook her head. "Very smooth Cullen. You don't need to give yourself a heart attack." She said dryly as she crossed her arms over her chest in feigned annoyance. 

Josephine cleared her throat. "Now, moving on. Queen Elissa has requested an audience with the Inquisitor."

Roslyn arched a brow. "Is that woman still running about? Fine. In the gardens today at noon."

Josephine nodded, happy with the lack of arguement she received. 

"I will let her know Inquisitor."

* * *

The gardens were beautiful. Something about Skyhold made everything grow in the most beautiful deep shades of green. The colors of each flower were vibrant and fragrant. Roslyn sat at a quiet table, away from the rest of the visitors. 

Elissa arrived shortly after. Her large skirted gown barely fitting at the small garden table.

"Queen Elissa. Welcome. I have requested tea this afternoon with bundt cakes." Roslyn said with a strained smile.

"That sounds lovely Inquisitor. " Elissa said with a sickeningly sweet smile.

"So what would you like to discuss your Majesty?" Roslyn asked as she poured a cup of tea.

"I'd like to get to the point, if that is alright with you." Elissa said, her tone becoming more clipped. 

"It is." Roslyn replied simply. 

"It has been brought to my attention that you and the King traveled together to the Western Approach. You spent weeks together. I am fully aware of your past with Alistair. So I found it curious he would keep such information hidden from me."

Roslyn sipped her tea, trying her best to keep a neutral face. "I don't understand why it was kept from you. All of my advisors, including Cullen, were first to know. It was not a secret in my Keep."

Elissa sniffed. "Well, the reason I bring this up, is because he has been quite distant since returning. Perhaps you could shed some light on why?"

Roslyn sat her cup down and she considered her words carefully. Her initial thought of _perhaps it is because you are a frivolous bitch and he regrets marrying you _would most likely not go over well with Josephine. So she opted for a more acceptable response. 

"What we saw at Adamant was terrible. Alistair and I had to fight-and _kill- _our fellow Wardens. It was a lot to sort through. I think we both regret not being more actively involved. Perhaps he carries guilt?"

Elissa pursed her lips together. This was a reasonable explanation. But she would not be fooled.

"Are you sure it has nothing to do with traveling with his former lover? Perhaps being together under such circumstances brought forth long forgotten feelings?"

Roslyn searched for appropriate language that did not involve the words 'fuck' and 'you' stringed together. 

Elissa smiled almost cruelly. "I don't expect a confession. However, you should know that I am no fool. Alistair is no angel and has strayed before. But I will not suffer the humiliation of him running back into your arms."

Roslyn slammed her fist down onto the table causing Elissa to jump. "How _dare _you? I want _nothing _to do with Alistair. I am in love with Cullen. It is YOU that keeps Alistair in my life now! Do you know why I think he is distant from you? Because you know _nothing _about the sacrifices of war. You only know your pampered life with a golden spoon in your mouth. How could he possibly talk to you about what he experienced at Adamant?!"

Elissa sat with her mouth hanging open. Roslyn felt her magic slowly losing it's grip. _no no no stay calm. _

"Perhaps you are right. I suppose it remains to be seen." Elissa replied quietly. 

She stood, but before turning away she said, "I know the Inquisition is to attend the Winter Palace. I will not allow Orlais to form a strong alliance with you. I will also attend."

"You must be invited " Roslyn said through gritted teeth.

"We are sent an invitation every year as a formality. Alistair declines to go. This year I will go. Your Commander will escort me."

Roslyn stood, seething, she said, "you cannot order me around. You forget where you are."

"You are to join Gaspard. I need an escort. Cullen will be a fine fill in for Alistair. As Queen, I need someone to accompany me."

She turned and left. 

So much for the lovely garden lunch.


	54. Confidence

"LELIANA!!!" Roslyn screamed as she rounded the top of the stairs of the rookery. Several scouts went wide eyed and scurried away. Leliana, who was sitting behind her desk writing a report dropped her quill, but her face remained neutral. 

"Inquisitor." She said calmly. 

"I want her OUT. Do you understand me? OUT of this Keep and I NEVER want to see that wretched bitch again!" She flung her sword and it pierced a wooden beam.

"What happened Roslyn?" Leliana asked, still as cool as ever.

"She accused me of interfering with her and Alistair's relationship. As if Adamant wasn't the real reason for his visit! The audacity! She demanded that Cullen escort her to the Winter Palace. She treats me like a _dog _in my own damn Keep and I am _fucking _done. I am going to end up gutting the bitch or frying her. Write Alistair. No I'll write him. No, YOU write him, dammit!"

"First of all, you must calm down. Remember your training Roslyn. Letting emotions get the better of you has always been a weakness. Breathe."

Roslyn began muttering the words her trainer had taught her so many years ago.

"Patience, strength, silence, in our darkness we find balance. Patience, strength, silence, in our darkness, we find balance....."

Soon her breathing returned to normal, the lightning that flickered across her skin died out.

Leliana satisfied, began, "I understand your anger. Elissa has a reputation for being difficult. It has only grown worse through the years. But, make no mistake, everything she does is for a purpose. She is trying to set you on edge. What will the people think if you were to force slam her into a wall? The Inquisition would lose support from Fereldan and it's allies. People will think you unstable. She has a reason for being so terrible. "

Roslyn grit her teeth. "And the Winter Palace?"

"You've nothing to worry about. Cullen is the most dedicated man I've ever seen. But speaking of Cullen..... how has he been? Has he seen the Queen today?"

"Not that I'm aware of." Roslyn said.

Leliana hummed. "When he does and if he behaves oddly, I am to be notified immediately."

"Why? What's happened?" Roslyn asked, concern lacing her words.

"Scout Harding followed Elissa's royal runner all around Skyhold today. The runner went to every merchant's booth asking for a particular item. Eventually, this runner left Skyhold and found a merchant on the main road that carried the item."

"What does this mean? What was the item?" Roslyn asked, trying to understand where Leliana was going with all of this. 

"That's what peaked the interest of Harding. She overheard the runner asking for an oil stone necklace. She said it was for the Queen. The merchant's had a ring and bracelet oil stone, but the runner refused and insisted on a necklace. I assume, so that it can be hidden."

"Do you think she intends to enchant it somehow?"

"I'm not sure what her plans are. It could be completely innocent. But, the runner took great lengths to find one. Keep an eye on Cullen. And I will keep a close eye on you. She is up to something, I am sure of it "

"We need a plan Leli. We need her gone. She is too much trouble. Together, we can think of _something. _" 

"For now, we wait and watch. Sometimes the spider traps itself in it's own web." 

* * *

" _I'm not ready for this Cullen. What if I fail? I couldn't imagine the burden you would carry if I failed and you had to...."_

_ "Stop. You will do wonderful. I won't even consider the possibility of you failing. "_

_ "You have to consider it. You know what you must do if I become possessed. "_

_ "Roslyn...... I know I haven't been a Templar long._ _Only a couple years... but I've seen many Harrowings already. I've seen mages with half your skill pass. You are so incredible. How can you not see that?"_

_ Without thinking he placed his gloved hand on her cheek and cupped her face towards his. They both leaned in, knowing what they wanted and knowing what they shouldn't do. It was he that came to his senses and pulled away first._

_ They both blushed and looked anywhere but each other. _

_ Faintly Roslyn spoke, "thank you Ser Cullen. You've no idea what your support means to me. I have no one but you."_

_ Cullen felt as if he would split in half. Was he falling in love with this girl? This mage?! What was he thinking? Yet all he wanted to do in that moment and countless others, was wrap her in his arms and show her just how much he loved her. To show her physically, to tell her verbally, and to connect with her emotionally. _

_ But duty always came first. It could never be. _

_ "I will be at your side the entire time. Until you return from the fade. And as long as you'll have me after."_

_ Her eyes brightened at his promise and the unspoken message that lay between his words. She smiled softly and nodded. He watched her walk down the hall and realized he wasn't falling in love with her. _

_ He already **was ** in love with her. _

Cullen shook himself from the memory. He had drifted off in his thoughts as he watched Roslyn mingle with the Fereldan nobility that filled her halls. 

She was different now. He noticed that in Haven. But in Haven, he thought her angry and jaded. Now he saw that she was harder than the girl in Circle tower, but she was stronger. More self reliant and independent. He smiled at the thought.

She'd always been clever, always spirited. But now her confidence shined. Not a single person in this hall made her feel less than. He was proud.

She caught him staring and excused herself from the clutches of a Duchess.

"You're staring." She mused with an arched brow.

"I am." He admitted simply.

"What was going through that strategic mind of yours?"

"I was thinking of how much more confident you are now than you were in the Circle. I absolutely love it." He murmured a few inches from her ear.

They stood side by side trying not to draw attention to themselves as the nobility continued their drinking and conversing.

"You are also far more confident Commander. "

" I have to be confident in order to lead."

"You're more confident in other ways as well..." she said as she side eyd him mischievously. 

He smirked smugly. Roslyn always melted at that expression. 

"Would you like a demonstration of my confidence my lady?"

"Of course I would. Shall we go?"

Cullen looked at her quizzically, "it will be quite obvious if we try to slip away into your room or even my office."

"Hhhmmm, well it's a good thing I wanted to attend the small chantry in the gardens. To...pray."

Cullen's eyebrows shot up. "Roslyn.... the chantry?"

"It's not really a _Chantry _chantry. More like a quite space to reflect. With candles...." Her eyes flicked down to his pants and she licked her lips slowly. Cullen felt a rumble deep in his chest and leaned into her ear.

"Lead the way Inquisitor. "


	55. Worship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW  
Smut then plot🤷♀️

They tried to make their way as casually as possible through the crowd. Once they reached the door to the gardens, they were on one another.

Still, they moved slowly, step by step, to the small little chantry. Cullen finally found the knob to the door between kissing Roslyn and grasping at whatever part of her body his hands could grab.

They made their way in and shut the door behind them. Cullen moved a large wooden bench in front of the door to secure their privacy. 

"Do you remember the first time we met?" Roslyn asked as she made her way to the front.

Cullen thought for a moment. "The Circle's chantry. It was the first time we attended a service at the same time."

Roslyn smiled. Her skin glowing in the candlelight. "You were so adorable. You prayed so intensely I thought you'd pass out."

His scarred lip turned upwards. "I saw you and remembered thinking what a pretty girl you were. And then I immediately began praying for forgiveness for looking upon you like that."

Roslyn slowly unlaced the front of her dress allowing it to drop to the floor. "Do you pray for forgiveness now?"

Cullen gazed upon her bare flesh with amazement. She stood against the candlelight looking nothing less than a goddess. 

"No. Maker help me, you are the only shape I seem to worship now." 

He took a step forward, his eyes melted gold. He ran his hands at the top of her shoulders and down over her breasts. Then he moved them down her abdomen and over her hips.

"I am not the nervous boy from the circle any longer." He said in a low, husky voice.

He brought his lips down to her throat and brushed them against her skin. 

"And you are no longer the girl I knew either." He brought his hands back to her breasts and cupped them gently making her hiss.

"But here we are, again in a chantry. But this time, there is no one to keep us apart." She murmured as she pulled at the hem of his shirt and lifting it above his head. 

Cullen picked her up and she wrapped her legs around him. He lay them both down on the floor and unlaced his trousers. 

Before he pushed himself into her he took a moment to look at her in the soft glow of the candles. She took his face in her hands and smiled. "We found each other again after all these years..... I may not know if the Maker is real, but I believe in destiny. And you are my destiny Cullen Rutherford. "

His face softened and a hint of a smile played on his lips. He could not match her words. So, as a man of action, he kissed her with everything he had as he entered her. 

They had their nights of rough, lustful sex, but tonight was slow, each movement eliciting sighs and moans of pleasure. When Roslyn was near her finish her eyes squeezed shut but Cullen stopped her.

"Don't close your eyes, I want to see you." He murmured, using every ounce of self restraint to not finish before her.

"Come with me." She begged in a whimper. He cupped her face as they both came in a powerful, dizzying, climax. 

"That was..... everything. " He said as he still stroked her face as he lay atop her, not removing himself from her.

"Maker, yes....." She said in between heavy breaths. 

Finally, he pulled himself out of her and they lay on the floor together looking up at the ancient ceiling. 

"Cullen..... I must leave for several days. I am needed in the Exalted Plains. It shouldn't be longer than a week. If you notice anything different please write me. And tell Leliana right away."

"Of course." He said with a shrug.

"Roslyn..."

"Yes?"

"When this is all over.... what will become of us?"

They'd discussed this before. She wasn't sure what he meant.

"I love you. You know this. What do you mean?" She asked.

"I just... well.... will you want a family? A -a husband?"

She couldn't stop the small smile playing on her lips. There was the awkward Chantry boy she'd known so long ago.

"That depends. Would you be the husband? The father of said children?"

"Is that what you would like?"

"Perhaps. I've never considered it. But you make everything different. I can't imagine being a wife. But I can imagine being _your _wife." 

She kissed him on the cheek. "Whatever fear you have of me disappearing after this is all over, you can discard it. I'm only leaving your side if you ask it of me."

He smiled as she dressed herself. "Does that mean you will also be the mother of my children? Little curly haired Rutherford's running around with play swords?"

"Who said they would get your hair? And perhaps they will have a staff?"

He chuckled, "Maker, a little you? I may need to rethink all this."

She threw his shirt at him playfully. "Think what you must. But you know the thought of it warms your heart."

He smiled. "Indeed it does."

* * *

"What do you mean I'm not going? Are you _tiring _of me?" Dorian asked as he placed a hand over his heart dramatically. 

Roslyn rolled her eyes, "calm yourself Dorian it has nothing to do with that. I need your eyes and ears on Elissa. And Cullen."

"Don't tell me you still think that man would stray?" He scoffed. 

"No. But I think she is up to something. If he acts strangely, it could be an enchantment. Inform Leliana immediately. Promise me Dorian. " She grabbed his hand and squeezed. 

"My dear, I couldn't be tasked with a better job. I was born to play this role. You have my word." He said as he patted her hand.

"Thank you. We shouldn't be gone more than a week. Write me often yes? Keep me updated on the latest gossip."

"Oh of course I will. I can already think of what I'll write about first."

"Why not tell me now?"

"Where is the fun in that?" He mused.

Roslyn said her goodbyes, and a lengthy one to Cullen. She mounted John and headed for the gates. On this journey, she would be accompanied by Blackwall, Bull, Solas, and Cassandra. She turned round to look one last time at Cullen. He stood near the stables watching her go.

They smiled at one another and he gave her a wink. 

A week seemed more like a year without him. 


	56. Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW  
The plan is working..... but so is Dorian....

A knock on his office door brought him from his focused writing. 

"Enter." He said. 

The door opened and the swooshing of fabric and clicking of heels made him inwardly groan.

He looked up and tried with all his might to smile. Or at least look pleasant. 

"Queen Elissa, what can I do for you?"

She smiled brightly and came to the front of his desk, placing both hands gently on the edge of the wood, and leaned in just so slightly. 

"I was hoping you could show me a few pointers in archery today? It's a passion of mine and I always enjoy training with new mentors."

Cullen felt a tingling in his throat and he cleared it trying to rid it of the odd sensation. "Uh, of course. I'll meet you there in a few moments?" 

She smiled again, "of course. I'll slip into more appropriate training garments."

He nodded as she left. His hand absentmindedly coming to his forehead. He felt a headache coming on. He hadn't had one in some time unless provoked by stress. Maker was the woman already causing him this much stress?

He finished his report and headed down to the sparring ring. 

She arrived a few moments later. Wearing a simple long dress with long slits on both sides. The fabric allowed for movement but still was more revealing than what most wore.

She came up around him and bumped into his shoulder. "Would you mind tying up my hair? I forgot while getting dressed. It gets in my way while shooting. "

He shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot but conceded to her request. She gathered her hair into a high ponytail and handed him the ribbon to tie it. 

As soon as he came close, his eyes rolled back into his head upon a deep inhale. He had the urge to lick her skin. He restrained himself with everything he had but _Maker _he wanted to taste her.

He quickly tied off her hair and pulled away. His breathing was heavy and his pupils blown wide. She smiled as she slowly licked her lips and then turned to grab the bow. 

As soon as she stepped away Cullen snapped out of it. _what the FUCK was that?! _He couldn't believe what he'd almost done. What he had wanted to do. Roslyn had been gone a day! What was wrong with him? 

Elissa came sauntering back up and they began their lesson. Cullen, not trusting himself, made sure to stay several feet away from her. 

Elissa smiled inwardly. She caught everything. His hungry stare when she turned around. The way his eyes followed her tongue as she wet her lips. The deep breaths he took to steady himself. She was excited the plan was working. But more so, she enjoyed the way he devoured her with his eyes. To have his gaze on her.... was satisfying. 

* * *

After the training session, Cullen felt terrible. How could he be so tempted by another woman? Roslyn deserved better.

But more than his guilt, he felt physically ill as well. His hands were shaking. He felt nauseous and his head was pounding. He thought he was past all this. He was frustrated and confused.

He decided to try to sleep off whatever was happening. He tossed and turned for sometime before drifting off to sleep. 

As soon as his eyes shut, the dreams began. First, it was Roslyn. Riding him, illuminated by the moonlight shining from his roof. She moaned and threw back her head in pleasure. But as her head came back down, it was Elissa's face that met him.

"_Yes Commander.... taste me. Please, I beg you!"_

He growled and rolled her onto her back, licking, sucking, and biting at her creamy skin. Each taste was sweet on his mouth and his body sang with pleasure. 

She thrashed around in ecstasy as he moved his way down to her breasts. "_Taste them" _ she beckoned, and he opened his eyes just enough to see traces of blue streaked across her nipples.

A moan escaped his throat as he took each one in his mouth and sucked. Her legs began quivering around him as she came.

He woke in a cold sweat. Sickened by his own dream. He looked down, he was almost painfully hard. He needed release. 

He began stroking himself, willing his mind to envision Roslyn. But each time, the vision turned to Elissa. Soon enough, it was her mouth around his cock. Her eyes staring up at him as she hummed in delight. 

A faint trace of blue around her mouth. He groaned and thrust into his hand at the image until hot spurts of his seed flew across his stomach.

He lay there, in shame and guilt and on the verge of tears. He was disgusted with himself. With his weakness. He rolled over and drifted into a restless sleep. 

* * *

Elissa hummed to herself as she took a wet wash cloth and began wiping her neck. She cleansed her wrists as well.

In addition to her necklace, she'd decided to dab the lyrium on her throat and wrists like one would perfume. It had worked perfectly. 

It was almost too easy. The poor Commander. A hopeless addict. Soon, it would be her that his addiction focused on. 

* * *

The morning sun was shining brightly, yet Cullen hadn't shown for the war room meeting. 

"It's extremely unlike him to miss. Especially to miss and not send word." Josephine said with worry.

Leliana hummed in agreement. "I'll send Dorian. He'll gauge Cullen better than a runner."

Dorian happily agreed to go to Cullen's office. He needed the fresh air after a rather rowdy night the night before.

He knocked on his office door. No answer.

"Cullen I'm coming in!" He called out through the door.

It was unlocked. He opened the door and saw Cullen sitting at his desk. He was disheveled, and looked like he'd had no sleep.

"What in the Maker's name happened?" Dorian asked as he quickly made his way over to Cullen to check for signs of illness. 

He was pale and sweating, despite shivering as if he didn't have a blazing fire, which he did.

"Cullen speak to me." He said more softly.

"I-I don't know what's happening. My withdrawals are back. I don't deserve her. I don't-"

He trailed off and his hands flew into his hair, pulling and rubbing his pounding his head.

"I hardly think withdrawals are any reason not to deserve her." Dorian said.

"I almost acted inappropriately with Elissa. Maker I wanted to. I _hate _that woman and yet I could barely control myself!"

His voice quivered and Dorian immediately saw red flags. "So your withdrawals and this overwhelming desire for the Queen all appeared at the same time?"

Cullen nodded, "all within a few hours. Do you think it's the lack of lyrium causing these desires? Maker I'll take it again if it prevents me from hurting Roslyn."

"Don't you fucking dare Commander. Something is wrong here and it isn't you. Stay away from the Queen at all costs do you understand? Lock yourself in this office and do not open the door for anyone but myself or the Spymaster. I will get to the bottom of this."

Cullen nodded.

Dorian flew out of the door and spotted Jim. "Nobody is to enter the Commander's office. Only myself and the Spymaster, am I clear?"

Jim nodded and saluted, "yes sir!" 

"Don't salute me you idiot, just make sure it happens!" 

Jim saluted again, "yes Sir!!!" 

Dorian huffed and charged for the Rookery.


	57. Undead

_ Cullen, _

_Although it's only been a couple days, I miss you terribly. The Exalted Plains are peaceful when there isn't a civil war broke out, or demons trying to kill us. _

_ They are large and expansive, rolling grass and beautiful river beds. We met a peaceful Dalish clan that Solas was able to connect with to some degree. They are sending one of their own as an agent to the Inquisition. I believe this is beneficial. I feel strongly for the Dalish and their plight. Their treatment is worse than the mages, but I understand enough about ostracism to have empathy for their cause._

_ I hope things are going well at Skyhold. Take care of yourself. _

_ -Roslyn_

Cullen held the letter in his shaking hands. Jim had slipped it to him under his door. Cullen felt sick and not because of his physical symptoms. She wrote to him while battling demons and politics while he had to battle _himself _from making sexual advances on another woman.

He needed to hear from Dorian. After his dramatic exit from his office that morning, he hadn't heard anything. What was it that Dorian thought was happening? Clearly, he was not over the withdrawals the way he thought he was and they were manifesting in some strange sexual way. He trusted the Tevinter however, and would allow him time to investigate whatever he was suspicious of.

* * *

"So he is experiencing lyrium withdrawals again and he felt attracted to Elissa all within the same time frame?" Leliana asked as she tapped her chin with a delicate finger.

"Yes. Suspicious no? He has been symptom free for weeks. Suddenly he is in full blown withdrawals. He despises Elissa, yet felt an almost uncontrollable attraction to her. She has done something, I am sure of it." Dorian said as he crossed his legs and settled into his chair.

"I agree. But what? Cullen has been around Lyrium since his withdrawals has he not?"

"Hmmm well, bottled Lyrium. I believe he avoids opened bottles. Inhaling it can be tempting even in it's smallest form." 

As the words fell from his mouth, he and Leliana locked eyes as they realized at exactly the same time what had happened. 

"That clever, little snake!" Dorian hissed as he slammed a fist against the desk. 

Leliana hummed, "indeed. She had an oil stone pendant delivered to her a few days ago. I guarantee she has dipped it in lyrium. Perhaps even applied it to her skin or clothing..." Her thoughts raced and Dorian began to get impatient. 

"Well?! When are you sending guards to arrest her? Alert the King?! _Something?! _"

"With what proof Dorian? You know how this works. We cannot accuse a _Queen _of conspiring against the Inquisitor and Commander unless we have undeniable proof."

"Alright, how do we get it? I'll hide in her closet all damn day if necessary. "

"No. A few witnesses is not enough. Especially Inquisition related witnesses. We need something much larger....."

Dorian arched a brow, "large like the Winter Palace?"

Leliana smiled, "yes. That would be perfect. I think I have a plan. Come, we need to see the Commander."

* * *

"So you believe the woman is drowning her flesh in lyrium to lure me in?" Cullen asked as he rubbed his head.

"Commander drink the rest of that tea. It's the same recipe Solas gave you from before."

Dorian nagged as he fussed over Cullen like a mother hen. Cullen lay in his bed, propped up on what felt like a thousand pillows. He could already feel the effects of the herb mixture and felt release.

"Something of that nature, yes. There is a way to find out of course. Someone who is very familiar with lyrium would have to get close to her, _very close _in order to know definitively. " Leliana said.

"I will not touch that woman even if she bathes in that blasted lyrium!" He growled out.

"I figured as much Commander. Besides, we need someone who cannot be held accountable in the court of public opinion. Or at least someone who doesn't care.... a templar. Someone we can trust. Someone handsome and willing to seduce a Queen and-"

"Rylen." Cullen said simply. 

"Rylen? Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. He loves women. All women. Human, elven, dwarfs.... big, small, all women."

But do the women love him?" She asked skeptically. 

"I have seen him seduce a woman with nothing more than a bow and kiss of her hand. He led her away from the crowd and into the nearest closet. It was baffling. I am no expert on gauging the attractiveness of other men, but I believe he is good looking. He has something about him that women find irresistible. "

Dorian chimed in, "he does have quite the swagger about him. And his accent! Maker, if only he liked men too." He sighed as he fanned himself with one of Cullen's books.

"He is quite possibly the heterosexual version of me Leliana. He is handsome and drips of charm. Although, he is not nearly as handsome as you Cullen." He added with a wink.

Cullen blushed and rubbed his neck, "uh thank you."

Leliana smirked, "he sounds perfect. We bring him back from the Western Approach fortress, have him set his eyes on Elissa. I will handle the rest. Oh, one more thing...... does he dance?"

"I don't know...why?"

"He's attending the Winter Palace. " She said with a smug smile.

"In the meantime, continue drinking these herbs to keep your withdrawals at bay. It is important you continue to behave as if you've no idea what she has done. The herbs Dorian brought will also deaden your sense of smell. You will have more control around her, but you mustn't let her catch on. Is that clear?"

Cullen nodded. "Maker can't you just do the "spy knife in the dark thing" you are known for?"

"Are you asking me to assassinate the Queen of Fereldan Commander? My, you have become rebellious since becoming involved with Roslyn haven't you?"

"You know I don't mean it. It just sounds so much more easy than all this." He said with a sigh.

Leliana laughed softly. "Do not worry Commander, it will be over in a few weeks. Send word to Rylen right away."

She quietly left his room and he could hear the door of his office shut behind her.

Dorian sighed loudly and sat on the edge of his bed. "Listen carefully. I will not stand to see you beat yourself up over yesterday. Despite your _thoughts _and urges towards that vulgar woman, you did not act upon them. Despite everything she threw at you, you resisted. Roslyn would be proud of you."

Cullen squeezed his eyes shut. "What I'm going to tell you stays between us is that clear?"

"Crystal. "

"I may have..... pleasured myself... to her image as well. I feel terrible. I couldn't stop her face from appearing. What does that say about me?"

"It says your a bloody man with a cock. She is an attractive woman. She bathed herself in lyrium to attract you. It worked. You worked out your frustration alone, not WITH her. Go easy on yourself Cullen. Maker, you should see all the faces I've jacked-"

"Alright, alright, I understand. " Cullen said with a snicker. 

Dorian grinned. "Take it easy today and by tomorrow, you'll be torturing your men like usual."

Cullen hummed. "Good."

* * *

"By the Maker, look at all of these bodies!" Roslyn exclaimed as she stared into the pits on the Western ramparts. 

"No wonder they've had issues with undead." Bull growled.

"What should we do Inquisitor?"

Roslyn sighed. "We've no choice but to burn the poor bastards." She hated burning the bodies instead of burying them. Nobody would ever know who lay there. The families never knowing what became of their loved ones. But, the massive pile of bodies and the use of magic was causing undead to rise in the area. People were going missing and it had to stop.

They began setting the pits alight. She and Solas using fire magic to engulf the pits quickly. Suddenly, a shriek filled the air and a massive force pushed them all to their backs.

"A powerful mage, using the dead to summon the fade. We must move quickly before we join the them." Solas yelled to the group.

Roslyn's eyes went wide as not one, but four mages, dressed in black and purple emerged out from the smoke. Their hooded faces hidden from view.

They didn't say a word but the air was thick with magic. All four summoned a spirit ball in their hands and flung it towards Roslyn and Solas. Blackwall and Bull charged two of the mages and Roslyn and Solas sent up magical barriers around themselves to ward off the attack that had flown towards them.

Then they too, were engaged in an intense battle. They both found themselves throwing up barriers in front of Blackwall and Bull while trying to attack their own foes.

Roslyn shot lightning all around but the mages were powerful. Their own barriers deflecting their attacks. 

Finally, Blackwall cut down a mage and he went to Bull's side to help with his.

Roslyn, finally being free to fully engage in a fight, spun her staff and charged at the mage in front of her. Back and forth they struck each others staffs when Roslyn threw hers down and opted for her daggers. She charged them with lightning and the mage's eyes went wide with fear.

In three blows, the mage was cut down. Solas defeated his opponent while Blackwall and Bull defeated theirs. The group looked around, exhausted and relieved it was over.

Roslyn paused to catch her breath as her eyes wandered over the ramparts. 

A flicker caught her eye over Bull's shoulder. He was bent over, tending to a cut on his leg. This time, clear movement happened behind him. Out of the smoke an undead soldier appeared. 

It's sword drawn and barreling down towards Bull. Roslyn screamed at Bull as she threw herself between him and the sword. Bull flew to his feet as Roslyn fell to the ground. In a quick, fluid motion, he took off the head of the attacker. 

Roslyn lay on the ground and Bull swept her up in his arms.

"Boss! Did it get you? Where are you hurt?!" 

Her hand fell from her torso, revealing a pool of blood. She felt tremendous pain and couldn't form words to speak. 

Solas ran to their side. "Lay her down."

He quickly ripped open her shirt, revealing a deep gash in her side. 

"You can heal it right?" Bull said grimly. 

"I can slow the bleeding. She's been cut by an undead blade. It acts like a poison. Once it fully spreads, she will become one herself. We must get her back to Skyhold. I have herbs that will cure her but we cannot waste time."

"Take her horse. He's the fastest. Send word by raven to the Commander. They can have fresh horses waiting so that you can make good time." Blackwall added.

Solas nodded. He mounted John and Bull placed her in the saddle in front of Solas. "Send word immediately. If this fails..... she dies." He said lowly.

Roslyn was incoherent from the blood loss and the pain made her fade in and out of consciousness. She only mumbled one name from time to time.

"Cullen..."


	58. Home

Solas rode hard for a day and night, exchanging John for a fresh horse at the encampment near the border of the Dales. 

Between lack of sleep and a constant flow of magic to hold back the bleeding from Roslyn's wound, he was exhausted. He knew he would not be able to maintain such a pace.

He stared up into the night sky and stopped his horse. He closed his eyes and focused.

He searched the fade for Dorian or Vivienne. One of them had to be asleep. 

He found himself in an extravagant room filled with plush pillows and expensive fabrics. A harp played softly in the background. 

"Another bottle please, this one lacks the sweetness I so enjoy." Vivienne said to a servant. Perfect.

Her eyes shot up as she spotted Solas. "Why in Thedas would I dream of you?" She asked aloud.

"You are dreaming but it is I. The Inquisitor is gravely injured. She has been cut by an undead sword. The poison is moving swiftly. I am at the edge of the Dales but I will not make it to Skyhold in time. The poison will take her before I reach the fortress."

"How do I know you are not a demon?" The Iron Lady responded as she nibbled delicately at a deep purple grape.

"I suppose with your limited circle training, you would have a hard time deciphering the difference. Do not let your ignorance or fear be the nail in her coffin."

"Only the real Solas would dare such arrogance. What do I need to do?" She asked sitting up, more alert.

"You must fade step to me."

"Impossible, it is too far a distance. "

"Bring Dorian. Portal to an in between point, one of you portal again to me. Then fade step back to the halfway point, and the other will portal back to Skyhold. It will ease the amount of magic being used."

"Why can you not portal to us?"

"My magic is the only thing preventing her from bleeding out. And my mana is fading quickly from the effort."

Vivienne nodded. Very well. Give me a moment to inform the advisors and Dorian. We will be there as quickly as possible. "

* * *

The courtyard was empty. Everyone, except for the few drunken patrons at the tavern, was sleeping soundly, completely unaware their only means of salvation was fighting for her life. 

Cullen, Leliana, and Josephine waited anxiously by the gates. Two surgeons and three mages waited with them. They were unsure of what to expect or how serious the situation was.

Cullen stood, unusually still. Normally, in times of worry and nervousness, he paced. But fear of what he may see kept him frozen. He gripped the pommel of his sword tightly and willed himself to take long, steady breaths. 

A flash ripped open the air in front of them. Dorian fell from the unnatural tear and collapsed on the ground in front of him with Roslyn tightly in his grip. Solas followed closely behind and fell into an exhausted heap onto the ground.

In an instant, Cullen was rolling Dorian over and prying a listless Roslyn from his arms.

"Somebody help them up!" He barked as he craddled Roslyn against his chest. Flashes of pulling her frozen body from the snow of the aftermath of Haven racing through his mind.

Leliana and a surgeon pulled Dorian from the ground and he leaned on them as he said, "Solas knows the herb tincture that will cure her. There isn't much time."

Two of the mages fell to their knees and began to transfer mana to Solas to help him regain a small amount of strength. He was able to get to his feet with the help of the mages pulling him up and supporting him.

In a faint, breathless voice he rasped, "3 blood lotus leaves, willow bark, 4 stalks of royal Elfroot, and 3 hairs of a child. Quickly." 

The third mage nodded and ran to the gardens.

Cullen raced Roslyn up the stairs and into the keep. A few nobles stood, lingering after a party that lasted late into the night. They began crowding around the injured Inquisitor. 

"What has happened?!" They began crying out and murmuring to one another.

Looking like a thunder cloud and roaring even louder, he ordered "Move out of the _Fucking _way!" Cullen growled as he barreled through the nosey onlookers. He burst through the door leading to her room and stormed up her stairs.

Finally, he made it to her room. The servants had already illuminated the room with candle light and a roaring fire. Mage lights flickered in the air to offer further light. Cullen felt his breath hitch as he was finally able to get a clear look at her.

She was white as fresh snow. Her eyes were open, but there was no white around her dark eyes. Solid black now clouded them. The skin around her eyes was shaded black, splintering into veins of darkness, hitting at the top of her cheek bones.

He realized his entire arm was warm and wet, and with horror, realized it was stained with her blood.

He tore off her shirt and saw the wound that had cut open her left side. It too, had splintering veins of black stretching from the wound itself and spread across the expanse of her torso.

"By the Maker...." He uttered with a tremor in his voice.

The mages and surgeons clambered into the room. The head surgeon audibly gasping at the sight of Roslyn.

"We cannot wait for numbing herbs. I must begin stitching the wound. 

The surgeons quickly pulled out their tools and got to work.

Dorian slowly made his way into the room, looking pale and exhausted. He quietly sat in a chair near the bed and watched the surgeons work.

An eerie, raspy wail escaped Roslyn's mouth as they began sewing up her wound. Her head beagn to thrash back and forth. The surgeons stopped their work, clearly frightened. 

"She's been poisoned but she still feels pain you morons! Do not stop working!" He managed to bark.

They hesitated and looked at one another.

Cullen snarled, "if she dies because of your stupidity and lack of action I will have your heads, am I clear?" 

They immediately resumed their work. Finally, the mage sent to gather the ingredients, joined them with Solas and Leliana. 

"Grind them down into a powder. Three spoonfuls need to be ingested and the rest packed into the wound, leave a small opening." He said to the surgeons and mages.

Cullen knelt beside the bed near Roslyn's head, stroking her hair. He prayed quietly as he stared at the frightening shadows spreading across her face.

She was freezing cold. "Perhaps a heating spell to bring her warmth?" He asked.

"You could place her in the fireplace in the middle of that flame but it would do her no good. Tis an unnatural cold that has taken her Commander. The coldness of death." Solas said lowly. He reached for her throat to feel for a pulse.

"Her heart has slowed tremendously. Almost completely, we must hurry." 

Cullen's hands shook as he bowed his head in silent prayer. _Not now. Maker not now. _

Solas gingerly approached the bed with the powdered herb mixture.

"When I place this, she will react violently. The poison is in it's advanced stages. She is closer to death and the unnatural reawakening than she is life. Her body will fight the healing. Do not be frightened of what you see. " 

He took a deep breath, and then pulling apart the small opening left by the surgeons, he began to pour in the mixture.

At first, her breath quickened. Her body began to tremble and her heart began to race. Then her black eyes opened wide and she let out an unearthly scream that rattled the windows. The surgeons backed away and the mages extended their hands to hold her down with their magic.

"Her body is coming back to life, do not be afraid!" Solas shouted as her back arched off of the bed, contorting her body in an unnatural way.

Her screams did not stop as if she needed no air. Cullen watched frozen. His hand never leaving her head.

"Speak to her Cullen! She must have reason to join the world of the living!"

He felt nauseated at the sight of her struggle. He began to flashback to the demons that tortured him for so long in Kinloch. _Do not fail her. _He commanded himself. 

In a low, calm tone he began to speak to her. "Do you remember the day you left Kinloch? You were so upset and hurt. Jowan had tricked you into helping him. You were being forced to leave the only home you knew. You weren't even sure what a Warden was. I came to see you as you packed your small bag of belongings. Do you remember?"

Her screams had faded into painful wails and he felt a slight warmth in her fingertips. 

"Do not stop Commander!" Solas ordered as he began trickling the liquid into her mouth.

"You hugged me and kissed my cheek. I had felt sadness when I left my family for the Order. But saying goodbye to you _gutted _me. You made the circle home to me, and it wasn't the same when you left. I held you far too long when we embraced that day. I didn't want to let go. I couldn't bare to see you walk out of my life. I thought I'd never see you again."

Her wails were now whimpers as her body relaxed into the bed. Her hands and arms returning to her normal color and temperature. The veined blackness slowly retreating into the wound and her eyes.

"Now, I get to hold you everyday. What a wonderful turn of events that I do not deserve. I thank the Maker everyday for giving me a second chance. I cannot bare to let you go again. I need you to fight once more Roslyn. Come back to me once again. I beg of you. I cannot let you go." 

Fat, hot tears streamed down his cheeks as he buried his face into her hair. His broad shoulders quivering from his quiet sobs.

"I am lost without you. You are my home." He whispered as his large hand stroked the hair on her head. 

Dorian, the surgeons and mages all stood by with silent tears, watching the strong, undefeated Commander break.

Solas watched on, his ears slanting downwards. The only indication he too, was affected by the powerful scene. 

Her whimpers died down and the only sound they heard was the sound of her raspy breathing, rattling in her chest. The black veins in her face gone, only deep, dark shadows around her eyes remained. She was pale from blood loss, but the unnatural shade of white was gone.

"We've done what we can. She needs rest now." Solas said. He leaned against the wall and quickly fell into a deep sleep. Dorian wiped the tears from his face and curled into a ball in the chair and soon he was also fast asleep. 

The mages quietly left the room, followed by the surgeons.

Only Cullen remained awake, praying, reciting chants, and finally, reading to her from the book that lay beside her bed. When his voice was raw from speaking for so long, he sat on her bed, his back against the massive headboard, his hand on her head. He finally felt his eyes grow heavy and despite his fighting, he fell asleep. 

* * *

"_You're quite unwell." A woman, vaguely familiar sat at the side of her bed with a warm smile. _

_ "Why? I was fighting....I saw Bull was about to be attacked... but everything is blurry after. I'm sorry- who are you?" She finally thought to ask._

_ She was in her room but only the strange-but familiar- woman was with her._

_ The woman smiled again. A smile similar to Roslyn's. Closed-mouthed and slightly more upturned to one side than the other._

_ "I thought this form would be comforting since you are so sick." _

_ Roslyn closed her eyes and shook her head. Of course._

_ "Hello demon."_

_ It smiled at her, this time revealing dazzling white teeth. "You truly do not recognize who this is?" It waved it's hands up and down the woman's body._

_ Roslyn studied the demon's form for a moment. "It is familiar. In a strange way. Like a dream I cannot quite recall."_

_ "Hmmm. I admit, that makes me sad for you."_

_ Roslyn arched a brow. "Why?"_

_ "This was your mother. Before all of her children were scattered across the mage circles of Fereldan. It destroyed her."_

_ Roslyn hummed. "Yes..... I remember now. I was the eldest. She was so sad the day they took me. I remember she held a baby in her arms. So the baby was also a mage?"_

_ "Yes, and so was the child after. She finally gave up."_

_ "She never wrote. She never visited. She couldn't have been that devastated. "_

_ "It was easier for her to pretend you never existed. She focused all her energy on her baby. Your brother. She was not as strong as you."_

_ Roslyn didn't reply. She'd made peace with what her parents had done a long time ago. _

_ "I could change forms if you'd like."_

_"It doesn't matter."_

_ "You have to wake soon. You've worried quite enough people today."_

_ "For what's it worth demon... thank you for trying with.... this" She motioned to her mother's form._

_ "Anything for my little Hero. But do not forget why I am here..... one day, you and I will rule this wretched world."_

_ "Hhhhhmmmmm. No. I'm sorry demon but we won't. "_

Her eyes flew open to meet the morning sun.


	59. Worth It

_Rylen,_

_I hope this letter finds you well. I know how you hate the Approach and you probably still haven't forgiven me for sending you there. However, I assure you it is because you are the very best man under my Command and I know I can trust you to run a fortress far away from Skyhold. You are not in need of a watchful eye like the rest of my men._

_ Now, you're probably wondering why I've begun this letter by kissing your Starkhaven ass. I am in need of your help. Not your skills as a soldier.... your skills as a... well..... Maker. There's no easy way to phrase this. I need you to bed a woman for me. At least make her want to sleep with you. I cannot say why or who in this letter. But know that this is at not only my request but also the Spymaster's. _

_ No. The woman you are to seduce is not Leliana, so don't get too excited. And yes, the woman you are to seduce is attractive. _

_ I understand if you are uncomfortable. Just say the word and I'll find someone else. _

_ -Commander Cullen_

_ Commander, _

_All you needed to write was "Rylen I need you to shag an attractive woman here at Skyhold " and I would've been on board. But I appreciate the compliments. I'll be there as quickly as I can. _

_P.S._

_No, I have yet to forgive you for sending to me to this Maker-forsaken wasteland but this new mission may make up for it. _

_P.P.S_

_I have a very nice Starkhaven ass to kiss. By the way, is that Seeker still single?_

* * *

Roslyn lay in bed with wide eyes and looked around her room. There was a bit of soft light filtering through her curtains, one window propped open to allow a fresh breeze to blow through. 

A fire was crackling in the hearth and the sound of quill against parchment was the only other noise she heard.

She looked down and under the covers. She had been bathed and redressed in a soft long tunic that came just past her thighs. She smiled softly realizing it must've been one of Cullen's.

She wasn't sure how exactly she'd gotten back to Skyhold, or even why.... everything was somewhat a blur. She tried to sit up but immediately winced in pain as she grabbed her left side. She felt a heavy wrap around her torso and suddenly the memory of the undead sword slashing through her skin came roaring back.

"Maker you're awake!" The quill was dropped abruptly and she heard heavy footsteps approaching. 

Cullen came to kneel beside her bed and took one hand to cup her cheek. "How do you feel? Are you in pain?" His eyes frantically searching her's and flashing to where her hand still grasped her side.

She shook her head, "I'm alright Cullen.... I'm just a little confused. I don't remember how I got here. It's like all my memories are cast in shadows."

"That was the poison taking over. Solas said you would have a hard time remembering. The undead that you put yourself in front of had a tainted sword. If hadn't been for Solas, Vivienne and Dorian, you'd never made it back in time."

"Here lie back down. Your stitches are still fresh."

"How long have I been asleep?" 

"Two days. Well, two days since arriving back."

Roslyn lay against the pillows Cullen propped up for her. 

"May I have some water?" She asked.

"Maker of course. I'm sorry I didn't think to offer." He quickly went to the desk that always had a pitcher of fresh drinking water. He poured some into a cup and brought it to her.

She sipped it carefully and the cool water felt amazing against her dry throat. 

"I've been so worried. When they brought you back.... it didn't look good. I was genuinely frightened." He murmured lowly.

"It will take a lot more than some random undead soldier to keep me away. I'm afraid you're stuck with me for the foreseeable future." She managed to joke with a small smile.

Cullen's face softened and the worry that had crinkled his forehead and eyes lifted. "I wouldn't want it any other way."

They heard arguing outside her door. Muffled voices growing louder. A man and woman.

"What's going on out there?" Roslyn wondered aloud.

Cullen scowled, "I have an idea. Some of the nobility have been demanding to see you. We've refused obviously. "

"They wanted to see my unconscious body? _Why?" _

"Josephine believes they think we're hiding something. Like you were actually dead or you were having a mental breakdown and we made this all up. The list of conspiracies goes on and on with these people."

Roslyn snickered but regretted it as she winced again in pain. 

The voices grew louder and Cullen and Roslyn got quiet to try to hear.

* * *

Dorian approached the Inquisitor's bedroom door with smug purpose. He knew there would be at least one entitled noble demanding entry. He so enjoyed strolling past the guard and into her room with a smile as the noble ass sputtered and spit in anger.

Today however, was especially sweet. 

Queen Elissa herself was arguing with the guard on duty today. 

"Are you deaf? I am the QUEEN you daft man! Open this door at once!"

"Apologies your Majesty. But I am under strict orders to only allow certain people in. If you're not on the provided list from Sister Nightingale, then you cannot enter."

Dorian smirked wickedly. Oh this was going to be _delicious. _

"Good day Jeremy. Mind opening the door?"

The guard saluted him, "yes ser!"

Elissa scoffed, "you're telling me that this Tevinter _mage _is allowed entry while the Queen of Fereldan is not?! Has the world gone mad?"

Dorian smiled, "your Majesty, surely you understand the Inquisitor has been injured and is in no position to entertain you with tea and court gossip. Perhaps when she has healed from her wounds and isn't bogged down with saving the world?"

Elissa's eyes narrowed. "Careful mage. I only seek to assess her situation myself. I am acting in the King's stead while at Skyhold and I intend to represent him and Fereldan strongly. "

"Ah yes King Alistair! I understand he and Roslyn were quite close. I'm sure he's absolutely beside himself with worry as news of her situation has gotten back to him by now. I can't imagine the pain he must be in....." Dorian trailed off as he studied his nails.

Elissa's eyes were blazing. "He is no more concerned for her than he would be any other citizen of Fereldan. "

Dorian chuckled, "I'm not so sure about that."

Her glare focused back on the guard. "I demand entry. I DEMAND ENTRY!!" She was all but screaming. 

The guard looked panicked and searched Dorian for help. Dorian just stood idly by, amused by her tantrum. 

Suddenly the door burst open making all three jump in surprise. 

Roslyn stood in the doorway, with nothing but the thigh grazing tunic. Her hair had been washed by the nurses and it hung over her shoulders. Her skin still pale with the dark circles around her eyes.

But she stood strong and composed as she met the gaze of Elissa.

"Jeremy, is there a reason why I am being so disturbed during my much needed healing time?"

The guard stumbled over his words, "I'm s-sorry I-Inquisitor, the Queen was very insistent on seeing you."

"And why in Thedas would you need to see an unconscious woman your majesty?"

"You're not unconscious now."

Roslyn smiled and lifted her tunic, revealing her smalls and bandaged torso.

"Allow me to show you the extent of my injuries."

She quickly unwrapped her bandages, revealing a long, thick line of stitches. The area still outlined in black from the posion. The Queen's eyes widened in shock.

"Now. You may report to your little friends that I am very much awake. Very much _Alive. _Very much injured and very much healing! If they have any further questions, they can direct them to Dorian who will gladly tell them where they can go."

Dorian snorted. "Very gladly."

Elissa couldn't find words. She felt embarrassed. She hadn't expected a composed and competent Inquisitor to be standing in front of her, baring her wounds and in her underwear no less. 

"Very well. As you were." She said with a nod and scampered off in the other direction. 

Jeremy sighed with a loud **Woosh.** "Thank you Inquisitor, I was beginning to think I was going to have to restrain her. I really didn't want to restrain the bloody queen."

"I know Jeremy. Thank you for following your orders so carefully. "

Cullen came out from behind the door. "Alright you had your fun Roslyn now back to bed." He scolded.

He wrapped an arm around her and helped her up the stairs. It had taken everything she had to appear strong in front of Elissa. Now she could barely stand up straight. 

"Now we have to rebandage the wound. Do you need numbing herbs? You seem to be in pain. Maker, I shouldn't have allowed you to deal with that woman."

Roslyn smiled faintly as Cullen and Dorian began to rebandage her. 

"It was worth it." She muttered. 


	60. The Tailor

"We're one week out from Halamshiral. Commander the tailor has mentioned several times that each time you are to meet him, you mysteriously have to cancel."

Josephine tapped her quill in annoyance as she stared accusingly at Cullen across the war room table.

"Cullen the tailor has to make you something to wear for Maker's sake. You're making his job lore difficult. " Roslyn said as she rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, also staring him down accusingly. 

"Maker's breath, wearing some frilly ensemble makes _my _job more difficult. How am I supposed to protect you while wearing _ruffles _at the end of my sleeves. It's absolute _rubbish." _

Leliana sighed, "then we shall exclude the ruffle sleeves Commander. We will tell him to make your outfit very Fereldan. "

"Thank you."

A knock on the large doors interrupted their discussion. A guard poked his head in. 

"Sorry for the interruption Inquisitor, but Captain Rylen has arrived and says he is to report to you now?"

"Yes, bring him in."

Rylen strode through the doors as if he had done so a million times.

"Inquisitor" he saluted Roslyn then turned to Cullen. "Commander " he saluted him then greeted Josephine and Leliana. He couldn't resist the wink he gave the Spymaster who subtly arched a brow.

Roslyn wasn't sure if that meant she was interested or if she were considering knifing him for disrespect. 

"Captain Rylen, thank you again for coming on such short notice." Cullen said warmly. 

"Well the nature of this mission is particularly interesting. I have to wonder though.... why me? Why not a well trained spy, one who is a master manipulator?"

"We need someone sensitive to lyrium." Leliana replied coolly. 

Roslyn took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, willing herself to stay calm. They had finally told her of Elissa's latest strategy to tear apart the Inquisition. Or perhaps just Roslyn and Cullen. 

All of her advisors, Dorian and Cassandra had entered her room several days after she had woke from her injury. They told her they had something to explain, then Leliana gave Cassandra a stiff, knowing nod.

Cassandra produced a powerful cleansing rite, stripping Roslyn of her magic. Confused, she protested.

"What the fuck Cassandra?!" Her gaze shot to Leliana who remained perfectly calm, then to Cullen's who only had concern etched on his face.

"It is only because what we are going to tell you, well it might upset you enough that you lose control temporarily. " Dorian said with a casualness that oddly put her at ease despite knowing she was about to hear something unpleasant. 

Unpleasant was an understatement. Elissa was using lyrium, _on her own body, _to tempt Cullen. The woman couldn't possibly understand the torment he went through to rid his body of the blue liquid. To try to break him.....

Roslyn understood why they had cleansed her magic. She would have brought down the fortress had her lightning been available in that moment.

Now, they all stood around with Rylen mischievously grinning from ear to ear learning about his new mission.

"We have reason to believe the Queen is using lyrium in an attempt to manipulate the Commander."

"Why would a non mage and non Templar take lyrium?" He asked.

"She is not ingesting it. We believe she is _applying _it. Like a perfumed oil."

"Why in Thedas would she do that?"

"If she has found out Cullen has quit lyrium then she would know that open, exposed lyrium would be devastatingly tempting for him. One of two things could be the motivation; tear down the Inquisition starting with it's military Commander, or tear apart the Inquisitor by breaking the man she loves."

Cullen blushed and rubbed his neck as Rylen's eyes went wide. "Loves? Commander you have certainly got yourself one hell of a catch! You love this stubborn Fereldan bastard? Ya sure 'bout that Inquisitor? You have heard the Prince of Starkhaven is available right?"

"Rylen!" Cullen barked.

Rylen threw his head back and roared with laughter. "Apologies Commander." He wiped a tear from his eye and said, "please continue. "

Leliana had an amused smile playing on her lips and Roslyn was smirking uncontrollably. Josephine coughed to hide her giggling.

"We do not have actual proof. Only evidence that points to this theory. If you can get close enough, you will be able to tell us definitively if that is what she is doing. If so, I have a plan in place to make her change her stance quite quickly." Leliana said lowly.

Rylen hummed. "Alright, and how do you suggest a Starkhaven Ex-Templar get close to a Queen?"

"You're my second-in-command. You will accompany us to the Winter Palace. This will be all the opening you need. I've seen you seduce women under far worse circumstances. "

"Very well! Let's get down to business then! Sister Nightingale, would you be so kind as to help me brush up on me dancin'?"

"No. But Josephine will." 

Josie sighed dramatically, "I hope you're a better dancer than the Commander. "

Roslyn snickered as she and Cullen made their way out of the door. They walked together closely as they made their way towards Josephine's office.

"I want you to know that I'm sorry Cullen, and I only do this because you've left me no other choice."

Cullen was confused and shook his head, "I don't know what you're talking about.... what have I done-"

Roslyn opened Josie's door and the tailor stood with his chin jetted out and his arms crossed.

"Ah Commander, we meet at last. No getting out of this appointment I'm afraid." 

Cullen scowled and turned to Roslyn. "You set me up? You'll pay for this Amell." He growled.

Roslyn laughed as she passed the tailor and began walking out the opposite door. 

"I look forward to it Commander! Javier? Make sure his attire is form fitting. It would be a shame to cover such perfection with baggy and excessive clothes."

Javier's eyes twinkled in excitement, "yes! I agree completely Inquisitor. If it wasn't Halamshiral I would suggest forgoing a shirt completely!"

Cullen sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Roslyn giggled and waved, then she left Javier and Cullen to begin their appointment. 


	61. Marble

The long train of carriages, horses, and armed soldiers plowed through the mud and rain. Roslyn stared absentmindedly out of the window of her carriage. She was accompanied by Josephine and Leliana. 

Cullen insisted on riding in the unfavourable conditions alongside his men to show 'unity'. Roslyn wanted to do so as well, but her other advisors all but refused to allow it. 

"You can NOT arrive in Halamshiral soaking wet and wearing muddy boots Inquisitor. " Josephine had been so stressed out that this seemingly small change had her on the verge of tears. Roslyn decided to spare the Ambassador a stroke, and rode in the carriage. 

"Remember when you first arrived in Orlais Roslyn? You'd never been and you burst into laughter at the first noble woman you saw."

"She had an actual bird cage _With birds _sitting in her hair." Roslyn said dryly but with an amused smile at the memory. 

"It was ridiculous. But Andraste, I was afraid you were going to be hopeless." She said with a light laughter that sounded like dainty bells.

"I think that was what made me laugh for the first time in over a year." Roslyn said as she reminisced.

Outside the carriage the rain slowed into a gentle trickle. 

"So Inquisitor...." Josephine began in her thick Antivan accent.

"You and the Commander are quite serious. You will give me plenty of notice to plan for an appropriate ceremony yes?"

Roslyn stared at her in confusion, "what do you mean?"

Leliana and Josephine smirked at one another and Rosyn suddenly realized what they were thinking. 

"We're not engaged Josephine. But I would be sure to tell you if it happens."

"More like _When _it happens." Leliana said.

"We certainly have talked about a long term future together but there has been no serious talk of marriage."

"Well, when it happens, do not keep me in the dark for long. We will need plenty of warning for such a wedding."

The carriage halted and Roslyn took a deep breath. 

"I've forgotten how massive this place is." She said under her breath as she stared out of the window at the Winter Palace.

"It truly is one of the most extravagant palaces in Thedas. I cannot think of one more decadent. " Josephine said, her voice full of excitement. 

The carriage door opened and Jim greeted them."Inquisitor, Advisors, we've arrived. Your things are being brought to your rooms by the Empress' servants. The head servant awaits you at the gate to show you the way to the guest wing."

"Thank you Jim." Roslyn said kindly as she stepped out of the carriage. Luggage was pouring out of the caravan of Inquisition carriages and what felt like a 1,000 servants flooded the area helping with everything from moving belongings, leading away the horses to the stables and even smoothing the gowns of the Fereldan nobility and Elissa.

Cullen's heavy footsteps came up from the side. "Inquisitor, I've received word that the Inquisition advisors and inner circle will be roomed on the same floor. This is good because I will need everyone's help navigating this place." 

His eyes studied the enormous palace and a slight scowl pulled at his face.

"Cullen.... your displeasure is showing." Roslyn said lowly with a smirk. 

"This place is ridiculous. Why does anyone need something this ornate and large?" He shook his head in disgust. "It's a waste of materials and money that could have gone to the people or army."

She turned to face him, placing a hand on his forearm where they crossed stubbornly over his chest.

"Just a few days and we're back at Skyhold. Try not to scowl too much Cullen. It only adds to your commanding appeal." She added with a wink.

His face softened a bit as he chuckled. "Maker, I don't want to fuel anymore 'Lion of Fereldan ' remarks while I'm here."

"Good luck with that" she said.

He sighed and they began the long walk up the stairs leading to the guest wing.

Thr stairs were a shiny white marble with swirls of glittering gold spun around. It was so perfect Roslyn hated stepping on it, she feared dirtying or scuffing the prestine floor.

"Inquisitor. Welcome. I am Jacque and I will show you all to your rooms."

They entered through massive doors into a foyer. A deep purple chaise lounge sat in one corner near a fireplace that was larger than most walls. Jacque began prattling off all of the different servants names and what they were in charge of. Roslyn silently prayed that Josephine or Cullen was actually absorbing what the stuffy man was saying. 

"Each room was a pull tassle, it is attached to a bell that will ring when you pull it. A servant will be at your door within moments, I assure you. No matter the hour, no request is denied."

Roslyn walked along the smooth marble and couldn't help the look of wonderment on her face as she passed each giant cherry wood door. Some were opened and revealed the luxurious rooms. They turned a corner and another long hall of endless engraved doors lined each side. Jacque began directing her party members to their individual rooms.

As they neared the end of the hall, Jacque stopped and motioned to Cullen.

"Commander, this is your room. I have made sure to accommodate the special request of you and the Inquisitor. "

Roslyn and Cullen glanced at one another, neither sure of what the man was talking about. 

Before they could ask he continued, "Inquisitor your room is right next door. Please do not hesitate to ask for anything you may need. The Winter Palace lacks in nothing." He quickly stepped away and the clicking of heels could be heard for sometime after he was out of sight.

"I didn't make any requests, did you?" Cullen asked as he turned the knob to his door.

"No. I have no idea what he was talking about." She opened her door and they went into their separate rooms.

She was floored at the sight. A giant canopied bed with what looked like 50 pillows sat in front of an equally giant fireplace made of smooth marble. A sitting area, with furniture so beautiful Roslyn couldn't imagine putting her ass on any of it, occupied the left side of the room with another massive fireplace. Towards the back of the room, in front of floor to ceiling windows was a huge golden bathtub with heating runes underneath. Plush towels and robes were draped across the sides. 

It was the most amazing room she'd ever seen. 

Finally, she noticed a door that was near the fireplace of the sitting area. She opened it and understood immediately what the 'accommodation ' had been. The door led straight into Cullen's room. 

She watched him for a moment, trying not to laugh as he scowled at his massive room. His eyes finally seeing her he smiled. "Our rooms are connected?"

"Yes. Josie must be responsible. "

"Remind me to send her a bottle of wine later in thanks." 

."What do you think of your lodging?"

"I think it's Orlesian rubbish. Why does one person need all of this?" He threw open his arms and motioned at the giant space.

Roslyn laughed softly and shook her head. "A Fereldan through and through. All you're missing is a Mabari."

"That would make this trip more bearable." He mumbled. 

Roslyn grabbed his hand, "Come on, let's regroup with the others and see what delights have been planned for us this evening." 


	62. Splash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet Gaspard, Plans are confirmed and 
> 
> NSFW! Smut.

The Winter Palace was a never ending maze of halls and large rooms. Roslyn hated walking anywhere alone. It was eerie as she strolled through any part of the palace. She always felt alone. Very small in something quite larger than herself. The only sound she would hear was her own footsteps echoing off the walls.

She almost felt sorry for Celene. She had always heard the phrase "it's lonely at the top". This was one of the first times she understood it's meaning. The Empress of Orlais had every materialistic valuable one could want yet who shared it with her?

Roslyn felt a familar warmth at her side as Cullen closed the distance between them. His shoulder and arm brushing against hers as they walked. He didn't hold her hand as this was a formal dinner and professionalism was needed. But he couldn't stop himself from gravitating to her. She was like a magnet that he was unable to escape.

She smiled when she thought how lucky she was to have him to share everything with. Even this stressful situation they found themselves in. Tonight, everyone's training in the Game was going to be put to its first test. A dinner with the Grand Duke, Queen Elissa, and various Fereldan and Orlesian nobility. Roslyn had to give Cullen a bit of a pep talk in advance, reminding him that this was good practice for Celene's grand ball.

Roslyn wore a simple A-line black gown with maroon embellishments at the shoulders. Her hair was down and a velvet maroon and gold band wrapped around her head, almost appearing as a small crown. 

Elissa looked every part the Queen of Fereldan. Tonight she wore a large ball gown in a shimmering red. Her light hair in a tight, elegant bun. A small tiara sat perched against it. 

They scanned the room as they came to a stand still in the doorway. Cullen inhaled carefully, steadying himself. Roslyn tried to distract him.

"Did I tell you that you look especially handsome this evening Commander?" She said lowly so that only he could hear her. It wasn't a lie. He wore dark trousers and a deep gray and maroon vest over a black tunic. He looked regal, but very rustic Fereldan. 

"I don't believe you did. I would feign offense but I couldn't possibly while you look so beautiful. "

She smiled faintly as she glanced up at him. His eyes crinkled at her in a whisper of a smile and she whispered, "you can do this." 

He gave a confident nod and they proceeded to enter the massive room.

"Inquisitor Amell! Welcome to the Winter Palace!" Grand Duke Gaspard said with a flourish of his hand and bowed.

"Thank you Grand Duke. It is an honor to be here. Allow me to introduce you to Commander Cullen Rutherford. "

The two men exchanged greetings but before any deep conversation could begin, Elissa floated up to the trio.

"Why Commander, you look so handsome in formal attire! Grand Duke, it is a pleasure to see you once again!" She extended her hand out and he graciously took it in his own and kissed it.

"Queen Elissa, you look as beautiful as the day of your coronation. Do you age? What spell has been cast to preserve such youth and beauty?" Gaspard said in a sickeningly sweet tone.

She giggled lightly and glanced at Roslyn. "Inquisitor, we were beginning to wonder if you were going to make it. You take 'fashionably late' to another level." 

Roslyn smiled warmly although it did not reach her eyes, they were dark and dangerous. 

"I'm afraid there was nothing 'fashionable ' about my lateness. War is an inconvenient and ugly business. Wouldn't you agree Grand Duke?" 

He nodded in agreement, "you speak a truth many do not understand, Inquisitor. I have heard rumor of your wisdom and intelligence. But as with the rumor of your beauty, I see it fell short of its magnitude."

Roslyn noted that he did not use the same sweet voice as he did with Elissa. His tone was deeper, the same he used when speaking with Cullen. Roslyn was his equal. Elissa was someone to treat delicately in his eyes.

Elissa, slightly frowning now that her attempted veiled criticism of Roslyn had failed, decided to try a different approach. 

"You do look lovely tonight Inquisitor. My, what a pair you and the Grand Duke will make at the ball! I imagine it will be the talk of Orlais. A power couple in the making perhaps?" 

Gaspard puffed out his chest slightly and smiled smugly. "We certainly will make quite the _splash_. Many women will be quite envious of you Inquisitor. I especially look forward to our dance. And who knows.... perhaps something more?" He said lowly as he leaned in to Roslyn and smirked. 

Cullen's hand squeezed the pommel of his sword so tightly his knuckles went white. His eyes burned, but he kept his gaze straight ahead. 

Elissa used the opportunity to step in a little closer. He could feel the tingling in the back of his throat again but this time the urge to devour her wasn't what it had been that day he helped her archery. The herbs he'd been given were helping.

Nonetheless, his hands trembled slightly as she lingered near him.

"Commander, I do look forward to the evening of the ball as well. I've heard you're not one for dancing but I promise I am an excellent partner." She smiled sweetly as she placed a hand on his forearm and squeezed. 

Roslyn had decided that it was time to bring out their secret weapon.

"Grand Duke, Queen Elissa, have I introduced you to Commander Cullen's second-in-command?"

They both shook their heads and looked on as Roslyn motioned over to a man who had been sipping whiskey from a tumbler near the giant fireplace. 

Rylen swaggered over to the group, whiskey in hand. He wore a deep hunter green vest over a dark grey tunic. His eyes shined with excitement. Roslyn could see why he had such a strong effect on women. She could also see the immediate interest Elissa had as he approached. 

"Your majesty, Grand Duke, this is Captain Rylen of Starkhaven." Cullen said proudly as Rylen grinned.

"What an absolute pleasure it is to meet you." He said as he bowed deeply, grinning the entire time and never once bothering to set down his whiskey. 

He turned to Elissa. "Your majesty, We traveled in a large caravan so we didn't get the chance to meet. But your beauty and grace doesn't hold a light to the stories I've heard." He held her gaze and spoke his words with such intensity, it was almost like poetry being spoke straight from his heart. Everyone stood transfixed for a moment until Rylen once again, began grinning and took a deep drink from his whiskey. 

"Come on now! It's a dinner _party! _Let's have a good time yeah? I'm sure we all could use a lil' fun yeah?" He said as he winked at Elissa. 

He sauntered off to mingle with the rest of the crowd and Elissa's gaze followed. Roslyn inwardly smirked. Rylen was good. Very good. 

She leaned into Cullen and murmured, "does Rylen know a Antivan named Zevran?" 

"Not that I am aware of.... why do you ask?"

"No reason...." she shrugged.

A clinking of silverware on crystal was heard and an elven woman announced, "dinner is served!"

Everyone sat at the long table and were promptly served several courses of food. Josephine only had to elbow Cullen twice for using the incorrect silverware during certain courses. Cullen in turn only scowled faintly when corrected and Roslyn felt overall, dinner had been a success. 

Leliana approached them before they left the dining room and murmured, "we are all meeting in your room Roslyn." 

When she returned to her room, sure enough, Leliana, Josie, and Rylen were waiting for her and Cullen.

"Speak quietly, there are ears everywhere in this place. " Leliana warned.

Rylen nodded his head. "She's definitely wearing lyrium. Or it is hidden on her somewhere. I could sense it as soon as I approached her."

Cullen nodded in agreement, his mouth turned down into a scowl. "Despite the herbs I've been taking, I could still sense it as well although not as strongly as before. Tonight, I was able to pinpoint what it was, before it nearly drove me mad as soon as I came into contact. I couldn't think straight enough to realize what was happening. "

Rylen sighed, "probably because your body has been deprived of it for so long. It went into overdrive. So Nightingale, what is the next move?"

Leliana paced for a moment. She placed a delicate, pale finger to her lips. "We need something to hold against her. A way to blackmail her into leaving and not returning. She can easily turn what we've discovered around as us creating lies to discredit her."

She pulled out a small, purple stone from her cloak. "This stone has a rare enchantment that allows a moment to be captured and replayed at will. If we can get this stone to capture the _Right moment _we will have our proof."

Roslyn held the stone in her hand. "So.... we get someone close to her to get her to admit using lyrium on herself.... the stone captures the confession and she's finished. I like it."

Rylen and Cullen both stood looking equally confused. Finally Cullen asked the question both men had been wondering. 

"How do we get this confession?"

Leliana smirked at Rylen. "We get a man near her. Perhaps.... with her. Rylen mentions a disdain for his Commander... makes Elissa believe he can help her tear the two of you apart. When she trusts him, she'll talk."

Rylen rubbed his hands together. "This is the most interestin' mission I've ever been on."

Leliana sighed and rolled her eyes although her lips betrayed her as they curled into a faint smile. They filed out of the room leaving Cullen and Roslyn alone.

She sighed loudly as she ran herself a bath and used her magic to heat the water. 

"Can you get my dress?" She asked as she held up her hair to reveal the laces. Cullen said nothing but gently, he unlaced her gown and slid it down her body.

"Thank you." She said over her shoulder softly. Cullen took a step back and sat on a chair that was near the massive golden tub. He watched mesmerized as she slid down her smalls and removed her breastband. She carefully dipped her toes into the water first allowing her body time to adjust to temperature.

Then she slid into the water with a low hum. "Josie has to get me a tub like this" she murmured more to herself than to Cullen. 

He chuckled softly as he took off his boots. He unfastened his vest and slid it off his shoulders, draping it over the chair. Then he rolled up his sleeves and walked over to the side of the tub and sat down. 

Roslyn had lathered up a soft cloth with a delicate Orlesian soap and was running it down her arm when Cullen's hand stopped hers.

She looked up at him curiously and he felt almost dizzy looking into her dark eyes. Her cheeks were rosy from the heat of the water and her lips were pouty and stained red from the wine they'd drank at dinner.

"May I?" He asked softly as his fingers gripped the cloth.

She nodded and watched as he took the cloth in his own hand and ran it across her collarbone and over each shoulder. Gently, he guided it down the center of her chest, between her breasts and down to her stomach and back up again. Then he took the cloth over each breast, ghosting over each one before bringing the cloth back down to her stomach. 

Her breath was shallow and she fought the urge to grab his hand and bring it beneath the water to the place between her legs. His free hand came to touch her face and he traced his thumb over her bottom lip. His eyes were hungry and burning as hers were dark and wild.

Finally, his hand slid down further, but he abandoned the cloth and it was his fingers that reached her. He slid his hand between her folds and put one finger inside her. He kissed her faintly, so faintly their lips barely touched. His finger slid in and out slowly and gently. The lack of touch was driving her mad and she began to whimper for more.

Her hands ran under his shirt, across his firm abdomen and up his chest. Then her need became more demanding and she _gripped _his cock over his pants and he growled at the forceful grab.

Neither cared that he still wore his clothes. Neither was sure if she pulled him into the water or if he jumped in himself. Either way, he was in the tub now, his clothes soaked and Roslyn frantically undoing the laces of his trousers. She pulled them down over his hips and grabbed his cock, placing it at her opening. He gripped the edge of the tub above her head while the other hand wrapped tightly around her waist. 

They both snapped their hips into one another, frantic to feel themselves in and around each other. Water splashed all over the ground with each of Cullen's forceful thrusts. Roslyn clung to him urging him to continue, begging for him to go harder, deeper, more of _Him. _Her legs tightly wrapped around him, they left absolutely no space between them. She cried out his name as she came and he growled as he found his release, his face buried in her neck. 

He pulled himself from her, panting and soaking wet. "You've made a mess Roslyn." He managed to say between heavy breaths.

She laughed and splashed him playfully. "You started it. I was just trying to take a bath!"

He pulled himself from the tub and peeled off his shirt and trousers. "You seduced me woman. Do not deny it."

She smiled as she looked up at him. "I do not deny it. But you are easily seduced good sir."

He leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose. "By you? Most easily."


	63. The Gardens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sweet chapter with a young Roslyn/Cullen flashback. I love writing small moments of their past. Hope you guys do too!

_ It was late. Well past dinner and most of the mages were in their rooms readying for bed. A few lingered in the library, studying for upcoming tests. Several Templars agreed to stay on watch so they could stay up late._

_ Cullen made the usual rounds through each study room, making sure it was cleared an empty. He heard a faint voice coming from the healing study room. As he approached the door that sat ajar, the voice became clearer._

_ He knew it was her before he entered. She sounded exhausted, perhaps even on the verge of crying judging from the tremble in her voice._

_ Roslyn sat on the stone floor with a potted rose in her hands. It was well beyong dead. It hung lifeless and brown, the leaves threatening to fall off any moment ._

_ "Animus grote" she said again as she wrapped her hands tightly around the pot willing it to spring to life with her tired eyes. _

_ "It's late Roslyn... what are you still doing in here?" He asked softly as not to startle her. _

_ She sighed and sat down the pot, her shoulders shrugging forward in defeat. _

_ "How am I supposed to make something grow and flourish when I can't even keep it alive? I kill every plant I touch."_

_ Cullen walked closer, his armor making entirely too much noise for the empty room. He shifted awkwardly while he desperately tried to think of something to say._

_ "Have you tried watering it?" He finally blurted out._

_ She shot daggers at him from her sparkling dark eyes. "Haha Ser Knight." _

_ He rubbed the back of his neck and sat down across from her, making an awful amount of noise._

_ "No, I'm not trying to be an ass..... " he exhaled through his nose loudly and shut his eyes, trying to form words from his thoughts._

_ "It's just... I've never understood why they make mages learn how to speed up the growth of herbs and flowers. I know that magic can help tremendously in the area of healing.... but something like this?" He motioned to the rose and paused._

_ "Well... some things are better when allowed to grow naturally, in their own time, rather than circumstance forcing it to happen." _

_ Roslyn looked at him thoughtfully and eventually smiled. "I think I'd prefer caring for it a little everyday and watching that slow progress rather than it happening all at once. But.... I also have a test to pass." She shrugged her shoulders and bit her lip._

_ "You will figure it out. You always do. But staying up and trying to resurrect a rose from the dead isn't going to get you anywhere tonight."_

_ She laughed and her eyes lit up with amusement. "I suppose you're right. Thank you Ser Cullen. Before you entered, I thought I might have a minor breakdown. Now it seems rather silly of me."_

_ He smiled softly at her as he often found himself doing in her presence. "You always strive to be the best at whatever task is given you. I think it's admirable. "_

_ They held one another's gaze for a moment longer than they both knew they should. Eventually, Cullen got to his feet and extended his hand to help her off the ground._

_ "Come, off to bed with you. Tomorrow you can try again. I expect a perfect white rose by the end of the week."_

_ "It's a deal Ser Knight." She said warmly._

_ Six days later she approached him with a beautiful white rose and beaming smile on her face. _

They were touring the Winter Palace gardens as a small group. Cullen, Roslyn, and some of her inner circle. They were being led by a woman who took her job far too seriously .

"And here we have the Empress' favorite hydrangea bush."

"Oi, I thought you said that prickly plant was her favorite bush." Sera said with a scrunched nose and thumbed in the direction of a Blood Lotus Bush. 

"I said that was her favorite _Lotus _bush. This is her favorite Hydrangea bush. Do pay attention. " 

"I hear she likes all kinds of different bushes ya know what I mean?" Sera whispered loudly as she elbowed Dorian in the ribs. He barely suppressed a snicker and Roslyn felt her palm go straight to her face.

"Sera... remember how we talked about the issue you have with thinking you're being quiet when you're actually not? This is one of those times."

"Aye, did you think you and Cully Wully were bein' quiet last night? Cause you weren't. Guess that was one of those times you're talking about yeah?"

Dorian choked and then doubled over in laughter. Roslyn tried to act mad but ended up laughing as she covered her face in embarrassment. Cullen turned 4 shades of red.

They continued winding through the maze of hedges and bushes and trees. They stopped at one point near the center of the gardens. A large pond with a massive fountain sat in the center. Roslyn wondered about the area curiously taking in all of the different plants and flowers. 

She smiled brightly when she came across a white rose bush. She plucked the one she liked most and turned to Cullen who stood scowling at a statue of a naked man being fed grapes by several naked women.

She tapped his shoulder. "Yes?" He said as turned. His eyes fell to the rose that she twirled in her hand.

His scarred lip turning up he said, "did you finally master the growing spell?"

She arched a mischievous brow at him. "I never mastered that spell, or healing as you well know. But I remember this." She looked down fondly at the rose.

"As do I. Did you know I kept the first one you gave me? I dried it and hung it over my headboard. It stayed there until.... well all the ugly business."

"I didn't know that. Well, now you have another one." She stuck the stem of the rose through one of the straps on his vest. 

"You told me that some things are better when they are allowed to grow naturally..... you were right." She gazed up at him with such adoration in her eyes he felt his breath hitch in his throat.

His hand twitched near his pocket as he uttered her name lowly. "Roslyn... I need to-"

"Inquisitor! Have you seen the Empress' favorite apricot tree? It's right this way! You will love it, I'm sure!"

Roslyn rolled her eyes and sighed and Cullen's hand dropped abruptly from his pocket. She muttered under her breath so only Cullen could hear her, "oh I'm sure I'll just be over the fucking moon for it."

He chuckled softly at her honest contempt for the boisterous tour guide.

"Don't laugh Commander or I'll tell her you want the extended tour."

"Maker no! That would just be cruel Inquisitor. I think I'd resign from my post." She smirked and they continued the tour.

"How many damn bushes does this garden have?" She could hear Bull grumble.

"Too damn many." She replied.


	64. Flirtations and Second Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mildly NSFW  
Rylen talks to a Queen, Roslyn gets a letter, Cullen makes it a little better because that's what he does👏

"Your Majesty! May I have a word?" Rylen grinned as he bowed to Elissa. They had just finished a tour of the west wing of the Winter Palace. He had been bored 5 minutes into the tour. Seeker Cassandra seemed equally as bored and he had to fight himself to not stir up trouble. 

Elissa quirked a thin brow at the Captain and gently extended her petite hand so that he could capture it in his own. He did not hesitate and he placed a chaste kiss atop it, stood to full height and offered her his arm. 

They walked along a stone path that had views of several extravagant fountains. He took a deep breath, enjoying a little fresh air after the stuffy, dull tour.

"What can I help with Captain Rylen?" The Queen said in a delicate, high pitched voice that he found slightly annoying. 

"Well, if I'm bein' honest, I just wanted to take a walk and you seemed like you needed a break as well." He replied with a sly grin. She seemed a little taken aback by his confession but seemed to enjoy the attention he was giving her.

"I suppose you're right Captain. It was a long tour wasn't it? Orlesian nobility certainly likes to flaunt their wealth." She said haughtily. 

"Aye, that's an understatement my Queen. Too bad the Empress isn't like you."

"And how am I exactly?" She asked looking up at the adorable Captain. 

"Well... I'm not sure it's appropriate to say such things to a Queen...."

"I insist. "

"Alright, for one, you're beautiful. But everyone knows that don't they? You have shown great intelligence in your dealings with the Inquisition and Orlais. You are fascinating your Majesty."

She smiled smugly. "Well at least I have the attention of one of the Inquisition's military men." 

"I'm sure it's more than just me..."

Elissa hummed. "Well, you're close to the Commander are you not? How serious are he and the Inquisitor?"

_This is too bloody easy. _Rylen thought to himself. "I'm not sure your Highness. But I know that Cullen and I are close yes, but we have what some would call a 'friendly rivalry '. Especially in matters of women..."

Elissa stopped and faced him. "What do you mean?" 

"If I get the attention of a woman, it's only a matter of time before the Commander comes prowling around trying to win her over. Goes the other way around too. I've stolen lasses right out from under his nose." He chuckled and looked amused by the ridiculous lie.

She seemed to be in deep contemplation for a moment, then she resumed their walk. "So if you were to take an interest in someone here, you believe the Commander would try to intervene?"

"Oh I know he would. It's always interesting to see who gets the girl."

Elissa's eyes side glanced Rylen and she held his gaze, "what a lucky woman to be caught between the two of you..."

Rylen returned the flirtatious gaze. "Your Majesty... surely your husband makes you feel most lucky?"

She turned her perfectly painted lips upward. "My husband is not here to make me feel _anything. _It isn't bad to want to feel like a lucky woman is it?"

Her hand that wasn't wrapped through his arm came to his shoulder and traced a circle. 

"Would the King be upset with the man who made his Queen lucky?"

"Only if he were to know.... and I'm all the way in Orlais." She said as she flipped up her hand and laughed softly. 

Rylen couldn't believe how smoothly this was going. The woman was practically throwing herself at him right here in front of the Winter Palace. 

"And what if the Commander decides he wants to make the Queen of Fereldan lucky? You wander off to the man off higher rank? " 

She shrugged lazily, "I don't know... we are in Orlais... they have a phrase for something involving three lovers... a 'menage a trois' I believe? Something to consider. A queen between two powerful men.... I feel _lucky _already. " She winked and glided back towards the doors. 

Rylen exhaled with a loud _whoosh. _She was tempting that was for sure. Maker, he needed to be careful. He didn't actually want to meet Alistair and his sword. He'd run to Cullen faster than he did when the Order fell. He shook his head to clear his thoughts.

Then he went to report to the Spymaster. And seeing her always made him feel lucky.

* * *

"So Rylen, you've managed to convince the Queen of Fereldan that there is a possibility of a 'mirage la tres' with us?"

"Menage a Trois, Commander." Rylen cheerfully corrected. 

Cullen huffed, "I don't _care _what it's called because it's ridiculous."

Roslyn was on the verge of losing herself to a fit of laughter while Leliana and Josephine stood by with amused looks on their faces. 

"Listen. The thought that her being attracted to Rylen could make Cullen jealous is enough to make this plan work. Nice job Captain. Perhaps you should consider transferring to my branch of the Inquisition..."

"No." Cullen said bluntly.

"I dunno Commander.... The Spymaster is a lot prettier than you..."

"No." He responded again.

"Listen we have bigger issues at hand as well. Briala approached me after the garden tour and gave me some unnerving information. She believes Gaspard is conspiring against Celene. I'm not sure who to believe. I'm to be escorted by the man and if he is Celene's assassin, or behind it, the Inquisition could get wrapped up in a political shit storm." Roslyn said as she rubbed her forehead.

"There are certainly many hands at play here Inquisitor. But make no mistake, Briala has reason to be so invested. We need to find out why." Josephine said lowly.

"Everyone in this bloody city has an ulterior motive. How do you stand it?" Cullen said exasperated. 

Leliana and Josephine shrugged. "It is a mental game of chess Commander. Strategy and diversions.... it keeps things... interesting. " Leliana said softly.

"I've received a letter from King Alistair. Word must have reached him about Elissa's behavior. Here, read it." Leliana handed over the letter.

_Roslyn,_

_ (and Leliana because I know you're going to read this regardless who it's addressed to)_

_ I offer my apologies for my wife's recent behavior in your court. It was not my intention to challenge your position as Inquisitor or the role the Inquisition has played in Fereldan. _

_ On the contrary, I understand that the Inquisition has been a great help to Fereldan and the war. However, the nobility is always skeptical of any power that comes too close to our borders. Left over paranoia caused from the Orlesian occupation I'm afraid. Elissa's family fought in that war and it has been a great part of her upbringing to stand for Fereldan independence. I know this does not excuse her behavior, but perhaps it provides some context for her choice of words._

_ Roslyn, my marriage is not exactly what I thought it would be when I was young. Elissa and I love each other, but we have many problems. My ideals and fanstasies of what marriage was crumbled under the pressures of being a King, as hers with being a Queen. _

_ I say this because I worry for her. She is insecure about our past. I think she believes I still... feel for you. I've been informed that she read the official reports about Adamant. I hadn't told her that I traveled with you. It would've caused problems. Now I fear I created more problems by not being upfront with her. _

_ I hope that when she sees the love between you and Cullen, her fears will be put to rest. Keep me updated._

_ -Alistair _

She laid down the letter. "I'm at a loss of words. He's going to be devastated if he finds out what extremes she has turned to." Roslyn said quietly. 

Nobody said anything for a moment. "How would you like to proceed Inquisitor?" Leliana asked. She clasped her hands behind her back and added, 

"Elissa has been ruthless and relentless in her attempts to hurt you. Even going as far as trying to hurt Cullen as well. She has humiliated you in front of your court and we cannot be sure that she will stop if you tell her what we know. Even if you threaten to tell Alistair." 

Roslyn knew she was right. But all she could hear was Alistair's voice as she read his heartfelt words. He had been far from perfect. But he was a good man at heart who tried to do right. A man who she would always have a very soft spot for. She didn't want to see him hurt. But she WOULD NOT see Cullen hurt. 

"I need some time to think about this. There has to be a way.... something I'm not seeing yet." 

"I still get to see the Queen's knickers right?" Rylen chimed in with playful concern.

Cullen groaned and face palmed as he shook his head. 

"Continue as planned Rylen. Plant the stone as we discussed. You needn't actually sleep with her. But what you do in your time is up to you. " Leliana said.

"Just because we capture the evidence, it doesn't mean we have to turn it over Roslyn." Leliana said softly. Roslyn nodded.

"I think I'll return to my room to lie down for a bit before tonight's preparations." She gave a subtle nod and left the room.

Once she was back in her oversized room she threw herself onto her bed. She gazed up at the intricately painted ceiling bordered in gold. She hated this place. She hated nobility and she hated social expectations. She grabbed a pillow and held it over her face. She felt like crying and screaming and suffocating all at once.

Where had Alistair and Elissa gone so wrong? How twisted was time that she now wanted to keep them together when 10 years ago it gutted her to know they were together? She wanted him happy. It hurt to think of him ending up alone and full of regret. 

She heard muffled footsteps approaching and the feel of a heavy body pushing down the mattress beside her. She felt the pillow being peeled from her arms and golden eyes and a smirk greeted her.

"You are not allowed to suffocate yourself to escape this place. Not unless you suffocate me first." He said with a sly grin. His eyes flicking up and down her face.

She couldn't help the upward turn of her mouth as she stared up at him. If anyone hated this place more, it was him. 

"Why must people hurt one another with their stupid games? I don't want to be the one to ruin Alistair's marriage. I want him happy. As happy as I am with you." She intertwined her fingers through his. 

He stared down at her, his smirk never leaving. "This is one of the reasons I love you. You truly want the best for everyone. Even those who've hurt you. It's what makes you a good leader as well. You have empathy. Not like these Orlesian pricks..." he growled out. He quickly shook his head, trying to shake away his current annoyance with Orlais. 

"Whatever happens... you haven't ruined anyone's marriage. Well, none that I'm aware of. Elissa is responsible for her actions. If those actions are brought to light... then so be it."

She brought her free hand to his face and traced his jaw. "Thank you." She said softly.

"For the record Cullen, I've only destroyed three marriages. All part of my work as one of the Divine's spies. Such unpleasant business the Chantry gets up to." She said with a devilish grin and Cullen couldn't tell if she was joking or serious, and he was a little afraid to ask. So he opted to kiss her forehead instead. 

"You and Leliana are terrifying women." He murmured. 

"Only when we have to be." She replied.

"Cullen.... do you think you and Rylen will kiss when you're both having your way with the Queen?"

He smacked her with the pillow. "Careful Amell, I know all your ticklish spots."

She laughed and hit him back with the large, fluffy pillow. "Alright fine! You'll just make awkward eye contact all throughout. "

He grabbed her and pinned her to the bed, holding her hands above her head. 

He smirked smugly and Roslyn could feel herself melting under his gaze. "I'll have to remember this position later tonight..." he murmured as he nibbled her ear and down her throat. 

"Don't worry I'll remind you." She panted as the feel of being at his mercy was driving her crazy.

A knock at the door brought them from the moment. 

"Commander? I know you're in there! You promised a dress rehearsal! I'll get the Tevinter man if you don't come out!" Javier shouted almost hysterically. 

Cullen face planted into Roslyn's hair and she covered her mouth and giggled into her hand.

"You better meet the man Cullen or Dorian will burst through the door saying all sorts of inappropriate things. He always enjoys a dramatic entrance."

Cullen pulled himself up from the bed, "and exit, and everything in between. " He grumbled. 

"I'll be right there Javier!" He roared. He marched towards the door, flung it open and growled,

"Let's get this over with."


	65. Wynne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We see more of Roslyn's vulnerability and decades long loneliness in this chapter.

_ Roslyn walked into the small chantry that sat outside Honnleath. She had recently returned to Fereldan for a mission. The Divine had increased her workload and many others considerably since Kirkwall. The circles were rebelling and Roslyn didn't blame them._

_ She had been surprised, though not at all shocked, to hear that Wynne had aided several mages in escape and died healing another. _

_ The chantry was small indeed but it was mostly empty at this late hour. A multitude of candles were burning in her memory. A chantry sister softly chanted the prayer of loss and peace. Roslyn approached the altar that contained the burning candles of mourning and memory._

_ She plucked a candle from its box and inserted it into a small, brass holder. She lit the wick with the flame of one of the other burning candles._

_ She knelt down and looked up at the group of tiny, flickering, flames. Each one lit by someone who wanted to honor Wynne._

_ Roslyn never had a grandmother. But she always imagined if she did, she'd be exactly like the gentle mage. Wynne was courageous but soft and loving. A natural healer and nurturer. _

_ After the Blight, she had stayed close to Denerim and it's Chantry for a time. She offered Roslyn council and Alistair as well as he adjusted to his new role._

_ The day she left, Roslyn walked her to the gates. They walked quietly together, both not wanting to say their goodbyes but both knowing they were only delaying the inevitable. _

_ "I feel like I'm never going to see you again. But that can't be true can it?" Roslyn asked hoping to hear reassurance from the older woman._

_ "I cannot answer that. I have found that there are two kinds of people who enter your life. Those that seem intertwined with your destiny for unknown reasons. These people show up in unexpected places for unexpected reasons. But consistently, they appear and reappear. _

_ Then there are those that come into our lives, drastically impact it, and then leave, never to return. It doesn't mean that their mark on your life is any less than the other person. It's just a different kind of mark. One that hopefully you will recall in your memory and smile." _

_ Roslyn, who now had unshed tears in her eyes, nodded slowly. "Well, if you are the latter, I will certainly look back on our time together and smile."_

_ Wynne gently smiled and grasped her hands in her own. "As will I my dear girl."_

_ They hugged warmly for several moments, Roslyn taking a deep inhale of her lilac scent._

_ "The Maker is not finished with you yet Roslyn Amell. You will find happiness. A great, fantastical love. You will see."_

_ Roslyn sat on a bench now in front of the alter, feeling a bittersweet sadness overcome her. That had been the last time she'd seen Wynne. They had written sporadically to one another from time to time. Leliana had been lucky enough to see her. But Roslyn never could align her missions with Wynne's constant traveling and work with the Circles._

_ Now she was truly gone. Another piece of her past, lost to time. _

_ She walked out of the chantry, towards the little Inn just beyond Honnleath's gates. She looked around the small village slightly impressed. The last time she'd been here, darkspawn had overrun it. It was a bloody mess. You wouldn't know it now._

_ The village had been rebuilt and it was quaint and cozy. Small planters filled with bright colored flowers lined each window on every cottage. A memory of an old friend came rushing at her as she looked around._

_ "Every spring there would be a festival to celebrate the end of Winter. There would be the most beautiful, bright flowers everywhere. The women and girls would wear them in their hair even. Sparkling wine and ciders were served and an endless amount of mead. My parents would get drunk and try to play it off by telling us they were just dizzy from dancing." He had told the story of his boyhood memory with a chuckle and look of wistfulness in his golden eyes. _

_ She shivered under her cloak. Tonight the air had a chill and was filled with memories of what could've been. Or perhaps, what it should have been. _

"Roslyn darling, please tell me you're going through with the Spymaster's plan."

Dorian sat on the large purple chaise in front of the roaring fire, looking like he absolutely belonged there.

Roslyn sighed as she fussed with the laces of her corset. "A little help your _majesty?" _She asked in annoyance.

"Do not get upset with me over that thing. I'm not the one who decided women should lace themselves up in a material so stiff it restricts their breathing." He stood and turned her around and began tightly lacing the back.

"You're not answering my earlier question. " He murmured.

"I don't know Dorian. Maker knows she deserves for the world to know exactly what she's done. Or attempted to do. I just... it's him I suppose."

"You don't want to see him hurt." He replied matter-of-factly. 

"I suppose."

"If this were another woman, who had zero ties to Alistair, how would you proceed? Actually, you needn't answer that, because I KNOW how you would proceed. You'd have the woman by the throat with one hand and a written proclamation of her bitchery in the other hand. Why does it matter if he knows?"

"Because he chose wrong. Deep down he already knows it and has made peace with it. For the first time in many years I feel _happy. _I feel _love. _Is it so difficult for us both to have that? Why is it always one miserable while the other is blissfully unaware?"

"Yet you are not unaware. That was him. He chose to be unaware because it was easier."

She looked down at her hands as she twirled her thumbs. "I know. He hurt me, deeply. More than he could ever know. But I loved him. I'll always have love for him. I guess a part of me still wants to protect him."

"Ahhhhh there's the reasonable answer to the question. We're making progress. You wish to protect the man. It's understandable my dear. You fought alongside him, protecting one another. He tried, although poorly, to protect you from the fallout of marrying Elissa."

He finished lacing her corset and spun her around to face him, his hands holding her arms above the elbows. 

"He deserves to know. Keeping him in the dark makes it easy for YOU because you won't have to feel guilt or worry. If you truly care for him in the smallest measurement, you will show him the truth." 

Roslyn was in a stunned silence. Dorian was completely right. 

Finally, she swallowed hard and said, "why are you so good at these things? Whatever path she chooses he will be informed. What he does with it, is up to him."

Dorian smiled proudly, "there's my girl. Now, if you need any kind of reminder of why, just remember that she would fuck your Commander in a heartbeat if he allowed it."

She arched a brow and huffed. "Yes.... that is _quite _the motivation."

Dorian chuckled and sat back on the chaise, sipping his drink delicately. She stared at him for a long while until he finally asked, "what is it?"

"When this is all over.... will I never see you again?" She stood in front of the full length mirror facing Dorian with sad, dark eyes. A hand clutching her stomach as if waiting for a painful impact.

"My dear why would you ask such a question?"

"I've been here before. I've become close to those who've surrounded me in dire times. Then, when the world rights itself, they disperse and I never see them again. Wynne, Sten, Oghren, Morrigan..... just _gone. _People I bled with, shared so much of myself with...... I see it happening again. I don't have family. I have Leliana and now Cullen. You mean so much-"

Dorian waved a hand in the air and cut her off. "I will not disappear from your life. Time may take us on different paths but WE are family now. You will never be rid of me I'm afraid." He smiled at her but behind the joke was a sincere promise.

She smiled and nodded, "alright. I always wanted a brother. And a sister. I suppose now I have a little of both in you."

Dorian barked out a laugh as he threw his head back, "now that is a very sisterly thing to say!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the flashback makes sense! I wanted to reflect the loneliness that has been persistent in Roslyn's life. She has no family, and Alistair would have been the first person she truly allowed herself to open up to, which made his betrayal that much harder to understand. Cullen had been a Templar so there was always a divide between them not letting her get as close as she would've liked. She also has to contend with the possibility of losing her current companions once the war is over just as she did after the Blight. However, she is gaining her family of misfits. Leliana, Cullen, Dorian.....


	66. Fanclub

Roslyn took a deep, steadying breath as she waited for the massive ballroom doors to open. Gaspard seemed almost bored as he impatiently stamped his foot.

Cullen stood behind her, Elissa on his arm, much to Roslyn's annoyance. _It's only a formality _she repeated to herself silently. Behind Cullen, stood Cassandra and Rylen, followed by Dorian and Leliana, and finally Josephine with Varric.

The rest of Roslyn's entourage was already inside. They were lucky enough to not have to be formally announced to the entire ballroom. 

She glanced down at her dress again. It had turned out beautifully. Javier was the absolute best and she thanked him a million times. It had been a frustrating ordeal, trying to create the right dress for this occasion. Josephine insisted on something jaw dropping but different enough that it didn't rival Celene's. So the traditional ballgown line was out.

Leliana wanted something that screamed _power _so color was equally as important. Roslyn wanted her love of Rivainian culture to shine through.

Javier looked overwhelmed at the requests but ultimately had a flash of triumph flash over his face and he began working out a sketch.

What she wore tonight was the culmination of weeks of his work.

It was a brilliant gown of emerald green, a few shades darker than her mark. It shimmered across her shoulders and formed delicate little caps atop them. It ran down over each breast and covered each one well. The material had gold ropes that knotted around her neck and down between her breasts attaching the emerald material. The gold ropes criss crossed around her upper abdomen for a few inches until reaching the top of her waist and more of the brilliant green material. It tightly wound around her waist and then flared out slightly, a small pool of material trailing behind her.

Her hair was loosely worn up, with several waves flowing down her back. A gold chain wrapped around the top of her head and it popped and sparkled against her dark tresses. 

She wore simple, matching green slippers that made maneuvering easy and comfortable, which she was greatly grateful for.

When she arrived in the waiting area, Cullen's eyes immediately turned to his predatory gaze and his lips parted slightly in awe. Josephine gave him a firm elbow to his ribs to right him. Gaspard also seemed pleased with his guest for the evening. He hummed loudly in appreciation and his eyes openly ogled her up and down, repeatedly. 

Roslyn prayed Cullen wouldn't notice, but nothing escaped the Commander. His eyes narrowed on Gaspard and flashed dangerously, making Gaspard straighten himself but a smug look played on his face.

"Just a few more moments Grand Duke, we want to make sure everything goes smoothly." One of the servants said.

Roslyn looked back at Cullen. His eyes were burning into her and she could almost feel the heat coming from his stare. She smirked at him and he returned it with one of his own. The one that made her want to drop her clothes to the floor in a second. For a man who acted so nervous around her, he gave the most seductive smirk she'd ever seen. 

Elissa, noticing the moment between them, cleared her throat to gain his attention. Cullen visibly winced and then turned to her asking if she needed water.

Elissa looked lovely, as much as Roslyn hated to admit it. She wore her hair completely up in a ballerina styled bun. Her gown was a deep red that made her creamy skin look like a porcelain doll. The sleeves were long but the dress revealed her shoulders. It was low in its cut to make her cleavage prominent. Her lips were a matching shade of red.

Cassandra, stood in armor. Javier had almost quit when he had to deal with her.

"_I thought the Commander was stubborn! This woman is a MANIAC! She is unreasonable and I will not be held responsible for her ridiculous ideals. A woman should be in a gown at a ball!"_

Roslyn had tried to reason with her.

_"Come now Cassandra.... even Cullen was fitted for formal attire. Surely you can wear something different for a few hours."_

_ "I have never worn dresses. I will not start now. It is ridiculous to think that we should be expected to protect the Empress from an assassin in a dress."_

_ "But Javier is making them functional. Extra pockets... the dresses will cover our leggings and the dresses detach!"_

_ "I refuse."_

And that was that.

She was given a shiny new set of armor to wear which she scoffed at but decided this was a good enough compromise. When Cullen found out he attempted to protest and demand that he too, wear armor but Josephine had shot him a look so frightening he shut up.

He stood in black formal attire with gold and emerald green accents. A nod to their relationship from Javier.

The doors slowly began to open. "This is it Inquisitor. Let us make waves tonight. " Gaspard murmured with the most enthusiasm she'd seen from him.

She only smiled in response. 

* * *

"Commander, has anyone told you that you have the most _remarkable _eyes?" Said a woman in an enormously fluffy gown.

"Yes, several times this evening actually." Cullen responded dryly with his eyes focused straight ahead.

Another woman giggled and fanned herself, "Commander, are you married? Or engaged?"

"No, not yet." He replied just as dryly as his last response. 

_Not yet? _Roslyn thought to herself as she walked up behind the small gathering of Commander fans. 

"So then you are single? How marvelous!" A third woman purred. 

"Commander you must dance with me!" 

"No, thank you."

Roslyn watched in amusement as he stood stiff as a board and the look of annoyance painted across his stone face.

She parted through the women and men and said in a authoritative voice, "Commander, may I have a word?"

"Yes Inquisitor. "

They walked to a quiet corner and Cullen exhaled loudly. 

"Maker's breath this has been the longest night." He grumbled. 

"Cullen it's only been 45 minutes. "

"Andraste's flaming sword! I'm not going to make it. Tell Rylen he's in command now."

"I'm Afraid he won't be much help. He went straight to the liquor. Now he's dancing with Elissa."

"So they're getting along then?"

"Well its already their 3rd dance. So I'd say yes..."

Roslyn glanced back at his waiting fanclub. "Are you not enjoying the attention?"

"No. They are relentless. Besides... yours is the only attention worth having." He said lowly as he stared at her with a heat filled gaze.

She felt her breath catch and wanted to drag him out of the ballroom to any place they could be alone.

"You can't stare at me like that. It's distracting. " She said in a breathless voice.

"You can't dress like this. It's distracting. " He retorted with a mischievous smirk.

He then became serious and spoke in an even quieter tone. "What do you think so far? Is it Gaspard behind the assassination?"

"I don't know. I am supposed to meet with Celene's ladies in waiting. I'm not sure what they want to speak about..." She looked down in thought.

"There are so many different angles to this. It's like a very complcated puzzle. I'm sneaking off in a bit to try to find clues as to who is behind this."

Cullen grimaced. "Please be careful."

Roslyn tried to lighten his mood. "Don't worry I won't leave you alone and vulnerable to Orlesian marriage proposals."

He groaned, "this isn't a joke Roslyn. Be safe. Maker I don't know how I'm going to be patient with these _Vultures _while worrying for you."

She gave him a reassuring smile. "I will be fine. Soon enough we'll be back in our rooms with the secret door." She winked and sauntered off.

There was a lot of ground to cover in only a few hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Next up... Roslyn comes face to face with an old friend.


	67. Morrigan

"It seems we have an intruder in our midst..."

The smooth, familar voice seeped around Roslyn as she was about to re-enter the main ballroom. She felt herself freeze, not in fear, but in utter shock.

She turned slowly and raised her dark eyes to the yellow pair that stared back at her. How long had it been since she'd seen those catlike eyes? Or heard that overconfident voice ring out around her?

"_Morrigan??" _She wasn't sure what to do. A part of her wanted to grab hold of her and hug her until the air left her, but the other half was wary, almost distrusting. Where had she been all these years? Why was she _here _of all places? The woman who roamed the Kocari Wilds, rejecting long term stays in cities and towns. Most confusing....what was she _wearing?_

"When you are in Orlais, you must dress the part." She replied. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that outloud..." Roslyn responded. "You look beautiful. Not a day older than when we last met."

Morrigan smiled slightly. "Time has been quite kind to you as well. I wouldn't think you to be a day over 25. And to find yourself as the Inquisitor? Was Hero of Fereldan not enough?"

"The Hero of Fereldan faded into legend faster than I could. Most do not even know me unless told."

"Ah, fame is a fickle thing is it not?"

Roslyn stared at her, still in disbelief that Morrigan stood in front of her.

"Morrigan.... why are you here?"

"I am the arcane advisor to the Empress. Impressed?"

"Surprised. You hate people."

"That has remained the same."

"So.... why are you here in one of the most social places in Thedas?"

"In order to hide, sometimes we must do so in plain sight. Nobody thinks to look in the most obvious of places."

Roslyn tried to process her riddles but shook her head and said, "do you know why I am here?"

"To stop an assassination I presume."

"So you know who is behind it?" Roslyn asked, hopeful. Maker knows she needed some clarity on the situation. 

"I do not. This is the Viper's nest. It could be anyone of the people dancing in their silly gowns. But it does not make them any less deadly. Take this. I think what you will find will shine light on your little mystery."

She handed Roslyn a large, golden key. Roslyn turned it over in her palm. "What is this for?"

"The Royal Wing. It is an enchanted key. I am sure you've already encountered the magic barrier to her part of the palace."

Roslyn hummed as she placed the key inside one of her pockets. She glanced back up at Morrigan. "How is-"

Morrigan raised her hand to quiet her. "Now is not the time for personal questions and inquiries. You must finish your work. We will speak later." Her gaze softened a bit and she added more gently, "I promise."

She walked past Roslyn and opened the door to the ballroom. Cullen waited outside the door and inclined his head to her out of courtesy but then a flash of recognition crossed his face. His eyes shot to Roslyn and she shook her head. 

"Later Commander. We need to speak to Josie and Leli."

* * *

_ "Where will you go Morrigan?" Roslyn asked as she bit her lip, willing herself not to shed the tears that built at the rim of her eyes._

_ "Wherever I need to go. It is best nobody knows where. You must keep your promise not to follow me." Morrigan said firmly as she strapped her staff on her back. _

_ Roslyn stroked the side of the horse's face in a vain attempt to distract herself. "Of course. Will you at least write? You don't have to tell me where you are, but at least let me know you are safe from time to time?"_

_ Morrigan looked torn. Her eyes could not seem to meet Roslyn's. "Perhaps."_

_ Roslyn knew that 'perhaps' meant 'no'._

_ Still she tried to keep their departure as light as she could. "I would like that very much. "_

_ Morrigan tightened the pack on her horse as she said, "so when are you to be wed to Alistair? I'm surprised I have not heard news of a fumbling and ridiculous proposal. "_

_ Roslyn bit down on her lip even harder. "He's been quite busy since last week. Defeating the Archdemon, the upcoming coronation...."_

_ Morrigan quirked a brow. "He has not spoken to you?"_

_ Roslyn shook her head. "No..... he's been very quiet. I'm sure he's just adjusting." _

_ Morrigan studied Roslyn for a moment with her knowing, calculating eyes blazing into her. "Surely he will not hurt you." The way she uttered the words made it sound more as a threat than a comfort. _

_ Roslyn, again trying to keep the mood light, smiled. "I'll be fine Morrigan. You'll receive your wedding announcement soon enough I'm sure. Should I just send it by Raven and assume it will get to you?"_

_ Morrigan rolled her eyes. "Yes because all Ravens know where to find the Witch of the Wilds."_

_ Roslyn laughed softly. She was going to miss her dearly. The woman she'd worked so hard to understand and trust. The woman who helped her develop her magic to be more than what the circle had taught her it could be._

_ "Safe travels Morrigan. I look forward to your letter."_

_ Morrigan smiled slightly. "Farewell Warden. Trust your instincts and you will not falter."_

_ Roslyn nodded and patted her mount. Morrigan kicked the horse and trotted out of Denerim's gates without ever glancing back. _

_ Roslyn knew she'd never get a letter. But sometimes it was easier to pretend. _


	68. Royal Beds and Dancing

"Commander, I do believe you owe me at least one dance this evening. I am your date afterall..."

Elissa stepped lightly towards Cullen as the nobility around him parted. He had just returned to his chosen corner of the ballroom. Roslyn had informed the advisors that Morrigan was at the Winter Palace. 

Leliana was visibly shocked by the news, which was unnerving. "I'm not sure we can trust her." Leliana had said lowly.

"I believe we can. You always were suspicious of her Leli. But she never steered us wrong." Roslyn argued in a hushed tone.

"Only because it was ultimately to her benefit. Make no mistake, if betraying us benefitted her, she would act with little hesitation."

Morrigan had always been one of the few things Roslyn and Leliana had greatly disagreed on. Roslyn truly felt that once Morrigan's respect and loyalty had been earned, she woud not easily revoke it.

Leliana had never trusted Morrigan. She had always held her in high suspicion. 

Cullen rolled his shoulders as he shook himself from his thoughts about their impromptu meeting. Now he was facing the Queen of Fereldan. Who was smiling at him like the cat who swallowed the canary. 

"My dance experience is quite limited your majesty."

"_Elissa. _And it's no matter. I can't remember the last time I danced with anyone."

She unexpectedly looked away. Sadness crossed over her face and she quickly righted herself and the same smile was back. 

"Any dance is better than none. Come, let us show the Orlesian's that Fereldan's are amongst them and will not be outdone."

Cullen found himself legitimately smirking at this notion. Elissa Cousland was a proud Fereldan through and through. Nobody could question her loyalty to her country.

On the dance floor, Cullen took a slow, calming breath, and placed one hand on her waist, and the other clasped her hand. They began a 4 step waltz. Simple, but that was all he was capable of doing.

He felt his throat tingle slightly as it had done before when he was in close proximity to her. His hands began to tremble just slightly. He had taken his herbs to reduce withdrawal symptoms but he still felt a pull.

"This has been a lovely evening. You have been the guest of honor tonight by the looks of the crowd that gathers wherever you go." She said with a wistful sigh. She wrapped her free hand around his neck and pulled herself in a little closer.

Cullen could feel the eyes of the ballroom watching the pair curiously. He could only imagine the rumors that were being born at that moment.

"I, uh... don't care for the attention. " He managed to reply.

She giggled softly. "No, a man such as you doesn't care for such trivialities. But what do you allow yourself to indulge in? Surely even the stoic Commander has a temptation he allows himself every now and then?" She licked her lips as she stared up at him. The lyrium was beginning to make him dizzy with want. He could sense it all over her skin. _Maker how long is this damn song?!_

"Chess." He spat out through clenched teeth. 

Her eyes widened and she laughed a genuine hearty laugh. "So the military man relaxes by playing a game... about military strategy?!"

His cheeks reddened. "I enjoy it."

She hummed and leaned in. She pointed her mouth towards his ear and whispered, "there are other things I could offer that I believe you will enjoy. A Queen's bed is not offered to many, and it can be a lonely place..." 

He swallowed hard and he didn't know what to say. At least in a graceful manner. He wished Josephine could follow him everywhere he went and instruct him on exactly what to say.

"I am in love with Roslyn." He said with a look of determination. 

"And I am in love with the King. But I am not blind nor dead. I see a handsome man in front of me and he makes me feel _Alive."_

The song ended and Cullen let out an audible exhale. He guided Elissa from the dance floor. "Thank you for the dance your Majesty." He said in his most professional voice. 

She acted like she didn't notice his obvious attempt at distancing himself. "Think of what I've proposed." She smiled and glided away.

Cullen's eyes glanced to the over seeing floor. His eyes locked with Roslyn's. She had been watching carefully. Her dark eyes were storming and he thought he saw a flicker of lightning shoot up her arm. But her face remained passive, a neutral mask that she wore well. 

He tried to convey his thoughts to her through his stare. She gave a subtle nod and turned to the masked man beside her who was eager to speak with her.

He rubbed the back of his neck and stormed off to find Rylen.

When he found him in the gardens, he was dancing a Starhaven pub dance for some onlookers. His collar turned up around his neck as he clapped to the strumming of the guitar. The bard played a fast paced rhythm for the crowd that had gathered around Rylen. 

Dorian was clapping and laughing along with Captain and occasionally whistling at the man. Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. Rylen always loved a good party and a strong drink.

Once the song ended, a winded Rylen bowed to his small audience and they gave him a resounding ovation. Several men and women threw roses that they had plicked from the Empress' garden at his feet. He beamed with his beautiful wide, white smile and thanked his supporters.

Finally, the crowd dispersed and Cullen stood with his arms crossed across his chest, his eyes narrowed at the Captain.

"Aye! Commander! I don't know what ya problem is with Orlais, but I find it bloody grand!" He said with a slight slur to his speech.

Cullen groaned, "Rylen you have a job to do. What progress have you made? I haven't even seen you speak to Elissa this evening!" He hissed lowly.

Rylen patted Cullen's shoulder. "Oi Cullen, you really outta have a drink and relax some, eh? Look, no Queen is gonna risk gettin' caught with some idiot up her skirts at the Winter bloody Palace. Tonight though, after she's good and frustrated with your uptight arse, and maybe a strong drink.... she'll be right where we want her."

"My _Arse _is not uptight " Cullen huffed.

"The Tevinter said it was pretty tight. But I guess he meant somethin' different..."

Cullen straightened his shoulders and used his 'Commander ' voice. "Rylen, do not have another drop of liquor tonight. I need you sharp and alert. Roslyn believes the assassin will reveal themselves soon. I need you ready for a fight not a fucking dance."

Rylen straightened and nodded. "Yes Commander. I'll be ready."

He looked up the terrace wall to the second floor. He caught a glimpse of Roslyn scampering almost invisibly across the landing and into a window. She was nothing more than a shadow, a ghost as she moved into the secret rooms of the palace. 

He tried to remember that this had been her life for nearly a decade before the Conclave. Sneaking, spying, and carrying out assasinations when necessary. She could handle herself just fine. Cullen didn't have her ability to go unnoticed. He would be a bull in a china shop. He resolved to ignore the pit in his stomach and trust her capabilities. 

He sighed and walked back into the ballroom and reclaimed his spot against the wall. His crowd of admirers quickly found him.

_Its almost over. At least it has to be. This night can't possibly drag on much longer._

* * *

Roslyn's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Was she really seeing this?

A man, tied to the bed posts of the Empress' bed. A handkerchief stuffed in his mouth. The best part? He was completely naked.

"Seems a little cheeky. Can't say I'm surprised though." Bull said.

"Why is everyone I know who is apart of royal court so sexually aggressive?" Roslyn mumbled as she untied the man.

He quickly told her what had happened and that he was essentially kept because he had been apart of a planned coupe against Celene. Roslyn convinced him to testify if needed and he agreed.

"I think I have enough dirt on all three of these asshats to force them to work together. " She growled out. "Now I just have to stop an assassination and I still don't know who it is."

Bull scratched at his chin. "I don't know Boss. This is one twisted web."

"Come on, let's get back to the ballroom before our absence is noticed "


	69. Are ye Lost?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Florianne, some smut, and some plot. Yay!  
*NSFW*
> 
> Thank you to everyone who is following this story! You guys encourage me to keep going with it!

Roslyn managed to slink into the ballroom and near the stairs to the main landing that Celene stood upon as she spoke to her guests. _Where is she _she thought frantically to herself as her eyes searched the crowd of masked Orlesians. Florianne had made her guilt known to Roslyn, not expecting her to survive the planned assassination attempt. But, as always, Roslyn seemed to emerge unscathed and ready to conquer.

"On this night of peace and well being, I am honored to lead our country into an age of glory...." the Empress continued her speech, completely unaware that the true threat to her life was somewhere among the glittering silks and jewels.

Roslyn met Cullen's eyes as he stood on the otherside of the room. His stare was alert and hyper aware of all that surrounded him. Rylen stood not far behind him with a set jaw of determination. 

In the shadows of one of the landings, Leliana's ice blue eyes shimmered from beneath her hood. "Where is that bitch?" Bull rumbled next to her. 

"There's so many fucking people I can't tell!" Roslyn whispered with urgency. 

But the search came to an abrupt end. Florianne, seemed to float up the stairs with all the grace and poise of her noble upbringing. Celene smiled at her cousin as she ascended the stairs to the landing.

Roslyn knew she couldn't run to the landing in time. Summoning her magic so rapidly it made Cullen and Dorian's heads snap up to her, she fade-stepped from the ballroom floor to the landing, releasing a bolt of lightning through her outstretched hands. The lightning shot through the air horizontally and shot the dagger from Florianne's hand just as she raised it to Celene's back.

The crowd gasped and a few startled screams could be heard. Cullen's sword was unsheathed as he marched up the stairs, his eyes never leaving Florianne. 

"I see you've survived. Until this moment anyways. Corypheus is bigger than you, bigger than all of this!" Florianne outstretched her arm and gestured towards the crowd. Celene gasped and her soldiers quickly surrounded her. 

"It was _you? _Why cousin?" Celene said with genuine hurt in her voice.

Florianne rounded on the Empress, her lips curled into a sneer. "Because I have grown tired of your frivolities and stupid games. I've grown weary of my brother's endless war mongering. Corypheus will end both of you and your wretched ways soon enough!"

She threw a small bottle at the ground and vanished behind its smoke. Suddenly the doors to the ballroom burst open with a bang and Florianne's minions were attacking Celene's soldiers.

Roslyn caught a glimpse of movement in the courtyard and knew the Duchess had fled to the outside courtyard. 

Bull and Cassandra were helping Celene's soldiers ward off the attackers. Dorian was using his magic to create a barrier around the weaponless guests. Roslyn would have to go alone, or so she thought. 

"Orders Inquisitor!" Cullen said as he quickly approached her, with Rylen at his side.

"She's hiding outside. Stay here and protect Celene."

Cullen nodded, "Captain, stay here and protect Celene. "

Roslyn shook her head, "no both of you!"

An arrow shot between them and pierced the wall. Roslyn looked down just as one of Sera's arrows pierced the enemy archer.

"I'm not letting you go alone." Cullen said flatly.

"Commander I gave you an order!" Roslyn shouted as she used her lightning to strike oncoming enemies. 

"Fire me. But I'm not leaving your side Roslyn." Cullen's eyes blazed as he spoke his words defiantly. 

Roslyn knew she didn't have time to argue. "She will fight very dirty. Be prepared for anything!" She bolted through the courtyard doors, surrounding her and Cullen in a magic barrier. A flurry of arrows pierced the barrier as soon as they were out in the open. 

"She has help out here. Glad I came now, aren't you?" Cullen grumbled as they crouched behind a large statue of the Empress.

"Shut up you stubborn man and don't get killed or I'll have Dorian raise you from the dead just so _I _can kill you!" She snarled back.

"Understood Inquisitor." 

They both rolled and sprang to their feet on opposite sides. Cullen swinging his sword and clashing with a enemy rogue. The rogue was nimble, fast, but Cullen was far more experienced. He ducked and swerved just inches from the enemy blades.

Roslyn, a bit more constrained because of her dress, relied on her magic. Her hands outstretched on either side of her as she shot lightning from her fingertips, shocking and burning enemies again and again. 

Finally, both breathless and with slain enemies at their feet, Roslyn and Cullen looked around for the Duchess.

"It's over Florianne! You have failed! Surrender, and I will spare your life!" Roslyn shouted into the crisp night air.

Florianne glided to the front of the statue that they had hid behind just moments ago. 

"Surrender? Why? So I can be imprisoned? Stripped of my titles, my fortune.... everything? No. I'd rather die!"

She lunged at Roslyn with a shocking speed. Cullen bolted in between the two women shoving Roslyn away as Florianne's dagger sliced through the air and into the front of his shoulder.

His sword arm clashing with her other dagger he fended off her frantic, aggressive attack. Roslyn quickly regained her composure and force pushed Florianne across the courtyard. The duchess landed hard and it knocked the air out of her.

She held herself up on all fours, struggling to catch her breath. Roslyn cautiously approached her. The duchess reminded her of a wounded animal. Scared, panicked, and all the more dangerous. 

"Last chance Florianne. I understand how you felt. Truly I do. It must have been difficult watching your brother and cousin battle one another as people lost their lives over their petty squabbles. But Corypheus will not help you, or Orlais. He will lay waste to the world we know."

Florianne, nostrils flaring and body shaking, shook her head. "He will destroy you. Then Orlais. Only then can we rebuild a country worthy of the only true living God, and he will see that I rule beside him!" She sprung to her feet, but this time, Roslyn was ready. She simply opened her marked hand and a brilliant flash of green light radiated from her palm and stretched through the courtyard. 

Cullen watched in awe as a tear in the veil appeared before his eyes and swallowed Florianne whole. Then, as quickly as it appeared, it mended itself and disappeared into the night air as if nothing had happened at all.

Roslyn stood silent and still. Her shoulders slightly slouched forward. He couldn't see her face but he knew she wasn't rejoicing in this victory. 

He went to move towards her when a sharp pain bolted through his left shoulder. He hissed in pain as he reached up with his other hand and when pulling his fingers back saw they were covered in blood.

Roslyn turned around sharply when she heard his discomfort. "She cut you? Cullen where are you hurt! Show me!" Her eyes were large with worry and she began running her hands along his large frame trying to find the source of his pain.

He couldn't help but chuckle. He was no rookie to cuts and stab wounds. "It's only a pierced shoulder love. I'll be fine." He said softly.

She shook her head and began unbuttoning his jacket. She pulled it down over his shoulders and saw the red stain that covered his shoulder. "Maker Cullen you're bleeding! Fuck I need Solas. Where is he?!" 

He could see she was truly panicked. Her hands were shaking and her eyes were shining with unshed tears. He grabbed her quivering hands and held them between his. "Roslyn. Stop. It's a shallow wound. I'll have it bandaged. Truly. You've nothing to worry about." 

Her face seemed to relax slightly. But it only revealed how _Exhausted _she looked. 

"Let's go back inside. Get these damned Orlesian's sorted out and go to bed hhhmm? You look rather spent."

Roslyn nodded. "Yes, that would be good." She said softly.

* * *

The night had finally come to an end. Well at least for the Inquisitor and her Commander. Celene would remain in power with Gaspard and Briala beside her. The Inquisitor and her companions were hailed heros and the party simply picked up where it had left off. It left Roslyn completely baffled.

Did these people have a drop of empathy? People had died right in front of them! Their bodies dragged out by guards and then forgotten.

Roslyn stood on her balcony in her grand guest suite. She could still hear the music continuing to play from across the gardens. The faint sound of laughter filtering through the air. She'd bathed and tried to wash away the lies and blood from the evening. Now she stood in a long green robe that pooled past her feet. Her hair flowing down freely and softly blowing as the gentle breeze floated past.

Cullen approached softly as not to disturb the dream like scene in front of him. He too had taken a long bath after the healer had tended to his shoulder and stitched his wound. He dressed in soft trousers and a loose tunic. He didn't bother putting on shoes.

"I can't recall seeing anything more beautiful than this." He said softly to alert her to his presence. 

She turned her head and smiled gently. "Yes, Orlesian gardens are quite exquisite." 

He smirked, "that's not what I'm talking about."

She turned around fully and leaned against the railing. "I know. I'm just being a brat." She took a step forward and placed her hand on his left forearm. "How is your shoulder?" She asked with worry creasing her forehead. 

"Absolutely perfect. A few stitches nothing more." He kissed her fingertips and smiled.

The sound of music once again filled the air. "How can they go on like this? Have they no heart? Celene...Gaspard.... its like Florianne was nothing to them. They don't feel any guilt that their actions drove her to such drastic action."

"They have no heart, yet you have too much. Florianne may have been disgusted with their methods, but she was just as power driven." Cullen replied gently.

Roslyn nodded. "I know. I just wish I could have made her seen-"

Cullen grabbed her chin firnly and lifted her face to meet his. "You cannot save everyone from Corypheus or from themselves. You cannot bare this burden along with everything else you carry."

Roslyn sighed deeply and nodded. "You're right. It's just....hard."

Cullen wrapped his arms around her tightly and held her. "I know it is hard. We all ask so much of you." 

He suddenly pulled away and straightened up. "I may not get another chance..." his eyes suddenly flicking everywhere but at Roslyn. A sign he was nervous.

Then he bowed and stretched out his hand. "May I have this dance my lady?" 

Roslyn smiled and took his hand. "You hate dancing. Or at least you say you can't. "

"For you... I'll try."

He wrapped one arm around her waist and the other clutched her hand. Her free hand wrapped softly around his neck. He closed his eyes and leaned his head atop hers as she nestled her face against his chest. She smelled so good and felt so warm and _Right _in his arms. 

The sound of the ballroom music filtered through the air softly and for the first time that night, Cullen and Roslyn were content and happy.

The song ended and Cullen was sad it did. He pulled away enough to see her face. "So do I still have a job?" He asked with an arched brow.

Roslyn rolled her eyes, "of course you do. But defy my orders again and I'll poke you in your bad shoulder " 

Cullen chuckled and kissed her slowly. She was exhausted and although he wanted nothing more than to have her all to himself in that moment, he knew she needed rest.

"Let's go to bed love. You need rest." 

"You don't want to.... you know..." she smirked playfully at him as she glanced up at his handsome face.

"Maker YES. But, I want you to rest as well." She huffed and walked past him, knowing his eyes were on her, she slowly dropped her robe to the marble floor, revealing her naked skin to his watchful eyes.

"Roslyn...." he said lowly as a warning as his pants began to tighten. "You should rest."

"Then come rest with me." She shrugged innocently as she walked to the bed and slid in between the blankets.

Cullen swallowed hard but did as he was told. He took off his shirt and unlaced his trousers. Roslyn's brow quirked, "no smalls Commander?"

Cullen felt his ears grow hot. "Rest Roslyn."

He slid into the bed beside her and lay on his back as she turned to her side, her back facing him. "I'm cold Cullen." She said as she wiggled her ass against him. He took a steadying breath and turned towards her back wrapping his arm around her. 

Her body molded perfectly into his and he could feel himself hardening with the skin to skin contact and the knowledge that her ass was right up against his cock.

Roslyn grinned in triumph as she felt his erection against her. She said in a exaggerated, innocent voice, "Commander I need rest!" She mockingly protested as she ground her backside against him.

Cullen's willpower snapped and he firmly grabbed her around the waist. "You win Inquisitor. " He growled against her ear. She felt herself quiver at the rumble in his voice and his hand slid down between her legs. 

Cullen groaned when he found her already slick with want. He spread his hand to open her legs, placing one atop his. He slid into her with ease and they both groaned with the contact. 

They took their time, reveling in each other's warmth and touch. Cullen cupped her breast as she arched her back into him, one hand wrapped around his neck. He lay a trail of kissed down the side of her throat as they lazily ground into one another. 

Roslyn needed more as her breath turned into pants. "Cullen...more... I need more..." she took his hand and placed it between her legs and he quickly began working her sensitive pearl as she found her peak and fell over the edge.

Cullen joined her as he felt her clench around him tightly and he buried himself deep inside her riding out his climax along with hers. 

They both lay, exhausted and unwilling to move. Finally Roslyn said in a breathy, dreamy voice, "now I can rest. I love you Cullen Rutherford. " 

He smiled against her hair and wrapped his arm again around her waist firmly, pulling her in tightly to his chest.

"I love you more than you could ever know Roslyn."

* * *

Elissa stood alone in the gardens. Where was Cullen? She had seen him after all the drama that had unfolded and then he just disappeared. Not so coincidentally, so had the Inquisitor. How was she ever going to have her way with that man if he was always at Roslyn's side like some damn loyal Mabari?

She huffed in annoyance. This had almost turned into something else all together. She knew it. She didn't like being denied anything. Her mother had always warned her father that he was 'doing the girl no favors by spoling her so.' But he gave her _everything. _She thought that she was unstoppable at one point. She landed the King of Fereldan for Maker's sakes! But Roslyn had something she didn't. The loyalty of others. Her friends, the people, Cullen.... and deep down, Alistair. It ate her up inside. 

She continued her search of the gardens. She had given up when she heard a playful voice chime through the garden. 

"Your Majesty, are ye lost? Perhaps I can help ye find whatever ye looking for...."

Captain Rylen leaned against a marble pillar with his arms crossed. He had a devilish smirk on his face and his disheveled hair made him all the more alluring.

"Indeed you might..." She replied.


	70. Icy Delight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leliana's always pulling the strings........

He was a bit drunk. He was so glad the Commander had ordered him away from the liquor for the night. But then the celebrations had begun after the Inquisitor saved the Empress..... champagne was abundant. Brandy was poured.... and drank....

Now he was in an extravagant room watching the Queen of Fereldan slowly untie the laces of her corset. He could barely keep himself from laughing at the preposterous situation he had put himself in. He was going to lose his head over this one. Alistair would burst into Skyhold, sword swinging. 

Maybe Cullen would stop him. Cullen was hands down the most skilled swordsman he'd ever seen. But Alistair was a Warden...

Rylen swallowed deeply as Elissa grinned up at him with a wicked smile. 

"Have you heard a word I've said Captain?" She asked in a failed attempt to mask her annoyance. 

Rylen laughed nervously, " 'fraid not your Highness. You are distracting me." He managed to say smoothly as his eyes gazed at her petite but curvy frame that now stood before him in only delicate, lacey smalls.

"That's alright. You've had a bit to drink haven't you? I suppose I have too. Perhaps that's why I'm being so forward..." Her hands slid down his chest to his groin and they pressed firmly into him. He groaned as his foggy head hummed.

"I asked what your thoughts on the Commander and Inquisitor are. Do they seem committed? Serious?" She played with the top of his pants as she gazed up at him from under her lashes.

Rylen tried to steady his thoughts. This was why he was here. _Get her talking ya bloody fool. _He remembered the crystal Leliana had given him. It would be capturing everything they said. 

"I'm not sure. Haven't seen the Commander so taken with a woman. Why does it capture your attention? Ya wanna roll with the Commander? Or perhaps the Inquisitor?" He asked with a cheeky smile to seem playful. 

She giggled, her cheeks flushed from wine. "Cullen is a very handsome man. But he doesn't seem all that interested in me despite my creative advances. "

Rylen inwardly smiled. "Creative advances? What do you mean? Ya flash him your royal knickers?" He reached around and pinched her ass keeping their conversation playful. She squealed and then wrapped her hands around his neck.

"I've tried a few different things. I've tried to connect with him.... relate to him, I've dressed my very best, I've even worn a special perfume."

Rylen cocked a brow. "Are ya wearing it now? Because I swear before the Maker you smell like Heaven." He kissed her deeply and with need. The lyrium on her skin driving his want to new heights. 

He pulled away and she said in a breathless voice, "I am. How does it make you so full of desire and not him? I thought it would be impossible for him to resist."

Rylen knew he needed to tread carefully. If he asked her about it too aggressively, she may catch on. He needed to act clueless to her plan. 

"What is it that ya wear lass? Is it some fancy perfume they only make for Queens?"

She smiled as she unbuttoned his vest. "No. Just a little something I put together myself."

Rylen nipped at her neck, tasting the familiar liquid on his tongue. "Mmmmm what is it? Seems so familiar to me.... Maker it's wonderful. "

She laughed lowly, "you haven't guessed? It is familiar to Templars...."

He picked her up around her waist and hoisted her above his head, her breasts directly in his face. He licked and sucked her cleavage as he moaned, "I swear it's better than lyrium..." he muttered. 

He dropped her back down on her feet. She was a bit wobbly now, the alcohol from the party finally hitting her completely. "Mmmm, that's because it is lyrium Captain. " She slurred into his ear.

He acted surprised. "Lyrium? Truly? Why?"

"I wanted the Commander to find me completely irresistible. I know he has stopped taking it. I thought it'd be a temptation he couldn't resist. But...it hasn't worked." She pouted.

"Am I a bad woman Captain? I only wanted to please him for a short time." She weaved back and forth on her feet. Rylen had to keep himself from rolling his eyes. His moral code couldn't let him actually fuck this woman. She was clearly drunk. Spilling her secrets to a man she barely knew and could barely stand.

"Why must you seek him out? Why anyone for that matter? Are you not happy?" He cupped her cheek as he saw her eyes fill with unshed tears. Then her face twisted into a scowl and she turned away from him. 

"How could I ever be happy knowing my husband would rather be with the fucking mage Inquisitor?! She's a traitor to her country! Did you see the way she fraternized with the Orlesians tonight?! I'm not a fool! Alistair may not have the balls to stand up to that disgraceful bitch but I do! I will not let the Inquisition align with Orlais!"

Rylen's head was spinning from alcohol and honest confusion. This woman was all over the place. He had to get control over the situation. 

"She did seem close with the Empress. What do you think we should do?"

He breathed a silent sigh of relief as this seemed to calm her.

"We need to bring down the Inquisitor. A man approached me earlier this evening.... I know I shouldn't get involved but he seemed knowledgeable. He can help Fereldan."

Rylen nodded. "Alright. Who is he?" She stumbled over the claw foot of a chair. Rylen helped her to her bed so she could sit. 

She seemed nervous to answer his question. He was losing her!

"My Queen, I have never seen a more beautiful and fair leader than you. Let me aide you in your quest to protect Fereldan. Starkhaven and Fereldan are old allies and friends. Together, we can defeat Corypheus and Orlais!"

She swallowed and then took one of his hands. "He is a Venatori agent." 

Rylen felt the air leave his lungs. He couldn't believe he'd caught the Queen of Fereldan conspiring with the Venatori. _Maker Leliana may want to marry me over this! _ His drunk mind floated to red haired children frolickiing in the Starkhaven sunlight....

"Captain?" Elissa looked at him unquestioningly. 

"I-I'm sorry, I am just surprised that's all. Listen, its been a very long night. And although you are an absolute dream, I couldn't possibly lay with you with all this liquor in our systems. I will see you tomorrow, and we will sort this all out." He kissed her again and she shrugged. 

"Very well. I am tired." She yawned and fell back against her pillows. 

He heard the soft sound of her snoring before he closed the door to her room.

It took every ounce of self control to not _Run _to Leliana with the crystal. When he arrived at her door she seemed as if she'd been waiting for him.

"What do you have for me Captain Rylen?"

Rylen grinned broadly, "well I could answer that in a number of ways. I have the crystal and I have what I always have for you if you'd just give me the opportunity...."

She rolled her eyes and plucked the crystal from his hands. She activated the replay and smirked.

"I have to say I'm a bit concerned that the Venatori are here and infiltrating the palace." Rylen said in seriousness. 

Leliana smirked wider. "They are not. That was one of my agents. The Queen has played right into my plan. It would have been scandalous for Alistair to find out that she was trying to seduce Cullen. But hearing that she is willing to conspire with the Venatori? That will _Destroy _her." Leliana said it in such a cool, icy delight that Rylen felt a shiver run down his spine.

Leliana grinned. "Never interfere with those I hold close Captain. This is a lesson the Queen is about to learn the hard way." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I love writing from Rylen's standpoint! I can see a spinoff series for just him in the future. "The Misadventures of Captain Rylen"......😆


	71. Find Your Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your kind comments! I read all of them and it definitely inspires me to keep going! 
> 
> Leliana delivers the news and a little Cullen/Roslyn flashback too :)

_Cullen,_

_My dear baby brother. How old do you think you will be when you finally write regularly? It's been two months since you asked for mother's ring. I sent it as soon as you asked. You said you received it and then not a single word from you! _

_Do you know how torturous this has been? Everyday the delivery man makes his rounds theough the village as soon as the ravens arrive. Everyday I see him ride up along our path and then PASS BY. _

_I think your dear sister deserves to know the outcome! Please, by the Maker Cullen, write me back as soon as you receive this or risk your dear sister riding up to Skyhold and demanding answers._

_Love your loyal (and terribly annoyed) sister_

_ -Mia _

Cullen sighed as he sat down the letter on the marble topped desk. They were leaving Orlais today and he couldn't be happier. He had received the letter from his sister earlier that morning and had immediately known what kind of message it would contain. 

Roslyn had looked at him suspiciously when he turned red and began stuttering about 'needing to return to his quarters to ready himself'. It wouldn't have been suspicious at all if he wasn't such a terrible liar and had done so as soon as he took the letter from the scout who'd delivered it. 

He needed to write Mia. But what would he say? The truth? _Sorry sister, I haven't written because there isn't anything to write about. I haven't asked because I can't seem to find the right moment._

He could hear her scoffing all the way from South Reach. 

He tucked the letter into one of his bags. After finishing readying himself, he made way for Leliana's room. She had called a meeting of the advisors and requested their presence immediately. 

Once he was in her quarters, he greeted Josephine and smiled softly at Roslyn before greeting her in his formal Commander tone.

"I am glad you're all here. I have important news." Leliana began with a soft lilt in her voice. Roslyn noted that although her face was it's usual neutral mask, her eyes were practically dancing with excitement.

"Go ahead Leli, it must be important to call a meeting before we leave this bed of snakes " Roslyn grumbled. She had wanted to leave first thing in the morning. She was absolutely finished with the Winter Palace. 

"Indeed it is important. Captain Rylen has completed his mission, and he succeeded beyond any of my expectations. "

Cullen straightened even more and gripped the pommel of his sword. "I gather we have the information we needed?"

Roslyn swallowed hard. This was it. They had the information to destroy Alistair's marriage.

Leliana smirked devilishly. "What we needed and so much more. It seems Elissa is willing to conspire with the Venatori to bring down our Inquisitor. "

"_**What?!"**_ Cullen growled as his eyes flashed with a steely dangerous glare.

Josephine gasped at the news and held a hand to her mouth, her eyes wide in shock.

Roslyn just stared, her face blank in disbelief. 

"But... but we helped her and Alistair when Venatori spies were in their castle. Why would she join their cause?"

"Because the enemy of my enemy is my friend Roslyn, you know how this works." 

Roslyn shook her head, "this is insane."

"She seems to think that the Inquisition and Orlais have grown too close and will join together to overtake Fereldan. She has convinced herself that she is doing it for her loyalty to her country." Leliana said as she reached into her pocket and pulled out the purple crystal.

"Listen for yourself. She admits to using lyrium to lure the Commander, whom she has an unhealthy fascination with if I do say so myself, and she admits to conspiring with a Venatori spy."

Leliana activated the crystal and a replay of Elissa's and Rylen's conversation rang out for the room to hear. 

Everyone stood in stunned silence for several moments. Finally, Josephine broke the silence. 

"She was clearly quite drunk. It was honorable of Rylen to not take advantage of her."

Cullen nodded, "Rylen is a good man. Leliana, do you think her drunken state could be used as an excuse for what she said? The ramblings of a drunk woman may not hold up in a trial."

"Trial?" Roslyn asked. She felt like she couldn't catch her breath. This was Alistair's wife and mother to his children. What she admitted to doing could sentence her to not just divorce and public shunning, but _prison. _

Cullen nodded slowly, "yes.... what she is suggesting is treason. Treason against the Inquisition, Fereldan, Orlais... and you Roslyn."

Josephine sighed, "we must summon the King. He has to hear of this in person."

Roslyn knew they were all correct. This could not be swept under the rug because of who Elissa was or who she was married to. If she were anyone else, Roslyn would have her head just for what she had put Cullen through. 

She glanced at him. He was looking at her with concern and empathy in his beautiful golden eyes. Her eyes flicked down to his hand that squeezed his sword. Despite his best efforts, she could still see a hint of the tremble that had returned to his hands since Elissa had begun her insane lyrium plot. She thought of the pain he had been through because of that selfish, jealous woman.

And her heart hardened. Whatever sympathy she felt for Alistair and what this news would do to him became a speck in the back of her mind when she thought of Cullen's torment. 

"We return to Skyhold. Leliana, send word to the King to meet us there. We will reveal exactly who his wife is. Then, I will destroy whatever power she thought she had." Her eyes were hard and blacker than the night sky as she spoke. 

Leliana smiled faintly and nodded. This was the Roslyn she remembered. Cullen had softened her, tampered down her anger and ruthlessness. But it still lingered below the surface and this made Leliana happy.

Elissa deserved punishment.

* * *

They returned to Roslyn's room. Cullen's belongings already packed and loaded as well as Roslyn's. She felt the need to sweep over her room one last time, but truthfully, she needed a few quiet moments before possibly running into Elissa. It was important to keep up appearances until Alistair arrived at Skyhold.

Cullen watched her pace the room as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Are-are you alright? You seem... I don't even know. Detached?" He asked softly, carefully. 

She didn't respond right away. She turned around and her face was twisted in anger.

"That fucking woman tried to destroy us, destroy you! Now she wishes to tear down the only organization that stands between Thedas and Corypheus! I have to break the heart of a man that I only want to see live a happy and peaceful life! I fucking _HATE _her!" She was shaking and tears threatened to spill from her eyes.

Cullen didn't know what to say. So he grabbed her and held her against his armored chest. Her body trembling as small sparks of white lightning danced upon her arms. 

"It's going to be alright Roslyn. She didn't succeed in any of it. I'm still here. I'll always be right here." His head rested on top hers. 

He could tell she was losing control and her magic was threatening to burst from her. She shook from the inner fight she was having within herself. Her anger versus her need to control her magic.

"Roslyn _Breath. _Find your peace. Listen to my breathing. Follow it." He began taking long, slow breaths.

She started following the sounds of his breathing, in...out....in...out.......

_ "This mage can't seem to control her temper. If she continues this we will have no choice but to make her Tranquil." The Knight Commander boomed at Irving._

_ "You do not understand. Her magic is overwhelmingly powerful. She has no one. Her family abandoned her. It's Santanilla and once again, the halls are filled with the families of the mages and she is alone in her room. No one ever comes to see her."_

_ "I'm supposed to excuse her lack of control because she's lonely? Please Irving, you know better than that."_

_ "You and I know that two of the mages have been horrible to her. Those boys have teased her relentlessly. They had it coming. Perhaps if your Templars had monitored the situation better...."_

_ "Do not blame my Templars! It was Ser Cullen who separated Roslyn from those boys and gave one of them a bloody nose in the process!"_

_ Cullen stood nervously at the door and watched the mage and Knight Commander go round and round. He had only been at the circle for a few months but Roslyn had fascinated him from the first day he saw her. She was quiet and a bit withdrawn. But once she became comfortable with him, her dry humor and wit sprang forth._

_ Two teenage mages had teased her for weeks. She had rejected one of the boy's advances and they retaliated in cruel ways. They often brought up how nobody in her family wanted to see her. They tripped her once in library and laughed as she fell hard on the stone floor._

_ But today was Santanilla, and they knew it was a day that was painful for her. _

_ "Oh Roslyn... who is coming to see you today? Your daddy? Your mum? Perhaps a sibling? Oh that's right.... no one is coming to see you. So easily forgotten. Perhaps if you're lucky, I'll gift you with my cock in your mouth tonight."_

_ Cullen had charged towards the boy but Roslyn had finally snapped beforehe reached them. She shot the boy with lightning and he flew into the wall. The other boy grabbed her and pulled her backwards by her hair and into the ground. He raised his fist to strike her but Cullen stopped him. He threw the boy to the ground and hit him hard in the face, busting his nose._

_ He then dragged him and threw him against the wall next to the other boy who was still gasping from the shock of electricity. _

_ "If you ever so much as _ _LOOK at her again I will beat you until you are nothing more than a bloody heap on the floor, am I clear?" He growled through clenched teeth. _

_ The boys nodded and hurried off. Cullen quickly turned his sights to Roslyn. She was a crumbled ball on the ground, her sobs tearing at his heart. He pulled her into his arms and he noticed the lightning still sparking across her body._

_ "Ssshhhhh it's alright. They will not hurt you again. Breathe with me Roslyn, you must calm down. Find your peace. Listen to my breath, in...out....in....out....._

_ She struggled to slow her breathing but his voice began to soothe her. The lightning began to flicker out and soon she was taking slow, meaningful breaths. _

_ "I'm here I'll always be right here...." _

_"I believe I can help" Cullen interrupted the arguing men. They stopped and blinked at him in curiosity. _

_ He took a deep breath, "she responded well to meditative breathing. I think she has a lot of emotions she hasn't dealt with. Perhaps teaching her these mindful exercises can help her control her temper. We teach Templars meditative exercises for the same purpose....."_

_ Irving and the Knight Commander glanced at one another._

_ "I would be willing to try it." Irving said._

_ The Knight Commander sighed. "She is a talented and rather sweet girl. I do not wish to see her go through the rite. I too will be willing to try this."_

_ Cullen smiled inwardly. It would help her. And he would have more reason to spend time with her...._

Roslyn stopped shaking. Her magic simmered down. Her breathing was slow and measured. She finally pulled away enough to look up at him. She was met with honeyed eyes and a warm expression. 

He kissed the top of her nose. "There's my girl." He said lowly. 

She smiled softly. "I swear the Maker himself doesn't have a better sounding voice than yours. You could calm a dragon."

"I calm something far more dangerous than a dragon." He said with a smirk.

Roslyn laughed. "I'm alright now. I just needed to get some control. Are you ready to leave this ridiculous place?"

"That's the best question I've ever been asked."

"Then let's go. The sooner we get back to Skyhold the better." Her face was determined and she grabbed her last remaining bag. 

She couldn't get out of Orlais fast enough.


	72. Summon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'mmmmmmm back!

_How do we tell him. _The question haunted her the entire trip home. As repetitive as the sound of the horses hooves trotting along the road pulling her carriage.

"Perhaps I should tell him alone. Or Leliana? Perhaps you should deliver the news?"

"We should tell him and his wife at the same time. She will be in such shock it will be difficult to lie." Leliana had said calmly. 

"This has to be handled delicately. Certainly not in front of a crowd. Alistair must decide how he will proceed with this information. " Josephine said diplomatically. 

_How do we tell him? _

She hadn't seen much of Cullen on the trip back. They had stopped very little, and he rode with his men, ever the Commander. 

"Only a couple hours until we reach Skyhold Inquisitor!" A rider outside the carriage announced. She hummed in response and her eyes grew heavy as she drifted into the fade.

_The familiar scent of campfire filled her nostrils. The stars twinkled brightly in the dark sky. Out in the wild like this, they always seemed a bit brighter. _

_ Out in the distance Morrigan's small camp fire was barely embers now, she had retired to her tent some time ago. The rest of camp was also quiet._

_ She walked softly the leather of her boots cushioning the sounds of her footsteps. His back was turned to her as he stared into the fire._

_ He heard her approach and turned his head just slightly over his shoulder._

_ "Ah, there's my favorite Warden.'"_

_"Aside from you, I'm the only Warden here." _

_ "Still, my favorite nonetheless. " He responded with his usual sarcasm as he grinned._

_ "I know this isn't real. Why have you chose to take this form again? And here?" _

_ The demon patted the spot next to it. It even had the same roughness as Alistair's had had from days and days of sword fighting._

_ "You've a difficult choice to make, haven't you?" It asked softly._

_ Roslyn swallowed hard and nodded. _

_"Look at me, please. " _

_ She willed herself to peel her eyes from the ground to meet soft brown eyes. Youthful and kind, like they'd been all those years ago. _

_ "How do I do this? For years, I was so bitter and angry with him, but I never wished him pain. Still, I didn't think it'd be this hard."_

_ "Mortals are such interesting creatures. We demons stay the same. But mortals? You change and grow. It never stops. You still see him as this." The demon gestured to his young Alistair form._

_ "But this is not who he is anymore. Time has hardened him. His choices have led him down a path that you cannot steer him from. You see, you do not want to hurt THIS Alistair. But this is no longer who he is, and it will never be him again." _

_ Roslyn searched his face. It never ceased to amaze her just how detailed the demon always managed to make him. _

_ "Will he ever be happy?"_

_"That is not your burden to carry. You found happiness when you let go of your past. When you came out of the shadows. He can do the same, if he chooses."_

_ Roslyn stood and inhaled deeply, the comforting scent of firewood all around her. _

_ "Thank you Demon."_

_"Always a pleasure my little hero. And remember my offer always stands. You can have everything you want if you just let me in...."_

_ She rolled her eyes. "Not a chance."_

"INQUISITOR!" 

She nearly jumped out of her seat. Josephine was shaking her arm and looked annoyed. "Maker you must've been tired! We've arrived. Welcome back to Skyhold."

* * *

Several hours later, she finally felt settled. She practically squealed with delight as she walked into her room and belly flopped onto her bed. The cold, crisp mountain air filling her lungs made her smile. A servant had already drawn her a bath and she happily sipped a sweet wine as she soaked in the large tub.

She was reading reports when there was a knock on her door. "Enter!" She cried out with a mouthful of strawberries. 

Heavy footsteps alerted her immediately to who was coming up the stairs. She felt a familiar wave of excitement in her belly and jumped up to meet him.

Just as he made his way to the top of the stairs and rounded the corner she jumped into his arms, wrapping hers tightly around his neck.

Cullen chuckled lowly as he buried his face in her hair. "Happy to see me then?" He asked.

She pulled away and beamed up at him. "_Yes!" _

She practically dragged him to her bed. He couldn't help the smile that had spread over his face. She was so happy to be back and he could visibly see how relaxed she was compared to the Winter Palace. 

She gave him a playful shove onto her bed and she straddled his lap, peppering his face with light kisses.

"I've missed you " She murmured between each feather light brush of her lips.

Cullen hummed, "Maker I've missed you too. We rode so hard all the way back, I felt like I had to set the pace in order for my men to keep up."

"You always set a good pace." She murmured against his throat as she nipped at his skin. He practically growled as he flipped her over and pinned down her arms. "Do I?" He kissed her slowly, teasingly, then he made his way down her throat. 

A brisk knock on her door interrupted the moment.

"Inquisitor?" A timid voice called up. Jim.

"Yes?!"

"The-there is a war room meeting. Right now. For you as well Commander. "

"Thank you Jim."

Cullen buried his face in the crook of her shoulder. "I'm not leaving. You can't make me." He groaned. 

"Cullen you suprise me sir! Trying to skip a war room meeting?!" 

"You have no idea how much I've been thinking about you. Maker can't we have a blasted hour?" 

She kissed the top of his head. "Come on Commander. You can have more than hour tonight."

* * *

"He's here?!!" Roslyn felt her chest tighten. "I thought it would be at least two more days?!"

"My raven flew in very fine weather and Alistair came with a very small contingency. He made excellent time. The time has come Inquisitor. "

Cullen looked at her with sympathetic eyes. This was hard for her and now, she was unprepared. 

"This would not be any easier if it were in two days or two minutes Roslyn. It's now or never." Leliana said, the usual sharpness in her tone absent.

Roslyn swallowed. She gripped the edge of the war table. The events of the last few weeks swirling in her mind. Her encounter with the demon. The masks of the Orlesians hiding their true selves. The blood wiped clean from marble floors. The bodies of men and women dying on the battlefield under the Inquisition banner. The chaos rolling in her head so much destruction and now another life will be destroyed. 

But the storm stopped as soon as she met the gold honeyed eyes of the man standing next to her. His warm hand coming to rest atop hers. A river of strength and courage flowing through every vein. He gave her a subtle, reassuring nod.

She felt herself calm. She closed her eyes and took a steadying breath. When she opened her eyes, determination had set in.

"Summon the King and Queen to Josephine's office. We will confront her there."


	73. Fire and Truths

The room was tense. Of course it was. Two of the people in it had no idea why. Everyone else was tense because they _knew _why.

Roslyn, with her back straight and her voice even, greeted Alistair. 

"Thank you for joining us at Skyhold so quickly your majesty."

"Yes, well, the message said it was of the 'upmost urgency ' so I made haste." He said with an arch of a brow as he studied the serious faces of Roslyn and her advisors. 

Roslyn nodded, never breaking eye contact. "Indeed it is. Your Maj-" she sighed.

"_Alistair , _I hope you know that this is not easy for me to tell you. But you deserve to know."

Elissa suddenly spoke up, "what is all of this about? And how dare you speak to _your King _as if he is some close friend of yours? Address him properly _Inquisitor, _or I will address you as _mage._

"You will do no such thing Elissa." Alistair hissed between his teeth. 

Her jaw snapped shut at his tone and her eyes flashed with hurt. Her hands had twisted in the fabric of her gown since Roslyn had walked in. A sign she was nervous Roslyn had noted.

"Roslyn, whatever it is, you can trust me to listen and do my very best to understand." Alistair replied calmly. Cullen's jaw clenched when he noted the softness in Alistair's eyes as he spoke to her. 

Roslyn began to pace the length of the massive fireplace. A roaring fire burned within it, casting ominous shadows across everyone's faces.

"Several weeks ago, Commander Cullen began having suspicious symptoms. He had successfully quit Lyrium. But his withdrawals came roaring back without any obvious reason."

"This is _ridiculous! _This is why you have dragged the King all the way from Denerim? To tell him about your lovers withdrawals?!" Elissa's voice was beginning to have a note of panic.

"Let her speak Elissa." Alistair said firmly. His curiosity obviously peaked.

"Thanks to Leliana's agents, we soon had our suspicions confirmed. However, we had no proof. So we asked a trusted Ex-Templar and valuable Inquisition solider to help."

"Captain Rylen, my second in Command. " Cullen added matter of factly. 

Elissa's eyes widened and her hands began to visibly shake.

Roslyn withdrew the purple stone from her pocket. "Everything else you need to know is here, a moment captured within the magic of this stone."

She placed it on the table and hesitated for just a moment. Then she waved her hand above it, activating the magic. The sound of Elissa and Rylen's voices filled the room. Her moans and sighs and her drunken confessions pouring out of the stone for all to hear. 

When it was done the room was silent. Leliana stood like a hooded shadow in the corner watching. Cullen stood with his hand firmly on the pommel of his sword, his head slightly bowed. Josephine sat on her beautiful sofa, back straight and her eyes downcast. 

Alistair stared into the fire, silent with Elissa yanking on his hand. "You can't possibly believe this. She's a _mage. _She could have manipulated that stone however she wanted!"

Leliana spoke in icy tones from her corner. "We have Captain Rylen ready to act as a witness, as well as the Commander. His symptoms always intensified around the Queen and disappeared after a prolonged distance."

Alistair's mouth was a firm line, his eyes never leaving the fire.

"My King, please. This is _madness." _She pleaded as her eyes frantically searched his.

Roslyn, still facing him, tears threatening to spill from her eyes said just above a whisper, ", I am so _sorry. _I've never wanted to see you hurt."

His eyes finally broke their trance as he met her gaze, a profound sadness within them. "I know. This isn't your fault Roslyn. " He said gently.

Then his eyes hardened, anger threatening to shoot from them like the fire he had just observed.

"It's yours." He said flatly as he stared at his wife. 

She loudly sobbed shaking her head. "How could you be angry with me?! I've given you _everything! _Ten years of my life! Two children! And never once have you looked at me the way you look at her! You spent a year with her. One _fucking _year and you can't let it go!" She picked up a crystal goblet and threw it against the stone wall. 

"That is ENOUGH!" Alistair bellowed, but it didn't quiet her rage.

"No! You will hear what I have to say then you can throw me to the wolves you bastard! Do you know what it felt like seeing the Maker damned Commander fawn over her? Seeing what I should have in my life? Actually seeing real _love?! _And it had to be her didn't it?" Her eyes sliced like knives at Cullen. 

"I am so sick of that mage having everything I've ever wanted! I LOVED you Alistair, yet you couldn't love me the same could you? Because you were so wrapped up in your past you couldn't see the future standing right in front of you!"

She collapsed onto the ground sobbing. Her shoulders heaving and her head hung low. Alistair took a long, shakey breath. Without looking at anyone he said wearily, 

"I'd like a moment with my wife. Alone, please. "

"Of course" Roslyn said softly and ushered everyone out of Josephine's office.


	74. A Second Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alistair speaks to Elissa and Roslyn. Cullen gets jealous and smutty!
> 
> NSFW

The only sounds that rang through the room was the soft crackling and popping of fire and wood. Occasionally, a soft whimper would escape the proud Queen's throat, but she would quickly stifle it and try to swallow the sob that threatened to escape. 

He sat quietly for a long time. Searching for the answer. How had he gotten to this point? He knew, deep down he'd known all along.

When crowned King, he lacked the fight it would have taken to have Roslyn at his side. Perhaps it was because he was already battle weary from the Blight and a possible civil war over his choice in spouse wasn't worth it. Or perhaps it was his own deep rooted feelings about mages. An old prejudice that prevented him from placing one on the throne. 

But more than likely, it was his own insecurity. 

_"I know you love her your Majesty. We all are eternally grateful for her service and sacrifice. But we are moving forward now. You must make the best choice for your country, your people. A mage cannot be that choice."_

The words of his advisors, seasoned lords and nobles who knew what it took to lead in a political position. He was so lost and hung on their every word. 

So, as painful as it had been he ended things with Roslyn. His sights quickly turning to Elissa. Her arrival at court was no accident. No doubt, Arl Eamon had sent for her. She was beautiful and he felt an immediate attraction to her. He longed to capture the connection and bond he'd had with Roslyn once again but with someone who could rule beside him.

He'd convinced himself it was love. It was not. It was lust. And the thing with lust... it fades as quickly as it appears. It seizes the mind and body quickly, aggressively and then leaves like a whisper, quietly in the night. One morning he woke, and it was gone.

He grew to have love for her. She bore his children. She made him laugh. She helped carry conversations through terribly boring balls and soirees. 

But he longed for that spark again. Always chasing what he'd had with Roslyn. His first affair was exciting. But he saw the devastation in Elissa's eyes when she'd caught him. The hurt and the anger. She never was the same after that. She became a storm of insecurity and jealousy.

Now he sat beside her as they both looked into the massive fireplace. Both too young to be broken, but too old to pick up the pieces and begin again.

"You are right you know." He finally said, his voice cracking slightly.

"About?"

He took a long inhale, "about letting one year with her ruin everything I've had after."

She gave a bitter huff. "Why though? Why after all this time?"

He shook his head. "I hardly know her now. But, I have clung to what we had. I never loved anyone the way I loved her then. I suppose I've been trying to replicate that and it isn't something that can be."

"What will you do with me?" She asked softly.

"The state of our relationship does not excuse what you've done. Do you have any idea what Lyrium withdrawals can do to a person? The pain.... I've seen it before. I can't imagine living with it. And plotting against the Inquisition? That is treason Elissa. I'm not sure if your punishment is mine to decide. "

Her hands shook at this. "Please, Alistair, _husband, my king, _do not let them imprison me. Maker, what of our children?" She began to sob uncontrollably again. 

"As far as us.... I cannot let this go. We will announce jointly, our decision to separate. We will present a united front to the people. You will tell them you wish to retire from court life and give our children time away from it as well. You will return to the Cousland Estate."

"Alistair, please..."

"Do you really think this is repairable? If I wasn't King, would you even _want _to try? Maker, be honest with me this once Elissa."

Her eyes searched his and they both knew her answer before she'd even spoken it.

"No.... I suppose I wouldn't. I'm sorry." She said as her voice quivered.

He took her hands in his, "don't be. We are not in love Elissa. Perhaps now, you will have a chance to find someone who looks at you the way you say Cullen looks at Roslyn."

Her eyes flashed with hope. "Yes, I would like that very much. But what of my punishment?"

"I will speak to the Inquisitor."

* * *

They all stood around the war room in awkward silence. Leliana paced in the shadows thinking of possible outcomes. Josephine was making lists of possible letters she would need to write.

Cullen busied himself by playing absentmindedly with some of the war table markers. A slight scowl playing on his features.

Roslyn stood still watching everything unfold. Mainly, she watched Cullen with curiosity. He was troubled but why he was so troubled perplexed her.

"Are you alright?"

He looked up quickly and just as fast, dropped his gaze again to the table.

"Yes."

"You don't seem like it. Something is troubling you."

She spoke quietly trying to keep their conversation private. 

"The present situation is troubling. "

"You seem more upset by it than I thought you would be."

"I'm more upset about him being here, again, than I am the situation with the bloody Queen." He whispered harshly. 

Roslyn was a bit surprised. He was clearly agitated by Alistair's presence. 

"Yes but under the circumstances, why are you so upset with him being here? We _asked _him to be here."

He fiddled with the markers and through clenched teeth growled out lowly, "The Queen was right about one thing. The way he looks at you, he doesn't look at anyone the way he does you."

His eyes now met hers and the fire that blazed within them made her take a half step back.

A knock at the door interrupted their conversation. 

"Enter!" Cullen bellowed. 

Alistair opened the doors and stepped inside. He looked at everyone and then zeroed in on Roslyn. 

"I'd like to speak with you. Alone, please. "

Cullen's jaw clenched so hard Roslyn thought his teeth would break. Leliana and Josephine made no attempt to move as they waited for Roslyn's approval. 

"Advisors, please wait outside the door."

Cullen's eyes blazed as he glared into her eyes. A flash of hurt shadowing his face. But he turned and marched out dutifully. 

Once the door was shut Alistair leaned his hands on the table.

"What do you plan to do Roslyn? Imprison her? Execution? Public humiliation?"

Roslyn shook her head in astonishment. "Do you really think I am capable of something like that?"

He crossed his arms, "You did work as a spy for the divine for a decade. That isn't exactly light and fluffy work."

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms too. "I am not going to have your wife executed. What are YOU planning to do with her?"

He sighed, "we will divorce. A unified, joint appearance for the country's sake. She will go back to the Cousland Estate."

"That's it then? Her punishment is 'not being Queen'? But still a noble woman with royal children? Wealthy and will still be a notable wife to someone..."

"I ruined her life. I know she made her choices, but had I been a better husband she would've never went down this path"

Roslyn tapped her foot and chewed at her lip. It didn't seem like enough. Yet, she didn't want to put Alistair through more than what he was already going through. 

"Leliana will have agents planted in the Cousland Estate. Neither you or Elissa will know who it is. This will be to insure she does not continue any plots against me or the Inquisition. "

"Agreed." He said simply.

He stared at her for a moment. "Perhaps it's crazy of me to even suggest it...."

"What?"

"Our paths once again are at a crossroads. Except now, I am not afraid of the repercussions. The world is different. The circles have fallen. And you are in a position to be with any man of your choosing. What if the Maker is giving us a second chance?"

Roslyn's eyes widened. "What?" She whispered. Her words failing her. His soft brown eyes gazing into her's like they had all those years ago.

"This could be our chance Roslyn. I know it is selfish of me to even ask. I know you and Cullen... he's a good man. But I ignored my heart before, I won't do it again. Think about it. Please. "

He turned and walked out, her advisors storming back into the room with a thousand questions. Except Cullen. His golden eyes analyzing Roslyn's every movement. 

She could hear herself speaking, and it all sounded fine. But it was as if she was playing a role. Her mind flashing back to Alistair and his words. Over and over again. Finally, Leliana and Josephine seemed satisfied with the outcome, so they left for bed.

Cullen remained, standing ominously across the table from Roslyn.

"There's more isn't there?" He said lowly. His eyes flashing.

She swallowed and nodded.

"Do you plan to tell me?" He asked worry creasing his brow.

"H-he thinks the Maker may be giving us a second chance." 

Cullen's hand gripped the pommel of his sword tightly. 

"And do you think this as well?"

She shook her head. "The Maker gave me my second chance already." 

She walked to his side of the table and took his face in her hands. "We have our second chance with each other. Never doubt my love for you Cullen."

Alistair was lost. She would help him. But she would not be with him. Her heart belonged to the Commander now. Perhaps it always had. 

Cullen kissed her, hard and desperate. He needed her there at that moment. He couldn't wait. He turned her around and pressed on her back. She followed his lead and bent over the war table.

Her breaths were short and frantic as she heard him unclasp his belt and then pull down her leggings.

"Who do you belong to Roslyn?" He growled as he pressed his cock against her. 

"You Cullen. You." She whimpered, desperate to feel him inside her.

"Good girl" he rumbled.

He thrust into her and snapped his hips hard, setting a steady rhythm that had her biting down on her own fist to muffle her moans.

"Let them hear you. I want _Everyone _to fucking her what I do to you.," 

This possessive, almost wild side of the controlled, steady Commander drove her to levels of ecstasy she never knew she could reach. Soon she was screaming his name with her orgasm as her legs shook from the force of it all.

Cullen followed quickly behind her and collapsed atop her back. Almost immediately, the soft, loving Cullen returned. He kissed her shoulders and the side of her face. 

"Are you ok? I didn't hurt you did I?" He asked softly.

She smiled warmly as she playfully bucked him off of her. She turned around and nuzzled his neck. "It was wonderful."

He smirked as he helped her adjust her clothing. 

She cupped his face one more time and kissed him softly. "Who do you belong to Commander?" She whispered. 

He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers. "Maker, I've always belonged to you."


	75. Brawl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes Dorian and Varric just want to stir the pot....

Roslyn woke groggy and extremely irritable. She didn't want to wake up and start another busy day. They'd only just returned from Orlais and she'd been looking forward to several days of peace before the King arrived.

But then he was ready and waiting several hours after they'd arrived. Between meeting with her advisors, Alistair, and then Cullen and the _war table _incident, she was exhausted. 

She turned over onto her pillow and realized Cullen had never returned to her room last night. _Probably fell asleep in his office, stubborn man. _She thought to herself. She pulled herself from her bed and resisted the urge to chuck a pillow at the window that was letting in so much sunshine. 

Once she cleaned up and dressed for the day, she felt a little better, but still could have easily slipped under the blankets and slept the morning away. 

She went to the dining hall and was greeted by a sly, smug smile, half hidden behind a perfect black mustache. 

"Good morning Sunshine! I was wondering if you'd make it to breakfast. I just arrived myself." Dorian said as he poured a tall glass of water.

"It was an interesting day yesterday. " Roslyn mumbled as she shoved a blueberry muffin into her mouth.

Dorian tsked and said, "did they not teach you how to take small bites in the circle? Making a mess all around your plate. Now, tell me _everything. "_

She recounted all the details, but once she got to the war table she suddenly trailed off.

Dorian was sitting on the edge of his chair, hands wrapped around a cup of coffee and he was staring eagerly. "And then???? Maker don't stop the story now! It was just getting interesting!"

Roslyn scoffed, "perhaps the King of Fereldan and ex-lover suggesting we rekindle our romance wasn't interesting enough?"

Dorian rolled his eyes, "well any fool saw that coming. Elissa has been taken off his hands and he didn't have to be the bad guy in pulling the trigger. Now he's free to repair past mistakes. Or so he thinks." He shrugged. "I have a feeling the Commander is not so keen on the Warden's new mission though." He cocked a brow and tapped his fingers on the table.

"No, and neither am I. I can't believe he even suggested it. I thought we'd moved past this."

"But love remains my dear. He hasn't been alone since before you entered his life. He's most likely fearing being a single man."

Roslyn nodded, "that actually makes a lot of sense." 

"Of course it does. Consider the source." He said with a twist of his mustache.

Roslyn chuckled softly as she finished her breakfast. They spoke about lighter things and by the time they were done, she felt better than she had.

* * *

"Inquisitor, we need to know how King Alistair plans to announce his separation, when he will do it and if our involvement will be required." Josephine prattled on and on during the meeting.

Roslyn just wanted her to _shut up. _"Josie can't you speak to him about this? It would make more sense for the Ambassador to address these things."

"Oh, of course Inquisitor. I just thought that since you and the King are on such friendly terms now-"

"The less contact the better." Cullen cut in sternly, his eyes never leaving the war table markers. 

Josephine looked between them and then to Leliana who just shrugged. 

"I'm sorry... did something happen?"

Roslyn pinched the bridge of her nose _jealous stubborn man. _

"Alistair suggested last night that we try to... be together, again." 

Leliana's eyebrows raised slightly in surprise and Josephine's mouth made a silent O.

Once she found her voice again she spoke, "I-I see. What did you tell him?"

"I didn't give him an answer and he left asking me to "think about it."

Cullen's eyes now sharply looked up from the table and flashed to hers. "You didn't give him an answer?" He almost hissed between clenched teeth.

_Oh no. _Roslyn suddenly realized it must have sounded like she was considering the proposition from Cullen's point of view.

"I was speechless. I didn't know what to say-"

"You didn't know.... how about NO?!" He said his voice rising into his booming Commander tone. He began pacing up and down the table like a caged lion, his eyes blazing.

She felt heat beginning to rise in her cheeks. Anger and embarrassment filling her senses.

"Excuse me _Commander _but the King of FUCKING Fereldan suggested a courtship and I was at a loss of words of how to _turn him down. _It isn't easy turning down a _fucking king _and one that I used to be with!" She hadn't started out shouting but she ended it that way. 

Cullen stood, as stubborn as always, but he tried to reign in his anger.

"No. All you had to say was NO. This isn't a diplomatic issue, not with him. If he'd asked you to marry him would you have answered _that_?"

Roslyn felt at a loss. Where was this coming from? He looked so upset, his hand on the pommel of his sword and the other in his pocket thumbing some object inside it.

"You know what? I'm tired. I'm just so fucking tired." It came out softly and a look of utter defeat overcame her face. She turned and walked out.

* * *

Varric found the Commander slaughtering a practice dummy in the sparring ring. A scowl plastered on his face as he cut and stabbed the destroyed dummy.

"There's really nothing left of it Curly. Why don't you put the sword down and come get a drink?"

Cullen wiped his brow and threw down his sword. "Alright. Why not?" He muttered as he pulled over the fresh shirt he'd brought with him.

They went inside the tavern and found Dorian already at a table.

"Do my eyes deceive me? Is that the Commander joining us for a tankard of ale?!" 

Varric beamed, "sure is! He couldn't resist this dwarven charm."

Cullen groaned and sat down as a tavern girl brought drinks.

"So what's bothering you Curly? You're more worked up than usual."

"Alistair. " He said through clenched teeth. "He's like the bloody plague. You think it's gone and then BOOM, it's back and asking to court the love of your life."

Varric's eyes went round, "whoa, yeah I guess I'd be worked up too. What'd Ghostie say?"

"That's the problem. She didn't say anything. Why? Why wasn't it just a flat out no?"

Varric hummed and took a swig of his drink. Dorian huffed dramatically. "Oh for Maker's sake, you're upset because she didn't say 'no'? She didn't say yes! And she seemed quite disgusted he even asked."

Cullen looked up at Dorian, "she spoke with you about it?"

"Of _course _she did. I'm the only man in her life that doesn't go on a rampage as soon as another man is mentioned." He huffed as he crossed is arms.

"I didn't go on a rampage. "

"The practice dummy says otherwise. " Dorian deadpanned. 

"You know Curly, this sounds like an issue you should take up with the King. Man to Man. He knows she's with you. It's a little conniving of him, don't ya think Sparkles?"

Dorian's eyes lit up, "ooooo a good old fashioned brawl over the lady! I would pay to see that...."

Cullen downed his drink. "You know what? You're right. He's disrespected me enough. I think it's time for us to.... talk."

Dorian and Varric clinked their tankards together. "Hey hey! That's our Commander!"

* * *

It didn't take him long to find him. Alistair was making his way to the sparring ring for his own session.

"King Alistair! A _word." _Cullen's eyes narrowed and Alistair visibly winced at the look he was being given. But then he stood to his full height and marched over to Cullen.

"How can I help you Commander?"

"The last we spoke, we had made peace. Or so I thought. How dare you proposition Roslyn? Do you have no respect for her? For me? For yourself?!"

Alistair smirked, "so you heard. I assure you it's nothing personal. But I have another chance to be with her. I'm not letting it slip by. We belong together Cullen. Surely you can see that."

Cullen clenched his jaw, "she is with ME. You deserted her. You don't _deserve _her."

"And you do? She freed you from your torture and you called for her execution. Then you went on to Kirkwall and did Maker knows what to the mages there. How many mages were your 'Roslyn' there?"

"Don't you dare speak of what happened at Kinloch like you can even _begin _to understand what actually happened. And I never personally hurt mages at Kirkwall. But I regret my time there nonetheless. "

Alistair rolled his eyes, "right. So what did you do? Fuck them like you did her last night for everyone to hear?"

Cullen snapped. His fist had connected with Alistair's jaw before he even realized what he was doing.

Alistair staggered back, stunned momentarily.

He quickly regained his senses as he wiped the small drops of blood trickling from his lip. "Alright, you want a fight Commander? Let's have us a fucking fight."

He threw a punch and Cullen ducked and countered with a hard hook. Alistair was already throwing another punch and this time it connected. Soon enough, the two men were throwing hard. Cullen noticed blood on his knuckles but wasn't sure who it belonged to. 

Cullen swept Alistair's foot making him land on the ground hard and he sprung on the Warden. He landed hard blows from the top but Alistair somehow rolled him over and he began wailing down the punches.

Cullen swept Alistair over again and was raining down punches when he felt several hands trying to pull him off. Finally, a strong grip went around his waist and he was pulled off the King. 

"Easy Commander. You got him. Can't let you kill him though." Bull said calmly as he held Cullen against his chest.

Alistair got to his feet. His mouth was busted open on the left side, he already had to two black eyes forming and a massive bruise that extended from his jaw to his cheek.

He spat out a mouthful of blood and looked at Cullen. "Alright, we fought man to man. But we both know it's up to her. And I'm not giving up just yet. Either way, good luck Commander." 

He limped off towards his room. Bull finally let go of Cullen. "Shit, you're in trouble now."

Cullen followed Bull's eyes and saw the approaching form of Roslyn Amell.


	76. The Answer that Matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 💜💜💜

"My quarters. **_Now._**" Was all she was able to get out. Cullen rubbed the back of his neck and opened his mouth to speak but quickly thought it better to just listen. He quickly made his way to her room, her footsteps echoing behind him.

Maker she had seemed eerily calm. Even Leliana would have been chilled by the icy mask Roslyn wore. Only her eyes gave away her fury. And the small sparks of lightning that kept flickering from her finger tips.

Once inside her room, he couldn't find the courage to look at her. He rubbed at his neck and looked all around the room, doing what he could to avoid her piercing gaze.

She didn't say a word. She walked over to her desk and pulled out a bag. She rummaged around a bit and pulled out a clean cloth, a clear liquid and a herbal ointment. 

"Come and sit down in my chair." She said flatly. He wasn't sure what she was doing but he wasn't about to ask.

He quickly shuffled over and sat in her chair as she stood between him and the desk, leaning slightly against the edge of the desk.

She pressed the cloth against his cheekbone and he hissed. She pulled the cloth away and revealed the blood that she had wiped away.

"Oh... I didn't realize-"

"Didn't realize your face was bleeding?" She snapped as she poured some of the clear liquid onto the cloth and began cleaning his face.

He smelled her sweet, soft scent and couldn't help but feel his muscles relax. Even when she was angry, she brought him peace.

"Roslyn.... I," He sighed and squeezed his eyes shut, "I'm sorry I've been an ass."

She huffed. "That's an understatement. "

He looked up at her as she busily tended his wound. "Take off your shirt, your bleeding on top of your shoulder, probably landed on a rock." She said softly. 

He did as she asked and sure enough a small stream of blood was making its way down his chest. She cleaned it and began spreading the herbal ointment. 

"You don't have to do this..." Cullen said lowly. Shame creeping up his face.

"I know. But I want to." She replied. "A little healing magic" she warned as she applied her hands to his cheek and shoulder.

When she was done, he grabbed her hands and held them in his. His eyes finally reaching hers. "I am so sorry for mistreating you. You didn't deserve my harshness. It will not happen again. But I am not sorry for hitting Alistair. " He added matter of factly. He grabbed the clean shirt she handed him and pulled it over his head.

"I'm not sorry you hit him either. I just wish you trusted me to handle this. Not answering him was not me considering what he asked. I was in shock Cullen. And then he left before I could gather my words."

She turned to walk away but he grabbed her hand again and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his head against her soft stomach. 

"Please don't leave Roslyn." He whispered. A silent plea that she knew meant more than just here and now. 

She ran her fingers through his hair and rested her cheek atop his head. "Why would you ever think I'd leave?"

"It's that fear that has kept me...." He trailed off, not finishing his thought. 

"Kept you from what?"

He took a deep breath. "Roslyn I want to be the man you deserve. And you deserve...._Maker everything. _I know I cannot possibly live up to that but I want to spend everyday of my life trying. "

He stood to full height, his golden eyes searching her's. He kissed her ever so softly on her lips and she couldn't stop the smile that began spreading across her face.

"It's alright Cullen. We're bound to have fights now and then between us-"

He shook his head. No- that's not what I'm saying. I mean, yes I'm sorry about today, Maker, very sorry, but what I mean to say, what I mean to ask..."

He shook his head to stop his stammering ramble. A look of determination crossed his face and he lowered to one knee.

Roslyn felt her heart stop. Then her breathing stopped. Maker she couldn't even blink.

He reached into his pocket and withdrew a tiny pouch. He opened it and out dropped a beautiful golden ring with delicate ivy engraved all around. 

His hand trembled slightly as he held up the ring and he met her glistening eyes. 

"Marry me" he said barely above a whisper.

"This isn't how I planned this and I wanted it to be perfect but I've had this ring for months and- and, Maker I can't wait another second. I _Love _you. I've always loved you. Will you marry me Roslyn Amell?" 

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she stared into his beautiful face. He couldn't have made it more perfect. It was so genuine and heartfelt. His eyes pouring every bit of the love he felt into her's.

She nodded and huffed a soft laugh, "Yes Cullen, I will"

His face beamed and relaxed into a broad smile as he stood and wrapped his arms around her, picking her up into a crushing embrace. 

He placed her back on her feet and took her hand to try on the ring. It fit perfectly and she smiled as she examined it.

"It was my mother's. Maker she would've loved you." he said softly.

Roslyn couldn't find the words to express how much it meant to her, so she just kissed him and hoped it conveyed what she felt at that moment. 

They spent the night melting into one another again and again. When their bodies were not interwoven they spoke of their future, and all of the worries of the day, months, and years were put on hold for that one perfect night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a couple more chapters guys!


	77. A Dear Friend

_"Are you sure you're ok Roslyn? You've been quiet since we left Kinloch." Alistair's concerned eyes searched her's. _

_ They sat quietly by the camp fire. They were only a couple days away from Redcliffe. They had discovered Kinloch circle overrun with blood mages. She'd been visibly upset but when she found that templar.... what was his name? Cullen? That's when he thought she'd truly break down. _

_ Somehow, she'd managed to hold it together, but after it was all over and that stupid templar had demanded her execution, he had found her in a small room off the main entrance, sobbing uncontrollably into her hands._

_ He hadn't disturbed her. She clearly wanted to be alone. But the journey back to Redcliffe had been quiet and a heavy cloud hung over their group. _

_ "I'll be alright. " She said in a hollow tone. _

_Alistair bit his cheek. Who had that templar been to her? When they found him, the pain in her eyes and the anguish in her voice immediately caught Alistair's attention. She didn't refer to him as "Ser Templar". No. In fact when she realized who it was behind the eerie blue magic barrier, she sprinted over to it, her voice cracking as she called out to him. _

_ "Cullen?! Maker, what have they done to you? Cullen please look at me! It's Roslyn!"_

_ Now that he reflected on it, she was quite familiar with that templar. _

_ "The templar we found... Cullen... who was he to you?"_

_ He felt it was necessary to ask. Afterall, they had been growing closer emotionally and physically. _

_ Her eyes never left the fire as they welled up with unshed tears._

_ "He was a very dear friend." She whispered. _

_ Alistair huffed, ,"apparently not that dear. He treated you like shit back there. Ungrateful doesn't scratch the surface of his behavior. "_

_ Her eyes snapped up to his. They were filled with anger and now her tears streamed down her face. _

_ "That is NOT who he is. They tortured him. I can't imagine what he must've endured to treat me like that. He has helped me, protected me, he was there for me! Do not pretend to know what kind of man he is!" _

_ She shot to her feet and went into her tent. _

_ Alistair stared up at the stars as he thought more on the exchange. _

_ A dear friend..... clearly there was something more._

Roslyn knocked on his door. She'd rehearsed in her head what she would say. What she needed to say. She was ready.

Alistair opened the heavy door and gave a small smile when he saw it was her waiting on the otherside. 

"Roslyn, good morning." He said warmly. The brawl from the night before was still evident, but he had obviously seen a healer. His lip was healed and only a small bruise remained. His eyes were not black like they had started forming the night before, but were now just shadowed. The massive bruise on his jaw and cheek were already faded to yellow. Apparently that one ran so deep the healers could only do so much. 

"Good morning Alistair. Can we talk?"

"Of course, let me grab a coat. I'm in the mood for a walk."

He fastened his jacket and they made their way onto the battlements. The views were spectacular that morning. A crisp, clear sky, filled with puffy white clouds.

"How are you feeling?" She asked.

He chuckled as he rubbed at his jaw. "Sore. Cullen has a mean hook. But, it was kind of exciting. I don't get any many fights these days."

Roslyn huffed out a soft laugh. "I would think not. Most people wouldn't dare strike the King."

"I think he'd strike the Maker if it was in your defense. " He said truthfully. 

She sighed. This was as good of an intro as she'd probably get. 

"Alistair.... I've accepted Cullen's proposal. I'm going to marry him."

He stopped in his tracks and turned towards the mountain view. "I hadn't realized he'd proposed."

"It happened last night. He'd been planning it for sometime but last night.... he felt he needed to ask."

"No doubt my presence pushed it." He muttered. 

"It doesn't matter. He'd had the ring for months. Alistair.... I'm in love with him. I think I've always loved him. I just.... It never would have been possible in the circle. So I never allowed my thoughts to even go there. After Kinloch.... I was hurt and falling for you by that time. But my love for Cullen has always been there."

Alistair was silent has he contemplated her words. Finally he said, "after Kinloch, I knew you had loved him. But I thought what we had was stronger."

"Cullen wasn't even in the picture then. You cannot compare what I had with him to what I had with you. We were not allowed to explore our feelings. I was with you. And it was wonderful."

He nodded in understanding. "I know it can be wonderful again. It will take time to build trust but if we're together-" 

"You went from our relationship straight to marriage with Elissa. You need time on your own. Figure out who you are as a single man. Then look for love. We hardly know one another now. You are clinging to a past that is impossible to recreate."

He let out a long exhale as if he'd been holding his breath. He paused and then said,

"You're right. Maker of course you're right." He turned and smiled at her. "Thank you. For everything. For telling me the truth about Elissa and now this."

"You will always be special to me Alistair. " She said as she hugged him tightly. He returned the embrace and and laughed against her.

"I still think the Commander is a good man. But Maker, he and I shouldn't be alone together. "

Roslyn pulled away and shook her head. "Definitely not. The word rivalry is a gross understatement. " 

He laughed and then a little softer said, "I will leave today. If you ever need anything from me, you know where to find me."

She smiled and nodded. "Same here." He turned and walked back towards his room. 

Roslyn turned back to the mountain side and smiled.


	78. Together

"Cullen and I are engaged. " Roslyn beamed as she told Josephine and Leliana. Cullen stood beside her absolutely glowing. 

Josephine squealed and clapped her hands together and Leliana gave a soft, happy grin. 

"I knew it was only a matter of time." Leliana said smugly. 

"As did I!" Josephine said as she ran over to hug Roslyn. Catching Cullen completely off guard, Josie brought him in for a congratulatory embrace as well. He chuckled and awkwardly hugged her back. 

"I've already gathered the names of the finest dress makers, florists, bakers-"

"Josie how is that possible? We've only just now told you!" Roslyn asked. 

Josephine and Leliana smirked at one another. Leliana's eyes twinkled as she said, "I noticed quite some time ago that the Commander had taken up a new habit. Whenever he spoke about you, or to you, his hand would go into his pocket and he would fidget with something small. I remembered a larger than usual letter coming from his sister and put two and two together. I told Josephine to begin preparations."

Cullen's jaw dropped slightly. The woman noticed _everything. _

Roslyn shook her head and laughed. "Well I suppose you can share the list with me Josephine."

"Have you told Alistair?" Leliana asked more seriously. 

Roslyn sighed, "I did. He took it well. He's reasonable, when not around this one." She jerked her head in Cullen's direction and he rolled his eyes.

"It isn't _my _fault." He said defiantly. 

"You know Commander, I knew you were a brave man, but punching a _king.... _that takes things to whole other level." Josephine said as she tapped the writing board she held in her hands. 

"Yes, we should probably remember that the next time we host any dignitaries in our Keep. Cullen clearly doesn't care what your position is if you offend him enough." Roslyn said with a quirk of a brow and a smirk playing on her lips.

Cullen's face was expressionless as he shrugged, "I don't. There are some lines that when crossed, can only be addressed in a physical way."

The women all groaned and made jabs at the Commander's expense but he didn't mind. A soft upward tug of his lips was planted on his face. He was happy. Happier than he'd ever thought possible. 

* * *

_ **Six Months Later** _

Corypheus had been defeated. The Inquisition was strong and thriving. 

Most importantly, Cullen was about to make Roslyn his wife. 

He had dressed in his formal attire of a deep navy and gold accents. His hair was perfect except for the one unruly piece that continued to fall over his forehead. He finally gave up trying to tame it. 

Now he stood waiting for her at the top of the landing of the Skyhold fortress. It was dripping in long, fresh garlands of flowers and ivy. Long ribbons of white draped amongst the garlands. The day was exquisite. As if the Maker himself had blessed the weather.

Cassandra stood beside him, ready to officiate the ceremony. She gave him a warm nod of the head and said, "I am honored to be here Cullen. You have made me incredibly proud. But I am not surprised by this." 

"You gave me my chance to be who I am today. The honor is mine Cassandra." She smiled and then she looked up and Cullen followed her gaze.

The massive doors to Skyhold's main hall opened and Roslyn emerged. She wore a gown of white lace and satin. Her hair flowed around her and atop it was a crown made of deep forest green leaves and white roses. She looked like a dream as she approached him. 

Her cheeks were tinged pink with excitement and anticipation. She reminded herself to breath. It would be a disaster if she fainted as soon as she reached Cullen. He looked absolutely handsome. A golden vision in navy blue. His honeyed eyes slightly wet with tears that he would not allow to spill over.

She felt her own gathering. They had done it. They had defeated Corypheus, survived the war, and found one another again in the depths of it all. 

Cullen had brought her back to life. For so long, she had lived like a shadow. A ghost. Surviving each day but not truly living. He stood radiating golden light. He was her light. 

When she reached him she noticed the massive crowd that filled the courtyard and battlements of guests from all over Thedas. Her companions, friends, her _Family, _all stood on the landing alongside his, surrounding her and Cullen.

Dorian dabbed his eyes with a deep red handkerchief. Bull patted his back from time to time.

"Hi" Cullen said softly with a smile.

"Hi" she said back, her own smile beaming from ear to ear.

"You look... Maker, you look beautiful. " He said as he took both of her hands in his. "I am the luckiest man in Thedas."

"Indeed." Cassandra said bluntly. "Let us begin the joining of the Commander and the Inquisitor!" She said loudly. The crowd cheered but Cullen and Roslyn's eyes were locked on one another.

* * *

That evening, a massive banquet was held in their honor. They sat at the center of a massive table that was decorated just as grandly as the front of Skyhold had been. Large golden candle holders were scattered across the main hall, illuminating the night. 

They had ate and danced and drank their fill of wine. Cullen and Roslyn had taken a break and sat again at their table. 

"I have a gift for you husband." 

"I don't know what I like the sound of more; you calling me husband or you having a gift for me." He mused as his eyes crinkled with the smirk that was on his lips.

She kissed him and hummed at the taste of wine on his lips. Then she turned suddenly and gave a signal to Jim. He nodded eagerly and left the hall. Cullen was quite curious now.

"Where is he going?" 

"Sshhhh, close your eyes." Roslyn directed. 

"What?"

"Just close them you stubborn man!" She swatted his leg and he chuckled.

"Alright, alright!" He said in mock surrender. 

He waited for a few moments with his eyes shut. 

"Over here Jim!" He heard her say.

Suddenly he felt something, no, _heard _something breathing and snorting at his boots. 

"Open your eyes!" Roslyn said with glee.

Just as he did, heavy paws landed on his lap and a huge wet tongue lapped his cheek.

"What in the- a Mabari?!" He exclaimed.

Before she could answer, he was on the floor wrestling and petting the pup. 

Roslyn laughed, "he's 6 months old. He's still just a pup. He's yours Cullen." The dog barked as if agreeing with her.

Cullen was grinning from ear to ear. A boyhood excitement apparent on his face.

"No.... he's _ours."_ He said softly as he looked up at her. Again the Mabari barked in agreement. 

Cullen rose and leaned down to Roslyn. "Thank you wife." He kissed her gently and she found herself unable to contain the smile that spread across her mouth.

"I like hearing you call me that."

"Oh for Maker's sake get a fucking room." A sassy voice said from the otherside of the table.

Dorian examined his nails as he waited for the newlyweds to pry themselves away from one another.

"I'm sorry Dorian, did you need something?" Cullen asked sarcastically. 

"Are you sassing me Commander? As a matter of fact I do need something. A dance with your dear wife. I haven't had one yet. You two have the rest of your lives to make googly eyes at each other but for right now, I require a little attention."

They smiled at one another. Roslyn stood and walked around the table to join Dorian. Cullen watched as she danced with her dearest friend and he felt a calming peace pour over him. Dorian's words ringing in his ears.

_The rest of our lives_

He patted the pooch that was now sitting patiently next to him. 

Whatever challenges lay ahead of them, they would face side by side together. He'd never felt stronger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At last we come to the end of this story! Thank you everyone who read it to the end. Thank you to all the followers who commented on the chapters. I loved hearing your responses and I hope this ending is satisfying.   
Take care and look for more stories with a Cullen centered romance from me because I can't get enough. He is my muse! Lol!


End file.
